The Secrets We'll Bury
by themadgirlinthebluebox
Summary: What if Logan Mitchell wasn't as responsible as everyone thought? At seventeen, Logan became a father to beautiful a little girl. But buried this secret so Big Time Rush could rise to fame. Nearly four years later he's fed up with the lies and deceit that threaten to ruin his relationship with his daughter. He's ready to end the secrets and is willing to put up a fight. LMxOC
1. Chapter 1

Hey all this is just an idea that came to me. We'll see what happens, hopefully you all enjoy. It will pick up in pace within the first few chapters and will be told with flashbacks and current time. Also some of the grammar is meant to sound like a child is speaking! Please review. Perhaps I'll flesh this out into a short story.

Logan Mitchell gripped his steering wheel tightly as he exhaled. Killing the engine he let the sound of the rain hitting his windshield calm him. He ducked out of the car and into the rain, pulling his hood up and slipped on a pair of dark sunglasses. With quick and quiet steps he rushed down the sidewalk hoping to blend in with the damp morning that surrounded him. It was early, only eight am, hopefully too early for any fans or paparazzi to be lurking. As usual he parked a block over from his destination to avoid being seen emerging from the old apartment building across town from the Palm Woods. He stepped into the small lobby and took his usual route up the stairs to the fourth floor, by passing the elevator which always had someone coming or going. He smiled nervously as he took off his glasses and pulled down his hood. It had been a while since he had stood here. But the dimly lit hallway, with it's stained carpet felt like home. He gave a quick knock and stepped back.

"Logan, you made it."

His face brightened as he looked at the girl in the doorway. Her dark, curly was swept up into a bun and she was still in pajamas. Her glasses perched on her nose. Her light brown skin had a sallow look to it. She gave him a tired smile as he stepped inside, glancing over his shoulder to see that the hall was empty.

"Yeah I uh, can't stay long we have to be in the studio around ten."

"That's fine, I'm just happy you're here." She admitted as she hugged him. "I've missed you."

Logan kissed her head and shut his eyes, even though her words were happy he could hear the sadness in her voice. The way it always sounds when he had been away for a long time.

"I missed you too Avery." He pulled back and looked around. "You changed things."

Avery looked shyly around the apartment. It wasn't nearly as nice as the Palm Woods. They stood in the tiny living which had a new sofa in the middle and a TV on a stand. The kitchen was even smaller and had a window that looked into the living room. Logan knew the bathroom and two small bedrooms were down the short hallway behind them. Even though he knew it was enough for Avery he couldn't help but feel guilty when he thought about how he lived in a spacious apartment that wasn't in a somewhat shady neighborhood.

"Yeah, new sofa and some things for the bedrooms."

Logan knew better than to reach for his wallet and try to give her money, she wouldn't take it directly he had to leave it on the table. Maybe it was better this way, he could leave her more without her saying no.

"I like it. Where is she?"

Avery shrugged walking into the kitchen. "She should be waking up soon. Do you want coffee?"

"Sure thanks." He sat at the table which was crammed against the wall with three chairs around it. It was a nice kitchen, just small. "Just black."

Avery busied herself pouring it into two mugs, adding generous amount of sugar and milk into hers. "How are the guys?"

"They're good. They all said hi." He took the mug from her. "Thanks."

Avery sat across from him, an awkward silence hung between them. Logan drummed his fingers against the table. He never knew what to say to her. He took a sip of his coffee, burning his tongue in the process.

"Mommy?"

"In the kitchen baby."

Logan grinned and turned around. The little girl walked into the kitchen, her face brightening as she saw Logan at the table.

"Daddy!" She exclaimed, climbing into his lap. "I missed you."

Logan kissed her forehead and hair and held her tightly to him. Her curly hair brushed against his cheek and he felt her small arms wrap around his neck. He kissed her head again and squeezed her even more. His heart flooding with warmth and love. It had been way too long again, it always was way too long.

"Hey baby girl, I missed you too." He said softly as he pulled back. "How are you?"

"Good, you're here. You were gone real long."

Logan felt his smile drop a little. Hearing that we was gone too long from Avery was one thing, she understood why. But from his daughter it hurt, there was no way she'd understand why her father would come and go and why they never went out in public.

"I know baby girl, but I'm here now. You're so big!"

The child beamed proudly. "Mommy says I'm three _and_ a half now."

"And a half?" He said, pretending to be surprised. "You are getting big, soon you'll be old like mommy."

Avery rolled her eyes jokingly. "21 isn't old Logan."

"Mommy's pretty not old."

Logan tickled her sides. "What about daddy, isn't he pretty? Huh? Huh?"

She laughed, warming Logan's heart. "Daddies aren't pretty, daddies are nice."

"I can live with nice." He surrender, ruffling her hair.

"I love you daddy." She hugged him and gave his cheek a wet kiss.

Logan bit his lip and hugged her back. "I love you too Kennedy."

"Loge can you get her breakfast? I need to shower."

"Totally, no problem." He was glad he could feel useful for once. "What should I feed her?"

"It depends on the day. Go easy on him Kennedy." Avery kissed her face. "Help yourself by the way."

Logan watched as she disappeared down the hall before tuning to Kennedy. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Um, yogurt!"

He sat her in her own chair after standing up. "Yes ma'am."

Opening the fridge, he couldn't help but feel this is how it always should be. Him, making breakfast for his daughter, while Avery showered. The three of them spending the morning together. Of course he knew it could never be that way. He grabbed the yogurt that was clearly hers, pink with a princess on the cup. He opened the container and spooned it into a kid sized bowl and put a plastic spoon in. He sat it in front of her.

"Can I have nana in it?"

"Anything for you Kens." He peeled a banana and started slicing it into her bowl. "A little bit or a lot?"

Kennedy held her hands close together and shoved them in Logan's face. "Little bit."

"How's that?"

She answered by spooning a large bite into her mouth, dripping pink yogurt onto her chin. She gave a thumbs up. "Tanks daddy."

Logan wiped down her face and decided he'd make something for Avery. He hadn't seen them in almost 4 months, it was the least he could do. He settled for making scrambled eggs and waited for the pan to heat up. Of course one breakfast would never make up for his abscene and all the time she was alone in raising their daughter. As guilt got the better of him he reached into his wallet. After making sure Kennedy wasn't looking he laid five $20 bills onto the counter. He paid monthly child support and made sure they were taken care of, but it never felt like enough. Throwing money at the situation in no way made up for the past three and a half years but it made him feel better.

"Mommy says you're doing well in school. Is your teacher nice?"

Kennedy looked up for her breakfast and swallowed, nodding eagerly. "It's so fun daddy. We get to color and there's a big slide. I'm not scared of it. Ms. Karen says I'm brave. Mommy says you have a big slide at your house."

He hadn't lived in the crib for a few months now, he had been on tour. But shortly before they left the guys decided getting their own apartments would be a good thing. They all still lived in the Palm Woods just separately. Kennedy had never seen the crib or his own place. The fact that Avery mentioned it to her and she remembered made him feel like he wasn't so absent.

"Yeah I used too. But Ms. Karen is nice?" He wanted to change the subject.

"She's funny and knows lots of stuff. She teaches us about animals and counting. Daddy, I can count to 20!"

"To 20? That's awesome baby girl. What's your favorite thing about school?"

"The other kids and I can use paint at art time. I made you a picture daddy. Want to see it?"

Logan smiled, she was a ball of energy and non stop talking. "Finish your breakfast first, okay?"

As the eggs cooked and she finished her food, Logan took the chance to look at her closely. She looked so much like Avery it was almost like she just had a mini clone of herself. Kennedy had dark curly hair, like her mother, a slightly tanned skin. Avery was both black and white and Logan was what Avery called, "pale and pasty." Kennedy's skin had a nice warmth to it. Although Logan was proud to say they shared a crooked smile and the same dark eyes. Avery's were more hazel but Logan and Kennedy shared dark brown ones. He could tell that she had grown since the last time he was here.

"What smells good?"

Logan was pulled out of his thought when Avery kissed his cheek. Her hair was damp and she was no longer in pajamas.

"I made you eggs. I wasn't sure what you wanted."

She smiled. "Thanks Loge, what did she eat?"

"Yogurt and a banana. Is that okay?"

"Yes it's fine stop worrying." She teased, handing him the other half of the banana. "Eat this you're jittery as hell."

He blushed slightly, taking a bite. He was never not jittery when it came to his visits he just wanted everything to go right.

"Daddy come on. Mommy made my room pretty."

Kennedy led the way to her room, talking the whole time. Logan smiled, she was bossy as hell just like her mom. He paused, looking a picture of him, Avery and Kennedy in the hospital. The was one of the few pictures the three of them had. He sighed and followed her into her bedroom. It was light pink and her bed had flowered sheets.

"Look Daddy it's you."

Logan stared at himself. Avery had hung a poster of Big Time Rush next to her bed. Her room was small and decently clean for a three year old's room. There was a dollhouse on the floor. A few other dolls and a large stack of coloring books and art supplies. It made him feel good to recognize some of the stuff he picked out for her laying around her room. A bookshelf was in the corner and on top sat a framed picture of Kennedy and himself from a few months ago.

"It is me. Did Mommy put that up there?"

"Yeah so I can talk to you when you're at work."

"You can call me on the phone just ask mommy."

She rubbed her eyes. "Mommy says your bosses get mad if we call too much."

Logan crouched down in front of her. "You can call me whenever you want to. It's okay."

"Why don't you live with us?"

Logan's stomach dropped. She had never asked him that, she'd only ask him when he was coming back from work.

"Daddy has to work a lot so I can't be here all the time." He cleared his throat. "But I love you so much Kennedy. I love you more than anything."

"I love you too Daddy. Can you come home more?"

He hugged her tightly. He would be going back on tour soon. They were just on a short break. "I promise I will. Maybe later this week?"

"Really?" Kennedy perked up. "Mommy can make dinner and we can color."

"That sounds fun. Now you said you made a picture for me?"

Kennedy shyly handed him the drawing. "Mommy helped maked-ed the words."

Logan looked down and his heart softened. There were two round shapes with smiley faces on them. One was tall and had brown lines coming from it's head and the other was short and had swirls all around. There was green at the bottom and blue across the top. In the middle was a scribbled. "Love u Daddy." The L in love was backwards and the third d in daddy was backwards too.

"Is this us?"

"Uh huh. We're at the park. That's me and that's you."

"I love it. I'll take it to work with me." He promised, carefully folding it in half and putting it in his pocket.

"I miss you a lot daddy."

"I miss you a lot too baby girl." Logan's voice was shaking. "Here let's take a picture."

Logan pulled out his phone and took of picture of the two of them.

"Take more daddy."

Kennedy smashed her lips into his face and Logan took another picture. They took one making stupid faces before Kennedy yelled out.

"Mommy come here!"

"What's up baby?"

Kennedy tugged on her shirt to get her to sit down. "Take a picture with us."

Avery and Logan leaned in and Kennedy stuck herself between them. They took one serious one and and another stupid one. Logan grinned to himself, everything felt right.

"I wanna do it. Daddy can I do it?"

Logan handed her his phone and Kennedy stuck out her tongue. "Say cheese."

She took the picture and gave Logan his phone back. Logan had his arm around her and Avery looked a little red. Kennedy's thumb was in the shot too. Locking, his phone he saw that it was already 9:30. He had to go soon if he wanted to be on time.

"It's 9:30." He whispered while Kennedy was distracted with her toys.

She frowned and galnced at their daughter. "Okay. How about you help her get dressed and brush her teeth?"

"Sounds good." He stood up from the floor. "Hey Kens how about we get dressed?"

Kennedy picked out a purple skirt and a black shirt to wear. Logan helped her get her arms through the holes and pulled her skirt up.

"Am I pretty Daddy?"

"Prettiest girl in the whole world." He picked her up and carried her into the bathroom. "Step up."

Kennedy climbed onto the pink stool in front of the sink and grabbed her tooth brush.

"Now just a little bit remember?" The last time he had helped her brush her teeth she used way too much toothpaste and made a mess.

"Like this?"

"Perfect!" He encouraged, he tried to keep his voice light and cheerful, not wanting to upset her. "I'll be right back. Keep brushing baby girl."

Logan went into the living room and found Avery sitting on the couch.

"Hey." He sighed. "She's fine right now."

She handed him the five bills. "I don't need this Logan."

He shook his head, pushing the money back into her hands. "Please keep it, it makes me feel better."

"Money doesn't replace you." Her tone was short, he recongized it. They were about to get into it.

"You don't think I know that? Of course I do." His voice came out slightly harsher than he intended. "I wish I was around more. But I have to go on tour."

She blinked back tears. "I know that, it's just h-hard she needs her dad in her life."

His stomach churned uncomfortably. "And I want to be in her life Ave, I do. Since day one."

"This isn't working."

Logan covered his eyes with his hand rubbed at his temples. He ran his hand over his face. He didn't know what to say, whenever this fight happened he just stayed quiet. Avery sniffled next to him, it killed him to know she was upset because of him.

"I miss you."

"I know. I miss you too Aves. But maybe I can get Gustavo and Griffin to loosen up."

She scoffed. "Yeah right. You have to keep us hidden or we'll mess it all up remember?"

"Hey that wasn't my idea." He frowned. "You know given the choice I wouldn't hide you guys. We were just starting out and it would have ruined the image."

"I know it just fuckig sucks. I see you every few months. We can text but Kennedy m-misses you." Her eyes were teary. "She asks about you all the time."

Logan kissed her softly. "I know. I miss her too. But I have a few weeks and maybe I can come over tomorrow for dinner?"

"I just don't want her to get used to you being around then you go off to the other side of the world again."

He hugged her tightly. "I don't like this either. But I swear I'm going to make it work. This is our fourth album. The fans support us we're big. Maybe we can go public now."

"I guess. If you do come over make it after 5 okay?" She said ending the conversation. "Kens can you come here?"

Kennedy came into the room carrying the stuffed sheep Logan had bought for her in the hospital when she was born. Logan stood up and kneeled in front of her, he grabbed her hand and smoothed her hair.

"Baby girl Daddy has to go."

"But you just got here." Her voice was small. "Please stay Daddy."

The saddness in her voice hurt him. "I-I know but I'm coming over tomorrow and I'll call you tonight."

"You always say that." Little tears fell down her face and Logan had to look away.

"I promise I'll see you soon. I love you so much baby girl."

Kennedy hugged him tightly and started hiccuping. Logan rubbed her back and shook his head, he hated this. It never got easier. As she got older it was harder to leave her behind. He kissed her face over and over again, trying to calm her down. He hated leaving Avery with a crying Kennedy. He shut his eyes and pulled himself together. There was no other option.

"L-love you too Daddy." She kissed his face.

"Bye Kennedy."

Avery took Kennedy's hand and Logan walked to the door. He felt arms around his lower legs. Kennedy was holding onto him.

"You have to let daddy go so he can come back again."

"But he doesn't come back for a long time M-mommy."

"I'll see you tomorrow I promise."

Kennedy struggled as her mother picked her up. "Just go she'll be fine."

Logan kissed both of their cheeks. "I love you."

The door shut behind him and he put his sunglasses back on and pulled his hood up. Tears stung his eyes as he left the building. He hated leaving them, he hated not being to be around all the time. He and Avery were close and Kennedy was his child, keeping them a secret disgusted him. He was proud of them and wanted to be able to go out in public with them. But of course the label and Griffin didn't want to risk Big Time Rush's image. Their demos had only just been picked by Griffin when Avery had gotten pregnant. But that was almost four years ago and he still had to keep it a secret. Logan slid into his car and looked down at the drawng before heading to the studio.

"They deserve better." He vowed. "They don't deserve this."

AN: Well I don't know what I thought of this I just thought it be interesting. Logan is seen as the responsible but what if he wasn't? I have a few chapters planned. Review, thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hello Rushers! I'm back with another chapter. Big thanks to Rikku94 and Fireplanetz for reviewing the first chapter. I realized I did the math wrong and Logan turned 17 3 days before Kennedy was born, sorry for the confusion. This chapter has a flashback and I hope enjoy. Let me know what you think. I also have half of the next chapter written so review and I will post it soon! Please check out my other story Forgive and Forget! Also just to clarify Avery's nickname is pronounced "Ave" like "Dave" without the D. This chapter follows Logan finding out some bad news and how he copes with it. I'm excited for you guys to read the next chapter so review this to find out what happens next. Enjoy!

The past three and a half years of Logan's life had been more than he could have expected. He had become a father, which was something he never would have expected at the age of seveteen. He was also in a popular band and somehow found himself going all over the world. Four years ago if you asked Logan what he would have been doing the answer would have been simple. Graduate high school, get a hockey scholarship, study biology and then go onto medical school. Nowhere in that plan were the words fatherhood or fame. But as he walked into the studio he couldn't help but think he liked the way his life had turned out. Other than the fact he was never around for Kennedy, he couldn't really complain. But of course, his eyes were still damp and he his throat still felt raw from the tears he cried on the way over. As he walked into the studio he saw the guys sitting around.

"Hey Loge, Gustavo isn't here yet but he told us to start memorizing the lyrics." Carlos greeted as Logan shrugged off his hoodie. "What's up?"

"Not much, man." He gave a weak smile and took of his sunglasses, revealing his red eyes.

"Whoa, what's wrong with you?"

Logan just shrugged. His tactic for dealing with his emotions when talking to the boys was to be distant. He tried to even out his voice. "I just left Avery's."

Kendall and Carlos shared a sad glance with each other. While they were used to seeing Logan get upset about Avery and Kennedy it never got any easier for them to see him this way. James patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"I mean at least we're home for a few weeks." He reasoned. "You'll be able to see them more often."

"I know but it's still hard."

Kendall cleared his throat awkwardly. "How is she?"

Logan gave a small smile despite his bad mood. "Kennedy's good. She's in school now and she looks so much like Avery. I just hate leaving her. Avery's seems okay too but she looks tired."

"See cheer up, buddy she's going to be smart just like you." Carlos joked, trying to make him feel better. "And she knows you'll come back."

"I guess you're right." Logan conceded.

He just wanted to end the conversation as much as he loved his band mates they just didn't get it. Leaving for tour was hard for all of them. They all had friends, and Kendall and Carlos had girlfriends and people they loved. But it wasn't the same as leaving your own daughter behind. Their friends and girlfriends could visit them, come to shows and understood why they were gone. But Kennedy didn't get that all she knew was that her dad was leaving yet again. And even though he could never do it. He wished he could just move in with Avery and forget about Big Time Rush for a while and be a normal, happy family. Just like how it had been that morning.

"Dogs we have four weeks to finish the fourth album. And then it's the world tour. I want this done fast."

Logan glanced down at his lyric sheet. The new song was called Live It Up, and from what he could tell it was about partying. He rolled his eyes, he was wasting his time to sing a song about going out when he could have been spending time with Kennedy.

"Also I have some great news. Because I'm amazing, I managed to book extra dates in Switzerland, Italy, France and more dates in South America. Along with your already schedules dates in Indonesia, Japan, Hong Kong, and of course your Australian takeover. And to top it off you will be making your European Music Awards debut at the end of tour. Meaning that you dogs are going to be doing press conferences, meet and greets, acoustic sets at signings so the fans vote for you."

James' eyes were bright. "Extra tour dates where hot girls don't speak English? Sign me up."

"Dog, heel!" Gustavo snapped. "I didn't extend tour for four weeks for you to sleep with the locals."

Carlos and Kendall were also excited but Logan stopped cold. An extra mouth of tour? He was now going to be away for ten weeks instead of six. He had already promised Avery that he would be there for Kennedy's birthday. He would have been home almost a month before but now with the extension he would miss it by a week. The panic spread throughout his body and he felt sick.

"Four weeks?" His voice was hoarse. "We can't be gone for an extra four weeks."

"Why not?" Gustavo barked. "The North American tour was important but you need extend your international audience."

Logan rolled his eyes, knowing Gustavo wouldn't be sympathetic. He had been the one to propose keeping Kennedy and Avery a secret for the sake of the band. He swallowed down his anger and clenched and unclenched his fists.

"N-never mind." He sighed, shaking his head. "It's fine."

After discussing the tour for a few more minutes they started to work on harmonies for the new song. Gustavo was currently working with Kendall and James on their lead parts. As he sat there he turned the news of a longer tour over in his mind. Avery was going to be pissed, she hated him leaving. He didn't like it either but it was always harder for her. She was the one who was taking care of Kennedy on her own. This was nothing new though, him constantly popping in and out of her life. Logan sighed, thinking back to the first tour. It had been years ago but the memory of leaving Avery was still in his mind.

 _July 2010_

Logan's heart pounded nervously in his chest as he held onto to Avery's hand. Neither of them spoke but he looked over at her he frowned. Her tanned face was pale with morning sickness and her eyes were puffy.

"Hey, it's going to be okay." He whispered. "It's three months and then I'll be back."

Avery let out a small sob. "But I'm not even going to be here when you come home. I'm moving out next week."

Logan shook his head. There were boxes everywhere, all mostly packed. The two had spent the better part of the day finishing up her packing. Part of the deal he made with Gustavo was that Avery would move out of the Palm Woods and across town. In order to avoid them being seen together once she could no longer hide her pregnancy.

"I know. But I'll be there every day." He brought her hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. "Everything is going to work out."

"I-I don't know Logan. By the time you get back I'll be six months. You're going to miss most of it. And now my mom moved out and I have to do this all alone." Her voice broke and tears fell down her face. "I know it's the only way you can stay but the past three months have been awful even with you here."

Watching her cry made Logan choke up. He wrapped an arm around her and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I want to be there for you Ave." He nervously put his hand on her stomach, she was only three months but the beginnings of a bump were there. "I want to be there for the both of you. But I have to do this. You're not alone I swear. I'll call you every day, a-and we can Skype."

She shook her head and frowned. "I just don't know about this Logan."

"I'm trying okay? This is the best I can do."

"I know and I appreciate it, I do but I'm scared."

Logan hugged her tightly and rubbed her back as she shook. He blinked back a few tears as guilt consumed him. Everything she was saying was true. He was going to miss most of her pregnancy, which had already been rough. He knew keeping her a secret was a bad idea and he knew realistically she _was_ alone, no matter how much he wanted phone calls and Skype to work. It was bittersweet really. He was excited about his first tour but was regretting the fact that he was leaving Avery to handle this alone.

"Please don't be scared. I know this is shitty but I'm coming back." He promised. "Then after that I'm not going anywhere."

She pulled back. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm never as far away as it seems."

Avery cracked a small smile. "Now you're just quoting your album at me."

"It's true though." He smiled sheepishly.

A knock made them both jump. Avery opened the door and gave Kendall a small wave.

"Uh Gustavo says we have to go soon." He gave Avery an apologetic smile.

"Okay, I'll be down in a minute." Logan got up to shut the door and turned to Avery. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She shrugged and folded her arms over her stomach. "You were always going on tour regardless of us."

He uncrossed her arms. "It doesn't mean that I don't feel bad though."

"You're supporting us." Her voice trembled. "I just don't want you to go."

Logan wiped his thumb under her eye. "I don't either but it's going to be okay."

Avery sniffled. "You should go."

He gave a small nod and kissed her, trying hold onto the moment. When they pulled back he crouched down in front of her. Remembering something he had read online, and leaned in towards her body. He reached out and touched her stomach again.

"I don't know if you can hear me yet or not. I'm going to miss you too, but don't worry because I'm coming back really soon. And when I get back everything is going be okay." He bit on his lip and frowned. "I'm going to miss your mom too but I'll be back. I promise."

He stood up and Avery covered her mouth as she cried.

"Please don't g-go." She whimpered, shaking her head. "Please Logan."

"Avery." He sighed, trying not to cry too. "I'll call you okay?"

She hugged him tightly and her body shook with sobs.

"You promise?"

He kissed the top of her head. "I promise. I'll call you every day, I promise."

She kissed him and stepped away from him. He sighed and picked up his two bags and put them over his shoulder.

"Bye Logan."

He gave her a sad smile. "Bye Avery. Take care of yourself."

 _Present – November 2014_

"Logan? Logan?"

His head snapped up and he found Gustavo glaring.

"What? Sorry I zoned out."

"I said get into the booth and pay attention!"

Logan took his lyrics and walked into the booth and slipped his headphones on. He tapped his foot to the beat and tried his best to focus on the fans, this is who he was recording for, not the label.

"So you've got to live, live, live it up." He sang, getting into the song. "We have just one night so let's live it up."

The guys spent the better part of the morning working on the song. Even though Logan was in a bad mood he had to admit he enjoyed singing it. It was catchy and the fans would hopefully like it. Once Gustavo was pleased with the raw vocals he decided they could leave for the day. He had a meeting with Griffin about the tour and didn't want to spend the whole day listening to his "dogs" bark.

"James, new Battlesmash game at your place?" Kendall asked grabbing his key

"Obviously." James and Carlos were halfway out the door. "I will destroy you all."

Carlos stopped and turned around "Logan are you coming?"

"Yeah." His voice was distant he was staring down at the poster of the tour dates. "I'll meet you guys there."

Logan looked over the tour dates, panic welling up in his chest. He was going to be long so much longer than he planned. They kicked off the world tour in just a month, they were all missing Thanksgiving. While that sucked Avery was going to her parents in northern California, so hopefully Kennedy wouldn't miss him too much. He would be home for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after. The guys were just staying in Europe, but Logan was taking a flight home the day before in order to be there. But the tour ended January 27, a little more than a week after his daughter's fourth birthday on the 17th. He frowned, out of all the holidays and special milestones he missed he hated himself for having to miss her birthday.

"You know you do get a day off every now and again, right?"

Logan jumped, thinking he was alone. He turned and found Kelly staring at him with compassion. While she initially agreed to keep everything a secret she saw what Gustavo didn't or chose not to see. She saw how much the lies and pretending were taking a toll on Logan. She hugged him from the side.

"I know it's just Kennedy's birthday." He cleared his throat. "We'll be in Europe."

Kelly looked down at the dates. "When is it?"

"January 17th." He smiled faintly, it was three days after his. "I won't be there."

"We're in Germany that day. Logan I'm sorry."

The young dad ran his hand through his hair, exhaling loudly. "It's not your fault."

"Hey one day she'll understand."

Logan hated that. Whenever he was upset, that's how people would try make him feel better. She'll understand? What was there for Kennedy to _not_ understand? Her dad was never around she never saw him and it made her sad. It was all pretty black and white. But he wanted to be polite.

"I guess so. I'll see you later Kelly."

From the beginning of their friendship the guys had dubbed Logan as "the smart one". Which most of the time was true he was book smart and other than failing to use a condom that one night, he had turned out alright in the end. Which is why once he got to James' he declined a controller and tried to figure out a way to make everyone happy. Most importantly he wanted to be there for Kennedy's birthday, but he also didn't want to upset the guys, Gustavo or the fans.

"Guys we're going to Europe." James had paused the game and was talking excitedly. "I love Europe. The girls, the accents, the girls!"

"And this is why you're last relationship failed." Kendall joked.

"Hey I'm not the settling down type. Anyways we can drink in every country we're going to and because this is the first time we're going as adults, no supervision!"

Logan scoffed at James' excitement. "Well I'm glad you're excited."

"Damn Logan, what are you brooding about?" James asked, completely unaware of what was going on. "First thing we're doing when we touch down is getting you wasted and laid."

Logan stood up, all of his anger spilling out. The words falling out of his mouth faster than he could keep up with. "I don't want to get wasted or laid. I don't want to be gone an extra four fucking weeks."

"Oh. Is this about Kennedy?" Carlos winced slightly. "It's only an extra month."

"I'm missing her birthday!" He was shaking now. "I'm going to be in Germany I already told Avery I would be home. It's not fair. I love this band and touring but I can't keep missing out on stuff."

James rolled his eyes. While he had met Kennedy a few times and loved her sometimes he didn't realized just how hard this was on Logan. He was too invested in his problems and what he was doing.

"In case you haven't noticed, Kennedy only exists because you were in this band and in LA. I know it has to fucking suck but you have a job to do."

"And it's my job to be her dad too! I'm not even allowed to go out in public with her or it will ruin the band's 'image'. I have to keep her hidden away like she's something to be ashamed of."

Carlos stepped between them. "Logan, listen she's not something to be ashamed of. You're her dad and you want to be in her life. It's just that we were starting out and it wouldn't have looked good."

His face was growing warm. It was like they weren't even listening. "I understood that then and I do now. But we're putting out our fourth album, we also couldn't date publicly or be seen a womanizers when we started, but look at us now. You and Kendall have girlfriends that you go out with and James is hooking up with someone new all the time. How is my own kid something I have to hide?"

"Maybe we can figure something out." Kendall offered. "Talk to Gustavo so you can go see her, or cancel the show."

His bandmates all reacted differently to Kennedy and Avery. Carlos was interested but was never too involved because he never knew what to say. Kendall seemed to side with Logan most of the time, helping him find ways to see her and James cared but never gave it much thought, thinking of them as a threat to his career.

"You think so?"

Kendall nodded. "I mean yeah. It's her birthday you can't just miss it."

"What? We can't cancel." James was indignant. "That's one of the last shows before the awards. We have to all be there, we need the votes I want to win."

Logan clenched his jaw. " _You_ want to win, _I_ don't care. I just want to spend the day with my daughter. Just one day, that's not too much to ask."

James shrugged. "She'll be what, three? It's not like she'll remember."

"She'll be four actually and yes she will. She remembers every time I promise her I'll call or be there to see her and don't make it. She sure as hell cries whenever I leave like I'm never coming back."

"Still?"

"Yes still!" He snapped at him. "Today was the first time I saw her in four months. She told me I was gone too long and asked me why I didn't—" His voice cracked as rubbed at his eyes. "She asked why I didn't live with her and when I left she begged me not to go."

"Fuck, Logan." James was embarrassed now, trying to apologize. "I'm sorry. I get it she's important to you."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Save it. I'm just going to go. See you guys later."

He slammed the door and took the stairs up three flights to his sixth floor apartment. Now that he was alone he allowed himself to get mad. He kicked the table and let out a yell. Why was having a daughter such a bad thing? He knew becoming a teen dad made him a statistic or whatever but there were teen parents out there. Just because he was in a band he had to hide? He wasn't ashamed to be a dad. He had made a mistake and owned up to it. Of course the looks of pity he received from his friends when he'd come home after a late night of Kennedy's crying when she was first born annoyed him. And when he was still allowed to go checkups with Avery he noticed how the older women and nurses' would look at the two of them with sadness. But he didn't regret becoming a dad, so why hide it?

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his phone and the drawing Kennedy had made. He smiled at it. No matter how many times he left her, Kennedy still loved him and that was important. He hung it up on the fridge and took a picture and sent it to Avery.

 **Tell Kennedy that I love her and that I like her picture.**

Avery responded with, **I will she's napping right now.**

 **How was she after I left?**

 **Same as usual she cried and asked if you were coming back.**

Leave it to Avery to never sugar coat anything. From the beginning she had a bad habit of being passive aggressive to make Logan feel bad.

 **I'm sorry.** He typed back.

 **Yeah I know. You're always sorry.**

 **Well I am, I don't want to leave you two but I can't just not go to work. It wouldn't be different if I had a normal job.**

 **Yes but a normal job you come home from at the end of the day Logan. Not four months later.**

He rolled his eyes. Technically she was right but he didn't want to admit that.

 **But I'm here now**

 **And yet we're texting not talking in person**

Logan loved Avery he did. She was funny and beautiful and had given him a daughter. But sometimes he had hated how she made him seem like a bad dad. He already felt that way all the time and he didn't need her to remind him.

 **Fine I'll be there in a few minutes.**

Avery sent him the eye roll emoji.

 **Oh for fuck's sake. Don't come over here.**

 **Why not you said we should do this in person and I want to spend time with her.**

 **Not twice in a day. It took me forever to calm her down. I don't want her to go through that again.**

 **I have the right to see her you know**

Logan could tell Avery was irritated with him. Her texts came quickly and were to the point.

 **Yes Logan, you do. But you should be smart enough to know that you shouldn't upset her twice in one day. She's a baby and can't handle that**.

She had a point but it irritated him that she made him look like the bad guy. Maybe he was, but he felt enough guilt already.

 **You're right. I love you.**

 **I know I am.**

That made Logan sigh and frown. He had feelings for Avery, he always had but she rebuffed them because he was never there and didn't want to set herself up for heartbreak. She had to be strong to take care of "the child you keep hurting" she would say.

 **Fine tell Kennedy I love her and I'll call her tonight and see her tomorrow.**

 **Ok.**

He knew better than to respond to that. If Avery was frustrated with him now he could only imagine how she would react to finding out that the tour was extended and that he wouldn't be home for Kennedy's birthday. While he understood that she just wanted to protect their child it still hurt being shut out their lives at times. But he saw her side of things too. If it was the other way around and he was the one to take care of her he wouldn't want Avery coming and going too much either. Logan left his phone on the counter, his conversation with her becoming a lost cause. He sat on the couch and shut his eyes.

His mood had shifted so quickly today. This morning had been _so_ good, seeing his baby girl again and spending quality time with her made him happier than anything. Leaving her again had been but hard but now that he knew he was going to be gone longer, everything felt wrong. Kennedy was his proudest accomplishment. Obviously he had been terrified at the prospect of being a father, but as soon as he held her he knew that he loved her. Becoming a father just days after he turned 17 was less than ideal but that didn't matter, he had to take of her. He was proud of the success he achieved with Big Time Rush of course, but his family was more important. He was trying his best to make Kennedy proud and felt like he had been doing a good job at a young age. But thinking about his texts with Avery and the fight they got into this morning he wasn't so sure that he doing as well as he thought.

"Logan, you in there?"

Logan pushed himself off the couch and answered the door.

"Kendall, if you don't mind I just want to be left alone."

"You're always alone." He rolled his eyes as he invited himself in and sat on a stool in the kitchen. "Come on, I know you're upset."

"Great detective skills." The brunette muttered.

"I just wanted to come say that the Carlos, James and I are sorry. We know how much you love Kennedy and how badly you wanted to be there for her birthday."

"I appreciate that but it's not just her birthday."

"What do you mean?"

Logan didn't know where to start. "It's e-everything Kendall. I've missed so much of her life. I missed her first day of school because we were across the country, I've missed watching her grow up, I hardly know her. And I know being a dad makes things more difficult and I knew it was going to be hard with the band, but not like this." His voice caught in his throat. "And now we're extending the tour and Aves is all already mad enough at me."

"Why is she already mad? I thought you two were getting along."

He unlocked his phone and handed it to Kendall, letting him read the texts they had sent each other.

"That's not all." Logan continued once Kendall was done reading. "Every time I go over there I leave her some money. I left $100 on the counter, because I felt guilty for being gone for so long. Well I came out from helping Kennedy get ready and she kept trying to give it back to me and she said money doesn't replace you. Which I know it doesn't it just feels like I should."

"I mean you want to support them. It makes sense."

"That's not how Avery took it." He rolled his eyes. "She brought up how I never see them and how I have to keep them a secret. And now I have to be away for an extra month and I don't know what to do."

Once he finished explaining himself he realized his hand were shaking and he felt sick. Thinking about his shortcomings as a parent always made him anxious, on the point of a panic attack at times.

"Shit. Just breathe." Kendall said, trying to relax him "Logan it's going to work out. Avery's probably just tired. She knows you try. You seem like a great dad. You're constantly on the phone with Kennedy or Skyping her, you're doing a good job with everything going on. I know you can't see her and the hurts but she loves you."

Kendall got up and took her drawing off the refrigerator and slid it in front of him.

"Look this is adorable. And she has to love you, you are her dad after all. The guys and I hear you on the phone and I've never heard you so happy. So Avery is gonna be pissed off that you're gone but that won't change that you love her."

Logan nodded. "She does make me happy. They both do. I just feel like a bad parent. She cries every time I leave, every time. She did today even though I'm going over there tomorrow."

"Fuck you feeling like a bad parent, are you kidding me? You got some girl pregnant and were like what 16? Most guys would have walked away, especially if they had a chance to be famous. But you stayed and are making the best of it. Anyone would be lucky to have Logan Mitchell as a dad. I mean, you're probably going to make her read to death but hey, everyone has short comings."

"Shut up, she loves books." He laughed, his mood lifting slightly. Kendall was always good at cheering him up and making him feel better about the situation. "Thanks for coming I appreciate it I really do. I know you probably had plans with Jo."

"Don't mention it. I wasn't going to let you sit here and sulk all day." Kendall said, punching his shoulder. "And we'll figure out her birthday."

"I'm hoping I can at least Skype her but the time zones are different."

"We have time. So can I see her? I know you took pictures."

Logan smiled and pulled up the pictures from earlier. He looked over Kendall's shoulder as he swiped through them. Smiling at the sight of his family. Kendall stopped on the pictue that Kennedy took of her parents.

"She's beautiful." Kendall was smiling too and then raised his eyebrows at Logan and smirked. "Avery looks good too and like she's blushing I might add."

"Shut up no she's not." He rolled his eyes, his relationship with the mother of his child was a sore spot. "But yeah, they're both fine."

Kendall went back to one of the pictures with all three of them. He squinted at it and tilted his head.

"Well." He said, as if he had been thinking about it for a long time. "Luckily, she looks nothing like you. But she does have your smile and your eyes which on her are totally adorable."

Logan turned red, he was proud of his daughter. "She looks just like her mom."

"See there's a smile everything is going to be fine. I promise."

Logan nodded. "I know. I just want what's best for them."

"And you're going to give them the best. Eventually you'll be able to be a normal family."

"I know. I can't bury them forever." He said looking down at the picture of the three of them. "I won't keep them a secret forever. I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of all of this."

AN: Well this turned out longer than I intended it to. I hope you thought this was as good as the first chapter. The next chapter will deal with a complication with Logan and Avery. How did you like the flashbacks? I'm really excited to write the next chapter. I have a good idea for it. Do you think Avery is being fair? What do you want to see? Please review. I updated fairly often when I get reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hey all! I'm back with another chapter. This time Logan runs into some complications with balancing fatherhood and fame. There are two flashbacks, just to be clear in Logan's head the flashbacks happen quickly he doesn't stare into space haha. I thought this chapter was slightly boring but I wanted to focus on Logan's conflict and I'm building up to drama in chapter 4. Thanks to Rikku94 and Fireplanetz for reviewing again. I hope other people do too! How do I make this story better? I'm planning on updating twice a week so stay tuned and please review!

 **PS: LISTEN TO THE ACOUSTIC VERSION OF WORLDWIDE. LOGAN SOUNDS SAD IN IT AND THAT HOW I PICTURE HIM SINGING IT. Fanfiction . net doesn't let me post the link so go to Youtube . com and then copy and paste this after it: /watch?v=A_dWA75XG1s Logan sounds really sad around 1 minute in, and that's how I imagined him singing to Kennedy.**

Today had been a surprisingly good day. Logan spent the morning in the studio working on the album with Gustavo and the guys. He was proud of all the hard work they were putting into it. Gustavo was kind of stressed because they still had five songs left to record. Even though they were halfway done Gustavo wanted it out in time for the fans to vote. Logan wasn't too worried though, they would get it done. After the studio he hung out with the guys and now he was freshly showered and back in his apartment. He leaned into the mirror and fixed his hair a little bit. He was on his way to have dinner with Avery and Kennedy. He smiled to himself. It had been at least four months since the three had dinner as a family. He tried not to think about how soon it would be almost four months until he could have dinner with them again. His stomach turned uneasily, Avery still had no idea. He wanted to tell her but he didn't want to upset her just as he was getting back into Kennedy's life. Logan loved being around and seeing his daughter and her mom. It may have been just the three of them but they were a family and he didn't want to disappoint Avery and Kennedy any further than he already had. Checking the time he saw that it was 5:45. He smiled and grabbed his keys. Just as he locked his apartment door his phone buzzed, it was Kelly.

"Hey Kelly. What's up?

"Gustavo needs you guys in the studio. He finished another song."

"When?"

"As soon as possible we're on a deadline."

Logan frowned. "I can't I'm having dinner with Kennedy in a few minutes."

"Sorry Logan, Gustavo said now."

He groaned. "I guess I can make it in a few minutes."

"See you soon."

Logan exhaled and ran a hand over his face. Now he was going to miss dinner. He dialed Avery and walked down the hallway. Over the years he learned that the best way to cancel was to do it quickly. That way it didn't appear that he knew and was just avoiding the truth. As the other line rang, Logan realized the irony of his logic. He was quick to cancel dinner so it didn't look like he planned to miss it. But when it came to a longer tour he kept the information to himself.

"Hey Loge, dinner's almost done." Avery sounded happy, excited for once. That made him feel even worse. "Are you on your way?"

Logan bit his lip. "About that. I'm so sorry I have to go to the studio."

Avery was instantly annoyed, the happiness leaving her voice. "Are you for real?"

Logan was now in the elevator. "Yes I'm sorry. I just got the call."

"But weren't you just there?"

He sighed. "Yeah but Gustavo finished another song and he wants it done quickly."

"So you aren't coming?"

"I'll try to be there after I'm done. I'm trying to get out of it."

Avery scoffed. "I've heard that before. Whatever, Logan."

"Avery come on I'm sorry." He reasoned, walking through the parking lot, towards his car. "I didn't plan this I got the call on my way out of the door."

"Sorry doesn't change the fact I have to tell Kennedy that you aren't coming."

Guilt bubbled up inside of him. "Don't you think I'm upset about this? I wanted to see you guys."

"I don't think you planned this just to irritate me or disappoint me it's just that something always comes up." She sounded tired, they had this conversation before. "If it's not a recording session, it's an interview, or a photoshoot. It never ends."

"I know but it's my job. I'd rather be on my way to you, not the studio but what can I do?"

Avery sounded indignant. "Wow I don't know Logan. Maybe tell them that you need to see your daughter and her mom for once. You drop everything for the label and the band but not for us. Good to know your priorities"

"Avery come on, you know I would drop everything for you, but I have to keep it a secret."

"Oh yes. How could I forget?" Her voice oozed with sarcasm and resent. "You have to sweep the girl you knocked up and her child under the rug."

That stung. "There's no sweeping. She's _our_ child, first of all. Secondly, I don't hide you guys I just don't talk about you."

"And sneak in and out of my apartment and won't take her to the park."

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you." He promised. He hated the tension that was constantly between him and the mother of his child. They were constantly on the edge of a fight. "I will, really."

"Not to me. To Kennedy, she was excited."

"I feel bad. I'll see you later." He climbed into his car. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever, bye Logan."

"Avery wait." He started but heard the dial tone. "Never mind."

Logan hung up and tossed his phone into the passenger seat. He leaned his head back on the seat and sighed, feeling defeated. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried he was never good enough for his family. He would try to mend bridges and see the two of them, like he had yesterday. Just as like he felt he was making progress he had to leave and made his own child cry. Now he attempted to have a normal dinner like a family that wasn't broken and he had to cancel. Then of course there was his long term failure. He had been gone most of Avery's pregnancy and Kennedy's life. And in just a few weeks we would be off to the other corner of the globe for ten weeks. This was the longest tour he had embarked on in a while, Gustavo liked the boys to take breaks between the month long stretches they would do on each continent. But that wasn't the case this time. He was dreading the longer tour. He never could be a good dad, it always felt like he was failing.

Once at the studio Logan walked in and crossed his arms. Gustavo was sitting in his chair, he walked up to him and didn't wait for him to be done talking to Kelly.

"Gustavo it's my night off. Why the hell am I here?"

Gustavo turned around, tense in his seat. "Because it's your job and we have an album to finish."

"It may be my job but I had plans tonight you can't just summon me."

"Oh but I can." He stood up. "Because _I_ am the big dog around here and what I say goes!"

"I had plans to see my daughter tonight." Logan swallowed. "Who by the way is almost four and I'm missing her birthday because of this damn tour."

Kelly frowned as Gustavo shoved sheet music into the teen's hand. "That's not my problem. My problem is that one of my hockeyheads is standing here whining about his personal life when we need to finish the album."

Logan's face was warm with anger. "I have a life other than the album and touring. Actually there are two other lives that I'm a hell of a lot more invested than this song."

"I don't like your tone."

"And I don't like being here." Logan spat. It was rare for him to get this angry he was normally very level headed. "We come to the studio during the day for a reason."

"Logan chill out man." James said putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just come into the booth and we'll work on the song and you can go. Right guys?"

"Yes." Kelly answered before Gustavo could respond. "Just try to relax."

Logan rolled his eyes and stepped into the booth ignoring the looks of sympathy from his friends. The song was meant to be upbeat and fun but Logan sang without emotion, not focusing the meaning of the lyrics. Which were shallow and cliché at best. It was about going on a date with a girl and wanting to see her again.

"So tell me, tell me when can I see you again?" He sang with a blank expression. He focused on hitting the notes. "Tell me soon because I don't want this feeling to end."

The band worked on their vocals and harmonies for a solid hour and a half. Logan's eyes were fixed on the clock beyond the glass and behind Gustavo and Kelly. It was almost 7:15, Kennedy would be going to bed soon. Luckily, they were given a 5 minute break. Logan dashed out into the hallway and immediately dialed Avery. Logan bounced up and down as it continued to ring.

"Please answer. Come on."

"What do you want?" She finally answered.

He scratched the back of his neck. "We got a quick break I just wanted to say goodnight to her."

"Make it fast she's going to bed in 15 minutes."

"I know that. Can I just speak to my daughter?"

There was fumbling for a moment before Kennedy's sad voice filtered through the speaker.

"Daddy you missed dinner."

He frowned, he hated knowing that he was responsible for making her sound that sad.

"I know baby girl. Daddy had to work late. I'm sorry."

"Mommy made a'sketti."

This brought a smile to his face, like most kids she couldn't say spaghetti. Kennedy was nothing but kindness and this made him happy.

"Did she? I'm sorry I missed it but Daddy will be over really soon."

Kennedy sniffled on the other line. "Why do you not come Daddy? You're gone a lot."

"Kennedy, I have to work a lot."

"Why?"

"So I can take care of you and Mommy." He explained calmly. "So she can make sure you have clothes and toys."

"Hey Logan?" He turned around and saw Carlos standing at the door. "Break's over."

Logan nodded. "Hey Kennedy, I have to go back to work but I love you so much."

"Love you too Daddy." She sounded a little less sad. "Goodnight."

"Night baby girl." Logan had a small grin on his face. "I'll see you really soon."

Logan hung up and walked back into the studio with his head held low. He was quiet for the rest of the session, only singing when he needed to. All he could picture was Kennedy sitting at the table waiting for him and wondering if he was ever going to show up. He knew that he had a job to do he just hated flaking on them. As he sang the felt hopeless. If Avery was this upset about him missing one dinner how upset would she be about him being gone for tour and missing her birthday? Logan retreated back into his emotionless mentality, working on autopilot to get him through this. If he was being honest, he had spent the last few years on autopilot. Using it to get him through Avery's pregnancy, Kennedy crying all through the night and being away from two most important people in his life. It probably wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism but it's what he had. Before he realized it the guys were leaving the booth clapping each other on the back, saying the song was good.

"We're done?"

"Yeah while you were off brooding we finished it and Gustavo left five minutes ago." Kendall said. "I know you're upset about dinner, but the song turned out really good."

Logan stood up and pulled off his headphones and left without saying goodbye. He just needed to get out of the studio and to Avery's. He climbed into his car and on the drive across town and wondered if he was ever going to be able to go public with the news that he had a child. He didn't care how it would affect Big Time Rush, they were famous enough anyway and had plenty of money. Even Logan, despite the fact that he had made withdrawals once a month since Kennedy was born for child support. And if he was honest, he thought they were almost done with their run. Kendall was more and more interested in hockey, Carlos and his girlfriend were serious and James' modeling career was taking off. Logan wanted to keep singing, but just on his own terms. He parked his usual block away and ran to the building and raced up the stairs.

As he caught his breath he knocked softly, not wanting to wake Kennedy. He waited, hoping Avery would answer. Glancing down at his watch he saw it was 9:08 it was early, Avery was a night owl so she would be awake. But Kennedy's bedtime was 7:30 sharp. So she would be in bed.

"Oh it's you." She rolled her eyes. "What do you want? I'm busy."

"Can I see her, please?"

Avery shook her head. "Logan it's nine and she has school tomorrow."

"Please I feel bad about missing dinner."

"Oh do you?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Avery of course I fucking feel bad. I was excited." He was desperate. "Just for a minute, please?"

"Logan—I don't know it's late for her."

Logan frowned. "Avery please just let me say goodnight to her."

Avery looked over him being for sighing and ushering him in. Logan gave a sigh of relief and stepped inside.

"Thank you."

"Don't you dare wake her." She ordered, jabbing his chest. "It took so long to get her to bed."

Logan shook his head. "I won't I just want to spend time with her."

"Try spending time with her when she's awake."

He decided not to respond and walked down the hall and into his daughter's room. He cracked the door open and slipped inside. The room was quiet except for the sound of her soft breathing, a small night light dimly lit room that cast star cut outs on the celling. Logan smiled, she held onto the small lamb tightly and her face was calm. He sat down on the floor next to her and pushed hair out of her face.

"I'm so sorry I keep letting you down Kennedy." He whispered. "Daddy's trying, he really is."

Kennedy only let out a deep sigh and continued to sleep. He bit down on his lip and rubbed circles on her back.

"I remember the day you were born. You w-were so small and I could hardly believe you were real." His voice caught in his throat. "Your mom and I were scared to have you. But when I found out about you I knew that I would try my hardest to never let you down. And I know I haven't done a good job so far but I'll try."

Logan shook his head and sighed. "I bought that lamb for you, you know? When you were in the hospital?"

 _January 2011_

Logan looked across the hospital room. The room was mostly dark expect for the dim lamp on the table. Avery slept peacefully, her dark hair in a messy ponytail and her skin was still slightly sweaty. In the small plastic rollaway crib Kennedy, thankfully slept too. Logan crossed the room and looked down. She was small and pink and completely dependent on him and Avery. Nausea roiled in his stomach. He stepped out in the hall and stood bent over with his hands on knees and took a few deep breaths. He choked down a few stray tears. There was no way in hell he could do this. He couldn't be a dad, he had turned 17 three days ago. He was too young, they both were. Logan took a few more breaths and staggered into the elevator and rode it down to the first floor. A small part of him wanted to keep walking, right out the doors and never look back. But he knew he could never abandon them. He walked into the gift shop and looked around. The shelves were stocked with cards and teddy bears and balloons. Logan made his way over to the section for newborns. There were cards that congratulated you on your boy, your girl, your grandchild and niece or nephew. Where was the card that you gave to the girl you got pregnant when she was 17? Where was the "Sorry I got you pregnant and left for tour" card?

"Maybe I'll get Kennedy something instead." Logan thought as he looked at the toys. "What do babies even like?"

He peered at the endless row of teddy bears. He grabbed the first thing that caught his eye. It was a small stuffed lamb with a pink bow on its neck. This would work.

"Babies like stuffed things right?" He asked the woman behind the counter.

"I think so. Is it for your baby?"

Logan nodded numbly as fear and realization set in. He had a daughter. "Uh y-yeah, a girl."

"Well then I think it's perfect."

"Thanks." He said taking back his change.

Once he was back into the maternity ward he found the room and went back inside. They were both still asleep. Logan approached the crib and stared down at his daughter. He had to do this, he promise he'd be there. Setting the toy away from her face so she was safe, he cleared his throat.

"T-this is for you, uh, Kennedy. I hope you like it. Daddy-" The word felt strange and foreign coming from his mouth. "loves you and I really hope I don't fuck this up."

 _November 2014_

Logan kissed her cheek. "I may not always be here but I'm never going let you down."

Kennedy stirred a little bit and blinked a few times. "Daddy?"

"Hey baby girl."

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was thick with sleep.

"I wanted to say goodnight and that I love you." He whispered not wanting Avery to hear. "Go back to bed."

"Lay with me?"

Logan nodded and slipped off his shoes and jacket. He hadn't been here to cuddle with Kennedy in months. He climbed into her bed and she snuggled into his side. Logan rubbed circles on her back. "I love you Daddy."

"I love you more baby girl. Go back to bed."

Kennedy kissed his face and laid down. Logan hummed to her softly, the melody of Worldwide. For the young family it was a special song. No matter how far Logan's music would take him he still missed the two of them and would never stop thinking about his family.

"I'm never, never far away as it may seem. Soon we'll be together, we'll pick up right where we left off." He sang softly into her ear, hoping she'd fall asleep soon. "I'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide."

As Logan felt her chest rise and fall slowly and stopped singing and just hummed. While they laid there Logan felt his eyes tear up. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't deal with the constant goodbyes and the sadness. He wanted to be a dad to his child and see her on a regular basis. Missing dinners and birthdays was unacceptable, and having to beg Avery to let him in was something he hated. He wanted to be there every day. He missed Kennedy's first day of school a few months ago because he was on tour. She was almost four and was growing up faster and faster. When she had first been born it had seemed like she would never sleep and that she would never stop being small.

 _February 2011_

Logan winced at the sound of Kennedy wailing. The sound filled the apartment, along with Avery's quiet pleas for her to stop. Logan looked into the nursery and saw Avery rocking her back and forth.

"Come on sweetheart. Please just go back to bed."

Kennedy kept crying and Logan knocked softly. "Is she okay?"

Avery rolled her eyes. "I think so she just won't quit screaming."

Logan held out his arms. "Let me try."

"Fine." Avery handed her over and collapsed into the rocking chair in the corner. "I love her but this is awful."

He couldn't argue with that. Some nights it felt like the one month old would never stop crying. Logan swayed back and forth.

"Hey baby girl. How about you stop crying?" He reasoned. "I have to leave soon and I know your mom would appreciate it if you stop screaming."

"You have to leave again?" Avery asked wearily from the chair. "You just left yesterday."

"We're on the cover of Pop Tiger and we have an interview." He frowned when Avery looked like she was about to cry. "It's quick I promise."

"So you're leaving me to deal with her alone? Logan she won't stop screaming and I've tried everything."

Logan looked down at Kennedy who was still whining. "I'm sorry I thought you wouldn't mind."

"Logan you barely see her and I'm tired."

"Babe it's fine. I see her every day. And I know you're tired but when I get back I'll take over."

Avery shook her head. "She's a month old Logan. She's getting older and needs you around."

He looked down at the baby in his arms and shrugged. "She's only a month old, she's not going to remember this anyways."

"But I will. I thought you said you'd be around more after tour." She said taking Kennedy back. "It seems like you never spend time with us."

"I know Avery. But it's just for now so we keep getting fans. Soon it'll be fine. You'll see." Logan rolled his eyes. "And I spend time with you."

She waved him off. "Whatever, just go Logan."

He sighed and kissed them both. "Bye Kens, I'll text you."

Logan left the nursery and gathered his stuff. As he stood by the front door he could hear Kennedy settling down and Avery sniffling. It would be fine, he told himself. Avery forgave him each time he had to dash off somewhere and he'd be around more when his daughter got older.

"It's only temporary."

 _November 2014_

Looking back on that memory Logan realized how wrong he had been. Kennedy wouldn't always be small and would eventually sleep. And he and Avery had found new things to fight about. While him not spending time with his daughter was still a reoccurring fight they didn't fight about who would watch her at night. Now they fought about how Logan was a disappointment. And his work schedule was no longer a small inconvenience to Avery who didn't want to be alone with the baby, it was now what kept them apart for longer periods of time. He knew that all young parents fought, he had seen the TV shows, but he knew that it wasn't this bad.

"Temporary my ass." Logan mumbled bitterly.

Kennedy clung to Logan's shirt and he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he didn't wake her. Logan had thought the distance would be temporary back then and his family would consistently be there. But nearly four years later it felt that things had been reversed. The distance between him and his child was consistent and his family was temporary. He was coming and going more than he stayed, and he could feel himself growing further apart from them. This wasn't what he wanted, he wanted to be there for everything in Kennedy's life not just parts.

Avery was also an issue. While they had tried dating when she was pregnant and for a few months after she gave birth, they never had a long term relationship. How could they? Logan was always gone. She had shifted from his girlfriend to just his baby's mother right under his nose. She had stopped kissing him, stopped saying I love you and stopped smiling when he'd do something sweet. Not that he blamed her. Logan wouldn't want to date himself either, who wanted a boyfriend who was on tour most of the year?

Logan exhaled and attempted to focus just on the girl in his arms not the memories and worries on his mind. He hugged her and rested his chin on her head.

"I love you so much Kennedy." He whispered, rubbing her back. "I always will."

"Love you too." She mumbled "I'm glad you're here."

Logan's heart was heavy.

"I'm glad I'm here too."

This couldn't go on any longer, he couldn't keep hurting her or Avery. He rubbed at his eyes and stared at the ceiling of his daughter's room. He was her dad and he refused to be absent from her life. He told Avery he'd be there for her when she was pregnant and was going to keep that promise.

"I love you so much. And I'm going to try my hardest to not disappoint you."

AN: Well here was another chapter. I never know how to end these, any ideas? Excuse any typos I will edit in the morning. The next chapter Avery and Logan (Lavery? Logvery? LEAVE ME A SHIP NAME) will talk about their future. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please check out my Carlos fic He Didn't Mean It I only need 3 more reviews to get 100 and only 5 more reviews on the fic Forgive and Forget to reach my goal of 110. I will update later this week if I get reviews! I love writing this story so much so please let me update a lot haha. Thank you Rushers!


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Oh guys… I've been inspired I've decided to write some BTR one shots. I'll let you know when I post them. I have ideas for James and Kendall so far, as well as Kelly one shots with each of the boys. Are you interested? Sorry it's been almost week since I updated. I was busy Saturday and start class tomorrow. But I still plan on updating twice a week! I don't really like how this chapter turned out but I hope you do. I just want to demonstrate how unstable Logan and Avery's relationship is. (What should the ship name be? Lavery?) Thanks to TheCarnivalAct and Love it for their reviews! I greatly appreciate it! Enjoy!

The first thing Logan saw when he opened his eyes was pink. Pink walls, pink and white curtains hanging from the windows and a pink sock on the floor. A brief feeling of panic shot through him, the way it always does when you wake up somewhere unfamiliar. This was not his dark blue bedroom. It was only when he glanced down at the pile of curls on his chest did he realize where he was. Kennedy was curled up next to him and the soft blue light outside let him know it was early. He gently pushed the sleeping child fully onto her bed and rearranged the blanket. He kissed her forehead and quietly slipped on his shoes and pulled on his jacket.

"Love you." He whispered before ducking into the hallway.

Kennedy's bed was way too small for him so he had been halfway off of it for hours. His back and neck were stiff. As he walked into the living room he stifled a yawn and rolled his shoulders. Just as he was cracking his back the sound of Avery clearing her throat made him jump.

"Avery, I'm sorry she climbed into my lap last night and crashed last night and didn't want to wake her." Logan quickly apologized.

Avery was sitting at the kitchen table. She was in a sweatshirt and had dark circles under her eyes. She sipped her coffee and looked at him over the mug. When she sat it down she shook her head.

"22 months." She said quietly.

Logan looked at her, confused. "22 months?"

"That's how long you've been away from us."

He shook his head in disbelief. "That can't be right."

"Oh but it is. You forget, I'm good at math too."

She slipped a piece of paper across the table. Logan walked over and picked it up and looked over her calculations.

6 weeks on tour x 4 tours a year = 24 weeks away

24 weeks x 4 years = 96 weeks

"I counted for leap years and stuff and it's roughly 22 weeks." Her voice was cold, emotionless, she was just presenting facts. "That is almost two years, _half_ of her life you've missed out on."

Logan didn't know what to say. Avery was right, her math was correct and it was true. The first thought he had in his head slipped out.

"You kept track?"

Avery rolled her eyes. "Of course I kept track L-Logan. You said you would be gone for 6 weeks when you left that first time. And that we'd be together after that, no more secrets. I believed you, I _wanted_ to believe that we'd be okay and that we'd raise our baby together. I thought the secret thing was a good idea at first after you told me it was just until the first album came out. But I was 17 and naïve. I was scared of having a baby would have done anything to make it easier. And before I knew it 6 weeks alone turned into 96!" Her voice trembled.

"I-I had no idea. Well I knew it was a long time but almost 2 years?"

"Yes you were too busy being carefree to think about the baby you had back here."

This got under his skin. "I always think about you guys. Every day, don't tell me I don't."

Avery shrugged and rubbed her forehead. Her voice was soft, sad. "This isn't working Logan."

"I know, I'm sorry. But you know I have no choice."

"It's just really hard Loge, it's hard with you always coming and going." Her voice broke. "You've missed so much."

"I know but I'm trying." He was desperate to calm her down. "I want to be here, I don't want to miss any of her life or yours."

Avery nodded towards her scratch work in Logan's hand. "It just doesn't seem that way."

Logan sat down across from her and sighed. "Ave I'm working on it, I want to be here every day, and the other morning was great."

"It was but then there was last night. Logan, she didn't eat dinner for 20 minutes last night."

"What do you mean?"

"Kennedy was waiting for you, even after I told her. She sat right there." She pointed to the empty chair. "She didn't want to eat in case 'Daddy came home.' Home, she said she wanted you come home."

The look on her face made him sick. It wasn't just sadness it was despair, exhaustion and frustration. The weight of the last four years weighing down on her, she was alone in this.

He was at a loss for words. "Ave, I-I'm sorry. I wanted to be here."

Avery pulled her hand away when Logan tried to grab it. "She asks me if you don't come over because you don't love her."

"That's bullshit, of course I love her she's my daughter."

"I know that and you know that." She stared into her coffee. "But she's only a baby Logan. I can't tell her that Daddy can't take her to the park or to get ice cream because it would be bad publicity. Or that she has to be kept a secret because she's not good for a band's image. Do you know how hard it is to look her in the face and tell her you're leaving, or not going to show up?"

The young father could only nod. "It must be really shitty and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry? Is that all you can say?" Avery was growing angry. "Sorry doesn't change the fact you're never here."

"That's all I can say! Because I am sorry. I feel terrible for never being here." He stood from his chair. "It kills me, I love her so much and I love you and I'm trying."

"You always say that." She muttered.

Logan let out a groan and ran his hand through his hand. "I try to make it to dinners, I visit and hang out when I'm home. I Skype and call when I'm away."

"I appreciate that I really do. I know you have to do this to support us and it's your job. It's just hard."

He frowned. "Hey, after this tour I'll see if we can make some changes."

"I don't know. I just don't think this is working. You trying to make changes isn't going to work."

Logan grew frustrated. "Well shit Avery! If everything I do is wrong tell me what to do?"

"Stop making promises you can't keep!" She shouted back. "She's a baby Logan and you hurt her. She cries for such a long time after you leave. When you left after breakfast it was a solid half hour of her crying. She was sad the rest of the day, and last night? The look on her face was too much for me. She was devastated, and I never want her to look that way again."

"You don't think it's hard for me when I leave?" He questioned, feeling his emotions rise in his chest. "I cry too! I cried the other morning too. I hate leaving her and hate hearing her cry."

Apparently his appeal to emotions did nothing to sway Avery, who crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Her words were harsh. "Cry me a river Logan. Boo hoo, the popstar cries because finally realizes how much a deadbeat he actually is."

All the air was knocked from Logan's lungs, his mouth fell open and his brows furrowed. He took a step towards Avery, they were inches apart and he glared down at her.

"I am not a deadbeat!" He shouted angrily. "I know all about deadbeat dads, Avery and I am from that."

Avery took a step back, surprised at his outburst. "You're never here!"

"Because I have a job! I'm doing the best I can, I love Kennedy and I love you. Maybe if you weren't so busy bitching and criticizing everything I do you would see that."

"See what Logan? How you're gone for months and then try half-assing being a dad for a few weeks and before leaving again?"

They were both red in the face and had tears in their eyes. Avery was tired of the constant back and forth, she looked up at the ceiling and exhaled slowly. Logan ran a hand over his face, he hated being the cause of all of this drama. The word deadbeat circled his mind and made him feel ill. He looked at Avery who was wiping her eyes and shaking her head.

"In case you haven't noticed. I have spent time with her. We had breakfast and _you're_ the one who told me not to come over until later."

Avery scoffed. "One breakfast doesn't make up for everything else. And I told you when to come over because I have a schedule for her. You would know that if you were here being a dad."

This pissed him off. "And you can't make room in your goddamn schedule for her to see her dad?"

"No I can't make room for you waltzing in and out of her life at your leisure."

"You really think this is at _my_ leisure?" Logan laughed dryly. "I got called to work last night, I didn't choose to go in. I don't choose to be gone for so long, I didn't choose any of this bullshit Ave."

"And I didn't choose to be a single mom but here I am."

That stung and Logan took a deep breath. "You're not a single mom, get a grip. I'm tired of being the bad guy."

"And I'm tired of constantly being let down!" Avery started crying and her shoulders shook. "You a-always disappoint me Logan."

 _June 2010_

Logan lingered in the doorway and cringed. Avery was hunched over the toilet and getting sick, she was nine weeks into her pregnancy and the morning sickness was rough.

"I hate this." She whimpered as she sat up and flushed the toilet. "It's not even morning."

Logan handed her a cup of mouthwash and frowned, feeling guilty. "I know, it's going to be okay. It'll stop in a few weeks."

Avery got to her feet and rinsed her mouth out and stumbled back into her bedroom. She laid down and let tears slip out.

"Avery come on it's going to be okay."

"No it's n-not. I feel sick all the time, I can't hold anything down and my m-mom." She let out a sob. "And my mom is back home. I'm a-all alone."

Logan rubbed her shoulder. Her mom had moved back home, a few hours north of LA after finding out about Avery's pregnancy. She was less than thrilled and didn't want to see Avery like this. While she was going to be supportive of her daughter's choice she just wasn't ready to accept it.

"Hey, come on." Logan sat next to her. "You have me, I'm not going anywhere."

Avery shrugged and rubbed her stomach in small circles. Logan watched her hand move back and forth and swallowed nervously. They were actually going through with this.

"I don't feel well." She whined as she curled up onto her side. "I have nothing left to throw up and my muscles hurt."

He had to admit she did look awful. Her normally light brown skin had a green tint to it and her eyes were red and had bags under them.

Logan laid down next to her and wrapped an arm around her. "I'm sorry. I wish there I was something I could do to help."

"Laying here is nice." She rolled onto her back so she was next to him. "Thanks for being here Logan."

"No problem." He kissed her softly. "I couldn't leave you."

Avery snuggled into his side and managed to finally get some sleep. As Logan laid there he thought about how different his life was going to be in a few months. He was going to be a dad and have a kid. He was terrified, there was no way he could be a dad, he was only 16. Honestly, Logan didn't even know if he liked kids. But Avery had decided to keep it and he knew he had to support her. They were in this weird state that was in between being just friends and dating. They had just hooked up and he got her pregnant, so he was never sure where they stood.

Logan laid there, brooding about his mistakes and his future. He didn't know how he was going to balance being a dad and being in a band and on tour. He tried not to think about and focused of the girl next to him, who somehow was carrying his child. A short time later Logan felt his phone buzz.

He opened the new text and sighed.

 **Gustavo says you and the guys need to get here now to record.**

He frowned at Kelly's text. Avery was still asleep. He decided she would be more upset if he left without telling her goodbye. He shook her gently and she groaned.

"What?"

"Hey I'm sorry I have to go the studio."

She sat up and frowned tiredly. "Please don't go."

"I have no choice, we have to finish the album. I'll be back."

"But I don't feel good, you make me feel better. Please stay." Tears sprung up in her eyes. "I need you."

Guilt turned inside of him. She had been really emotional for the past week. "It won't take long."

"F-fine. Whatever, I don't care." She said quickly turning angry, she rolled back. "Just leave the girl you got pregnant."

Logan sighed and let her be upset and grabbed his shoes. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"What did I do?"

Avery shrugged and looked down at her stomach. "Nothing I'm just disappointed and really hormonal."

"Why?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why am I hormonal? Let's see, we fucked, didn't use protection and now there's something inside of me."

Logan groaned. "No why are you disappointed?"

"If you're this busy now, without a complete album or kid. How busy are you going to be once the album is done? I just don't want to be disappointed."

He rubbed her back. "Hey. I'm not going to let you down."

"Alright." She smiled weakly, "See you later?"

"Of course." He kissed her cheek. "I'm going to be here."

 _Present – November 2014_

"I don't try to disappoint you Avery!" He shouted back. "I try to see her and you say no. I mess up one dinner and you call me a deadbeat?"

"It's not because of the dinner that I think you're a deadbeat. You're a deadbeat because you promise to do something and fail, you keeping letting us down and I'm fed up." Avery was shouting too. "I want to be a real family but you're always gone on tour."

Logan crossed his arms. "Well I'm sorry providing for our child is an inconvenience to you."

"Just get out." She pointed at the door.

"Avery, relax."

"No! Just get out, I don't want you here right now."

He rolled his eyes. "You're such a hypocrite. You say I'm never here and then kick me out."

"Logan it's not even 7:30 in the morning yet, Kennedy is asleep and I don't want her to hear us fighting. I'm making sure my daughter gets enough sleep." She explained this to him and in a condescending tone. Like she was speaking to a child. "I don't want you waking her."

Logan swiftly turned around and started towards Kennedy's room.

"Where are you going?" She demanded. "I told you to leave."

"I'm saying goodbye to _my_ daughter. That's right, she's mine too!"

Logan opened her door and snuck it, hoping they hadn't woken her up. He leaned over and saw that her eyes were shut. He kissed her face and brushed back her hair.

"Bye babygirl, I love you and I'm never going to let you down again."

When he exited her room and stepped back into the living room he found Avery sniffling by the door. He tried not to let his guilt make him apologize.

"Don't try to make feel guilty about this because I already do." He whispered.

Avery simply opened the door and pointed to the hallway. He slipped on his sunglasses and stepped into the hall.

He heard Avery let out a long sigh. "Y-You're not a bad dad Logan. I just have to protect her."

Logan turned to her and shook his head sadly. "I-I know."

The door shut behind him and he ran a hand over his face. If Avery was calling him a deadbeat now, he could only imagine what she would say about the tour. Her words cut him deeply. He didn't want to be what his daughter needed protecting from. He didn't want to be deadbeat, he just wanted to make her proud. He looked back at the door and swallowed.

"I'm g-going to make this right." He said through door. "I'm not going to disappoint you."

AN: I hate how I end these chapters. Any advice? The flashback isn't my favorite but I wanted to show how Avery constantly feels let down by him. What do you think Logan and Avery should do? Next chapter has sad Logan which is my fave and the BTR boys. BTW my Carlos fic is almost done and only needs FIVE more reviews to reach my goal. Check it out? I'm busy this weekend so expect and update around Friday or Sunday. Please review I have the whole fic outlined so it doesn't take long to write an update. Leave your thought, ideas and questions. Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Guys I am so sorry that it's been almost two weeks since I updated! The real world got in the way, I have class and went on a trip and have been busy but I am back to updating twice a week. I was going to update earlier this week but lost power, there was huge storm! I may even update three times soon just to make it up to you! I'm sorry. I'm not thrilled with this chapter. There's some angst and a major flashback. Please review and enjoy! Thanks for all the support! I hope to update on Wednesday or Thursday. I have already started the next chapter!

 _"Deadbeat, you're a deadbeat, you're never here."_

These words kept circling through Logan's head as he let himself into his apartment. He had turned his phone off last night when before he fell asleep with Kennedy. Now that he turned it on he was greeted by and influx of messages. Some from last night, Kendall was asking if was okay. James was telling him things would get better after the tour. Logan rolled his eyes and tossed his jacket on the couch and headed straight for the bathroom. Avery's words ricocheted around his brain. He turned on the shower and pulled his shirt over his head.

 _"That is almost two years, half of her life you missed out on."_

Logan shed his pants and climbed into the hot water, barely wincing at the temperature. He leaned his head against the wall. He was a deadbeat, it's not like she was making it up or exaggerating. He had missed almost half of his daughter's life. Not mention he would miss more very soon. Including her fourth birthday. His chest tightened up at the thought of this. He shut his eyes and focused only on the hot water pelting his back, the smell of his soap and finally let a few pent up tears creep down his face. A sob came from his mouth and he covered his face with his shaking hands. Avery's words made him sick to his stomach. He cried for the 22 months he had missed, he cried for all the pain he caused Avery and Kennedy, and he cried for the extra weeks he was going to miss. His shoulders rapidly rose and fell as he broke down.

"Such a fuck up." He muttered.

He didn't know how long he stood there under the spray, letting it wash away his guilt. But he felt himself shutting down, replacing the panicked sick feeling with thoughts of nothing. Back into autopilot, hovering between awareness and emptiness. At some point the hot water ran out, he wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out into the steamy bathroom. He wiped the fog off of the mirror, revealing his reflection. His dark hair hung limply in his face and his eyes were red. Logan was disgusted at what he saw, a deadbeat, a loser and a bad father. To distract himself from the building panic he quickly brushed his teeth. Out of things to do in the bathroom, Logan wandered into his bedroom and pulled on clean pajamas and laid down on his bed. He stared blankly at the ceiling above him. Trying not to think about anything. But no matter how hard he tried his mind made its way back to his family.

His family.

Logan had never really thought about kids before Kennedy. He had always been focused on other aspects of his future. College, medical school and then a nice job as a cardiologist or an orthopedic surgeon. Those plans all changed of course when he found himself in Big Time Rush. His dreams shifted from surgeries and scrubs to albums and tours. With all of that he never really had time to think about if he wanted kids or not. Logan was an only child so his only interaction with kids had been the ones his age and Katie Knight once he was a bit older. He assumed he'd have them one day, that's what adults did. Right? Eventually he'd find a wife, maybe she would be a doctor or in the music business and he'd be a father in the future. Logan never would have imagined he'd be a dad at seventeen though.

 _May 2010_

Logan's heart fluttered nervously as he waited for a knock on the door of 2J. Avery had asked to come over when he was alone. Luckily for him, Mama Knight and Katie were having mother daughter bonding time and the guys had been willing to leave Logan alone for the afternoon. He didn't know Avery all that well. Just that she was from northern California and was only trying to become an actress so eventually she could become a screenwriter. And that she had a small birthmark on her left hip bone and liked it when he kissed her neck. They had met at the Palm Woods School and hooked up at the party James and Carlos threw to become the 'Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood'. While he was never the one for one night stands, she was good looking and they had been drunk thanks to Guitar Dude. The memory made him go red. She wasn't his type, he liked skinny brunettes or blondes. Avery was a little heavier and the product of mixed background, but for some reason he couldn't stop thinking about her.

A quick knock pulled him from his thoughts. He made his way to the door and opened it with a smile.

"Avery, hey come in."

She stepped inside and she shut the door behind her. "Hey Logan."

"So we're alone." He said slowly. "What's up?"

Avery sighed and looked up at him. "I know we're alone but maybe we could go to your room?"

Logan gave her a small smirk before leading the way to the room he and Kendall shared. She stood against the wall and played with her hands. Logan stepped up to her and kissed her, wrapping his hands around her waist. Avery kissed back and put her arms on his shoulders. Logan pulled away but quickly started kissing and sucking at her neck.

"L-Logan stop." She whimpered, trying to get away.

He instantly stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry what did I do?"

"I didn't come over for sex." She said softly as she sat on his bed.

A frown spread across his face. "I'm sorry, your text said we needed to be alone and after the other night I just thought you wanted it to be more than a one time thing."

Avery sighed. "We need to talk."

He furrowed his eyebrows with worry and sat down. "Yeah sure. Are you okay?"

"Not r-really. Um we were both really drunk I know that. I don't really remember anything."

"Shit. I mean I was too, but I asked you over and over again if you wanted to. You told me to stop asking and just do it. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pressure you or—"

Avery shook her head. "No don't worry. I wanted to have sex. It's just t-that, um." Her voice broke. "Did you use protection?"

"No why, it had been a while since I had sex so I was clean."

She looked up at him, her eyes were red. "I'm p-pregnant."

Logan's blood turned to ice in his veins, his stomach dropped a hundred feet and his mouth went dry. He had to of heard her wrong.

" _What_?" He asked harshly.

"I'm pregnant Logan." She was crying now.

Logan shook his head. "Is it mine?"

"You're the last guy I had sex with and b-before you it was months. I t-thought maybe I was late because of stress but the test was positive and if you didn't use a condom so-. S-so I'm p-pregnant."

Logan's whole world fell down around him. He felt sick to his stomach and started pacing around the room. Images of his future flashed before him. Avery swelling up like a balloon, a crying, screaming baby and overall misery. He was ran a hand over his face, the panic rose inside of him.

"Fuck." He muttered, he couldn't stop his hands from shaking. "Shit."

She couldn't have this baby. There was no way Gustavo would be okay with that, he'd get kicked out of the band and sent back home. They were too young, he was sixteen and she was seventeen. Teen parents statistically never stayed together. He didn't want a constant struggle between them. But mostly, he didn't think he wanted a kid. All of these thing were whizzing through his head when he heard Avery sniffle.

"L-Logan? Say something, p-please."

He looked over at her and saw that she was crying. She had the test in her hand, the sight of it made him weak. How could he say something when his whole world was coming apart? He rubbed the back of his neck. He knew that in this situation he was supposed to be understanding.

"I don't know what to s-say." He mumbled. "How did this even happen?"

Avery wiped her eyes. "We were really drunk Logan. And I think we were so focused on having sex neither of us t-thought about protection."

Logan thought back to that night, she was probably right. He had been so intent on getting Avery's clothes off and hooking up with her. He couldn't remember thinking about a condom.

"How do you know for sure?"

Avery sighed and more tears formed. "I keep throwing up, that's why I haven't been to class. My breasts hurts and I'm three weeks late."

"Maybe it's stress." He said hopefully, looking for any reason this could a false alarm. "M-Maybe the test was wrong."

She handed him the stick. "That's one test out of the f-four I took. They were all positive."

Logan looked down at the two lines. "Shit. Uh, are you okay?"

"N-no," She started crying again. "I'm scared and confused and I don't know what to do."

He gave her the test back and sat down next to her. He buried his head in his hands and let out a shaky breath. "You have to go."

"What?" Her voice was high pitched, she sounded panicked. "I just told you I'm having your baby and you tell me to leave?"

Logan shook his head. "I just need time to think. I'll call y-you."

Avery stood up and let the tears continue to fall. "Whatever, Logan."

A second later he heard the front door slam. He fell back onto his bed and felt sick, but he was too shocked to let panic envelop him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Avery had left the test on his bedside table. With a shaking hand he picked it up and stared at it. His heart pounded in his chest. This piece of plastic was going to dictate his entire future. Logan ran his other hand over his face. He was fucked, if Avery kept it he'd be a dad. He tossed the test back onto the table.

"This can't be happening."

 _Present – November 2014_

Looking back at it, when he first found out his immediate thought was that he wanted her to get an abortion. But now as he looked at the picture of Kennedy that he kept on his dresser he was so glad that he hadn't said that. He loved her more than anything. Despite how scared he was in the beginning, the little girl had him wrapped around her finger. It may have been hard in the beginning but Kennedy was his daughter and not seeing her killed him. Avery didn't want him in their lives because he missed a dinner. Dread filled his body when he thought about how she'd react to him missing an extra four weeks.

Logan made his way into the living room and pulled a bottle off of his shelf. It was bottle of nice liquor. Gustavo had gifted each of the boys with a bottle to celebrate their 3rd album doing so well. He opened it up and took a drink, wincing as it burned its way down his throat and into his stomach. As he drank he tried to come up with a way to tell Avery he was going to be gone. Perhaps he could pretend to find out when he was with her and get really angry, or rush over in tears and act as devastated as he felt. His thought process was interrupted by his phone buzzing repeatedly.

 **Bro, G is pissed where are you?**

 **Logan, you need to come into the studio. Gustavo isn't happy about how you acted last night.**

 **We need to win this award and to do that we need an album!**

Carlos, Kelly and James had all texted him. It was only now that he realized he was late for work. Logan couldn't help but shrug apathetically, what did it matter? He was hurting his family, he had let down his daughter yet again. His phone rang, it was Gustavo but he sent it to voicemail. He rolled his eyes at the idea of the producer, he didn't understand how important Avery and Kennedy were to him. He never did. Just as he was about to turn off his phone he saw a text from Kendall.

 **Hey are you okay? We'll be by later.**

Logan groaned and put his phone on airplane mode, preventing any calls or texts from getting through. He took another deep drink from the nice glass bottle and stood from the couch and stretched. As he walked into the kitchen to get a glass he caught his reflection in the mirror. He could only laugh at the irony. Logan looked just like his father had the last time he saw him. Hair a mess, old pajamas, holding a bottle like his life depended on it and an emptiness in his eyes. Logan laughed dryly.

"Like father, like son."

Another shot burned down his throat and he felt a little dizzy. Alcohol had always had a strong effect of him, he was a somewhat of a lightweight. He hadn't that much to drink that much to drink the night he hooked up with Avery. Plus drinking on an empty stomach didn't help. Deciding he had drank enough for now he sealed the bottle after filling his glass and taking a long drink. He sat the bottle on the countertop and stretched out on the couch and picked his phone back up. Turning his phone off airplane mode he ignored the texts from Kelly that were getting progressively angrier.

 **You're late, I said it was traffic get here please.**

 **Logan, we have a deadline.**

 **Gustavo is upset with you, are you coming or not?**

Logan felt a little bad, he knew Kelly always stressed about deadlines and making sure the guys were on time. But he just couldn't go into work today, he didn't care the album or the tour right now. All was interested in was Avery forgiving him. He wrote a quick message to her.

 **Hey I'm sorry about this morning.**

He hit send but didn't expect a reply. As he sat there he could only think about Avery called him a deadbeat. Every point she had made was true. He was gone too much and for far too long. Kennedy was obviously effected by this. But was he really a deadbeat dad? To him, deadbeat dads were the men who didn't pay child support, the ones who didn't care about seeing their kids. Logan did pay, he even left extra money and he cared about seeing Kennedy more than anything. Avery was angry at the use of the word trying. But it was true, that's all he could do. In reality he was always trying to make things better for them. That's all he could do. But even he knew it wasn't enough anymore.

There was still no reply from Avery. This didn't surprise him though, Avery was great at the silent treatment. He took another sip of his drink and sighed. He knew being a dad wouldn't be easy but he didn't think he'd always feel this shitty, it wasn't his idea to keep what happened a secret. Avery may have just started off as a girl he hooked up with once but they had bonded over the past four years. They had even dated for a few months before deciding to be just friends when Kennedy was a few months old. So he cared about her too, he hated making her sad. Especially knowing that she raising Kennedy alone.

Logan spent the better part of his morning alternating between being numb and upset over the fight, and angry and unable to sit still. By this point his stomach was still empty and he had helped himself to more of the liquor so he was pretty drunk. He had angrily scrawled down some thoughts onto a piece of paper, cried again and berated himself in the mirror.

"You're a shit dad." He had slurred at his reflection. "Missing e-everything and leaving. Just like your dad."

But now he was sitting in the living room once more looking through his pictures of Kennedy. Ranging from when she was a few months all the way until the ones he took with her earlier this week. In each picture Kennedy got so much older, it always seemed dramatic because he was never around. One of the pictures caught him off guard. It was of him holding a tiny, newborn Kennedy. She was wrapped in her hospital blanket and had a pink hat on. This was the day she was born. Logan looked younger, his face was softer and he looked scrawnier. Even though he had a smile on his face, the seventeen year old looked scared. So much had changed from the time this picture was taken. He had been terrified that night, he was a seventeen year old dad. Avery had been his girlfriend and he was confident that he'd be able to announce his daughter soon. Fast forward to now, being a father still scared him but he knew he could do it, Avery was hardly his friend and everything was still a secret. The boy in the picture had no idea what the future held for him or his family. His thoughts were interrupted by his front door opening. He looked over and saw Carlos, Kendall and James coming through the door. The spare key he had given Carlos dangling from the lock.

"Where were you today? We texted you." Carlos asked as he shut the door.

"Yeah Gustavo was pissed. You were rude last night and then you didn't show up."

Logan just shrugged, ignoring Carlos and Kendall's concern. "Didn't feel like it."

"We have a deadline you know. We have an album to finish." James said sitting on the arm of the couch.

"No shit, I just didn't wanna be there." He rolled his eyes, trying not to slur.

James leaned forward and grabbed the glass from the table and sniffed it. He looked disgusted.

"Are you fucking drunk right now?" He looked at the time on his phone. "It's not even noon and you're wasted already? You have a job to do!"

"I can do what I want." He took the glass back and finished it. "And fuck you, why are you here?"

"Gustavo let us go early because we couldn't do anything because you didn't show up."

Logan just crossed his arms. "Not everything is about you James."

"And not everything is about you Logan!" He shouted. "I get that not being able to see your daughter must suck. We feel bad, we do but get it together. We have fans and an award show. You don't think we have people we don't get to see as often as we like? I do and so do Kendall and Carlos."

"Because that's totally the same." He snapped. "They aren't a secret."

Logan went to the kitchen and refilled his glass. When he came back in his friends were frowning at him.

"You came to my place, don't look at me like that."

Kendall sighed. "Loge, come on man. You missed one dinner. It'll be okay."

"22 months." He muttered. "I've missed 22 months."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not just one fucking dinner! I've missed out on 22 m-months." He shouted. "That is 96 weeks that I have not been there for my daughter or her mother."

Carlos scratched the back of his neck. "Is it really that long?"

"Yeah! I have missed _half_ of her life. It's not like she's a niece or cousin." He clenched his fists and sighed. "She's my daughter! My child, and I'm never there for her."

James chewed at his thumbnail. "That sucks, but she knew what it was going to be like once tour started. I know you want to be around more but it is what it is. Don't you want to be able to support them? And if weren't for the band you never would have been here to Avery pregnant in the first place."

"I don't need anymore money! I left Avery $100 the other day, money doesn't replace me. And I know that I was only here because of the band. But now that's what's getting in the way of me seeing my family."

"He's right, he needs to see them more often." Kendall spoke up. "Does she know about tour?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Of course not, she's already mad."

"Just tell her to deal with it, it's only an extra month." James focused on himself. "You'll call and Skype Kennedy. Just explain that you need to work, kids are gullible."

That was the last straw for Logan. He shoved James, causing him to stumble back.

"You're so goddamn full of yourself! Do you even care about the fact that I'm missing my kid's birthday? I love being in a band I do, but I'm tired of this. You can explain to whatever girl you're fucking for the week why you aren't around. She'll get it! All Kennedy knows is that her dad is gone again. She cries every time I leave b-because she never knows when I'll be coming back." Logan's hand were trembling as he felt his face grow hot and tears form in his eyes. "I've been gone for half of her life. I barely know her."

His friends were quiet this was out of character for Logan. Carlos cleared his throat awkwardly. "Hey man, it's going to be okay. Just sit down."

"No. It's not going to be okay!" He tugged at his hair. "We had a huge fight this morning she's tired of this. She says she doesn't want me 'waltzing in and out'. She says she's tired of me disappointing them. Which is true that's a-all I do. I come back for a few days and then leave and I hate it."

"Logan come on, we have fans and the Euro awards." Kendall reasoned. "After that we have a break."

"I don't give a fuck about the band right now! Avery wants me to come clean about her and Kennedy."

"Dude no! You can't do that, we have to win." James exclaimed. "We need to get more fans."

"But why we're already famous, we have money and albums what more is there? What's more important than my daughter?"

"She's important man, of course she is. Just don't do anything rash."

Logan groaned and pressed his hands against his eyes. He laughed humorlessly. "Y-You don't get it do you? She called me a deadbeat! Avery looked me in the face and called me a d-deadbeat dad!"

His friends were quiet and looked at each other. They knew how sensitive he was about being a dad and his past. This had to hurt.

"Logan you know that's not true. You're a good a dad." James put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "You try, and after tour we'll figure it out. I'm sorry."

His chest was heaving up and down. Panic overwhelming him. "I can't lose her, I c-can't lose them. She's my d-daughter, I love her and Avery and I'm going to lose them."

"No you won't. It's going to be okay, just breathe. We know it's hard for you."

Logan couldn't focus on Kendall's words. He was too intoxicated and too upset, the word deadbeat and his fight with Avery swirled inside his head. He hyperventilated and rubbed his hand over his face.

"I-I'm going to lose them. They're my family, I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of it."

His friends tried to comfort him. Telling him that one day he could come clean and that Kennedy would understand when she was older. Logan didn't want to hear it, he brushed them off and walked into his bedroom and laid in his bed with the lights off. He wanted to be alone. After a while he heard the door close quietly. He choked out a few tears. His friends acted like they understood how he felt, but they never would. He realized it wasn't all about him, but this was important. Much more important than a stupid award show. He bit his lip and opened up Scuttlebutter and started a new message. Logan chose a picture of Kennedy planting a kiss on his cheek from the other day.

This is my daughter Kennedy, she's almost four and I love her more than anything.

Logan smiled at the post for a few minutes before deleting the draft. This was something he did occasionally, but especially when he was feeling really shitty. He would open up Scuttlebutter or Instagram and write a post or upload a picture. He'd write about how much he loved her or what she was up to. Pretending that he was a normal dad who could share what his daughter was doing. Then he'd delete the draft. In all four years of Kennedy's life he had never posted anything about her on social media. He wasn't allowed it was apart of the conditions he had agreed to when making the deal with Griffin and Gustavo. He had posted one thing relating to her but it was only if you knew him personally would know that's what it was about.

 **Today was unforgettable, so much love.**

He had posted that on the day she was born, but other than there was nothing. His fans had no idea that he was a father and if the label had its way they never would. Realistically he knew Big Time Rush wouldn't last forever but it still upset him that couldn't share his greatest accomplishment with the fans. Logan closed out of the app and thought about this morning. He never wanted to fight with Avery like that, especially with Kennedy down the hall. It reminded him of his upbringing and he didn't want his child to grow up with her parents at each other's throats all the time. He had to tell Avery about tour soon, but first he had to smooth things over from this morning.

Avery ignored his earlier text but that didn't mean he wouldn't try again.

 **I'm sorry about this morning Avery. I'm going to be there for you and Kens. I love you and I'm going to make things better. I'm not going to be a deadbeat I promise.**

Logan nodded to himself, this couldn't last forever. All of the secrets and lies, he wouldn't let it. He was a dad and his family would always be the most the thing in his world. He, Avery and Kennedy would be a normal family. He would fix this, he had to.

AN: Well that was chapter 5. Logan talked to the guys about his feelings, wants to make things right with his family and we saw how he reacted to the news he was gonna be a dad! The next chapter focuses on some family time and flashbacks! What would you like to see? Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: **READ ME:** Hey guys sorry for the wait real life kept me busy, but here's a new chapter. I may post two more times this week to catch up but definitely once. Thanks for all the reviews last time. I'm excited to start chapter 7! This chapter isn't my fave but there are 2 flashbacks, I hope you enjoy and review. Please excuse any typos. **IF I WERE TO UPDATE WITHH CHAPTERS 7 AND 8 THIS WEEK AND 9, 10 AND 11 NEXT WEEK WOULD YOU REVIEW EACH CHAPTER? LET ME KNOW IN THE REVIEWS!**

 _May 2010_

Logan hadn't slept well for the past 3 days. In just 72 hours his world had completely changed. Avery was pregnant with his baby. They hadn't spoken since he had asked her to leave, and the guilt was building inside Logan. This is what brought him to Avery's door, he knew that he couldn't ignore this for the rest of his life. He knocked quickly and stepped back.

When the door opened he had to make an effort not to cringe. Avery's eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying and her face was sickly pale.

"Logan." She greeted. "What do you want?"

He bit his lip. "Uh, can I come in?"

She waved him inside and she led the way to her bedroom. He had never been in her apartment before but knew that she lived with her mom, who worked a lot as a nurse. Her room was neat and you wouldn't know anything was wrong if there hadn't been tissues and ginger ale cans around the room. Avery sat down and held a pillow against her body. She looked tired and as shitty as Logan felt. He too had spent the past 3 days crying on and off.

"H-How are you feeling?"

She rolled her eyes. "Like I can't stop puking because there's a baby inside of me."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Getting me pregnant or telling me to get out when I told you? Both were shitty things to do."

Logan frowned. "Both I guess. I didn't do this on purpose. And I told you to leave because I needed to think. I'm sorry, I know that was fucked up."

"What was so important to think about that you needed me to leave?"

He cleared his throat and thought about how he spent the hour after she had left crying into his pillow. Feeling terrified about what was going to happen.

"About what's going on." He looked up at her. "I, uh, decided that I'm going to support you with whatever you want to do.

Avery nodded. "I t-think know what I want. I was waiting to talk to you."

"Well I'm here." He sat down next to her.

"I've known for almost 3 weeks. So I've had time to think about this. I'm not one of those crazy pro-lifers who only care about a baby being born or anything. But I feel attached to it I guess? I don't know how to word it but I feel connected to it even though it's small. I don't think I want to get rid of it."

Logan tried to keep his face blank. He had really thought she wouldn't want to keep it. This meant that she was either keeping it or giving it up. "S-So you're having it?"

"Yeah. I don't expect you to stick around it's obvious you wanted me to get rid of it."

"It's not that. I just- we're young." He stammered. "So adoption or keeping it?"

Avery played with her fingers. "I think I'd be a good mom and I've always wanted kids. Maybe not this early in life but I think I want to raise it."

Logan felt the color drain from his face. He actually gagged, feeling sick at the news that she was planning on keeping it. This meant that he was going to be a dad, with an actual baby.

"Oh."

She shook her head. "I thought you'd react like this. You don't have to help me, I know this is going to be hard we're both young and you have a band and album to worry about."

"W-what about your acting career?"

"I mean I haven't landed in a job in a few months and I've been here for a year. Besides you know I want to be a screen writer. I graduate soon and there's a screenwriting program at UCLA."

Logan was numb. "You've put a lot of thought into this haven't you?"

"Well the school idea has been in my mind for months, but yeah. I could get a job and I'm sure my parents would help. So I'll be fine without you." She moved the pillow away and put her hand on her belly. "We'll be fine."

It was only then did Logan fully realize that there was an actual baby inside of her. She wasn't just sick, eventually she would have a baby, his baby. Even though the prospect of fatherhood at sixteen pissed him off and scared him he knew he'd have to be responsible.

Logan scooted closer to her. He grabbed her hand and sighed. "No, I should help. I want to, I need to do the right thing."

Avery was quiet for a moment. "Really?"

"Y-yeah." His voice shook. He knew the commitment he was about to make. "I want to help you. It's mine too right?"

"Yeah." She said softly. "It's yours."

Logan nodded. "I uh, didn't really have my dad when I was a kid. So I don't know how good I'll be at this but I'm going to try."

"Really?"

He took Avery's hand. "I want to change that and be around for our, for our kid."

Avery's face broke in a smile and she hugged him. This caught him off guard but he hugged her back.

"God, thank you Logan." She sighed a breath of relief. "I'm so scared but thank you for helping me. I'm so glad you're here."

Logan had a lump in his throat as he felt Avery's still normal sized body press against his. This was really happening to him.

"Y-you're welcome."

 _November 2014 – Present_

Three days had passed since Logan and Avery had fought. He had only spoken with her twice, both times to ask if he could tell Kennedy goodnight. But they hadn't discussed the issues they brought up and she hadn't responded to his messages. Logan was frustrated about not seeing his daughter and it showed. He had been short with his friends both in and out of work. Yesterday in the studio he jumped down everyone's throats when they were screwing around instead of rehearsing. He didn't like being an asshole towards his friends but he knew how to fix this.

He was outside of Avery's door, a few pints of ice cream in a bag. Avery always said she wanted Kennedy to do normal things like get ice cream with her father, he hoped this was enough for now. He knocked on the door and hoped she'd let him in. He had spent time on the other side of her door. Listening to Kennedy cry when he had to leave, hearing Avery begging her to go to sleep when she was a newborn and when he went to talk to her after finding out about her pregnancy. It was rare that he didn't feel nervous when felt the seconds tick by until she answered the door.

"Why are you here?"

"Hello to you too." He rolled his eyes. "I'm here to see my daughter."

She leaned against the door. "Are you? You don't have any recordings go and run off to at the last minute? Or any photoshoots?"

"You know I came over here to try and be a normal dad for once. But you have to be rude."

Avery sighed. "I just don't want to let you in and get her excited and then leave."

"Kelly actually made sure our schedules were clear in the evenings 3 days out of the week."

Her face softened. "Really?"

Logan smiled a little. "Yeah, after the other night she felt bad because we'd be gone again soon. And the guys are burnt out, but yeah. I'm free Monday, Wednesday and Friday after 5:00."

"Oh." She was quiet for a minute. "So you'll be around more until you leave?"

"Yeah. So I thought I'd come over and hang out? You said dinner is after 5:00 right?" He had made an effort in the past few days to try and remember all of the times Avery had mentioned in passing about Kennedy's day. "I brought ice cream, she likes cookies and cream right?"

Avery stepped aside to let him into the apartment. "You remember."

"Of course I do." He held up the bag as proof. "And I got you coffee flavored."

She gave him a smile. Her real one not just the one she used when she was upset with him in front of Kennedy. "Yeah thank you. Do want dinner, it's chicken nugget night."

Logan felt relief at her invitation. "Of course. Can I put this in the freezer?"

"Go for it."

As he followed Avery into the kitchen he noticed several ingredients laid out on the counter.

"You make it yourself?"

"I try to feed her organic stuff and not processed shit." She shrugged and turned back to the counter. "It's not awful though."

Logan sat down at the table and smiled faintly. "So no dinosaur chicken nuggets?"

"Nope, organic nuggets with salad and some kind of fruit."

He had never once doubted that Avery was a good mom. But seeing her in action was something entirely different. She would catch him up on Kennedy's day over the phone when he was gone but watching her take care of their daughter amazed him sometimes. She went above beyond to take care of her. If he had been the one making dinner, it would have been something that you took out of the freezer and baked. He would have never of thought to get her organic food. Avery was definitely the better parent than he was.

"You're a good mom." He said quietly. "I would never do this."

"Thanks, Loge." She nodded towards the freezer. "But I think you're going to be Kennedy's favorite tonight."

"Let's hope. Where is she?"

"In her room, she's like her dad. She needs her alone time." Avery smiled as she put dinner into the oven. "You can go get her if you want."

As much he wanted to see his daughter he knew they had to talk eventually. "Avery about the other day, I'm sorry."

Avery had her back to him, she was scrubbing her hands clean. "Okay."

"I'm sorry I yelled and that I'm not around."

She sighed and turned around. "Logan I don't want to do this right now."

"Why not? You've been ignoring my texts for the past few days, we need to talk about this.

"Yes Logan, we do. But not right now before the two of us have to have dinner with our daughter and act like we don't hate each other."

"Oh so now we hate each other?" He rolled his eyes at her. "Since when?"

Avery shut off the water. "Since Kennedy asked me why we were yelling and if we didn't love each other."

He didn't know what to respond with. "Shit, Avery. I don't hate you, I'm sorry she heard us."

"I don't hate you either but I'm certainly not your biggest fan. We can't fight in front of her." Her voice shook. "Especially with you always leaving we need to make our time together good for her."

Logan could tell she was done with the conversation for now. "Can I help with dinner?"

"Yeah I guess so." She pointed to the fridge. "Make the salad."

Logan rooted around and pulled out the vegetables and began chopping, he and Avery worked in silence. They hadn't spent any time alone in quite a while. Even though things were tense between them it still felt nice to act like a normal family for once. Avery was wiping down the countertop and had loaded the dishwasher. It was comfortable to be with her.

"So my mom and I were on the phone yesterday. I sent the pictures we took the other day. She says hi."

The scowl she had on her face while cleaning was gone at the mention of Joanna and was replaced with a smile. His mom had come to California to help with Kennedy was she was a baby and he was on tour.

"I miss her. How is she?"

"She's good and missed you guys too. She says she wants to visit soon."

"Good, she can come out whenever she wants. Kennedy likes her too."

This seemed to ease the tension. Logan's mom had been a big help to them when they were figuring out how to balance Big Time Rush with being parents. She had stayed with Avery and helped her when her mom was at work. Kennedy was close to her. As they both went back to preparing dinner he thought of how supportive she had been.

 _May 2010_

Logan couldn't stop his body from shaking. It felt like he was going to collapse, he was sitting in his room trying to calm himself. He had left Avery's a few minutes ago after she decided to keep the baby. He was panicking, he was going to be a dad. What the hell was he going to do? He told the guys about it the day he found out and they hadn't really talked about it. He just wanted someone to tell him it was going to be okay. He dialed and waited for an answer.

"Hey Logie, how are you?"

He let out a shaking breath. "M-mom?"

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Logan shook his head. "Not really. I m-messed up, like really bad." 

"You're scaring me."

He decided to just come out with it. "I got a girl pregnant."

"What? No you didn't, this a misunderstanding."

Logan rubbed at his wet eyes. "No it's n-not. Her name is Avery."

"Oh my god. Logan you're sixteen this can't happening. How do you even know this girl?"

"We met at school and slept together at a party."

His mom was crying. "At a party? Logan this isn't you."

"I was drunk." He said quietly, knowing how his mom felt about alcohol. "I didn't use protection. Mom I'm so s-sorry."

Joanna didn't say anything for a moment and sniffled. "God, Logan. You're more responsible than that. You're a good boy, you don't do stuff like this."

"I know. I know you're mad but I don't know what to do."

"I'm not mad that you got someone you hardly know pregnant, just disappointed. I'm more than upset that you were drinking though."

The idea of his mom being disappointed in him hurt. "I know. I'm sorry."

"This girl, it's Avery right? What does she want to do?"

This question made Logan tear up again. "She's keeping it. Mom I c-can't be a dad."

"Oh god, really?" She sighed. "Logan listen, you have to support her okay? You two did this together and you can't walk away."

Was anyone on his side? "I don't want to be a dad. I have Big Time Rush, and tour and—and I just can't be a dad. I'm too young."

"And I'm sure Avery is too young to be a mom and has plans. Logan you're a good boy, you have to do right by this girl. She's having your baby."

"Shit." He muttered. The words your baby made him feel dizzy. "I'm scared."

Joanna was still crying. "I know baby, but it's going to be okay."

 _November 2014 – Present_

"How are your classes?"

Avery had been taking screenwriting classes for movie and television at UCLA for the past year. She had waited until Kennedy was old enough to be in school to go. Her logic being she deserved one parent around all the time as a baby. This had hurt Logan's feelings when she first told him but she had been right. She didn't work, she had a job when she was pregnant at a clothing store but had stopped working after the deal had been made. The record label was paying for the apartment and Logan paid for her bills. He wanted Kennedy to have a least one parent permanently there.

"They're good. Lots of writing but I feel like I'm getting better."

"That's great you're going to be the best screenwriter in LA one day."

She rolled and eyes and laughed. "Sure I am. Dinner will done soon, can you have Kennedy wash her hands?"

He nodded and walked down the hall and knock on the slightly open door.

"Hey baby girl."

Kennedy turned around from her dollhouse and grinned. "Daddy!"

Logan's heart warmed and he dropped down to her level and hugged her tightly. The past three days felt like months. Kennedy's small arms wrapped around him.

"I missed you Daddy."

"I missed you too Kennedy. Mommy says dinner is almost ready how about we wash your hands?"

Kennedy took his hand and drug him into the bathroom and climbed up to the sink.

"How was school baby girl?"

"Good." She answered enthusiastically. "Today we learn about telling time and we looked at clocks. And then Ms. Karen taught us about animal sounds but I already knew them."

Logan couldn't help but smile. She was already so smart and was so full of energy and personality. "That's great baby, you're so smart. I'm proud of you."

She turned around and looked embarrassed. "Really?"

"Of course baby girl. I'm always proud of you. Now let's dry you off, Mommy made chicken nuggets."

Logan helped her dry her hands and she climbed in his arms and he carried her into the kitchen. She insisted on sitting in his lap.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit in your chair like a big girl?" Avery asked as she sat dinner on the table.

She shook her head. "I want to sit with Daddy."

Logan shrugged, enjoying the attention he was able to give his daughter. "It's fine."

The three of them ate dinner and Kennedy drove most of the conversation. Talking about school and the other kids and then about how she was excited for Christmas.

"Daddy do you like Christmas?" She asked as struggled to eat her salad. "I do."

"Of course I do Kens. Who doesn't?"

She wrinkled her nose. "The Grinch."

Avery and Logan laughed at this. Most parents probably thought their kid was the funniest kid to ever exist and Logan was no exception. He missed this, he was glad he'd be able to spend some more time with Kennedy and Avery before started back up in a few weeks. He ignored the nagging reminder that he would be gone for ten weeks this time and focused his attention on Kennedy who was still eating on his lap.

"Mommy says it snows where Grandma Jo lives."

He nodded. "Yep, it's called Minnesota it's really cold there."

Kennedy tugged at Avery's sleeve. "Mommy can we live there? It's too hot on the playground."

Avery smiled. "It gets hot there too sweetie, they have different seasons."

She made a face and looked back down at her plate. "When I grow up I'm living in a cold place."

"Don't worry baby girl, Daddy doesn't like hot weather either."

They actually had a lot in common despite the fact that Logan was hardly around. This made him happy because it felt like he was connected to his daughter even when he was gone. Across the table Avery looked content and gave Logan a smile. That was new Avery usual was frowning at him.

"Maybe we can go to Grandma Jo's one day." Logan promised. "That way you can see snow."

"Really? Mommy says we can't see Grandma at her house because it's bad for you."

Logan's smile dropped, he didn't appreciate Avery telling her things like that. "W-well one day we'll go okay?"

She nodded. "Mommy I'm done."

"Alright, can you go pick up your toys for Mommy?"

Kennedy gave Logan a wet kiss and hugged him. "Love you Daddy."

"Love you too Kens." He was quiet.

"Are you okay? You didn't eat that much."

Logan waited for Kennedy to be out of earshot. "Well, I lost my appetite after she told me how seeing my mom in Minnesota is bad for me."

Avery sighed. "Logan please I-"

"You what, only tell her the details that make me look a bad guy?"

Avery put down the plate she was holding. "No, that was the only way to explain it to her."

"I'm tired of being the shitty parent."

"Logan come on." She reasoned. "You're not shitty."

"I'm just a deadbeat, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Stop."

"No! I'm not a deadbeat. I love you guys and I try. You know what my dad was like and you call me an actual deadbeat? That's not okay."

"And neither is leaving the girl you got pregnant."

"Bullshit. I didn't leave you, I was there for you."

"After you told me to leave."

Logan rolled his eyes. "That was like four years ago. I was scared, I didn't leave you. Besides you're a great mom."

"I had to be because _you_ weren't around for us."

"I know that. But I want to be here now. I love you guys."

Avery sighed. "I'm trying to be a good parent too. You know that right? I'm _terrified_ that I am going to mess this up. I don't have you to lean on most of the time. I want to give her a good life and I don't know if I can."

Logan was caught off guard. Avery never cried but right now she was sniffling and wiping at her eyes. He put his hand on her arm. "Hey, you're a great mom. There's no way you could mess this up and I know that I'm with not her as much as you want but you're giving her a great life. We're going to be okay."

"H-How are we going to be okay? We don't see each other, she needs a stable family Logan. I'm sorry for being a bitch to you all the time but I'm trying to protect her."

Logan touched her face. "I know, she needs both of us in her life. But I can be here after work and maybe the weekends? If you'll have me."

Avery bit her lip. "I guess so, but don't tell Kennedy. She's gets excited and I don't want to be disappointed."

"That's fine. Come here." He pulled her into a hug. "We're going to make this work. It'll be fun."

Kennedy and Logan were now seated on the couch eating ice cream and watching a cartoon. Avery had needed to run errands and wanted Logan to spend time with Kennedy on his own. They were both fine with this, Kennedy got to have one on one time with her dad and Logan felt a real parent for once. He was watching his kid on his own without his mom or Avery in another room. He hadn't spent real alone time with her in forever.

The cartoon went to commercials. Kennedy sat up and turned around in Logan's lap. She had a frown on her face.

"What's wrong baby girl?"

Kennedy fidgeted slightly. "Are you and Mommy mad?"

"No." He had hesitated. "Why would you think that?"

"You were screaming a lot after you sleep-ed in my bed." Her voice was high, like she was going to start crying. "Mommy was sad all day."

Logan took a deep breath. He had never wanted Kennedy to hear them fight, having your parents fighting all the time was a shitty way to grow up. "Listen, we aren't mad at each other. We weren't fighting we were just tired. We both love you and want you to be happy."

"Why were you tired?"

He bit his lip and tried to explain it. "Well, Mommy is tired of me being at work all the time. She wants us to spend more time together."

"I want to spend more time too Daddy."

Logan kissed the top of her head. "I know sweetheart so do I."

"Mommy misses you. She tells Grandma Cam that she wants you home."

This surprised him, Avery always came off as not caring if he was around for her. She was always more concerned about him being there for Kennedy. The fact that she was telling Camille, her mother and Kennedy's other grandma, that she missed him was strange.

"I miss Mommy too but I'm going to be around for a while."

She perked up. "Good."

The two watched more cartoons and he made Kennedy change into pajamas and brush her teeth. Eventually she fell asleep on the couch. Logan smiled and rubbed her back as she slept. He looked up at the sound of keys turning in the lock. Avery walked in balancing groceries.

"Here let me help." Logan said taking some bags. "Do you get everything you need?"

"Yep, thanks for watching her." Avery glanced over and smiled. "I guess you had it easy."

Logan shrugged and leaned against the counter. "I guess, the ice cream helped."

"It always does." She was putting away various boxes into cabinets. "So you enjoyed yourself?"

"Of course, we watched some cartoons and talked it was nice." He scratched the back of his neck. "So she said something interesting."

"Did she?" She asked sitting at the table.

Logan cleared his throat. "Well, she asked why we were fighting the other day."

Avery's smile fell. "What did you tell her?"

"That we weren't fighting and just tired. And I said that we want what's best for her and that we love her."

"Okay, I hate knowing that she heard us." She looked stressed and worried.

He sat down across from her. "She also said she heard you talking to your mom and that you miss me."

If he hadn't known her for years he wouldn't have caught the slight pink tinge the crept into her face. But he did, and the embarrassment was noticeable.

"I do miss you, I miss having you around to help. You used to be so involved and it has just kind of gotten less and less over the years."

Logan took her hand. "I know and I miss you too. You're the mom of my daughter and we're friends. On the bright side I'll be around for a few weeks."

"And then you'll be gone again, just like you always are."

She didn't say this with an attitude, just as a matter of fact, she didn't sound sad anymore just tired. She walked into the living room and scooped Kennedy up. She stirred a little.

"Mommy's got you, just go back to bed."

Kennedy opened her eyes a little. "Night Daddy, love you."

Logan walked over and kissed her face. "Love you too, night Kens."

As he waited for Avery to come back out into the living room he pulled out his wallet and put $30 onto the table, underneath a magazine. It didn't get rid of the guilt he felt but it certainly would mask it for a while.

"Thanks for getting her ready for bed."

He stood up from the arm of the couch. "Yeah, no problem."

"So about how we fought the other day, I want to try to keep it to a minimal around Kennedy."

"I do too, she doesn't need to see or hear that."

Avery looked at her feet. "You're a good dad Logan. She loves you so much and I'm sorry I made you feel like you weren't."

"Thanks Aves, that means a lot to me. And for what it's worth you're a good mom."

They hugged and as Logan held her he couldn't help but think about how right this felt.

"You know, I remember the day you told me you were keeping her."

Avery pulled back. "Really?"

"Uh huh. When you told me you wanted to keep the baby I was scared shitless, like completely terrified. But I knew I wanted to be there for you and I just hope I'm doing a good job."

Avery rubbed his back and hugged him again. "You are, you are. I remember that day too, I was scared you were going to leave but I'm so glad you stuck around. Even if it's not perfect."

"I was scared as hell but I'm glad I stayed too. And one day we're going to be a normal family I promise."

"I want to believe you, but I just don't want you around as much if we have to be a secret. I know it's work related but eventually it has to end."

Logan sighed and nodded. "I know and it will. One day, I promise."

AN: So I'm not thrilled with how this chapter ended. I hope you enjoyed it though. Thank you for the review for chapter 5, I hope you review this time. What did you think of the flashbacks? The next chapter has Avery/Logan moments and a surprise! Thanks, I'll see you later this week!


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Hey lovelies, I'm back with a new update. But if you HAVEN'T READ CHAPTER 6 PLEASE CHECK IT OUT AND REVIEW IT BEFORE THIS ONE. Anyways this chapter is lengthy and is a little different. The beginning may confuse you but I'm drawing parallels between the past and present and showing how they relate and how history is repetitive. You may find this a little out of character but everything will make sense in time. Thanks to Love it for your review I appreciate it! Please enjoy the update and review.

PS: THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP SHORTLY I AM TRYING TO CATCH UP, PLEASE BE SURE TO NOT SKIP CHAPTERS BY MISTAKE. YOU'LL BE CONFUSED.

"I'm not asking you to be father of the year, I'm just asking that you spend more time with your child!"

"Oh whatever, I spend time with you guys. Maybe I'd spend more time if you weren't a bitch all the time."

She crossed her arms and sighed. "If I'm a bitch then what are you? A deadbeat? A loser? An asshole? What are you?"

"Done with your shit that's what I am." He rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'm done with this!"

"Steven get back here! He has baseball practice."

He turned around and rolled his eyes. "You take him, you're the better parent after all. Right Joanna?"

Joanna sighed as the front door slammed shut and she turned to look up the steps where Logan sat, dressed in his uniform.

"Mommy? Why did Dad leave?"

"He's just cranky. Come on I'll take you to practice."

Logan Mitchell was just 6 years old when realized how dysfunctional his family truly was. It was hot and muggy the summer things fell apart. The Texas heat only made his father Steven's tendency to reach for a beer even stronger. This left his mother to pick up the pieces, which she did when her husband worked long hours while she stayed at home.

Steven Mitchell rarely laid a hand on his wife or son but he had a temper that they were often of the receiving end of. Combine that with near constant state of intoxication which made him forgetful and unwilling to do the simplest of tasks. Logan spent most of his time with his mom or at baseball practice. Joanna was open about her distaste for her husband. Logan would over hear his mother on the phone with family or in the backyard with friends complaining about Steven's latest screw up.

"He all out refused to take him to practice and wouldn't take out the garbage." Her voice drifted up from the patio and through Logan's open window. "He's such a goddamn deadbeat, he's a bad influence on Logan."

"Fuck you Joanna!" He slurred later that night. "You're n-nothing but a bitch with a stick up her ass. Sorry I have fun!"

She scoffed. "Have fun? I don't get to have fun, someone has to be a parent to our son! For god's sake Steve, you are almost 30 years old grow up. You're a drunk and frankly I don't know if I want you around Logan."

"You can't do that a boy needs his dad." He suppressed a belch and paused, probably taking another drink. "I provide for this family."

"Barely, it's a wonder you haven't been fired yet. You need to grow up and be a man."

Logan faintly heard a thud from his parents' room down the hall and then their door slam. He curled up into a tighter ball in his bed and heard the heavy footsteps stop in front of his door before his dad came in. He sat at the edge of his son's bed.

"Hey little man." His breath made Logan wrinkle his nose. "Sorry you heard all that. But I love you, ignore your mom she's a real bitch, huh?"

"Why were you yelling?"

Steven rolled his eyes. "Because she think you need a better dad. But I'm a good dad, yeah?"

Even though he wanted to say no he shook his head yes. "Y-yes."

The man's grin reached his bloodshot eyes. "Love you Loge."

Steven gave him a hug, he smelt of sweat and alcohol. Logan's eyes watered at the odor, especially when he received a sloppy and stubbly kiss on the forehead.

"You too."

He ruffled his son's hair and left, bottle in hand. The child curled up and sniffled to himself. That was the moment Logan vowed to never be like his dad, he didn't know what a deadbeat was but it clearly wasn't good.

"I'm going to be different than Dad." The six year old thought to himself. "I'm going to be good."

 _November 2014 – Present_

Logan woke with a start, sitting straight up in bed. His chest was pounding and he felt that his body was covered in a cold sweat. He took several deep breaths, trying to relax himself but all that swirled through his head were lingering memories of his nightmare. He started dreaming about his childhood more and more after becoming a father. Most of the dreams were bad, but since he began fighting with Avery dreams of his own parents were happening more often. His childhood before 3rd grade hadn't been great. He had tried so hard to not end up like his father, but here he was years later. He wasn't spending much time with his daughter and Avery saw him as a deadbeat. What was she going to think when he told her about the extra tour dates?

" _You're a bad dad. You never see her and always disappoint her."_ Avery's words echoed through his head. _"Deadbeat. Deadbeat. Deadbeat."_

The sound of Avery's voice melded with his mother's, he pictured his father. Drunk with bloodshot eyes and unkempt, the longer he pictured it Steven's face turned into Logan's the other day. The panic was building in his chest. He was similar to his father, more so than he realized. It had happened right under his nose. The disappointed child, the angry mother, the absent father who broke his promises. He felt ill and a knot formed in his stomach, He leaned over and tried to calm himself down but he kept hearing Avery's words.

" _This isn't working. You've missed 22 months."_

Tears stung at Logan's eyes and his thoughts spiraled around his shortcomings. He leaned over and unplugged his phone. He tried dialing but his hands were trembling too much. It took an extreme amount effort to even unlock his phone. Once he managed to calm himself for a long enough amount of time he hit call and placed the phone to his ear. He was hunched over and shaking as it rang. It was loud in his ears but Avery's word to him and his mother's words to Steven were louder.

"Logan?" She yawned.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I-I know I'm a bad dad." He said quickly. "And it's late, I'm sorry. Avery I'm sorry."

"Logan." She sounded awake now, concerned. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and tugged at his hair. "I'm a bad dad. I'm trying, I am. God, I'm sorry."

"Hey, just breathe. You're panicking, you just have to calm down okay?" Her voice was gentle. "Please just relax."

Avery knew about Logan's panic attacks and she had talked him down before. Currently he was hyperventilating.

"I want to do better." His words were rushed. "I really do, p-please let me try."

"I will, I know you'll do better. It's all going to work out."

He ran a hand over his face and gripped his phone tighter. "I love you and Kennedy so much. I just want to be there."

"Shh. You are, you're here for us. You can't help being away for so long, I understand that. Kennedy loves you, you're a good dad, and she adores you."

The blood was rushing to Logan's head, making him dizzy. He swallowed and tried to get a grip.

"I know. And I'm trying to be more involved p-please believe me. I don't want to be a deadbeat."

"You're not, I'm sorry I said that. I know how hard you're trying to balance everything. You're a good father Loge, I promise."

His heart wasn't beating as quickly now. "I want to be around more and spend time with you guys. The past few days have been good. They felt right."

It had been a few days since they had dinner together and he and Kennedy had ice cream. In the days after that he had been there for dinner and helped get Kennedy ready for school each morning before he had to get to the studio. They felt like an actual family for once.

"They have." She laughed a little. "It's been really good. Better than I thought they could be. I know being teen parents was going to be hard and with your job even harder, but I'm so happy I have you."

This calmed Logan down a little. She didn't entirely loathe him after all. He smiled at this and sniffled. He took deep breaths as Avery continued whispering to him, telling him that she appreciated him and that she was glad that he was around more. He almost told her about the extra four weeks of tour but decided he couldn't do that to her right now. The sick feeling began to diminish and the room slowly stopped spinning. Eventually he found his voice, it was rough and shaky.

"T-Thank you." He choked out. "I'm sorry I called you."

For the first time he saw the clock it was almost 4 am. The embarrassment washed over him, he called Avery in the middle of the night and cried to her about a bad dream. He felt his face go slightly red and grow warm.

"Don't be sorry. It means a lot that you trusted me." She sighed. "Do you want to talk about what you panicked about?"

He laid back down into his pillows. "I just had a bad dream. About, about my dad and my mom fighting. Well it was more of uh, of a memory really. It actually happened. He didn't take me to baseball and she called him a bad dad and just some other fights. It's just stupid, I'm sorry."

"It's not stupid. It bothers you, I know he's a sore spot."

Logan turned onto his side, it felt good to talk about this. "I just don't want to end up like him. I don't want you to hate me."

"Oh Logan." She sounded sad. "I couldn't never hate you, I know I'm hard on you but I care about you."

"Even though tour is coming up I still want to be involved. I'll call and Skype more, I swear."

She yawned on the other end. "We don't have to talk about this now. Just relax, you haven't panicked like that in a while have you?"

He tried not to think about the panic attack he had after the fight when she called him a deadbeat.

"No not really. I'm just stressed and worried about you and Kens."

"I'm glad you called me. You shouldn't have to go through them alone." She cut Logan off before he could interrupt. "And no you're not a burden and no it's not embarrassing. We all need help sometimes."

He was laughing now too. "Took the words right out of my mouth."

"You forget how well I know you Logan Mitchell."

"You're right, I do. I'm sorry I've been short with you lately."

"It's okay. I've been a bitch to you and I'm sorry. I just get protective."

He shrugged. "That's a good thing. Someone has to protect Kennedy while I'm gone."

"Speaking of which, how about you come over tonight?"

"Really? I thought you said Mondays and Wednesdays only?"

Avery had been thrilled that Logan was around more three days a week after work but didn't want Kennedy to get to use to him being home. So they agreed to dinner twice a week so this came as a surprise.

"I think seeing Kennedy would help you. We can have pizza and maybe watch a movie it'll be fun."

"Is the pizza organic too?"

She laughed at this. "I'll order the most processed garbage I can find."

"You must really care about me then." He joked, before pausing. "Thank you Aves, really."

He could almost see her shrug. "No big deal. You help me and I help you."

"I won't keep you. Thank you for talking to me, I-I appreciate it."

"My pleasure." She hesitated before continuing. "Oh and for the record I love you too."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "You what?"

"Earlier you said you love Kennedy and I. I love you too."

Logan's smile grew. "Good because I do love both of you, so much."

"Love you too. Goodnight Logan."

"Night, Avery."

They hung up and he plugged his phone back in. He felt better, like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. Not all of the weight of course but enough that he felt like he could sleep. As he laid there he thought of Avery. She loved him too and actually said it out loud. They hadn't said it to each other in a long time. He couldn't remember the last time but he certainly remembered the first.

 _October 2010_

"I like Sarah." Logan offered as he rubbed his hand over her stomach. "Or Katherine."

Avery wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "There are a million Sarahs and a million and one Katherines. I like the idea of a K name though."

Logan had been back from his first tour for just a few days but had spent every day with Avery. She was almost six months into her pregnancy and he been shocked at the size of her belly when he saw her in person. He could help but keep his hands on it, the baby kept moving a lot now. It was weird but he was also amazed that he helped create something. Right now they were in her new apartment, courtesy of Rocque Records, which was far from the Palm Woods. They were trying to come with names for their daughter. The baby was girl, a fact that Logan found out while on tour.

"I like Kennedy. It's different and girly but not too girly." Avery reasoned.

Logan smiled at this, for some reason it sounded right. "This is my daughter Kennedy. Kennedy, go to your room! Kennedy Collins, I like it."

"Well, uh actually I wanted to talk about that with you." Avery played her with fingers. "I was thinking about using Mitchell as her last name."

"Really?" He was shocked he hadn't expected this at all. "Y-You want to use my name?"

She smiled shyly. "Yeah. You're her dad and Kennedy Collins sounds stupid."

Logan rubbed her belly. "Kennedy Mitchell. I like it, I really like it. What about a middle name?"

"You can pick. I trust you."

He thought for a moment. "Kennedy Lillian Mitchell."

At this Avery grinned and looked down at her stomach, her hand resting on top of Logan's. "Kennedy Lillian Mitchell. What do you think baby?"

They both felt a slight shift. "Well it's decided then."

Logan locked his fingers with hers. "I love you."

Avery looked up and turned red. "You do?"

He nodded smiled. Of course he was scared about being a dad but Avery made everything seem okay. With her everything felt right.

"Y-Yeah. I love you and Kennedy."

"I love you." She kissed him. "I love you too Logan."

 _November 2014 – Present_

After eventually falling asleep Logan managed to sleep through the rest of the night. He had spent another day in the studio. The album was coming along nicely and it was almost done. Gustavo was getting more and more nervous about the award show, even though he didn't say anything the guys could tell. Logan did want to win, he thought it would be cool but Kennedy was still more important to him. This is why he was in the car on his way to the apartment for dinner. He wanted to spend every moment he could get with them while he was still home. He parked his usual block away and went up the back staircase. He knocked and smiled at Kennedy who answered the door.

"Hi Daddy."

Logan stepped inside and scooped her up. "Hey Kennedy. How was school?"

"It was good we talked about music today."

"Really? Did you like it?"

Kennedy nodded. "Uh huh, you like music too."

"Sure do, that's my job. Maybe Daddy and his friends can sing for you soon?"

"I like Uncle Carlos he's funny."

Even though Kennedy and Avery were a secret the guys all adored her. They would come over occasionally and hang out and play with Kennedy. It had been a while since that had happened though.

"He is. Where's your mom at?"

She pointed to the hallway that led to the bedrooms, he put Kennedy on the couch and gestured for her to wait for him. He walked down the hall and knocked softly.

"Aves, it's me."

"Oh hey, come in."

Logan opened the door and found Avery at the mirror brushing her hair. He hadn't been in this room for a long time. It used to be _their_ room back when they were a couple but now Avery lived alone with just Kens. He leaned against the door and waved at her.

"Am I early?"

She shook her head. "No you're fine. I just thought should put some effort into how I look today."

"Well you look nice." He said shyly. "I like your hair."

She reached up and touch her thick curls. "The curse of being half black, terrible hair for days."

"I think it looks good." He complimented. "Thank you again for last night it really helped."

Avery put down her lipstick and came across the room and hugged him. Logan hugged her back, feeling comforted by her touch. She rubbed his back and squeezed tightly.

"Glad I could help. Did you get any sleep after we hung up?"

He nodded. "Yeah, a little. So when are we ordering this wonderfully processed pizza?"

"All in good time." She laughed as she shut of the bedroom light. "Kens!"

"What?" She called from the living room.

"We're ordering pizza." Avery said walking into the room. "What kind do you want?"

"Cheese, please."

"How about you?" She asked Logan.

"Just pepperoni, I'm basic."

Avery rolled her eyes at this. "Lucky for you I'm also basic."

After ordering the pizza, the three of them made themselves comfortable on the couch. They were watching the latest Disney movie that Kennedy was obsessed with. Kennedy ended up sprawled out across her parents' lap. Her elbows were digging into Logan's side, not that it bothered him too much. It was a great feeling to spending the evening like this, like there were no secrets, or tours. Here in this apartment they were just a young family who loved each other more than anything.

"Are you enjoying your over processed pizza?" Avery joked halfway through the movie.

"You know it." He said around a mouthful of bread and sauce. "You know you do too."

Avery shook her head. "Organic stuff is nice but this is pretty great."

"Kennedy likes it too, don't you baby girl?" Logan asked.

"Mmmhmm." She mumbled in response.

Logan shook her shoulder a little. "You tired? I can put you in your bed."

She yawned and held out her arms to be picked up. "Tired."

"Night sweetheart, love you." Avery kissed her hair and handed her to Logan. "Make sure you brush your teeth."

Kennedy grumbled and rubbed at her eyes. "Kay."

Logan carried her into the bathroom and got her toothbrush ready. "Just really quick and then you can sleep okay?"

She quickly brushed her teeth, yawning through it. "I'm done."

After she rinsed and made it to her room Logan tucked her in. "I love you baby girl."

"Night Daddy." She kissed his cheek and rolled over.

Logan went back to the living room and found Avery cleaning up. She had turned off what they had been watching and switched it to Friends.

"She's asleep. Barely survived brushing her teeth."

Avery smiled knowingly. "No more staying up until 8:30 for her."

"It was a special occasion it's not every day she gets real pizza." He mused. "I can head out if you want."

She turned around from the trash can. "You can stay if you want. I was just going to watch TV and hang out."

"Sure, okay."

"You want a drink?"

Logan was surprised. "You drink?"

"Well if you recall the whole reason Kennedy is sleeping right now is because I drank a little much." She joked. "And I'm 21 remember?"

"Oh yeah, what do you have?"

She looked in the fridge. "Wine, a few beers from when my dad visited and some vodka."

"I'll take a beer."

She tossed a can at him and he popped the tab. She poured herself a glass of wine and grabbed a slice of pizza from the box. She hummed in appreciation, sinking into the couch.

"God I know I'm eating better for Kennedy but I miss this." She swallowed another bite. "I'm still a fat kid at heart."

Logan shook his head. "You were never fat."

"Don't try to be a gentleman." She chuckled. "I was definitely heavier when we met and gained weight with Kennedy."

"I thought you were cute." He said taking another drink.

She sighed and smiled. "My hero. God that feels like forever ago, moving into the Palm Woods and meeting you and the guys."

"It was almost 5 years ago. Time goes pretty fast."

She finished her glass and refilled it. "Not when you're away. I don't think I've ever felt time move more slowly."

"Really?" He asked sitting down next to her.

"Yeah. The first week isn't too bad but after that it feel harder. Like I know how to take care of her and it's easier now but it just feels harder."

"I'm sorry. It's feels long for me too. We'll be in a different time zone and all I think about is what you guys would be doing at home. 'Oh it's 7, Kennedy would be getting ready for bed soon. Or look it's 3 am, Avery would probably finally go to bed."

"That's sweet. I think about you too, sometimes I'll find videos of the concert you had the night before and watch them with Kennedy."

This touched Logan, he didn't know about that. "Kennedy says she misses the guys, maybe they all could come over soon?"

She nodded eagerly. "She would love that, she sings your songs all the time but is embarrassed to do it in front of you. She says you sing it better."

Another fact he didn't know about this family. He smiled and glanced behind his shoulder, towards his daughter's room. She occasionally mentioned Big Time Rush, but not much.

"I'll ask them, I'm sure they'll be stoked. Maybe this weekend?"

"Sunday works, I have stuff to do for class tomorrow."

Logan glanced at the time. "I can go if you want."

"It's only 9:15, I'd prefer to not finish this pizza alone."

The two of them finished off the rest of the pizza and Logan finished his third drink. He liked the warm feeling that spread through him. It was pleasant and comforting. Not like the burning sensation he had felt the other day when he had been drinking. He wasn't too drunk but he was definitely past the point of buzzed. Avery had a warm flush to her face as well.

"This is nice." He admitted. "Spending time with you, obviously with Kennedy too. But we haven't hung out in a while."

"I bet this is pretty tame compared to your Fridays on tour."

He shrugged. "Not really, the guys like to party but it's never been my thing. Besides I'd rather spend time with you guys."

"I've missed you. This is pretty nice."

Logan put his hand on her knee. "You're right. How do you s-spend your Fridays?"

"Well it's not _nearly_ as glamorous." She giggled slightly. "I mostly chase after a preschooler and watch TV and bullshit my way through classwork."

Logan didn't know where this next question came from, it just fell out of his mouth. The conversation was suddenly a little more intense, he looked up at her and exhaled.

"So no boyfriend?"

Avery almost spit her wine back into the glass and guffawed. "No, I'm a 21 year old with a baby. Of course not. What about you Mr. 'I travel the world'? Any beautiful foreign girls?"

"Really? Have you met me? I'm terrible with girls, it's a wonder I talked to you long enough to even kiss you."

"You had the whole cute nerd thing going on. You're not too bad with girls. What about Camille?"

"We were never serious." Logan scooted closer. "I h-haven't really dated since you."

Avery nodded in agreement. "Neither have I. I try but they just a-aren't you."

"Oh really?" His words were rushed as he took another drink. "They aren't me?"

Her face went red. "I mean, you're the father of my baby. And we're close, they just aren't sweet like you, and they don't know me."

"I know you." He whispered as he looked over her face. "I know you."

"You do but I don't want to date you Logan."

"Why not?" He was slightly offended.

"I'm giving you one last chance. I'm tired of being hurt and disappointed by you." Avery let out a shaky breath. "You can't pop in and out so much. Kennedy is going to start really remembering stuff soon. I don't want her to get hurt."

Logan agreed. "I know I'm tired of hurting you."

She was a little bitter now. "There's this secret that we keep and it's really draining on me. I don't want to keep her from you but I am going to protect her."

"You have to do what you feel is good for her." He said slurred again. "This is my last chance?"

"Starting tonight. I hate being a secret. I love being close to you but not because were bound by Kennedy. I think you're a good guy."

"I hate the secrets too. But we're a family even though label didn't us want to be one. There's nothing that can keep me from you."

"Even being forbidden to mention us?"

Logan grabbed her hand. "Not even that."

"I wish you could go public. There's no proof we're even a family, no papers, no pictures. It's just between us. I hate it."

"Me too. But if this is my last chance I should give it a good shot."

They didn't speak but he moved in just close enough to hear her breathing. They were just close enough to touch. The way they moved around each other was familiar, they knew each other so well. There was a moment of apprehension between the two of them before they kissed. Their lips locking together for the first time in years. Logan felt a rush of confidence and pulled her closer. Avery put her arms around him as they stood up together.

"Is this okay?" He asked, pulling back.

It was subtle, the signal she gave him. Her eyes glancing towards the door. "Y-Yeah, but not out here."

That was enough for Logan to lead her down the hall, just those words. They stumbled into her bedroom, laughing as they tripped over something on the floor. Logan hadn't felt this happy in a while and Avery couldn't stop smiling. She laid back on the bed and Logan was over top of her and kissed at her neck. She weaved her fingers through his hair and tugged slightly. Logan pulled his shirt over and his head and Avery shed her tank top and shorts. He stopped and looked over her and grinned slightly.

"You were always hot." He mumbled as he let Avery undo his pants.

"I try." She said dryly as she pushed down his pants.

Logan groaned a little and kissed down Avery's chest. "Do you always not wear a bra?"

She snorted and smacked him softly. "Shut up."

"I appreciate it. That's all." He slurred. "You wanna do this?"

Avery was already grinding against him. "Mmmhmm, been so long Logan."

He pulled off her underwear and touched her. "Has it?"

"Just do it before I die." She ordered as she kissed and sucked at his neck. "Please."

"Protection, Ken's is great but one is enough."

She gestured to the drawer near her bed. "Trust me I'm on the pill too."

"Just in case." He muttered, rolling on the condom. "You sure?"

She pulled him close. "I'm dying here, yes."

Logan smirked before lining himself up. He groaned and bit his lip as started moving. It had been so long since he had slept with anyone. But years, since he and Avery had done anything. She moaned underneath him and clawed at his back and pulled herself closer to him. It all felt so familiar with her, like nothing had changed.

"Shit, Logan."

Logan's eyes were screwed shut and he focused on the feeling of Avery's body underneath him and around him. Between the alcohol and the lust he was blissed out.

"Fuck, Avery." He kissed her neck. "Missed you."

Things fell quiet between them. Nothing but groans the occasional expletive passed between them. After being apart for so long the connection was strong, a mutual feeling of desire and need.

Without warning, Avery tighten her gripped on his hair and writhed upwards closer to Logan who was close. She shut her eyes and groaned.

"Logan, oh god."

They both rode out their highs together before Logan weakly pushed himself off of her. He cleaned himself up and tossed out the condom. He pulled on his boxers before laying back down next to her. He kissed her sweaty hair and smirked.

"Was that okay?"

She nodded tiredly. "Good, really good."

He draped an arm over her and sighed. "I missed you."

She pecked his lips. "You too."

They laid there in silence holding each other's hands. Logan rubbed him thumb over her knuckles and she had her head on his chest. Feeling Avery tucked into his side felt comforting. She made him feel at ease no matter what the situation was. He couldn't help but think about her warning though. This was his last chance to proof himself to her, and the news on the tour weighed heavily on his chest. He shook the feeling and focused of the sensation of Avery's skin against his. He kissed her and gave her a small smile.

"I missed you." He whispered. "I'm going to make things right."

AN: Well Avery and Logan fucked. I don't really know where it came from but it's building to the drama in later chapters. Don't worry Kennedy isn't getting siblings anytime soon. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will be updating again soon in order to catch up! I hope you enjoyed, please review! The next chapter is a little tense but there are special guests!


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I'm back with a new chapter. Make sure you read 6 and 7 and reviewed them or you'll be confused. This is mostly a filler chapter but does have some sweet moments with a touch of drama. It's fairly short because I'm lazy and the next 3 chapters are probably going to long as fuck lol. I'm not the biggest fan of this one though, but I hope you review anyways. Chapter 9 will be up soon.

A thick silence hung in the air, the awkwardness was nearly tangible. Logan had been trying to make himself useful but had been folding and refolding the same blanket for five minutes. He and Avery moved around each other in swift silence. Finally he cleared his throat and she looked up.

"Sorry I snuck out yesterday morning." He said quickly. "I just didn't want to confuse Kennedy or wake you."

"It's fine." She shrugged as she cleaned the TV.

Her response was passive aggressive at best. "I'm not embarrassed or anything like that. I just want there to be drama or anything. I'm sorry."

"It was a mistake anyways, no big deal."

"Now wait a minute. What do you mean it was a mistake?"

Avery rolled her eyes, like taking time to explain herself was labor intensive. "We were drunk and lonely. You're leaving in a few weeks and I'm not looking to date. It was a mistake, stop overthinking."

Logan frowned. "I thought we were connecting again."

"You thought wrong." She sighed. "Listen I like spending time with you as my friend and Kennedy's father but not as a boyfriend or friends with benefits. Not until I know you won't be all secretive and always away."

"I wasn't saying we should date. I just enjoyed the other night. And I'm always away, it wouldn't be any different."

"And that's supposed to be reassuring? I can barely stand Kennedy being so attached to you, I can't fall apart every time you leave too."

Logan rubbed his hand over his jaw, he heard the bitterness in her tone. "You know you don't have to be the strong one all of the time, right?"

"Because you're going to be the strong one for Kennedy?" She asked as her eyes narrowed.

"I don't know if you've noticed but it's hard for me too." He was frustrated. "I don't like being away either. But I have to provide you guys. I work hard."

Her laughter came out hollow. "I'm sure travelling the world and having a concert is much harder than chasing after a preschooler and raising her on your own."

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Nothing, I'm just aware of the fact that getting close with you never ends well."

Logan was genuinely shocked. He thought the night before last had really changed things. Did he expect to start dating her? Of course not, but he thought maybe they'd be happier.

"It never ends well?"

"We got close, I got pregnant. We got closer and were dating, you leave for tour and hardly call. Leaving me, seventeen and pregnant. We got close last night and you're leaving for tour soon. It's just not worth the effort to be honest."

 _April 2010_

The 'social gathering' was in full swing. Music blasted through 2J, bodies were close and no one seemed to mind the Guitar Dude had supplied alcohol. Logan had sat himself near the back hall, avoiding both Camille and Mercedes. He was well on his way to being completely shit faced. James and Carlos had been casually passing off cups to him all night, trying to loosen him up. He drained the last of his drink and weaved his way through the crowd to the kitchen. More vodka than punch went into this cup. Just as he turned to leave he collided, splashing some of his drink onto someone.

"Shit, sorry." He slurred looking up. "Oh hey Avery."

Avery was dabbing at the stain. "How's it going?"

Logan held up his cup. "Pretty good."

Avery took a drink of her own and winced at the burn. Logan noticed her face was flushed and seemed a little off balance too. He had to admit she did look good. They had met a few months ago when the guys first moved from Minnesota. She wasn't his usual type. He mostly went for slimmer girls and blondes but she was attractive. She wasn't fat by any standard, just a little bigger. But her eyes were a nice lighter brown and her skin tone wasn't too far off from 'Curly haired Jennifer'. He had found himself nervous around her, she was witty and smart. Two things screenwriters were known for, they could talk about ideas he couldn't with his friends. Speaking of, from across the room Kendall gave a thumbs up and pointed to Avery.

"You l-look good." He blurted, the alcohol had made him more confident. "That was weird, sorry."

Avery shrugged. "You do too. I like this Logan, he's not shy."

"Well maybe you just make me nervous." He joked before taking a drink.

She took his wrist and tipped a little more of his drink on her. "Oops, looks like you spilled something on my shirt."

He swallowed. "I can always get you something to wear."

She laughed. "So is that an invite to your bedroom?"

"It can be." He said, clearing his throat.

Logan took her hand, shooting a pointed look at his friends who were all staring and gawking at him. James nodded in approval.

"She's hot." He mouthed.

In Logan's room the music was still loud but the words were muffled, so bass just pounded through the walls. Avery stood by the door and tilted her head, her lips pouted.

"So you said you'd give me something to wear." She slurred a little. "Maybe you should get me out of this first."

Nodding in agreement, he shut the door behind her and tugged off her shirt. He stared at her face before moving down to her breasts. They both hesitated before they kissed each other roughly. Avery's hands went to his hair and he was feeling her chest. If they were both being honest, this wasn't that much of a surprise. They had been hanging out for months and the attraction had been mutual.

"You're so hot." He mumbled as he unhooked her bra and felt her up.

Avery sighed in pleasure a little. "You too, wanna see you."

Logan shrugged off his jacket and his shirt. Avery's hands ran over his stomach and down to his pants. She undid the zipper and button and stuck her hand down feeling for him. Logan inhaled sharply when she started pumping him. Their kiss deepened and he pulled down the short skirt she had been wearing.

"Shit." He said to himself.

He didn't know what he had been expecting but it definitely wasn't this. Avery was wearing lacy black underwear that matched the bra that was now on the floor. She was curvy and maybe a little chubby but she was still so attractive. Logan felt himself get even more aroused, which he hadn't thought was possible.

"Like what you see?"

"Uh huh." He pushed his jeans down around his ankles.

They were both shitfaced drunk at this point and clumsy as the made it over to his bed. The two were completely naked and Logan was over top of her and kissing up and down her neck. Avery was moaning underneath him, looking for any kind of touch from him.

"You wanna do this? We're d-drunk."

Avery nodded, her eyes shut. "Yeah, if you do?"

Logan kissed her. "I do. Are you sure?"

"For fuck's sake just do it already." She groaned. "You a virgin?"

He wasn't, he had lost his virginity last year.

"No. You?"

Avery laughed and rolled her eyes. "God no."

With that information Logan leaned down over her and kissed her while using his hand to line himself up. When they finally came together he let out a groan.

"Finally." Avery said as she pulled herself closer to him.

Logan's face was buried in her mess of hair as he slid in and out of her. The alcohol and lust were coursing through his veins. He kept cursing under his breath as he felt her around him. Avery was writhing beneath him, moving her body up into his.

"So good Loge, so good." She breathed. "God."

They continued this way for a while. Not rough but not tender either. It was just about physical need and desire. Logan eventually finished with a streak of curse words and groans while Avery tugged at his hair. He pushed himself off of her and laid next to her. He wiped a hand over his sweaty forehead.

"That was good." He mumbled.

Avery was lying next to him, eyes half shut. "I may have to keep you around."

He smirked. "I could live with that."

 _November 2014 – Present_

"Not worth the effort?" He was in disbelief. "We're a _family_. How is that not worth any effort?"

"Being a family is worth the effort. It's worth all of our effort to give Kennedy the most normal childhood possible. What isn't worth it, is developing feelings for you just so you can go on tour. Which leaves me sad and picking up the pieces."

Logan hadn't realized how much his leaving affected her. Of course he had a pretty good idea but not to this extent. He searched for words and sighed.

"Okay, we can drop it if you want."

"Thank you." She said before going back to her cleaning. "When are they coming?"

He glanced at the clock. "Around 11, we don't have to be in the studio until 1 today."

"That's fine. Kennedy's excited."

Carlos, Kendall and James had agreed to visit Kennedy before the interview they had. They were just as excited as she was. They hadn't seen their niece in a year or so. Logan had brought his guitar over so they could sing for her. Kennedy hadn't been to a Big Time Rush show ever, which upset Logan more than he let on. There were hundreds of thousand fans at each show. It wouldn't be a catastrophe if Kennedy went to a show and sat in the crowd. But Griffin and Gustavo had deemed it too risky.

"So are the guys." Logan said as his phone buzzed. "They're here. I'm going to let them in."

Logan shut the door behind him and went down the backstairs. He was both excited and nervous to let them hang out. He was terrified one of them would slip up and tell Avery about the extended tour. He found them waiting at the bottom of the stairs on the first floor.

"Hey guys. Thanks for coming."

Carlos was grinning. "No problem. We brought her some BTR merch."

Kendall held up a small shirt and a hat with their faces on them. Logan laughed at the gesture, the guys adored her.

"She'll like it." He sighed. "So do me a favor?"

"What's up?"

He wrung his hands together. "I still haven't told Avery about the extra dates for the tour. So _please_ don't say anything."

"What the hell man?" Kendall was shocked. "Why haven't you told her?"

"We're in a good place right now and I don't want to mess it up. And if she knows early on she'll stress about it. Please don't tell her, I am soon I swear."

They all shared a look with each other before James groaned. "Fine, but you need to tell her soon, it's wrong."

"I know, I know. I'll tell her soon."

With that he led them up the stairs to the fourth floor. He hesitated and didn't open the door.

"Remember don't say anything."

"We won't." Kendall promised.

Logan let the guys inside and shut the door. Avery stood up and smiled, walking over to the guys. Before she had gotten pregnant the five of them were close.

"If it isn't my favorite boy band." She joked.

"Hey Aves." Carlos kissed her cheek. "Thanks for having us."

"No problem, Kennedy is stoked."

Kendall and James hugged her and James draped an arm over her.

"Looking good Avery. How's Logan treating you?"

"Not as good as you Diamond." She shoved him playfully. "And he's doing a good enough job."

Logan avoided her eye, they were still upset from their argument. "Kens, look who's here."

"Uncle Carlos, Uncle James, Uncle Kendall!" She cried running into the living room.

"Kennedy!" They greeted and dropped down to her level.

They held each other in a group hug before Kennedy wiggled free.

"I miss you."

"We missed you too." Kendall had picked her up. "You're so big now."

Kennedy grinned proudly. "I'm almost 4."

"Four? That's great Kens." Carlos smiled as he ruffled her hair.

"I go to school now."

"You're probably smart just like your dad." James said pointing at Logan. "He's really smart."

"She'll be smarter than me one day." Logan promised.

It made him happy to see his friends spending time with Kennedy. Even though James had recently been a dick he had been really supportive about him being a dad, along with Kendall and Carlos. He watched quietly as Kennedy changed into her Big Time Rush shirt, she couldn't stop laughing.

"Daddy look! It's you."

"It is. You look good in your shirt."

"What do you say?" Avery asked her.

"Thank you!"

Kennedy offered to show the guys her toys and her BTR poster and led them down the hall, commanding their attention the whole time. Logan lingered in the living room for a few minutes and looked at Avery who was bent over her laptop and typing.

"She seems happy." He remarked.

"She loves attention." She said not looking up from the screen. "I'm glad they came."

He agreed with her but she didn't say anything else so he walked down the hall and listened outside of Kennedy's door. From inside he could hear singing and Kennedy singing too.

"Go ahead and make your luck with the life you choose." The guys sang in harmony. "If you want all, lay it on the line."

"Take it away Kennedy." James encouraged

"It's the only life you've got so you gotta live it big time!" She shouted as she jumped around.

Carlos, Kendall and James cheered for her told her what a good job she did. She ate up this praise and Logan smiled. The guys had always been supportive of him, even from the beginning.

 _May 2010_

Logan sat on the couch holding a pillow to his body and continued crying and trying not to throw up. Avery had left a while ago but he still felt numb. She was pregnant, with his baby. She was like actually carrying his baby. He felt hot and cold all at once. She asked to come over and dropped the news on him. He had panicked and asked her to leave. She didn't know what she wanted to do with it yet but he desperately hoped she didn't have it.

The door opened and he scrambled it up right and look natural. The guys came in, leaving their stuff by the door.

"Hey man, how was your day?" Kendall asked.

He fought to keep his voice even. "F-Fine."

"Have you been crying? What's wrong with you?" James questioned him, pointing to his eyes. "You're all red."

He sighed and felt the fear envelop him again. "N-Nothing, it's just Avery."

"Did she dump you?" Carlos sat next to him.

He laughed dryly. "I wish."

"Come Loge, what happened."

A few tears slipped out. "She came over and she was quiet and was like we need to talk and then, and then she told me."

He had to stop himself and start over. "She's p-pregnant."

"What, really?" James eyes were wide. "Shit."

"Is she sure, maybe she's just sick?" Kendall tried to reason.

He shook his head, the panic was in his chest and he shuddered. "I asked the same t-thing. There are tests."

"How do you even know it's yours? She couldn't slept with someone else." Carlos had an arm around him. "It's probably not even yours."

"We were so drunk and I didn't use a condom. So it's mine."

"What the fuck? How do you not use a condom?"

Logan groaned. "I know James, it was stupid but we weren't thinking."

"She's young, maybe she'll get rid of it or give it up."

"I hope so. She doesn't know what she wants." Logan ran his hand over his face. "I can't be a dad. I d-don't even know if I like kids. I'm sixteen and we have the band to worry about. I don't want to be a dad but I told her I'd s-support her. I'm fucked."

"It's going to be okay. Gustavo will probably give her hush money to not talk. Just wait to tell him until after the album is finished. He can't quick you out then." James explained, patting his shoulder. "Besides we'll help you out."

"Yeah, of course we will. Kid or no kid, we'll be there."

Logan smiled slightly. "Thanks guys."

 _November 2014 – Present_

"Daddy can we take a picture?"

Logan shook off the memory of telling his friends and nodded. "Sure."

The guys crowded together with Kennedy in the Carlos' arms and Logan took a picture. It made his heart warm to see the people he cared most about coming together. It had been strange for his friends to him being called dad but he was glad they understood. Kennedy had decided she wanted to have a tea party so his friends crowded around the small table she had in her room. Logan found the whole thing hilarious, Kennedy was bossing them around and they all fumbled with the tiny cups she had passed out.

"No Uncle Kendall you have to stick your pinky out." She giggled as she adjusted his fingers. "That's better."

Kennedy poured the fake tea and sat on Logan's lap. "Daddy you need to teach them how to drink tea."

"I will. Tea parties are a serious matter." He said with a straight face.

Kennedy gave him a serious nod and turned back around and Logan bit back a laugh. James, who Kennedy said was pretty was wearing the crown she normally wore and Carlos had one of those feathered scarves around his shoulder. Kennedy could get them to do anything she wanted, she had them wrapped around her finger. The afternoon continued like this and eventually they sang a few songs with the guitar. But all too soon it was 12:45 and they had to be the studio at 1. Kennedy wasn't too upset with the guys leaving because it was around her naptime. She was too tired to be that invested.

"Bye Uncles love you."

They each hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Logan hugged her tightly and kissed her.

"Bye baby girl, I'll be back later.'

Kennedy stifled a yawn. "Bye Daddy, love you."

"Love you too."

"Bye guys, thanks for coming over." Avery waved and gave them a smile.

They squeezed her in a group. "Bye Aves."

"Yeah thanks for having us." Kendall said as the head out the door. "Take care of our niece."

"Always. Bye guys."

Logan kissed Avery's cheek. "I'll be home later."

"Okay, see you later."

Avery shut the door and the guys quickly started down the hall and down the backstairs.

"She's so cute and so bossy." Carlos mused as they walked down the four flights of stairs.

"You can tell she's going to hella smart, of course you are her dad." James smirked, punching him in the shoulder. "It's weird seeing you with her and hearing you called Daddy."

Logan shrugged. "Of course she'll be smart. And yeah it still catches me off guard sometimes."

"Well you're a good dad. She like worships you. Really, it's cute to see you with her." Kendall said. "And you and Avery seem okay."

"Looks can be deceiving." He grumbled. "We were fighting before you came over."

"About what?"

Explaining quickly was the best option. "Basically we hooked up the night before last and she thinks it's a mistake because every time she gets attached to me I leave. Says it's not worth the effort because she ends up hurt."

"That sucks." Carlos sympathized. "You have to tell her about tour though. She'll be pissed off."

He sighed. "I know I just don't want to ruin what we have now. We're happy."

"Yeah but how pissed will she be when she finds out that you didn't tell her on purpose?" James questioned as the climbed into Kendall's SUV. "You lied to her."

"Ugh, you're right I'll tell her soon. I promise."

"Good. You're a good dad Logan, Kennedy obviously loves you." Carlos patted his shoulder. "Maybe Avery does too but you just have to tell them. Everything's going to be okay."

He nodded quietly and listened to his friend encouragement. He knew he had to tell the truth, he couldn't just hide it forever. He only hoped things would go as well as his friends were claiming they would. Because being Avery and there for Kennedy was worth the effort and it always will be.

AN: Well this post was shitty but hopefully you enjoyed. I really like the flashbacks I wrote, now you see how Avery got pregnant and how the guys reacted. Excuse the amount of typos but it's 1:30 am and I woke up to finish the last bit. Chapter 9 will be up either later Monday or Tuesday. Please review each chapter. Avery finds out about the long tour in the next few updates. I love long reviews give me feedback! Thank you!


	9. Chapter 9

AN: This is the chapter you've been waiting for! I'm so excited to be posting this! There are two flashbacks and I really like them. So some things you should know about this chapter.

The song in this chapter is The Secret's in the Telling by Dashboard Confessional! YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT! IT INSPIRED THIS FIC. IT'S ON YOUTUBE.

You may want to re-read or skim CHAPTER 7 a lot of what is said then is weaved into this chapter.

There hella typos in this currently because I wanted to post have to be somewhere in 20 minutes. I will edit the typos later.

Chapter 10 will be up Friday

Thank you for the continued support and please leave me review. I LOVE LONG ASS REVIEWS BTW. You can't write too much lol, let me know what you think!

"Dude what do you mean you still haven't told her? Tour starts in two weeks and Gustavo says he's announcing the dates in three days. You need to let her know." Carlos was in disbelief. "She'll be pissed if she finds out from someone other than you."

Logan looked at his shoes and frowned. "I know. I'm just scared, things have been going so well between us."

"They sure as he'll won't stay that way if you never tell her." James pointed out.

"She invited me over for dinner tonight, just the two of us. I'll tell her then." He said begrudgingly. "I just don't want to ruin things."

"See the timing is good. Kennedy won't be around as a distraction. Where is she?"

"Her grandparents' house. I'm nervous."

Kendall patted him on the shoulder. "It's gonna suck when you tell her and when you leave but hopefully it'll go by fast. Everything will be okay."

"I hope so." He sighed. "I really do."

Logan stood in front the mirror fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. He has heading to Avery's in a few minutes and was looking for any reason to delay leaving. He was worried that she would be devastated about the longer tour pissed about him missing Kennedy's birthday. Things had been going so well and he didn't want to fuck up the relationship he was building with them. He sighed knowing he couldn't avoid it forever. He spritzed on the cologne Avery had bought him a few years back and hope that it would soften the blow. He gathered his keys and wallet from the table and headed to his car. As he walked all he could think about was how Avery had dropped unexpected news on him in the past. The pregnancy and wanting to keep Kennedy had been shocks to him, maybe it wouldn't be a disaster if he dropped a bomb on her. Of course he knew he was deluding himself but he could hope.

The drive over went way quicker than he had hoped it would, every light was green on his way. Perhaps this was a sign, he thought. That things would be okay. He parked and walked into the building and slowly climbed each stair. When he finally reached the door he knocked softly.

"Come in!" She called from inside.

Logan let himself in and shut the door. "Hey Avery."

"Hey, how are you?"

He wandered into the kitchen. "F-Fine, you?"

"I miss Kens already but being alone is nice." She turned back to the pan where vegetables were steaming. "I'm making homemade hibachi style food. Is that okay?"

Logan pinched and anxious face softened, she was making his favorite meal. "Of course, yeah. Thanks."

"No problem. I just wanted to say thank you for everything. It's been nice having you home."

Uneasiness roiled inside him, he hoped she felt the same after he told her. "Can I help?"

"It's pretty much done. You can set the table if you want."

Logan silently went to work placing plates and utensils on the table. As he laid them down he noticed how badly his hands were shaking. He clenched his fists and took a breath before finishing the table. He poured himself a glass of the wine that was on the counter and drank it quickly.

"No repeats of the other night." She joked, pointing her spoon at him.

He gave a weak laugh. "No, I just had a long day."

Avery was plating the food and frowned. "What happened?"

 _I'm leaving for another four weeks and missing our daughter's birthday._ He thought before blinking rapidly.

"Just Gustavo being an asshole as usual. He was really obsessive over harmonies today."

"That sucks. You're almost done with album right?"

He nodded, taking his plate from her. "Yep, two more songs to go."

"I bet you're excited. I've secretly been waiting for the new album."

This caught him by surprise. "Really, you're more of a punk type."

"What can I say? I like the sound of your voice and the occasional pop song."

Logan smiled a little. She was being so nice and was happy. "I can probably get you an early copy."

"You should. You know I haven't been to a show since your first concert when you needed sponsors?"

"Really?" This hurt, that had been their first concert and Hawk had tried to sabotage them.

She nodded. "I remember because I had been hoping my morning sickness would chill out for once so I could go. You were so nervous."

The memory made him smile faintly. "W-Well maybe you can come to a show soon. I'll just buy the tickets and not sneak you guys in."

"You should!" She said excitedly between bites of rice. "Kennedy would love seeing her dad in person."

Logan busied himself with his food. It was delicious, she had made the rice, chicken and vegetables perfectly. The first time she had made it for him was when he came home from his first tour. They gone out to a restaurant before she was showing but she had been too far long to be seen with him.

"If Kennedy knew I had you to myself she'd be so jealous. I promised her you would be at work all weekend."

"I don't think almost four year olds understand jealousy." He thought fondly of his daughter. "But maybe we shouldn't tell her we hung out."

"But you forget she's _our_ daughter. She's almost four going on forty Loge." Avery laughed and gave him a tiny grin. "She's loved having you home too."

"I've loved being home too." He picked at his meal. "I really have."

Avery sighed and looked wistful. "She's getting so big. She's turning four, I'm not old enough to have a four year old daughter but there she is."

"Yeah it is crazy." He said softly trying not to dwell on the fact that he wouldn't be here the day she turned four. "I remember she was born it was so scary and great all at once."

 _January 2011_

"Hey baby, how you feeling?" He whispered as Avery stirred.

"Sore." She croaked out. "What time is it?"

He handed her a glass of water. "A little after 7 am."

Her eyes widened as she drank. "I slept that long?"

"You did just have a baby."

Avery smiled widely. "Can we go see her?"

"Sure, c'mon." Logan leaned down and wrapped an arm around her waist. "I've got you."

She winced as she got out of bed, leaning on Logan. "Shit, it hurts."

He tightened his grip and they hobbled out the door. "Take it easy, the doctor said you should try walking."

"I know but she should try pushing a giant thing out her body and see how she feels."

Even post labor Avery was still a sarcastic asshole. Logan chuckled and kissed her forehead. They shuffled down the hall and stopped in front of the glass window in the maternity ward.

"There she is." He pointed to a crib in the second row. "There's K-Kennedy."

Avery was quiet as she looked at the dark haired infant, her skin had darken slightly and she was less red faced. She wiped at her eyes swallowed a lump in her throat.

"We made her, that's like a real person."

Logan nodded and rubbed her back, trying not to give into the fear he felt. "Yeah."

"Are you sure we can do this?" She asked, her eyes not leaving the baby. "Can we be parents this young?"

Every instinct in his body told him no and that he should get away from this place as fast as he could. "M-maybe, yeah. We'll probably get used to it."

Avery grabbed onto his hand. "Let's hope."

"Everything will be okay." He tried to calm her down but he was just as scared. "We'll figure it out."

Neither of them spoke for a moment they just stared at the sleeping infant. She was so tiny and delicate. They were responsible for not fucking her up,

"A-Are you scared?" Logan asked softly.

She shrugged. "Terrified. But at least I have you."

 _November 2014 – Present_

After finishing dinner and loading the dishwasher the two were spread out on the couch watching a movie. The bottle of wine was almost gone and Logan was counting on that fact to make it easier for him to tell her and make her reaction not as bad as he imagined. They were just barely buzzed but it was enough to make Avery place her lips on his neck and him rub his hands over her back. They were very handsy when they drank together. Logan kissed her felt sick, he was acting like nothing was wrong. Avery smiled into the kiss and was straddling his lap now. His hands slid up to her hair and he focused on the feeling of their lips together. If things didn't go well it could be a while until they got this close again. He pulled away and shifted uncomfortably. Avery climbed off and sat next to him, she took his hand.

"Are you feeling okay? You seem jumpy and nervous."

He shook his head. "No. I-I'm fine."

She looked unsure. "You're not pregnant are you?"

Logan cracked a smile and laughed. "No, it definitely doesn't work that way."

"Well neither am I so what is up with you?"

He wrung his hands together. "I haven't been honest with you."

"About what?"

The look on her face was so damn trusting and concerned. He couldn't hurt her. He spied his guitar across the room. He went over and grabbed it. He wet his lips, deciding he'd stall.

"I write songs."

She feigned a gasp. "Shocking a band member writes songs. Is that all? I'm sure they're good Loge."

He fiddled with the strings, he might as well share it, while she still cared enough to listen. He hadn't played this for anyone other than himself. He had written after he was called a deadbeat and finished after he went home the morning after they hooked up.

"Well uh, I've been working in this for a while, I started it after we fought and after we hooked up the other day. It's kind of about that and how you said this is our last chance to make things right. And about Kennedy and how w-we keep everything a secret from people, it's about u-us and how I feel about you." He was rambling. "Do you remember what we'd say to each other when would stay up all night with her?"

Avery's worried expression had melted into one of remembering and curiosity. "I won't sleep if you won't sleep."

 _February 2011_

Logan's eyes shot opened and he blearily looked around for the sound that had woken him, He realized it was the screaming and wailing of his few week old daughter. He saw that it was only 3 am and he rolled eyes, he had work in the morning.

"Ave." He moaned. "Get the baby."

Beside him she huffed. "No you, I'm tired."

"I have work in the morning." He spat. "Get the damn baby."

He felt the bed shift next to him as Avery got up. "Fucking asshole."

He rolled back over and stuck his finger up at her. "Bitch."

They had been short with each other for the past few weeks. Kennedy didn't sleep through the night yet and it was constant screaming and Logan hated it. He hated never having enough sleep and always hearing shrill cries at all hours of the night. He would occasionally get up and feed or change her, especially when Avery was recovery from giving birth. But now it was a just a pain the ass to get up every hour or so. In the morning he'd feel bad for making Avery do it but in the moments when he was rudely awakened he'd use work as an excuse. They hadn't gotten along that well for a few days, cursing at each other and dirty looks were commonplace.

"Shh, just got back to bed sweetheart." He heard her coo. "Daddy needs to sleep and I can't deal with him right now."

The baby kept crying and Avery kept shushing. Logan could hear the irritation and desperateness in her voice.

" _Please_ Kennedy. Daddy is going to be passive aggressive as hell." She sounded sad. "I just want us to be happy."

Logan felt shitty and got out of bed and pulled on his shirt. He walked into the baby's room and found Avery sitting in the rocking chair bouncing Kennedy.

"What are you doing up?"

He yawned. "It's not fair you're always up."

"One of us has to be awake to take care of her."

Logan leaned against the door. "Well I'm not going to bed."

"You have work, I'll just stay up."

"Babe I can do it."

She sighed. "Just go to bed, I'm too nervous to sleep anyways."

"Well then I won't sleep if you won't sleep."

Avery watched him sit down on the floor next to her. She shook her head and fought a yawn. "I guess I won't if you won't sleep either."

 _November 2014 – Present_

Logan cleared his throat and started strumming. He hadn't sang in front of her solo for a long time.

"The signal is subtle we pass just close enough to touch. No questions, no answers. We know by now to say enough. With only simple words, with only subtle turns. The things we feel alone for one another."

Logan continued to play and Avery was listening intently.

"There is a secret that we keep, I won't sleep if you won't sleep because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given." They both smiled at this line, thinking if how they'd stay up and watch Kennedy. "We are compelled to do what we must do. We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden."

Despite the label not wanting Logan to have a family he did anyways. They had this secret between them that they shared, because it was something that had to do. They had wanted to be a family even though no one wanted them to be. This was his last chance to make things right for Avery and Kennedy.

"So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight. Our act of defiance, we keep this secret in our blood. No paper or letters, we pass just close enough to touch. We love in secret names, we hide within our veins the things that keep us bound to one another."

There was no evidence of Kennedy anywhere in Logan's life, no post online, no pictures, nothing. He kept her a secret deep within himself. He and Avery were bound together forever because of Kennedy. They would always be connected because of their secret. Avery looked sad and happy all at once as he repeated the chorus. She bobbed her along and Logan kept singing, trying to hold on to the way she looked at him.

"Until the last resilient hope is frozen deep inside my bones and this broken fate has claimed me and my memories for its own." He felt his face grow warm at the next line. "Your name is pounding through my veins, can't you hear how it is sung? And I can taste you in my mouth before the words escape my lung and I'll whisper only once."

That part had come to him after they had sex the other night. No matter where he looked Avery was everywhere. He loved her, of course he did. She was the mother of child and his friend. He had loved her for such a long time and hated how they could never be together. Logan had accepted the fact that until the secret came out they could only be friends. But there were fleeting moments when they were closer than usual. He lived for those.

"There is a secret that we keep, I won't sleep if you won't sleep because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given." He strummed harder and repeated the chorus. "We are compelled to do what we must do. We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden."

The song was almost over and he knew he couldn't stall much longer. A knot formed in him stomach as he sang the last bit at full force. He had to leave for tour, he had no choice. He was providing for his family and was doing what was best for them. He only hoped she'd understand.

"'Cause you will be somebody's girl, and you will keep each other warm." This bit was about how Avery and Kennedy always had each other. "But tonight I am feeling cold."

He put down the guitar and let out a shaky breath. Avery stood up and hugged him tightly.

"I l-love it." She whispered before kissing him. "Is about us and I-I love it so much."

Logan hugged her back and shut his eyes. His chest felt heavy and his eyes stung slightly. Avery pulled back and frowned.

"What's wrong?"

He looked at his shoes. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Um. I know I should have told you but I was scared and we, we were _so_ happy. I love you Avery. Okay? I love you and Kennedy more than anything. I love being here with Kennedy and with you. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." His hand were shaking and he was dizzy. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to fuck us up and-"

Avery put her hand on his shoulder, her brows furrowed. "Hey it's okay. What's going on?"

"Do you love m-me?"

"Of course I do. Logan you're scaring me."

 _Do it quickly. She loves you._ He thought to himself. _It'll be okay_

"I h-haven't been entirely honest with you. Please don't hate me, I want to be a family."

Avery looked scared. "Logan what did you do?"

He shut his eyes and exhaled. "I'm sorry I'm trying the best that I can."

"Get to the p-point."

He ran a hand over his face and looked at her, trying to remember her before he hurt her.

"The t-tour. It's ten weeks."

AN: Avery knows! How will she react to the news?! Sorry for typos I'm in a rush to finish. Chapter 10 should be up on Friday! Please review and LISTEN TO THE SECRET'S IN THE TELLING BY DASHBOARD CONFESSIONALS!


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Well hopefully this isn't as shitty as I think it is. Lots of screaming and cursing coming right up. Thanks for all the review I appericate them. I found this chapter to be underwhelming and kind of sucky but I didn't want you to wait any longer. 11 should be up Monday or Tuesday at the latest. MAYBE (And I really mean maybe) late Sunday night. Please review sorry of this is total shit show. Avery and Logan go at it!

"Ten weeks?" Her voice was cold. "What the hell do you mean the tour is ten weeks?"

Logan shifted slightly. "The tour's an extra four weeks, there's this a-award show and Gustavo added on-"

"I don't care about that!" She cried. "You're missing her birthday?"

"Yeah and I'm sorry about that. I really am." He said quickly. "But things are going so well. They had been _so_ good that day. We had breakfast that morning and I got her dressed. We were a family."

Avery's face blanched. "Wait. You mean you've known for almost a month?!"

Logan cringed, he shouldn't have said that. The look on Avery's face was a mixture of rage, disappointment and complete sadness. He searched for words, anything that would make her stop looking at him like that.

"You have to understand I had just got back into your lives and I didn't want to ruin it."

"You horrendous asshole." She hissed. "You've been lying to me!"

Logan rolled his eyes. "You never asked me if tour was longer."

"Because I assumed you would tell and me and not keep this from me! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He frowned, she had a point. She never asked because she trusted him. "I didn't want to make you upset."

She laughed humorlessly. "So naturally you thought not telling me was the answer."

"Ave, I was going to tell you. I was scared but the guys talked me into telling you."

"I must have looked like such a dumbass in front of them." Avery scoffed. "Acting like we were a happy family."

"Baby we are. We are a happy family." He said desperately. "I begged them not to tell you when they came over the other day."

"So when exactly were you going to let me know? The day before? Or were you just not going to come home?" She questioned him as she wrapped her arms around herself. "You are unbelievable Logan."

"I let you know right now. I'm so sorry." Logan whispered, the guilt surging forward. "I'm sorry Avery."

"You're always so sorry about something Logan! You're missing her birthday and didn't even have the decency to tell me until tonight!" Avery was red and she picked up her empty wine glass threw it to the ground, causing it to shatter. "What have the past few weeks been, huh?"

"I j-just wanted to spend time with you. T-They've been amazing, I love being here." He touched her arm. "I missed you."

She wrenched back as if his touch burned. "So did you finally decide to tell me now that we've fucked? Can't get any more use out of me so you finally come clean?"

Logan frowned at this. Sure, he may have been wrong for not telling her but would never use her like that. She was a person, a friend. Not an object to be used and then tossed out.

"A-Avery no." He shook his head. "No I love you, it's not like that at all."

"So now you love me? You think that's going to make everything okay? She's a baby Logan. She's only three, you understand that right? She's going to be _so_ disappointed."

Logan tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "I love both of you. And I know she'll be upset and that kills me."

"You're nothing but a liar Logan. You always make promises and then back out of them!" She was shouting now. "I cannot believe this. I am sick and tired of being walked all over by you."

" _I_ walk all over _you_?" He asked indignantly. "You're the one who does nothing all day but sit around and expect me to come running whenever you call."

"What the fuck? I sit around because I have to watch _my_ daughter because her dad is a fucking deadbeat. I don't expect you to do anything. How could I all you've done is knock me up, force me to keep everything a secret and leave me alone."

Logan's face was warm and probably red. He hated this, things had been going so well. The anger in the room was almost tangible.

"She's my daughter too Avery! I'm providing for you and work hard on tour and you just spend money!" He pointed at himself. "I work so hard to make sure you two are taken care of, I always have. And it _kills_ me that I'm not around for the two of you. I know she'll be sad, but I try to keep you happy."

"By what throwing money at me so I stay quiet?" She reached into a drawer of the coffee table and pulled out a thick wad of bills. "That extra money you leave me? I haven't spent a single cent of it! All $5000 is right there! You started leaving it after I moved in here and I haven't spent it because money doesn't replace you!"

Logan picked up the bills and flicked through them. He regretted implying that she was a gold digger. Of course, she wasn't. "None of it?"

"No because I hate feeling like a mistake that you have to keep quiet."

"You're not a mistake." He put the money on the table. "I just want to make sure you and Kennedy are okay."

"And I appreciate that but you l-lied." She rolled her eyes which were watering. "You always let us down. But hey, like father like son right?"

"Fuck you! You know I try to not be like my dad!" He screamed at her, not caring when she jumped. "I try every damn day to be different."

"Well you are different." She admitted quietly. "At least he made it until you were in third grade you couldn't even make it until her fourth birthday!"

Logan shut his eyes and let out a breath. "Avery, shut up."

"No it's true! You're a pathetic excuse for a dad, you think you're making a difference but you're not. Three weeks doesn't make up for the almost two years you missed!"

"At least I try! I'm sorry about the extra tour dates. I didn't want this to happen, don't act like I'm happy about this. This is exactly how I didn't want you to react"

"And how should I react? Should I be happy that you're missing another chunk of her life? Because I'm not going to do that."

"I get it that you're upset but you know I have no choice." He tried to reason, softly. "I h-hate this. I do Aves."

He could see that he was losing her. She was blinking back tears and shaking her head. She wrapped her arms around her tighter, trying to hold herself together. She let a few tears slip down her face.

"You k-know what the worst part is?" She questioned, her voice breaking. "I wouldn't even be that upset if you didn't treat her like a mistake."

"I don't treat her like a mistake. I love her."

Avery shook her head. "You treat us like skeletons in your closet. You hide us and never mention us. God, you can't even take her to the park like a normal dad."

"You know I have no choice." He ran his hand through his hair. "I have to hide you."

"People hide mistakes Logan!" She walked away from him. "She only knows you through emails I read to her and Skype. She barely knows anything about you."

"I know it's not perfect. But it's something right?" He grabbed her arm and tried to give her a small smile. "I'm trying."

"Don't touch me." She pulled away. "I can't even look at you."

"Well I don't want to look at you either but here I am! God you are such a bitch sometimes. I try my hardest to do something nice for you and you complain."

Avery's back was to him. "Well god forbid you do something nice for the girl you got pregnant."

"Would you chill out about that? It takes two to make a baby, and you didn't exactly think about protection either."

Avery turned around. She was crying. "You're leaving again. You're _never_ here. Do you know how scary it was to raise a baby by myself when I was seventeen? I needed you and let me d-down."

"It wasn't easy for me either." He fired back at her. "I was just as scared."

"Stop making yourself the victim in this! You got to leave, you were on tour for most of the pregnancy _and_ when she was an infant. You barley even got her in the middle of the night and made me do it! Don't act like we were in this together. It was all _me_ you were just in the background!"

Logan rubbed his fist against his eyes. He was boiling with anger and he was drunk just like she was, he couldn't help it. The words just fell out of his mouth.

"You know what Avery? You are just some bitch I fucked at party one night because I was horny. I love our daughter but I hate being attached to you!" He screamed at the top of his voice, causing her to step back. "I n-never loved you and you're right maybe a small part of me just wanted to fuck you the other night. But I did care about you, I do now but you make it so hard. You're not even worth trying for anymore because nothing is ever good enough for you. I try so hard and you're just raging bitch about it all the time. Maybe you're so pissed because you finally realize I don't love you enough to stay!"

Avery's lips were trembling and she stared at the floor. Blood was soaking into the white carpet. Logan's screaming had caused her back up against the wall. She stepped on the shattered wine glass. Tears stung her eyes and Logan's words hung between them. His lips were buzzing and the words settled over them like a thick fog.

"S-Shit, Avery I'm sorry." He said after a moment, he felt ill. He hadn't meant that. "I'm sorry."

A strangely calm look washed over her, she looked back up from her foot.

"I don't think this is w-working."

Logan was pulling at his hair. "I love you and I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I love you more than you know. I'm trying."

"I want full custody."

"What?" He whispered.

She was shaking so badly that it was struggle to get words out. "I-I don't want you to see her a-anymore."

"Avery no!" The fear gripped him. "I love you, I'm sorry. No please don't take her away from me."

"You don't love me enough to stay so why should I let you? Far be it from me to force you to stay with the family you can't stand."

He grabbed her hand. "Baby I love you so much. I'm sorry I just wanted to upset you because you hurt my feelings. No, I love you and Kens so much."

"I can't trust you." She whispered as she continued crying. "I can't be let down anymore."

Logan was beginning to hyperventilate. "No, _no._ You can't do this you can't take her away from me."

"We d-don't have a custody arrangement because I thought you would be there. But you lie, are never here and don't even act like you have a daughter."

"I am here though. I always want to be here, I love you so much."

Avery was crying even harder now, from the reality of the situation and the pain in her foot. "L-Logan I love you too. But you've hurt me and let me down I can't do it anymore."

"Kennedy needs her dad!"

"Not if he is a fucking liar who makes her cry. I'm the mother they'll favor me."

Logan crossed his arms. "I h-have money, I'll get a lawyer."

"And so will I. Finally all that guilt money you left will come in use." She sounded smug but also exhausted. "Anyways how will you exactly take me to court? Your name in all those documents for a custody battle? Not exactly a good way to keep a secret baby a secret."

He felt like he was going to puke. "What do you want from me? You want me to be in her life more but you want full custody? What do I have to d-do Aves?"

"Not be a liar." Avery exhaled as she stared down at her bleeding foot once more. "Don't miss her birthday, actually give a fuck about being a dad. Stop treating her like you regret having her."

Logan held her hand tightly in his grip, keeping her close to him. "I'm never gonna lie to you again." He vowed. "B-But her birthday, I'll be in Germany and I can't get out of it. I care so much about her and I want to be a good dad. I really do, I swear. I have never regretted her a day in my life or you. Avery I love you and I love Kennedy more than anything."

Avery struggled but freed her hand. "I don't want you seeing her! You're never here and it's starting to hurt her. When they talked about fathers at school she came home and cried. She doesn't understand why she's never allowed to mention you. She says that she loves you and wants to tell everyone how great you are but she can't!"

Logan looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "I feel exactly the same way! I hate not being able to tell people how great Kennedy is or how proud I am to have to her as a daughter. It makes me sick that I have to sweep you under a rug. When interviewers ask us who would have kids first I always think about holding Kennedy for the first time but can't say a fucking word. When we get asked about having feelings for anyone my first thought is you! I never wanted to hurt you guys, I was just scared and agreed to the secrets because I knew I'd be able to support you. You have to believe me."

"I want to! I want to believe everything is going to work out. But how can I trust you after knowing that you lied to me all this time?" Avery shook her head, looking devastated. "She's my daughter I have to protect her."

Logan was indignant and fumbled for words. "Protect her? From me? Avery for fuck's sake I am her father! I deserve to be in her life."

"And she deserves to have a dad who can be around and do stuff with her in public. I hate how you make her feel. She cries and I hate it, she always ask why does Daddy have to go away so much?"

"Then don't take away my custody! You're a fucking idiot, you get pissed that I never see her and then try to get full custody."

"Of course I am! I want you to see her all the time not just for a few weeks here and there I want a full commitment Logan! But until then I won't have you coming and going! I want her to have a stable family and maybe that's without you for now."

Logan didn't know what to say, she kind of had a point. As much as he hated to admit it maybe him waiting to be a dad until he could actually be there was a good idea.

"H-How can I fix this? I'll do anything."

"Don't miss her birthday or go public about us. I can't handle both of those right now. I can't have her sad on her birthday and feeling like a burden."

Of course she would ask him to do the two things he couldn't. "I can't do that."

"At l-least try?" She whispered.

"Avery I can't do either of those. You know that."

"But you can lie to me?"

"I'm sorry I lied. Just don't take custody from me. I have rights!"

"Rights to what? A secret baby that you won't mention because a band is more important to you? Figure out your priorities Logan."

 _July 2000_

"Jo I have rights!" Steven bellowed as he slammed his fist on the countertop. "He's my boy too!"

Joanna crossed her arms. "You have rights? Rights to ignore your son and not do anything with him because beer and other women are more important to you? Jesus, Steve get your priorities together."

Logan fidgeted and tried not to cry as his parents screamed in the kitchen. He was sitting at the dinner table alone, trying to block out the noise. They had been fighting more and more lately. His mom had weird purple skin around her wrists that he didn't understand and his dad had been dizzy and smelt funny.

"Maybe I wouldn't need other woman if you weren't a bitch all the time."

"You don't even try to be a good father anymore. Does he mean anything to you?"

"Of course he does. Logan is my son and I love him. You can't keep me from seeing him!"

Logan watched his mom take a deep breath. "Of course you do but shouldn't you be mature enough to realize he deserves better than you? A father that keeps disappointing his child and is never around isn't healthy. Don't you see that you need to not be around until you're ready be a dad that is always there and doesn't lie?"

Steven pushed past his wife, new beer in hand. He cracked the can open and sat at the table across from his son.

"What are you crying for?"

Logan flinched and wiped at his eyes with his small hands. "N-Nothing. Are you gonna be home for my baseball game?"

"Sorry buddy, I have to work."

All the hope in the six year old's body deflated. He was missing _another_ game because he had to work. He was always being let down. "Again? You're always gone."

Steven rolled his eyes. "You'll understand one day."

Logan swallowed down his tears. He hated being let down like this, it was the worst. "Okay."

His dad gave him a thumbs up before drinking again. "Joanna where the _hell_ is dinner?"

 _November 2014 – Present_

"The two of you _are_ my biggest priorities can't you see that?"

"Logan I want to see that. I do. But you lied to me about something huge. It's going to take a while to get back from that."

All he could do was nod. "You're not going to take my daughter from me."

"I'm not taking her from you, you're the one who is leaving again for ten weeks."

Anger flared inside him again. "It's my job! I have no choice."

"Just like you had no choice but to lie to me right?" Avery limped to the door. "Get out."

"No! I'm not leaving until you say you I can see my daughter."

Avery gritted her teeth. "You can see her until tour. But once you walk out that door you are never going to see her again, until you grow up and act like a dad."

"Never going to see her? She's my kid Avery! I have rights!" He shouted, praying that he wouldn't have a panic attack right now. "We're a family."

"And I have a right to make sure she grows up happy and not disappointed by her deadbeat father. And you say we're a family? Family doesn't lie to each other Logan!"

Logan snatched his jacket off the couch and stepped into his shoes. "You know what? Fuck you Avery I don't want to be here right now. I'm not going to be bitched at for one mistake."

"Fine walkaway Logan. God knows you're good enough at it."

He bit down on his lip and got close to her face. "I'm keeping my rights. You're not stopping me."

"We'll see about that." Avery opened the door. "I'm not going to let you hurt her."

Logan gave her the finger and stormed down the hall. The door slammed behind him and he let the panic overwhelm him. He stumbled into the stairwell and slid down the wall. Tears escaped from his eyes as his chest tighten and his heart raced. He fucked it up, he fucked it all up. Avery would never forgive him. He knew she'd get full custody, he couldn't even put up a fight.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry." He mumbled as his breaths grew shallow. "I fucked up, I can't lose y-you."

AN: Well the second half of this turned out to be shit but hopefully I entertained you enough to review. Do you think Avery has a right to full custody? Who do you think was right in all of this? You saw more of Logan's childhood what did you think of that. Next chapter is Logan angst which is my fave. 11 should be up Monday or Tuesday! But maybe by some miracle tomorrow but we'll see. Please review. Also I need advice on how to end chapters! Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hey guys here's a new chapter. I got carried away with sad!Logan because he's my fave. I went into about his childhood. I DID POST CHAPTER 10 SO BE SURE TO READ AND REVIEW THAT BEFORE YOU READ THIS. Tbh, 10 is my favorite chapter so I was bummed when I didn't get a lot of reviews for it. So please check that out first. Thanks please review, hopefully I'll update Thursday. Thanks!

* * *

Empty.

Hollow.

Devastated.

A giant fucking idiot.

These were just a few of the things that Logan felt like he was as he stared at the empty wall next to his bed. He was curled up on his side with his arms wrapped around him, trying to keep himself from unraveling.

It had been two days since he told Avery about the tour. Two days since he had fucked everything up for himself. She hadn't answered any of his texts or calls. She had dialed for Kennedy so she could say goodnight but Logan hadn't spoken a single word to her since he left. But why would she speak to him anyway? He had lied to her for weeks and couldn't do what she wanted; be there for Kennedy's birthday and come clean to the fans about them.

 _She wants custody._ He thought frantically to himself. The anxiety gripping him tightly for a moment. _You're going to lose your daughter._

Logan rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He hadn't left his bed in two days expect to go to the bathroom and drink either water or what was left of the liquor he had. He was too depressed to eat or shower. What was the point of anything if he didn't have his family? Avery didn't care about him, she didn't even answer the door or her phone. Early in the morning the day after their fight, which was yesterday, he had gone over there. Wanting to apologize again and beg her to change her mind. He had knocked on her door for ten minutes straight.

"Avery!" He had begged as he knocked. "Avery babe I'm sorry."

Of course she didn't come to the door but had slid a note under it. It said that if he didn't leave now she would report him for harassment. She didn't even want to speak to him or see him. Once he arrived home from her place he crawled right into his bed and hadn't moved since. If he had his way he wouldn't move from this spot until everything was okay. And the only way that would happen was if he didn't lose custody of his child. But that couldn't happen. He was missing her birthday and couldn't tell the truth about Kennedy or her mother. He couldn't even fight for custody because his name would have to go on documents. The situation was hopeless. So he was just going to lay in bed and not move because there was no point in doing anything else.

His phone buzzed incessantly from across the room. He knew it wasn't Avery she had her own ringtone. He would know if it was her. It was most likely the guys or Gustavo or Kelly wanting to know where he was at. He sent a quick text yesterday after getting home from his failed attempt at making up. It had said that didn't want to see anyone. That had worked until this morning when he didn't show up for his recording session at the studio. Since then his phone was vibrating every few minutes with texts and calls. As much as it annoyed him he knew he couldn't turn it off and risk missing a call from Avery.

Even though he had settled down and wasn't in a constant state panic anymore he still felt stressed. Thankfully is wasn't as bad as it had been when he came home.

 _November 2014 – Two Days Ago_

Logan walked into his apartment and slammed the door behind him. He threw his across the room out of anger. He felt chest begin to tighten and started crying. Full, raw crying not just a few tears. He had ruined everything, he was going to lose Kennedy for good. Avery would get custody there was no reason she wouldn't. Logan may have paid his child support on time but he wasn't there. And of course there was no way in hell that the label would let him go to court and fight for his rights. His name would be all over the paperwork, which could easily get leaked to the press. The situation was hopeless, he couldn't do the two basic things Avery had wanted. The only two things she wanted most; be there for their child's birthday and go public and tell the truth. Logan let out a low sob and was hyperventilating, he couldn't think of anything else. Only Avery's words circled around his head.

" _At least he made it until you were in third grade, you couldn't even make until her fourth birthday!"_

She had screamed this at him and the worst part was that it was true. His dad was in his life until third grade, it was a struggle for Logan to even make to age four for Kennedy. He threw the cushions off the couch and kicked over the coffee table.

"God dammit!" He shouted as he pulled at his hair. "Fuck."

He was crying, tears ran down his face. Even though he had been lying, even though he had been wrong this hurt. It cut him to his core, making him weak. He had lied to her, he had lied to her so badly that there was no way to fix this. And she was right, he did victimize himself. Avery had suffered and sacrificed a lot more than he had. She had raised Kennedy practically on her own from the very beginning. He hadn't been the one who was up at all hours of the night, feeding her or changing her. Avery had, he had been an asshole and kept sleeping. He wasn't there to teach her right from wrong or to read to her at night. That had all fallen on Avery's shoulders.

The lies had been a shitty thing to do. He wasn't denying that, but could she really blame him for wanting to be normal for once? The past few weeks had been some of the greatest, he felt like a real father for once. But now he was going to lose it all.

"Oh g-god." He muttered, continuing to feel nothing full on panic in his veins. "I c-can't do this."

Logan rushed himself into the kitchen and leaned over the sink. He emptied the contents of his stomach. It was rare his panic attacks got this bad but this was probably the worst one he'd ever had. He rinsed out his mouth, grabbed the half empty bottle of liquor from his shelf and locked himself in his room.

"I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her." He mumbled over and over as he cried. "I _can't_ lose her."

He scratched at his face, a tick that happened whenever things got really bad. The stinging of his face distracting him momentarily. He uncapped the bottle and took a large drink, He slid against the door on to the floor and held his knees to his chest.

"I can't lose them."

 _November 2014 – Present_

That panic attack had been the night he came home. All of yesterday had passed and it was now late into day two. The apartment was still a mess and Logan was in the same shirt from yesterday. But what did it matter? He had no one important to see.

But apparently the universe had other ideas. Because just as he thought that he had no one important to see there was noise coming from the living room.

"Shit, what the hell happened to him?" James asked from the other room. "He's never this messy."

"Maybe he had a panic attack or something you know how he gets when he's stressed." Kendall offered, getting closer to his room.

Logan groaned and pulled his pillow over his head. He just wanted to be left alone and not see anyone. There was a soft knock at his door.

"Logan, it's us can we come in?" Carlos asked softly from the other side.

"Just leave me alone." He muttered.

The door opened up and they all stood awkwardly by the foot of his bed. Kendall cringed when he saw his friend. Logan's eyes were red and puffy, his face was pale and he had scruff growing in. His room smelt like alcohol and his sheets were wrinkled.

"We haven't seen you in a few days. We were worried." Carlos said quietly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm a fuck up." He muttered, curling up tighter. "I f-fucked up."

"We don't have to talk about it right now." James laid a hand on his shoulder. "When was the last time you ate?"

He shrugged. "Friday."

"It's Sunday afternoon you need to eat." Kendall tugged at his arm. "And shower, you reek."

Logan rolled his eyes. "I just want to be left alone."

"Fine you can be alone in the shower. But you need to get up." Carlos urged, already reaching in the closet for fresh sheets. "You'll feel better I promise."

"You better be gone when I get out." Logan caved, knowing it was the only way he'd get his friends off his back. "I mean it."

Once in the bathroom Logan turned on the shower and waited for it to warm up. He pulled out his phone and sent Avery another text.

 **I'm sorry, I miss you and Kennedy.**

It would go unread of course but he didn't want her to say he didn't try. He climbed into the shower and scrubbed himself clean. The warm water did nothing to brighten his mood but he did feel a little more like himself. As he washed his hair he hoped that his friends were gone, he didn't want to explain to them what happened. They obviously cared about him but he wasn't sure if he could get through the story without getting upset.

Once dry he walked back into his bedroom and saw that his bed was made up with clean sheets and pillows and his hamper was missing. Clearly the work of Carlos, who despite being immature at times with meticulous about cleaning up. He threw on clean shorts and a shirt and walked into the living room. His friends were all there.

"I showered, why are you still here?" He demanded.

"Because we're worried about you. We haven't seen you in days and your apartment was trashed." Kendall explained, looking sheepish.

"You're welcome by the way. Did you get sick in the fucking sink?" Carlos asked, wrinkling his nose. "Also your shit is in the washer."

Logan looked around. The couch cushions were back in place and coffee table was right side up with a sandwich on a plate. From the living room he could see that the kitchen was clean, his sink was scrubbed spotless and the dishwasher was running. He frowned, his friends cared so much and he was a dick.

"Y-yeah. Thanks for cleaning up."

James nudged the plate towards him. "You need to eat."

Even though he was too sad to eat he realized that he could stall for awhile and not have to admit what happened. He chewed slowly, deliberately even though the food had no taste to it. When he had finished the last bite, his friends looked expectant. Logan cleared his throat and sighed irritatedly.

"What happened at Avery's?" Kendall prodded. "You did tell her right?"

"No I just decided to have a panic attack and lay in bed for no reason." He hissed bitterly. "Of course I told her."

"What happened?"

"She m-made my favorite food and we were making out and drunk. She was so happy but I couldn't not tell her."

Now that he started speaking it seemed like the words kept flowing out of him.

"And then she kept talking about how happy she was now that I was around and how it felt like we were a normal family. She just kept smiling and I didn't want to r-ruin that, so I played her a song I wrote and she really liked it. Then I said I'm sorry and she got nervous and I just blurted it out."

James frowned. "How did she take it?"

Logan sighed and ran a hand over his face and then through his hair. "She was quiet at first and didn't understand. But then she realized I would be missing Kennedy's birthday and she got really pissed. I let it slip that I've known for a while and she was even more upset. S-she threw her wine glass on the ground and started screaming. She was mad that I didn't tell her sooner."

He paused, not wanting to go on. Not wanting to think about what happened that night. But when he looked up his friends were smiling at him so he inhaled and continued on.

"She thought I only told her now because I 'fucked her and can't get any more use out of her'. Her words not mine."

"Whoa, wait, when did you hook up?" Carlos looked confused. "I thought you were just friends."

He shrugged. "We were drunk, it was two nights before you guys came over. It wasn't like that though. I kept trying to apologize and explain to her I was providing for them and then she, she pulled this wad of cash. There was $5000 on the table and she was mad because I made her sound like a gold digger. She hasn't spent any of it you guys, not a penny."

"Why did she have so much money?" Kendall looked confused. "It's not child support."

His voice wavered a little. "I leave her money when I feel guilty and she said money doesn't replace me. Which it doesn't but I feel so guilty. We kept screaming and she called me a d-deadbeat again and I called her a bitch. She kept telling me that people hide mistakes and that she's tired of feeling like a burden all the time."

There was hand on his shoulder. It was James who looked upset. "I'm sorry, it'll be okay."

"I said awful things." He admitted. "I told her I didn't love her enough to stay and that I hated being attached to her because of Kennedy. I said she has it easy. I was an asshole to her."

"You were both drunk though. You love each other."

Tears were now welling up as Carlos tried to comfort him. "She said you always let us down, but like father like son, right? And then you know what she said to me?"

When none of his friend spoke, he continued, voice shaking. "She said that I wasn't like my dad because at least he made it until I was in third grade, I can't m-make to her fourth birthday."

"That's so shitty." Kendall looked annoyed. "You try so hard."

"Well not hard enough because-" His voice caught in his throat. "She wants f-full custody."

"She can't do that!" Carlos was standing now. "You're a great dad!"

Logan shrugged and sniffled. "I lied to her and am missing Ken's birthday. Of course she can."

"You have rights as the father though. She's your daughter too."

He gave a short laugh that was empty of humor. "I said that too. But I can't go to court. My name will be on documents for a _custody_ battle, that's not keeping it a secret."

"Fuck secrets she's your kid." Kendall shouted. "She can't do that."

"I'll be sure to let Gustavo know that." He said dryly.

They all sat in silence for a moment as Logan continued crying. The guys hated seeing their friend like this but knew there was nothing they could do.

"The worst thing is she said she's wouldn't take custody away if I made it home for her birthday or told the truth about us. I can't do e-either of those things and she knows that."

"She's probably just hurt and upset Loge," James' voice was quiet. "Once she calms down maybe she'll realize what a big mistake she's making."

Logan let out a groan and stared up at the ceiling. "I don't know. She kept comparing me to my d-dad. You guys know how much I didn't want to end up like him."

 _May 2001_

"You know what Steven I can't do this anymore!" Joanna screamed. "You're never around for Logan or for me. You're at the "office", the bar or passed out in the living room. When was the last time you even spent time with your son?"

"I spent time with him the other day. And excuse me for wanting to relax after working hard."

"Oh yes, because giving him ten dollars for telling you where I hid the alcohol is such quality time. Real father of the year material."

Steven grumbled under his breath and 7 year old Logan peeked through the open sliver of the bedroom door. He saw his mom packing a suitcase and his dad had his hands on his head.

"When's his next baseball game? I'll go to that."

"Jesus, he hasn't played baseball in a year." Joanna sounded tired, like she couldn't handle her husband anymore.

"Well then what hell am I paying for?" Steven took a drink and glared at his wife.

Logan sniffled quietly, not understanding why his dad didn't remember that he quit baseball. He had quit because he had overheard his parents fighting. Steven said he didn't like going because he hated sitting in the sun all day. Logan had insisted on playing hockey at the start of this past school year after finding his dad passed out with a game on. It turned out his dad liked hockey a lot better but he still couldn't bring himself to show up.

"Hockey. Remember you forgot him at practice the one night I asked you to get him?"

"Fine I'll go to a game then."

Joanna was quiet for a moment. "I-I'm leaving and he's coming with me. I can't have you around him anymore."

"He's my son. He needs me."

"No he doesn't need a dad he's scared of, or that forgets him at the ice rink until 7:30. More importantly I have more than enough rights to take him. You're a drunk, fight me if you want to but who do you think they'll side with?"

The sound of zipping prompted Logan to go back to his room and curl up like he didn't hear anything. He didn't want to leave his house, or his friends.

"Logie. Hey sweetheart, are you up?"

Logan acted like he hadn't heard anything. "Y-yeah."

Joanna sat on her son's bed and smiled at him. "How would like to live somewhere where it snows and everyone likes hockey?"

This caught the second grader by surprise. "Where?"

"Minnesota, where Mommy's family lives. It's cold there for a long time and a lot people play hockey. I think you'll like it."

He scrunched him face in concentration as tried to picture where Minnesota was. The idea of living somewhere cold was nice, he hated that Texas was so hot.

"What about Daddy?"

Her smiled dropped. "Daddy would stay here. But you c-could visit him in the summer."

The idea of not seeing his dad a lot was kind of nice. His dad was mean, he had his mom and bruised his face once. Also he left him at the rink 3 hours after practice ended one night. He had sat there all alone and cried until his mom came rushing in.

"What about my friends?"

Logan wasn't the most popular kid at his suburban Dallas elementary school but he did have a friend or two. Having to make new friends would be hard.

"There are plenty of kids in Minnesota. Mommy's friends have kids you could play with. You would really like it. I promise."

"Okay, I'll go."

His mother looked relieved and kissed his forehead. "I'm glad. We're going to leave in about a week so we'll need to pack your room. But get some sleep."

"Night Mommy."

Joanna and Logan had left Texas just a week later. Steven had been absent for the whole week until the very last minute to tell Logan he'd see him again soon. He was signed for the third grade and would start in the fall, along with hockey. So far it hadn't been too bad, the house was big and near a park. And his mom seemed happier.

"See." She said tucking him a few weeks after the move. "I told you we'd like it. We're a lot a happier without Daddy."

He nodded and agreed sheepishly. "We are."

 _November 2014 – Present_

Logan hunched over, thinking how much better his life had been once it was just him and his mom.

"I don't w-want Kennedy to be happier without me like I was with my dad."

"Don't even think about that man." Carlos scoffed at the notion. "She's going to have you around for a long time. You're going to be there."

Logan wiped his eyes. "I c-can't lose them. Kennedy and Avery are my family. I love them and I'm going to lose them. I'm no better than my dad."

"That's not true. You actually make an attempt to be there."

"And it's not good enough." He whispered. "I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want to be like him."

* * *

AN: Well Logan is angsty and we saw more of his childhood and how he got to MN. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review. Chapter 12 should HOPEFULLY be up on Thursday. I hope this entertained you and you review. What do you think should happen? I will tell you Kennedy is in the next chapter! See you guys later, thanks for reading. MAKE SURE YOU READ AND REVIEW 10 IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE SO. IT CONTAINS AVERY'S REACTION TO THE EXTENDED TOUR! Thanks guys.


	12. Chapter 12

Phew! I had to rewrite this whole chapter in like four hours because my computer wouldn't open the damn draft. Please forgive errors. I needed this up before midnight! Once this is live I will go back and edit it! So I didn't get any reviews last chapter and only one for chapter 10. I'm slightly offended. Chapter 10 was my a favorite to write seriously no reviews last chapter? I'm bummed lol. Please review those chapters? On that note **I HAVE UPDATED QUITE A BIT RECENTLY SO PLEASE BE SURE YOU HAVE READ ALL CHAPTER SO YOU AREN'T LOST AND PLEASE REVIEW THOSE CHAPTERS.** This chapter is good at the beginning but rushed at the end to me. There is cute family time, also the songs Logan records are real Big Time Rush songs called "Don't Stop" and "Young Love" They are youtube and are really good so check them out. The next post will be on Saturday. After that I will go back to 2x a week updates. Also thank you soo mch for all the recent follows and faves for this story. I hope guys review and join the family! Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW.

Thanks

* * *

 **Aves, I'm sorry I miss you.**

 **Can I please see my daughter?**

 **I want to see you before I leave.**

These were just a few of the texts that Logan had sent to Avery in the past few days. It had now been four days since their fight and still not a single word from her. He had tried to get Kennedy to give her the phone last night when they talked but he could hear Avery in the background saying she was fine. His friends kept checking up on him, getting him to eat and shower but he was still sad. He was going to lose custody, tour started in a week and he still hadn't seen his child. He glanced at the clock and saw that he should be at the studio. He groaned and decided that he needed to stop feeling sorry for himself. Well, maybe not stop feeling sorry for himself, but at least go to work.

He pulled on clean clothes and begrudgingly made his way to the studio. The drive over was distracted, all he could think about was Avery and Kennedy. The thought of trying to get them was back cut off by Gustavo's gruff voice.

"Well look who decided to finally show up." He said sarcastically. "Nice of you to come to work."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Look who decided to make me keep my daughter a secret. Nice of you to ruin my life."

"Oh I'm sorry is having a job to provide for them inconveniencing you? Get in the studio your little stunt put us behind! We have two songs left to record and master and the album needs to be done soon!"

"Lay off of him Gustavo." Kendall cut in. "We finished our vocals for the last two song, Logan just has to do his part. He had a bad week."

"That's not my problem. Booth now!"

Logan rolled his eyes and stepped into the booth and put his headphones on. The two songs that we left to record were fairly easy to learn. The first song was about partying and he had the chorus it was called Don't Stop. This was the going to be the main single and the album was named after it. The harmonies were easy and the song was short. He flipped through the sheet music for the second song which was about having a crush it was called Young Love. After running through the vocals softly to himself he gave Gustavo a thumbs up.

"I'm ready." He was actually excited to finish up the album.

"Don't stop! Keep it moving, get it up, get it going. Get your hands in the air until the sun comes up." He sang as the music flooded his ears. This was the intro.

Kendall's voice came through his headphones they sang the rest of the intro together. It was upbeat and catchy. He followed along on the sheet music and the guys has already recorded their verses so he filled in his parts. The chorus was his favorite part, it was fast and the lyrics were a little more mature than the previous albums.

"Don't stop! Keep it moving, get it up, get it going. Get your hands in the air until the sun comes up, we keep it up in the party. Getting down, getting naughty. Get your hands in the air until the sun comes up."

The chorus repeated twice, so he sang it once more and then Carlos took over. He sang about how he and a girl would dance all night, James harmonized in the background. He didn't want stroke Gustavo's ego but the song was really really catchy. He and the guys had written some of the song but Gustavo put it all together and made it sound like a hit. It felt good to sing again, almost normal. The guys sang all there verses and he had one as well.

Nobody's gonna mess with me. Look me in the eye and you're really gonna see everything gonna be the way I want. You know I'm too big for you to shove me out, baby let me tell you what it's all about. And the time is now to light this up!"

That part was really quick, almost a rap. It fast and he enjoyed how complicated it was to not fuck up the words. The plans they had for the stage during this part included big explosions and fireworks. He sang the chorus over again and pulled off the headphones. Gustavo glared at him for a moment.

"It wasn't terrible." He declared. "We'll see if you need to redo it. Get ready for the next song dog."

Gustavo left his chair, taking a phone from Kelly. Once he was gone, Logan walked out into the other side of the studio.

"Hey man, that was sick. Good job." Carlos said, patting him on the back. "Nice to see you out of bed."

"Thanks." It felt nice to be recording again. It was temporary distraction from the shit show his life had become. "Yeah, it's good to see you too."

James sipped from a water bottle. "Have you heard anything from you know who?"

"Not y-yet. She calls me and puts Kennedy on before I answer. She wouldn't take the phone from Kennedy to talk to me. We leave in a week, I need to see them."

"That sucks. You could always go over there."

"Maybe, yeah." His tone was short, ending the conversation about Avery. "So, Don't Sop is my favorite song."

"Yeah you killed it. It's going to be so cool onstage." Carlos was excited. "Apparently the choreography is a little dirty."

"Finally put your grinding skills to use, Carlitos." He joked. "Can't wait."

"You joke now but you know the fans will love it."

He couldn't lie, it was going to be a killer tour, but he would come home to a life without his family if Avery had her way. Logan quickly pushed the thought to the back of his mind, not wanting to panic himself in front of his friends.

Gustavo returned from his phone call and sat in his chair. "Time to finish the album."

The guys had finished their parts when Logan was curled up in bed. So he went back into the booth on his own. He had to admit he was excited to get it done, they had worked hard. The last song was Young Love. He frowned, not in the mood to sing a romantic song, seeing that his relationship was shit. Music from the intro pulled him from his self pity.

The song was slow, and had a nice beat to it. He bobbed his head along listening to his friends sing about falling in love and how they felt around that person. How did he feel around Avery? He wondered this as he waited for his part. Sometimes he felt happy and like they could be a couple, that they were meant for each other. But other times it seemed like they were the least compatible people on the planet. He hated never knowing where they stood. He only sang one verse and one line in this song. Each of the guys sang the verse on their own. He counted himself in.

"I know what people say, 'don't get carried away'." He sang, trying to sound romantic. "They say 'boy you have your whole life ahead of you'. But what am I supposed to do?"

That last line reminded him of when he found out he would be a dad. He had been so willing to rush into a relationship with Avery for the sake of the baby. What other choice had he had?

 _August 2010_

"Yeah, I miss you too." Logan smiled into the phone. "I love you too, I'll call you after soundcheck."

He hung up and exhaled. Avery had a doctor's appointment earlier in the day, everything was going well with her and the baby. Other than the fact that he was backstage in Florida and Avery was across the country. He looked at his lock screen which was a picture of the two of them. He frowned slightly, he missed her.

"Hey sweetheart, are you okay?"

Logan looked up and saw Mama Knight giving him a small smile. "Oh y-yeah. Avery just called, she had an appointment today and wanted to update me."

"How's she doing?"

"Alright. She's tired but doing okay and the," He paused, the word was heavy on his tongue. "The baby."

Mama Knight squeezed his arm. "That's good. I overheard the end of the call. You seemed happy."

"Well, I love her." He said softly, somewhat unsure.

"You're doing a good thing by being there for her. Just don't rush into anything."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Well just don't rush into a relationship because you're having a baby."

"But we're having a baby I need to be there for them."

She nodded. "I know but your mom is worried that you'll get carried away. You have your whole life to be in a serious relationship."

This was comforting. He had been secretly worried about the dating Avery. He really liked her and thought she was pretty but was nervous about being tied down.

"But what should I do?"

"Just be supportive. Everything will be okay."

She ruffled his hair and walked off. Logan looked down at his screen again and bit his lip. Kendall's mom was right. He had his whole life to look forward too, but he hoped that he had Avery by his side.

 _November 2014 – Present_

Looking back maybe they had rushed into things a little too fast. Singing this song reminded him how powerful emotions can get. But feelings came and went and given the current state of his relationship with Avery it was clear that they had been naïve. Long distance relationships were hard enough without being kept a secret and were even more complicated when the guy was a liar. Logan frowned and sang the rest of his backup vocals. He didn't want to lose her.

"Young love is taking me over, young love."

Once finished with the vocals he went back into the longue. Gustavo said they were good and that he would master them and finish the editing. Saying, he'd call the guys back if needed. With that he dismissed them with a wave of his hand. Logan was quiet as he walked to the elevators.

"You're quiet. What's wrong?" James asked as they piled in. "Your vocals sounded alright."

"I just want to see Avery and Kennedy." He admitted quietly. "I think I'm going to try to talk to her."

Kendall nodded. "You should. You have a right to see Kennedy before you leave."

When the elevator let them out and into the parking garage Logan didn't waste time and got into his car. The recording lasted longer than he thought, it was 2:13. Kennedy got out of school at 2:45 and he wanted to catch Avery as she was leaving. As he sped over there he worked out what he would say. He would start with an apology. Taking the blame for everything. Maybe she would take pity on him and decide to let him stay in Kennedy's life. He predicted the arguments she would come up with and worked out his rebuttals.

If she said he was a liar, he would say it was to protect her. He didn't want her to be sad for the whole month.

If Avery claimed that she had more of a right to full custody, he'd argue that not having a dad really messed him up.

And of course if Avery said that she didn't care and told him to leave, the response he dreaded most. He would beg her, flat out beg and promise to go public.

His phone said it was 2:29 as he raced up the stairs to her apartment. He rounded the corner and saw her locking the door. He jogged down the hall and grabbed her arm. She jumped and turned around. When she realized it wasn't an attacked she narrowed her eyes at him.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?"

"I k-know you don't want to see me. But I miss you and Kennedy. We were recording today and all I thought of was you." He explained quickly, when she didn't soften her glare he continued. "I leave in like six days. Please let me at least see her if you're taking my rights away."

"Do you actually miss us or are you just lying again?"

He frowned. "Of course I miss you."

She was quiet for a long moment. "Ugh, fine. But just this week then you're gone."

He nodded eagerly, smiling. Of course, the fact that she still was saying he would lose rights was bad but he wasn't going to argue now. "Thank you. I know you're picking her up. Can I come with you?"

"You want to come? What about your precious rules?"

"I'll wait in the car. Please, Aves?"

She didn't say anything but started down the hall. She was limping slightly.

"What happened? You're limping."

She winced a bit. "After you left my foot wouldn't stop bleeding. I have stitches."

Even though he hadn't hurt her, his screaming had been the reason she had backed up. He felt guilty.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I would have went to the ER with you." He said pulling on a baseball cap and dark glasses. "Really, I'm sorry."

"You're the last person I wanted to see." She rolled her eyes as he put on the hat and glasses. "Is that _really_ necessary?"

"According to my bosses? Yes."

"It's a preschool, I doubt you'll be recognized." She mumbled as she stepped into the elevator.

Logan followed behind her. "I know but he's pissed at me."

"That makes two of us."

The ride down was silent, as was the walk to Avery's car. Once they got in and she started driving Logan took off his sunglasses. He kept glancing over at Avery, hoping to catch her eye.

"So I saw the tour dates." She said quietly, not looking over at him.

"Yeah?"

The dates for tour had been released while Logan had been in bed. Apparently the fans were going crazy and their votes surged.

"You're going _everywhere_. Literally everywhere." There was a tone of amazement in her voice. "I'd love to travel."

"It is pretty great. Not being away from the two of you I mean, but seeing sights and the cultures are cool."

Avery sighed. "I want to travel. I always thought I'd get a role in a movie and get to film somewhere amazing. But then we had Kennedy."

Logan didn't say anything to that for a second. He felt guilty, if they had been in a public relationship maybe should come with him. He reached over and took her hand because they were at a red light.

"H-Hey maybe one day you can come on tour or we can travel. We'll take Kennedy."

Avery snatched her hand back. "Don't think I want to see you after tour just because I let you come with me. Kennedy deserves to see her dad before he disappears."

"So you agree she needs to see me?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Then you shouldn't take custody."

"That's different. This is you saying goodbye."

"But you said I should see her. She deserves me in her life."

Avery rolled her eyes. "Yeah when you're not a liar and actually around. But I can't trust you to do that you have to go."

"That's bullshit! I have just as much of a right-"

"We're almost to her school." She interrupted in a huffy tone. "We're not fighting in front of her."

Logan scoffed. "Fine but we're not done with this conversation."

He looked out the window and saw surprised to see the school. It was two old brick buildings in a richer part of Los Angeles. There was lush green grass behind the dark fence and a large playground off to one side. He was quiet as he stared, it was an excellent school. Or at least that's what the brochures Avery had emailed him said. She had picked the school out while he was away on tour. Logan had promised her he'd pay for whatever school she wanted to send Kennedy too. He wanted the best for her. She had chosen Mason Prep Primary. It was private school that had preschool and elementary school. Eventually she would go to the secondary school when she grew up.

"Wow. It looks different in person."

Avery glanced over at him as she parked. "Oh yeah, you've never been here."

It was true. He missed Kennedy's first day of school back in September, he been somewhere in Canada at the time. He had called her to wish her luck and tell her he loved her and Avery sent him a picture. Kennedy had been wearing her school uniform and smiling widely. It had killed him to not be there.

"It seems nice."

"It a really good school. They kind of start kindergarten early I guess." Avery opened her door. "Be right back."

She shut the door and walked up the short path to where there tons of kids being picked up by parents and nannies. Logan smiled faintly, wishing he could pick Kennedy up from school. Soon, Avery was walking toward the car, Kennedy's backpack on her arm and holding her hand. She looked cute, in her khakis and her little red polo shirt. Her hair was curly just like her mom's, and she was talking animatedly to Avery who was smiling and listening intently. She pointed to the car window and Kennedy looked up and smiled widely.

"Daddy!" She bounced up and down as he got out of the car. "What are you doing here?"

Logan crouched down and hugged her. "I wanted to see your school. I missed you so much."

"Missed you too. Look there's the slide, remember Daddy?"

"I do." He nodded. "It's huge you are brave."

She climbed into her safety seat and buckled herself in. "Daddy sit back here."

Logan slid in next to her and shut the door. "How was school?"

"Fun, we learned about the ocean today and all the fish."

"That's cool. Does Mommy take you to the ocean?"

Kennedy scrunched up her face. "Yeah but it's too hot."

Logan laughed to himself, they were so much alike. He had never been fond of the beach either.

"You're right."

"Mommy can we go to the park?"

Logan's smile dropped and Avery narrowed her eyes at Logan in the rearview mirror. "I don't know. _Can_ we Logan?"

Shit, of course Avery would make him look like the bad guy. He glanced at his daughter who grinned excitedly. She stuck out her bottom lip into a pout.

"Uh, I mean, maybe." He stammered.

"Puh-lease Daddy?" She begged. "We never go."

Against his better judgment he nodded. "Let's go to the park."

Luckily for him, Avery wasn't a total asshole and took them to a park that was fairly secluded and empty. He kept looking over his shoulder as he pushed Kennedy on the swings. He was convinced a paparazzi would pop out of a bush or a fan would see him. He pulled his hat lower over his face. He was having fun though, despite the paranoia. They took pictures all three of them. He knew these could easily be the last pictures they took as a family.

"Daddy watch me slide." Kennedy called from the top of the jungle gym. "Watch!"

Kennedy slid down the small slide and did over and over again. As he watched he took a moment to appreciate that he was outside with his daughter. He never thought this would happen. The deal had been clear; no going out in public with Avery while pregnant or with the baby. No posts on social media and no talking about them in interview. If he did all that he could stay in the band and they would help him.

 _May 2010_

Logan sat anxiously in Gustavo's office. He had asked to speak to him privately. He was going to tell him about Avery. They had decided to keep the baby and the album was done. He felt like the time was right.

"What do you want?"

He exhaled. "Well, uh. I got a girl pregnant and we're keeping it."

"Ha!" Gustavo laughed. "You got someone pregnant? Are you sure that's not James?"

When he didn't answer and just bit his lip Kelly gasped.

"Wait are you serious." He nodded and her eyes widened. "Oh my god."

"We have an album and a tour. There is no time for you to change diapers. Break it off."

Logan jumped up. "Gustavo no! We're keeping it, and we're together in this."

"Logan you have understand how bad this would be if it got out. Big Time Rush would be over before it started." Kelly explained calmly. "This can't happen."

"The album is done, tickets are on sale. You can't kick me out."

Gustavo turned red and made an irritated sound. "Get out dog! We'll deal with it later."

And deal with it they did. Just two days later Logan sat in the same office with Griffin, Gustavo and Kelly and the guys for support.

"Logan." Griffin began. "When Gustavo told me about your, er, situation. I was surprised my money was on James to get someone pregnant by mistake."

"Hey!" James protested.

Griffin cleared his throat. "Anyways, it's my understanding you're involved?"

"Yeah."

"Rocque Records is prepared to make a deal that benefits us both."

Gustavo jumped in. "We don't fire you and we make this problem go away."

Logan's stomach seized up. He felt strangely protective. "G-Go away how?"

Kelly gave him a reassuring look. "The label is willing to pay for an apartment for this girl and cover some medical expense in exchange for silence on the whole thing."

"My silence? What the hell does that mean?"

"No being seen in public with her once you can tell she's pregnant. No posting on social media about or to her or about being a dad. No being seen in public with the baby and no mentioning it in interviews." Kelly rattled off from her notepad.

His face was warm. "So basically I'm pretending they don't exist?"

"Exactly!" Griffin beamed and said in sing song voice. "You get to feel noble and they're provided for and RCM CBT Globalnet Sanyoid doesn't lose all the money we spent on Big Time Rush."

"But what about b-being there for Avery and the baby?"

"You'll still be able to see her at her apartment as long as you don't get caught. Once she leaves the Palm Woods."

He gawked at Kelly. "Leave the Palm Woods?"

"Well duh! You can't be seen with some pregnant girl. People will two and two together." Gustavo said, like it was the most obvious fact in the world. "And I won't have wasted my time."

When he looked unsure Kelly spoke up. "Logan this honestly the best option. Avery is going to be provided for. Both with somewhere to live and financial support. There will be plenty of time to see her between tours and events."

"But no mentioning them?"

"No! No pictures, no posts, not talking about them, no being seen out. No dates, no parks, no slip ups!" Gustavo shouted. "This is between us, no telling extra people!"

Logan exhaled, shakily. This was the only he could stay in California and actually be there to help Avery. It sucked though, but maybe after the tour he could tell the truth. He looked at his friends who nodded. He picked up the pen and scribbled his name down on the contract.

"Deal."

 _November 2014 – Present_

The park had been fun. It was great to be out with his family, like there were no secrets. It felt like they were just normal teen parents and not a singer and a secret girl. Kennedy had started to get whiny and hungry so Avery cut the park trip short. Even though he didn't say it out loud, Avery had seemed kind of happy too. Logan carried Kennedy into the apartment and helped her out of her school clothes and into pajamas.

"Eat your snack and then you need to start your homework." Avery reminded as she placed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of her. "I'm sure Daddy will help you."

Logan smiled. "Of course, what's your homework?"

"Colors." She said through a mouthful of jelly.

He opened her folder and smiled at the sloppy child's handwriting on assignment. He glanced it over. She had to circle all the yellow items, draw a box around the blue items, put a star on the red objects and make a triangle around the green items. Once she finished her food she climbed into Logan's lap and took a pencil from the table. She worked quietly, she was smart, just like Avery and himself. Avery had sent him her first report card awhile back and it glowed with praise.

"Daddy is this red or yellow?" She asked, looking confused. "Sometimes the sun looks red before bedtime."

He looked at the sheet, it was yellow. "You're right but that's because that's sunrise. The sun gets red before it goes to bed. But this is the sun in the middle of the day. What color is the sun during the day?"

"Yellow. Thanks Daddy!" She chirped, drawing a large and wobbly circle around the last picture. "Check it?"

Logan checked her answers. "They're all right. Good job baby girl! Is that all you have to do?"

"Yep. Mommy has to sign it though." Kennedy climbed off his lap and onto the floor. "I'm playing."

"I'll take it to her." He kissed her face. "Good job Kens."

Logan walked down the hall with Kennedy and she went into her room. He stopped at Avery's door and knocked softly. "Aves?"

"W-What?" Her voice sounded strange.

"Kennedy finished her work. She said you need to sign it."

The door opened, revealing Avery who's eyes were red. She took the pen and signed it across the top. "You checked it?"

"Uh huh. Only had to fix one. She's smart."

Avery looked proud. "She is. Where is she?"

"Her room. She looked tired."

"It's naptime so you can go."

He felt anxious. "Go? I barely saw her."

"Well I'm not sitting here with you until dinner Logan."

"Oh because letting me see my daughter is so much of a hassle?"

"Sort of. I can't look at you right now."

Logan stepped into her room. "Aves. I know you're mad but I leave soon. Please?"

"Only because you're leaving. Put this in her folder." She shoved it back and pushed past him.

She limped down the hall and into the kitchen. She washed and dried Kennedy's plate and took out some items from the fridge. Logan carefully put the worksheet away and put the folder into the backpack.

"Today was nice. I liked hanging out in public."

"Hmm." She agreed quietly as she grabbed a knife.

There was a lapse in conversation.

"Aren't we going to talk?"

Avery's back was to him. She was starting dinner. "There's nothing to talk about."

There was silence for a moment. The only sound was the chopping of her knife.

"Nothing to talk about? You want full custody."

Chop. Chop. Chop.

"I know and you're a liar. There we talked."

"Can't we be mature about this?"

"I am. A mature person does what's best for their child and for Kennedy, that's not seeing you."

He crossed his arms. "And why is that best?"

"Because." Chop. "I'm not setting her up for a life of disappointment."

"I don't want to disappoint her or you. I just didn't know how to tell you."

"If you truly feel like that we can go to court. I'm protecting her."

Logan saw that her shoulders were shaking. "Aves?"

She turned around, she was crying. "L-Logan you can see her before you leave. Every night this week. But can you g-go right now?"

"Avery what's wrong?" He stepped closer and she stepped away. "Come on, tell me."

"I can't see you right now. I'm still hurt and really pissed." Before he could speak she continued. "Yes I know she's yours and that you leave soon but please just go."

"Avery, no. I'm staying for dinner."

She went and opened the door. "Now!"

Logan stomped towards the door. "This is bullshit."

"So is lying. You can see her tomorrow and every day until you leave but after that you're gone."

"I'm sorry about the tour being longer. It's not like I'm happy either." He spoke quickly, desperately. "I don't want to say goodbye either!"

"This isn't one of your songs Logan." She spat. "I'm pissed and I don't want to see you right now."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "You can kick me out now but I have rights."

"Not for long."

"She's my daughter and you're not going to keep her from me."

Avery shrugged and shut the door. Logan pounded his fist against it.

"Damn it you can't do this!" He shouted. "I have rights."

Logan shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He was losing her and he knew it. She didn't speak to him or return his calls. He didn't even get to say goodbye to Kennedy. There was a distance between them even when they were in the same room. He was losing her more and more each day. No matter how he tried he didn't think he could fix this. Maybe this was it, maybe this is how their story ended. It had been destined to end like this since the day he signed that contract in front of the label. He had sealed his fate. Logan shook his head. No. It couldn't end like this. He wouldn't let it.

"This isn't over Avery!" He called. "It won't end like this!"

* * *

AN: I don't really like the ending it feels rushed but I need to update before midnight to stay on track. After Saturday's update I'll be back on schedule. Hopefully you will review. I didn't get any reviews on 11 and only one review on 10 which was my favorite chapter so far. So please please please review. We finally saw the infamous deal he made all those years ago. And there was normal family time! Avery seems sad don't you think? Next chapter Logan says goodbye! Stay tuned and please review. Thanks!


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Well here it is. Logan says his goodbyes this chapter. There are some cute Avery/Logan moments and Kennedy/Logan moments. I quite liked writing this chapter. I am caught up on updates now so I will be updating every Monday and Friday from now on. **On that note, I updated 3 times this past week so please review and read any chapters you might have missed. I would greatly apperciate reviews on chapter 9 and 11. 11 doesn't have a single review.** Also I posted a Kendall one called Toxic if you're interested.

I hope you are moved by this chapter, I know I was. Enjoy and leave some feedback. See you soon!

* * *

The dark SUV pulled into the parking lot next to Avery's building where he never parked. Logan ran a hand over his face trying to keep himself from getting too anxious so soon. Today was the day had been dreading for the past month. He was saying goodbye to Kennedy and Avery and if things worked out in Avery's favor it would be for the last time.

"Thanks for coming w-with me guys. I appreciate it." Logan said quietly, unbuckling his seatbelt. "I won't be long."

His friends had come with him for moral support. They knew how hard this day was going to be for Logan. They didn't want him to be alone in this.

Kendall patted his shoulder from the backseat. "Take your time okay?"

"Yeah, no rush." Carlos agreed. "We'll be here."

Logan gathered his stuff and sighed. "Thanks."

"Good luck man." James gave him an encouraging smile.

Logan shut the door and walked into the lobby of Avery's building. He took the stairs, slowly, one at a time. He tried to delay this for a long as possible. Each stair he took brought him closer to his family but also brought the end closer. Tour started tomorrow and they left tonight. Logan had been at Avery's every day for the past week. He took Kennedy to school every day with Avery, picked her up and stayed until it was time for Kennedy to go to bed. He had tried to savor every moment he had because he knew that after today things wouldn't be the same. He and Avery had barely spoke in all that time. Car rides were mostly silent and so were the hours that Kennedy had been napping. He didn't want to miss a single moment with her so he stayed during her naps. They hadn't fought since last week but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. It meant that Avery's mind was made up. Logan frowned and knocked on the door.

"H-Hey." He said shakily as Avery stepped into the hall.

Her eyes were red, as if she had been crying. She shut the door behind her and crossed her arms.

"Please make this quick. Like take your time saying goodbye but don't drag it out okay? She d-doesn't deserve that." She sighed looked away. "I hate t-this."

Logan put a hand on her shoulder. "Come Aves, talk to me."

"You're leaving again. I'm used to you not being here. I was okay with it when I was pregnant and when she was a baby." She swallowed. "But now you're leaving more than just me behind."

Logan nodded and fiddled with his snapback. "I know and I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you guys either."

He leaned in and gave her a hug, she was stiff underneath him. He hugged her tightly and then he kissed the top of her head.

"So, I uh, got you something." He said softly as he reached down to the bag at his feet. "This is that s-song I played you the other night. You liked it, before I told you about tour."

He gently shoved the CD into her hands. He had used the studio to record a rough version of it over the past week.

"I thought maybe you could listen to it. O-or Kennedy could I don't know." He reached back down and picked up a small box. He was nervous. "And I know you said this wasn't one of my songs but I wanted to prove to you how much you matter to me."

He opened the small box, which revealed a slim silver bracelet with a bar in the middle of the chain. Avery took the box from him and looked at it. He pushed up his sleeve and stuck out his arm. He had a matching bracelet with a slight thicker bar and a leather strap instead of a delicate chain around his wrist.

"Turn it over."

On the back were engraved words.

"Thinking about you." She whispered.

Logan flipped over his bracelet revealing his engraving. "Worldwide."

Avery stared at his bracelet and then his. "Thanks, it's cute."

He shoved his sleeve back down. "I-I know it's kind of dumb. But it's true I'm always thinking about you and Kennedy. The first time I left for tour I told you that I'm never as far away as it may seem and you said this isn't a song. And I know that but it's true. I never stop thinking about you when I'm gone."

"Logan it's sweet. It is. But it doesn't change the fact that you're leaving and that you lied."

His small smile dropped from his face. He hadn't expected a bracelet and a song to fix everything but he thought it would at least help.

"I think about you too." Her voice was soft, reluctant to admit this. "I miss you when you're gone but this doesn't change much. I can't do this anymore. The constant coming and going, the hiding and all secrets. I don't deserve that and Kennedy especially doesn't. So after today I can't have you c-coming back okay? N-Not until you're done with all this secret business at least. You can call her and Skype her but you have to go."

"Avery." He protested. "Please."

"If you want a legal battle when you get back be my guest. But for now I can't do this."

Logan let out a shaky breath. He was helpless and could only nod his head. "Alright."

He leaned in and kissed her. It was soft, gentle. He could feel the finality of it all, this would probably be their last. She kissed back slightly, just for a moment. If could just stay here like this with Avery everything would be okay. When he pulled back to smile at her she didn't smile back at him. She just opened the door and act like the kiss didn't happen, like she wasn't taking their daughter away from him.

"Don't you dare drag this out and make it any harder for her okay?"

"I won't. I swear." He promised quickly. "I just need to say goodbye to her."

Avery walked into the apartment. "Kennedy, Daddy's here."

Kennedy came into the living room in a blur of curly hair and excitement.

"Hi Daddy." She said brightly.

He picked her up. "Hi baby girl."

"Mommy let me stay home today."

"Did she?" He asked, already knowing the answer. They had agreed that Kennedy should stay home so she could say goodbye. "That's good."

"Uh huh. She made me pancakes and let me watch cartoons all morning."

Logan chuckled weakly. Avery was trying to make the day good for her despite what was about to come. He held her tighter, trying to remember how happy she was.

"That sounds awesome baby girl. Is there anything you want to do today?"

The three year old scrunched up her face in deep thought. "More cartoons."

He glanced at Avery for permission and looked less than pleased but she nodded anyway. Logan was grateful for this extended time he had been given. He wasn't ready to walk away just yet.

"Sounds like a plan." Logan sat down on the couch and Kennedy made herself comfortable on his lap.

Avery begrudgingly sat down next to Logan. "Not too long. Okay Kennedy?'

She nodded, already engrossed in the colorful cartoon. "Kay."

Logan looked over at Avery who was staring at her lap. Her hair covered most of her face but he could tell she was frowning. He reached over and took her hand, she tensed up at his touch and looked over at him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, guilt pulling at his chest.

Avery didn't say it was okay she just looked irritated and dejected. Much like she did four years ago when he left the first time. Everything had changed so much since then. When he left the first time he knew he was coming home to her and eventually to Kennedy. But today there was no sense of a temporary goodbye. Everything was now permanent, there would be nothing and no one for him to come home too. Logan squeezed her hand tightly, not wanting to let go. He scooted closer to her and kept hold of her hand. Kennedy was snuggled on his lap. He just wanted to stay like this for as long as humanly possible. This was his family, he was happy here.

The half hour passed by quickly. He had spent that past 30 minutes holding Avery's hand and snuggling with Kennedy trying to focus on the moment of peace. So when the credits started to roll and Kennedy turned around his stomach seized up and his heart began to pound.

"Can we watch another one?" She asked.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to say yes Avery interjected.

"Actually Kennedy. Daddy needs to talk to you."

The child looked up expectantly at Logan. "About what?"

The young father let out a long sigh. "You know Daddy loves you so much right?"

"I love you too Daddy."

He winced at this. She was so happy and looked up to him. "Well I got you a p-present."

Gently, he moved Kennedy off his lap and walked over to the table by the door with trembling legs. He grabbed the bag that had contained Avery's gifts and went back to the couch.

"You know your lamb I got for you when you were really little?" He reached into the bag. "Well I thought she needed a dad too."

He shyly handed her another stuffed lamb with a blue bow around his neck. Kennedy shrieked with excitement and held onto the toy tightly. Logan smiled at the reaction, he had been worried she wouldn't like it.

"Thank you Daddy. Now she has a dad, just like me."

"Just like you." He echoed faintly. "I got you something else too."

He opened a small box, and showed her a small necklace. It was just like the bracelets he and Avery had. He chose a necklace for her because she was so tiny and bracelet wouldn't fit.

"Daddy it's pretty. I like it!"

He removed it from the box with unsteady hands. "H-here let me put it on for you."

Kennedy jumped up and down anxiously as Logan fastened the clasp. "Do I look pretty?"

"Prettiest girl in the world." He grinned, kissing her face. "It matches Daddy's bracelet."

He held out his arm again and glanced at Avery who looked over at the box she had sat on the coffee table along with the CD.

"What's it say?"

Logan pointed to the words on her necklace. "Yours says 'Thinking about you'. And mine says 'Worldwide'."

"How come?"

Logan ran a hand over his face. "Well, because Daddy loves you so much no matter where he is. I'm always thinking about you even when I'm far away for work. I think about you worldwide. Just like the song."

"I'll love you worldwide too Daddy!"

He inhaled sharply at her innocence. "M-Mommy has one too."

"Mommy put it on we'll match! Please Mommy?"

Avery looked upset. "Sure, baby."

Kennedy watched and waited until Avery put her bracelet on. She cringed as if the metal burned her wrist but tried to look happy for her daughter's sake.

"Better?"

Kennedy nodded and turned to Logan. "I want to make you something!"

"You don't have to do that baby girl. Seeing you is enough."

She didn't listen though, she was already halfway to her room. Logan stood from his crouched position and went over to Avery, looping his hand through hers.

"I'll g-go soon, okay? Don't kick me out."

She nodded, her lower lip was quivering. "A-Alright."

Logan hugged her tightly. "I love you so much Avery. I love you, I swear."

"I'm fine." She insisted. "It's just going to be hard for Kennedy."

"Then don't make this a permanent goodbye. Let me come home to you at the end of tour."

"Come home to what exactly? A secret family that you never mention or see?"

"To you and Kens. Let me come home to you."

Avery shook her head. "You lied to us. That's not okay."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'm going to fight for you guys though."

Kennedy came back into the room and Avery quickly distanced herself from him. She let go of his hand and stepped back.

"Daddy I made you a picture. It's us."

Logan took the drawing. It was Avery, Kennedy and himself. They all had a bracelet or necklace on and there were sloppy childlike hearts all around the page. Kennedy had written her name and 'Love U Daddy' near the bottom. Logan smiled at her and put it in his pocket.

"I'll keep it forever."

"Maybe tomorrow we can have a tea party with my lamb and her daddy. Mommy can we? You can come too."

Logan knew it had to be now or he would never leave. He stooped down in front of her.

"Baby girl, Daddy won't be here tomorrow." He began, trying to keep his voice even. "I have to go to work again."

Her face dropped. "B-But you're home and take me to school."

"I know and it's been so fun taking you to school and tucking you in. But I-I have to go to work so I can take care of you and Mommy."

Kennedy started whining. "Please stay home. You can get a job here."

"I wish I could baby girl, but I have to go on tour with you uncles. I promise you I wish I could stay home with you and your mom."

She started crying and Logan almost teared up himself. "I d-don't like when you go away."

"I know, I don't either but I have too. But I love you and your mommy so much."

"I l-love you too Daddy. Mommy can I go with him?"

Avery was biting at her thumbnail, her darker skin had gone pale. "No Kens, you have school."

"Daddy please can I go?"

Her little face was wet with tears and her eyes were already red. Logan stared at her and tried to remember what she looked like. His lopsided smile when she wasn't crying. Avery's nose. A mixture of his and Avery's skin tones. Her mother's hair and her father's eyes. Right now their eyes had never looked more similar. Both red and full of tears. This child was his daughter, a person that he and Avery had created and this was the last time he'd see her.

"I'm s-sorry. You can't come." He mumbled. "I'm sorry for everything."

Kennedy hugged around his neck tightly. "I don't like when you go."

Logan held onto to her tightly. "I don't either. But I love you so so much."

"I love you too Daddy."

Logan's chest hurt but he willed himself not to panic too much. "I'm g-going to call you and talk to you on the computer every day. I p-promise Kennedy, I will."

"And then you'll come home?" She asked tearfully.

He looked over Kennedy's shoulder, up at Avery. She was crying quietly and shook her head. His stomach tightened up painfully and it felt like the air had been knocked from his lungs.

"D-Daddy won't be home for a long time. But I will _always_ love you baby girl. Don't forget that okay? I love you no matter what."

Kennedy couldn't speak she was crying so hard she just shook her head.

"Hey Kennedy. Hey, if you get s-sad just look at your necklace okay? I'm always thinking about y-you and your mommy. No m-matter how far away I am or how long it is I l-love you more than anything. And I-I'm proud of you." Logan kissed her face and let his shoulders shake as he cried. "I love you."

"Why a-are you crying?" She blubbered.

Logan gave her a tearful smile. "Because I-I love you so much. You're so smart and so pretty. Just like Mommy and I'm going to see again one day. I promise."

"Why is it long?"

This question surprised him. "Well. Daddy has to w-work for a long t-time and I don't want to make you sad."

"Oh."

He rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I let you down. But you know what?"

"What?" She whimpered, rubbing her eyes.

"I loved you since I found out a-about you. Since Mommy told me about you, I've loved you." He pulled her close and grabbed her hand. "I remember holding you when you were tiny and I loved you then and I love you now."

She kissed his face. "Love you too Daddy."

Avery covered her mouth with one hand and cried. With the other hand she made a signal for him to wrap it up.

"You have to take care of Mommy. You're going to make me s-so proud. You're so special baby girl and I love you so much." He said quickly, thinking of everything he wanted to say. "I'm going to miss you."

Kennedy seemed to sense he was leaving soon because she cried even more. "Please don't go Daddy. Please stay home."

Logan stood up and picked her up. "God, I love you so much."

Kennedy had her arms around his neck. "Please don't go."

"I have to and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He stammered. "I love you."

The child squeezed hard, nearly choking Logan. "No! Stay with us Daddy."

"Kennedy." Avery said faintly. "He has to go."

"No! He can stay with us. We can go to the park."

Logan felt himself growing weak, his resolve softening. "I wish I could. But I have to g-go. I love you, okay? I love you so much baby girl."

"I love you too Daddy." She hiccupped and kissed him. "I wish I could come."

Tears fell down all of their faces now. They were one sad family, something Logan had never wanted them to be. He had tried his hardest to make them happy and he had failed them. Just like his own father had. The cycle had been repeated. He hugged Kennedy and kissed her face all over.

"I love you so much Kennedy." He whispered. "I love you."

Kennedy was a mess. "L-Love you too."

He unwillingly handed her over to Avery. He held onto to her small hand for as long as possible, not wanting to leave her. He stared into his daughter's face, feeling guilty and heartbroken.

"B-Be good okay? I love you and I'm sorry."

"Love you Daddy. S-see you soon."

Logan felt ill and he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Bye baby girl I love you."

Avery held her tight. "Shh, it's okay. It's going to be alright."

They stared at each other knowing this was it. Avery cried silently as she stared at him, thinking of all the times they had done this. Logan stared back and bit on his lip as he cried. He looked at her and thought of how they looked at each the night they slept together. He never thought he'd be leaving her and their daughter years later. He stepped close to her and kissed her cheek.

"I love you." He whispered to her. "I love you and I'm so sorry."

"Bye Logan." She whispered back.

"I'll come home to you. I p-promise."

They stared at each other for another moment before looking down to their daughter who was crying.

"I love you Kennedy." He kissed her one last time. "I l-love you so much."

"Bye Daddy." She kissed his cheek and then cried into Avery's chest. "L-Love you too. See you when you come b-back"

Logan stepped into the hallway, even though his body begged for him to do otherwise. He waved and mouthed a silent tearful goodbye to them. Avery waved back and shut the door. From the other side he could hear Kennedy still crying and he cried too.

"I love you." He murmured. "Be back soon."

He stared at the door for a final moment and then with all of his energy he stumbled down the stairs. Almost tripping in hurry to suddenly get out of the claustrophobic building. He couldn't be in there knowing he no longer had a family waiting for him. He pushed opened the door and staggered outside. He cried so hard he thought he'd get sick for a moment. His chest was tight and he fought for breath.

"Come on. Get in the car, just sit down." Kendall said softly. "Just breathe."

He let his friends guide him into the backseat. He collapsed and curled into himself, fully sobbing and tugging at his hair. They were gone, he didn't have them anymore. His chest rose and fell as fell apart. Kennedy and Avery's sad faces burned into his brain.

"I-I lost them." He wheezed hysterically. "I lost them."

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AN: He's gone and Avery is done with him. What did you think of his gifts to them and their goodbyes? Writing this actually made me sad. I hope you enjoyed, I am officially caught up and back on the track I wanted to be on. So I will now be posting twice a week again starting Monday! Please, please, please go back and review chapters 10 and especially 11 if you haven't already. I hope you enjoyed I will see you soon!


	14. Chapter 14

AN: WOW! I just hardly made the midnight deadline for today! It's 11:57 PM. This chapter turned out different than I planned. I kind of like it though! There's a cute flashback! Thanks for the reviews last time. **Please review chapter 11!** I hope you enjoy this chapter. The next update with be Thursday or Friday! I hope you enjoy. Also sorry for all the jumps to different scenes that's what worked best for this chapter.

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The air was warm and stifling in Rio de Janeiro. It clung to Logan's clothes and to his skin as he pushed through the crowd outside the hotel. He pushed his sunglasses further up his nose and stuck close to the bodyguards that surrounded him and his friends. The noise was deafening, the screaming was coming from all directions. The mass amounts of body heat from the crowd made him even warmer. Thankfully, they finally made it into the back of the SUV. They all but collapsed into their seats.

It was the first night of tour and the day that _Don't Stop_ , their fourth album came out. It was exciting to see that their hard work had paid off, the album was already number one on iTunes and selling out fast. To top it off the first show of the tour was sold out. And while Logan was excited about all of this, his chest still ached. Only yesterday, he was in Los Angeles with Kennedy and Avery, watching cartoons. And today he was a world away.

"Man that was insane!" Carlos was overly enthusiastic, pressed against the window to look at the fans running alongside the car. "Look at them."

"Shit. They aren't messing around." Kendall raised his eyebrows.

James was filming the whole thing. "Some of those girls outside the hotel were hot."

Logan rolled his eyes. He was glad his friends were already enjoying themselves but he would have preferred to wallow in pity. He sighed and watched the city rush by the dark windows. He liked traveling, but he had always had a family waiting for him.

"Loge, you okay man?"

He looked up and found his friends looking at him with concern.

"I-I guess so. Just missing Kens."

They frowned, Logan had spent the entirety of the flight in the back room of the private plane. They had gone straight from Avery's to the tarmac. He cried the whole way there and most of the flight. At this point he was all cried out, his eyes were sore and his face was pale. Avery hadn't answered her phone when he tried calling her once they landed.

"It'll be okay. She'll realize not letting you see Kennedy is a huge mistake." James reassured him. "She's but bitter right now."

"Sure, I guess." Logan sighed.

Kendall ruffled his hair. "Come on, I know you're sad but we're on tour. One day closer to going home."

A small smile spread across his lips. Kendall _did_ have a point, one day was already underway. He was one step closer to going home, and hopefully one step closer to seeing Avery and Kennedy.

"You're not wrong."

"Yeah, we know you're sad, and you should be. But maybe Avery will change her mind or your custody arrangement won't be shit."

Carlos' words made the smile falter just a bit. The idea of having a set custody agreement made him feel nauseous. His time with his daughter, if he was even lucky enough to see her, would be up to Avery. But he knew Carlos was trying to help so he tried to smile convincingly.

"Hopefully."

The day consisted of nothing too exciting or riveting. Just a radio interview, a morning show interview, a stop by a music store to sign stuff for fans and play a few songs and yet another radio interview. None of this was new to the band, it had been this way for four years. It was nice to see fans though. The way their faces lit up when they got close to the guys and how some of them even cried made the aching in Logan's chest dull a bit. The band and crew had shut down an entire restaurant when they had lunch.

"Okay you guys have _two_ hours to fool around before soundcheck." Kelly stressed, looking at her watch. "Don't go too far from the venue, don't get drunk and please try not to get recognized."

At the words fool around James looked eager to leave. He had always claimed his favorite part of tour after actually singing was the sex. In true rock star fashion he at least made out with a girl in each country they visited. Kendall and Carlos planned to go to rent a boat and go sailing. Logan was left without plans. Despite all the worries he had about tour he hadn't actually looked at things to do in the places they'd travel to. They had already been here and had done the touristy stuff.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Carlos asked as they headed out. "The water could do you some good."

"I'm fine. Thanks Los."

"I'd invite you but I don't think threesomes are your thing." James laughed.

Logan shook his head. "No, definitely not."

In the end Logan had settled for walking up and down the streets near the beach. He had always liked feeling like he belonged in whatever city he was in, not just visiting. After and hour or so of checking small shops and the beach he started back towards the venue. He wiped sweat from his brow as he walked, he thought of Kennedy and how she hated the heat. His chest started to ache again and he tried not to dwell on the thought.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of dark curly hair and turned quickly, catching her arm.

"Hey!" He breathed out in relief.

The girl frowned and looked uncomfortable. Her green eyes full of confusion. Not Avery. He let go and felt his face warm with embarrassment, even in the heat.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

She just rolled her eyes and walked away. Logan let out a frustrated groan, of course Avery wasn't here. He left her alone, after lying. He stood there for moment, letting the crowd of locals and tourists push by him. Seeing someone's face in a strange city only happened in the movies. Alone and a little embarrassed, Logan walked in the opposite direction. He had never missed Avery this badly. Not even during the first tour. Of course he knew why, he wasn't coming home to be there for her and Kennedy.

" _You're going everywhere. Literally everywhere."_ She had said in the car last week. _"I'd love to travel."_

The rest of their conversation had dissolved into a small argument but that part stuck out to him. He smiled at the idea that just popped in his head. Logan kept walking until he found a small gift shop, the block was full of them. He walked inside and looked around, and picked out something for himself. Then he kept looking until he found a post card boasting a picture of the Christ statue and the beach that said 'Greetings from Rio' on it. He bought that and a stamp, borrowing a pen from the counter.

 **One day down, one day closer to coming home. I'm sorry for everything and I miss you. I told you'd I'd be thinking about you everywhere. You said you wanted to travel and I hope this brings you closer to me. I love you so much.**

 **-Logan**

He drew a line underneath that and started again.

 **Hey baby girl. I miss you so much already. Remember that I love you no matter where I am. Be good for Mommy and I'll see you soon. Love you Kennedy.**

 **-Daddy**

Logan smiled sadly at his postcard and wrote out the address and stuck the stamp on. He put it in the mail box and rested his hand on it. He knew this in no way made up for the lying, missing her birthday and the overall shittiness they had endured because of him. But he hoped that it showed Avery he was dedicated and that he really did care for her and their daughter. As he made his way back to the venue he pictured Kennedy's crying face from yesterday. He hated that he made her look like that.

It made him feel sick to his stomach knowing he was the cause of all their saddness and disappointments. He wiped at his eyes and forced himself not to cry. He'd save that for private on the plane after the show. He was tired of his friends worrying about him. They were all excited for the tour he didn't want to ruin it for them. When he made it past security and into the backstage area he saw that he was the last one back. His friends were all laughing about something and looked genuinely happy. Kendall and Carlos looked slightly tanner, if that was possible. Carlos was wearing some cheesy captain's hat and Kendall was taking a picture of a souvenir and talking to James. He looked slightly disheveled and was smirking to himself, he had probably hooked up with someone.

Logan swallowed down his sadness, determined not to mope in front of his friends. Especially today, the first night of tour.

"Hey guys!" He said brightly walking into the room. "What's up?"

"Look at this hat the rental place let me keep. I really want a boat when we get home."

James laughed from the couch. "Call it the Big Time Boat."

"Not bad." He mused. "What'd you do?"

Logan shrugged. "Went to the beach, bought a keychain and sent Avery a postcard."

"A postcard?"

"Yeah, I thought I'd send her one from every stop."

Kendall smiled. "That's cute."

"She wants to travel one day." He offered as an explanation. "So what did you get up to?"

James had a grin on his face. "Nothing special, just met some fans who were in the music store earlier. I may or may not have told them where to hang out if they wanted to get a picture later."

"Really?"

"They showed me the local sights and I taught them about American 'culture' it was a win-win."

Logan shook his head at him, chuckling. When they weren't on tour and he managed to have a girlfriend for a while James was actually a committed guy but he liked to have fun. Logan envied that a little.

"Lucky you."

James shoved him. "Tour just started, there's plenty of time to catch up."

The conversation turned into the guys remembering all of the random girls they had encountered over the past four years. Logan was relieved that they weren't focused on him for once. Of course he felt no better and felt even worse than yesterday but it was easy to just go along with the conversation. He twisted his bracelet around his wrist, wondering if Avery had kept it on after he left.

"You guys actually made it back in time?" Kelly walked into the room looking surprised. "Gustavo wants you on stage in a few minutes."

There was nothing better to do so Carlos, James and Kendall all headed to the stage. Logan lingered back for a minute and pulled out his phone. It was a little after 3 in the afternoon in Brazil meaning it was around 11 in the morning at home. Kennedy would be at school but he dialed anyways. It rang for a while before going to voicemail.

"Hey it's Avery, leave a message."

Logan cleared his throat. "Hey Aves. I miss you and I miss Kennedy. I just wanted to say hi and tell you how sorry I am. If Kennedy wants to call me when she's done with school we go on at 7:30 which is like 3:30 your time. But you probably knew that. So if I don't answer please don't think I'm ignoring you g-guys. Tell her I love her if she doesn't call okay? Please? Uh, I love you too and I miss so much already, both of you. Okay, talk to you later. B-Bye."

He hung up feeling like a moron. He had left a few voicemails already, all rambling and pointless. He stared down at his phone and frowned. Avery used to always answer when he called from tour, she even called him. But now there was nothing but an awkward silence and stupid voicemails.

 _August 2010_

"10 minutes to sound check guys please be ready." Kelly urged as she walked by.

Tour was well underway and today they were in New Jersey. It had been a few weeks since tour started and it was almost over. It had exhausting and exciting all at once but it was also upsetting to be so far away from Avery. She was doing okay, just tired and stressed out about the baby. Her morning sickness still persisted and her back hurt. But she was kind of excited and would send pictures of her bump to Logan. So when his phone rang and he saw it was her, he answered quickly.

"Hey. How was the appointment?" He asked anxiously. "Is everything okay?"

She sighed. "Y-Yeah, everything's fine."

"What's wrong?" He was concerned her voice kept cracking. "Is the baby okay?"

Avery let out a shuddery laugh. "Logan, she's fine."

His heart stopped. "She?"

"It's a girl." She laughed. "I just found out."

Logan ran a hand over his face and covered his mouth. "Oh my god. It's a g-girl?"

"Yeah, I couldn't wait to tell you. You're going to have a daughter."

A smile broke across his face and tears pricked at his eyes. He was going to have girl, a daughter. He paced back and forth, trying to let the news sink in.

"I miss you so much and I c-can't wait to get home to you and our daughter." He said softly, his voice breaking. "Sorry I wasn't there."

"It's okay, just come home soon. We miss you too Logan."

Logan nodded and smiled again. "I will. Just a few more shows. But take care of our daughter until I get back."

"I will, I promise. Call me after soundcheck."

"As soon as I get off stage. Bye Avery."

They hung up and his friends looked at him confused, they had walked in just as he hung up.

"What was that about?" Kendall question. "Everything okay?"

Logan ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "Yeah, they're g-great. It's a girl."

"A girl? Congratulations man!" James hugged him.

"What? That's great I'm for you."

"She's going to have you around her finger."

Logan grinned and nodded. "Thanks guys."

 _November 2014 – Present_

Sound check went well enough. All they did was run through a few songs to make sure the mics and speakers sounded good. The special effects team tested out the fireworks and other pyrotechnics to make sure it was safe. Sound checks were never a long process, Gustavo didn't want them worn out.

"Good rehearsal guys. Tonight's gonna be sick." Carlos grinned as he collapsed on the couch.

"I think the venue holds like 50,000 it's going to be insane." Logan said anxiously. "I hope it goes well."

"I think it will. You sounded good and besides they're just looking forward to seeing us in person." James reassured him with an easy smile. "It's the first night, everyone is just pumped up to hear the songs."

James hadn't been wrong. It was about 20 minutes before show time and they could hear the crowd even from the green room they were in. It was muffled of course but the sound was still there. They were all in their stage outfits and were sitting around waiting for the opening act to finish their set. There was nothing left for them to do except go on stage. They had warmed up and stretched and had plenty of water. James bounced up and down excitedly, Carlos was content with just hanging out and Kendall was talking to Kelly. Logan paced back and forth, the butterflies swarmed in his stomach. He was excited to finally perform the songs they had worked so hard on. They had practiced for weeks, going through lyrics and dance moves. He loved live shows, there was such an adrenaline rush. He was so focused on his thoughts about the show that his ringtone scared him. It was Avery's ringtone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Daddy! Good luck at work!"

Logan's mood lifted at the sound of his daughter's voice. "Hey, thanks baby girl! How are you?"

"Okay, I miss you a lot."

"I miss you too but you have your necklace and I have my bracelet on right now."

"I have mine on too! Mommy says you have a big show at work."

The idea of Avery even talking about him made him feel closer to them. "Yeah I do with lots and lots of people."

"Are you scared?"

He laughed a little. "Just a little bit. How was school?"

"Okay my teacher said my necklace was pretty."

This was surprising to him. Kennedy had never seemed to mention him to her teacher, according to Avery.

"That's good. I'm glad you like it."

Kennedy sounded upset. "Mommy took hers off after you left."

His mood dropped a bit. "W-Well that's okay she doesn't have to wear it. Is Mommy okay?"

"She cried after you left. But she said I was a big girl because I stopped." She bragged, causing Logan to picture her proud face and smile. "Mommy says she misses you."

"She does?" He asked hopefully.

There was noise in the background. "Oops that was a secret."

Logan was confused, did Avery not want him to know? "Well tell her I miss her too and I miss you so much baby girl."

"Miss you too Daddy. It's okay."

The young father was impressed at how brave Kennedy was being. "You're right. I love you so much."

"Love you too."

"Oh hey! Tell Mommy I'm sending you something in the mail. It might take a while but it's coming."

"Is it from far away?"

He nodded. "Yep. It's from a place called Brazil."

"It's worldwide like you are!" She said excitedly.

His chest felt heavy. "Uh huh. I love you."

"Love you more Daddy."

His smile was teary. "Hey how about you say good luck to your uncles?"

"Yay okay."

Logan put the phone on speaker walked back into the room.

"Guys Kennedy wants to say good luck. Go ahead Kens."

Logan held the phone out and Kennedy shouted.

"Good luck!"

"Thanks Kennedy." They all called back. "Love you."

Logan put the phone back to his ear and off speaker. "Tell your mom I'll call after the show to say goodnight to you. Okay?"

"Okay. Love you Daddy, miss you."

"Miss you too." He frowned at how sad she sounded. "Love you too Kens."

They hung up and Logan took a deep breath trying to stay excited for the show.

"You okay?" Kendall asked first.

Logan looked down at his bracelet and back up, forcing a smile. "Yeah let's do this."

The audience was huge and the energy and excitement was tangible. They sang the words to all the songs, even the new ones. It was incredible, the guys hadn't seen anything like this. Logan enjoyed the show, the stage effects were even more amazing during an actual show and it was great to finally see how the fans reacted to everything. Singing the new songs and dancing with his friends made him forget everything for a while. Being away from his family sucked and the uncertainty of his future was awful but performing gave him a feeling like no other.

"Get your hands in the air until the sun comes up!" He sang to the crowd. "Come Rio let me see those hands!"

His heart pumped loudly and he was covered in sweat as he danced and interacted with the audience. Big Time Rush was good and they knew it. They performed with confidence and enthusiasm. Halfway through the show they did a few slow songs so they could cool down for a minute. They sang 'Young Love' and 'Cover Girl', it had been chill and nice to catch their breath but the next song made Logan's mood sour a bit.

"So today is the day you've been waiting for." James announced to the arena. "Our fourth album _Don't Stop_ is officially out!"

The crowd cheered and Kendall gave them a huge grin. "We just wanted to say thank you for all the support."

"You're the best fans in the world and it's been a crazy ride." Carlos continued, wiping the sweat from his face.

"And we're so honored to be back in South America. You've followed us from the beginning and you're best fans in the world. Who's ready for a throwback?" Logan asked, holding out the last word, making the audience cheer even louder.

The intro to 'Worldwide' started and Logan tried to keep his face even. He glanced down at the bracelet and his wrist felt heavy. Kendall and James sang their parts and Logan shakily sang back-up vocals and his parts.

"I'm n-never far away as it may seem."

Saying goodbye to Avery the first time flashed into his mind and he blinked back the moisture in his eyes. He had those exact words to her back then. It had been a joke then to make her feel better about him leaving, but now he was across the world.

"We'll pick up right where we left off." James sang from the other side of the stage.

That wasn't going to happen for him. Avery didn't want to see him anymore, there would be no picking up where things ended.

He and the guys sang the chorus together, changing Tokyo to Rio. The audience got excited when they heard their city but he didn't smile like his friends did.

"Girl I'll be thinking about you w-worldwide, worldwide, worldwide." Logan's voice cracked a few times and the guys turned to look at him. "Girl I'll be thinking about you w-worldwide, worldwide, worldwide."

The silver bar of his bracelet caught the lights of the stage and he couldn't look up from it. How could she not be wearing hers? She said she missed him too, if that was true why didn't she show it?

"Yes, I may meet a million pretty girls that know my name. But don't you worry, cause you have my heart."

Over the past four years Logan had met thousands of beautiful girls from all over the world. But no matter who he met or where he went he still wanted the girl from California. The one who wanted to be a screenwriter and cooked organic food even though she hated it, the girl who had given him a daughter. She was the only one for him and he had lost her.

He pulled the mic away and sniffled, feeling hot tears escape from his eyes. He managed to get through his next line.

"It ain't easy to keep on m-moving city to city. Just get up and g-go." It was a struggle to keep his voice from breaking.

Even though this song hadn't been written about him and Avery it fit them so well. He hated always leaving. He hated the looks on her and Kennedy's faces every time he said goodbye. He especially hated the looks they gave him yesterday. The thought of Avery and Kennedy's faces was too much for him. A sob made it's from his throat and into the microphone.

"The show must go on so I need you to be strong" Kendall sang trying to distract the crowd.

Carlos thankfully sang Logan's line about never being far away as it seemed. Logan was bent over trying to catch his breath. He refused to have a panic attack on stage. He only had a few more solo parts left. After he stood upright he walked closer to the front and stood close to his bandmates.

"Never as far away as it may seem." He sang once more.

The band launched into the chorus again and he simply mouthed the words and didn't sing. His throat felt tight and all he could hear was Kennedy begging him to stay.

James belted out his main verse about not taking another goodbye.

"You're the one that I'm waiting on." James sang to the fans giving them a wink.

Avery wasn't waiting on him, he had messed that up for himself. He hadn't stopped crying but gained a little more control of his voice.

"G-Girl I'll be thinking about you worldwide." He sang a few times, looking at his the words on his wrist wondering if Avery was thinking of him. He knew Kennedy was thinking about him and he was thinking about her too. "Worldwide, w-worldwide, worldwide."

Carlos sang the dramatic part where the song slowed down and Kendall sang small lines.

"Worldwide. Worldwide. Worldwide." Logan was doing back-up vocals with a frown on his face.

The song seemed to last an eternity and Logan could just barely hold it together long enough to finish the song. He was panicking. He was in a different country and his family was in the US without him. He was nothing but a liar who let down his daughter and her mom. Avery was right, he was nothing but a deadbeat. Logan tugged at his collar, it felt tight around his throat and shakily sang out the last few lines of the song.

"Yes, I may meet a million pretty girls that know my name. B-But don't you worry, b-because you have my heart."

Logan ignored the fans cheering and the flashes from cameras as he stormed offstage before the song ended. There was scheduled two minute break anyways but he didn't wait for the venue to go dark. Once backstage he kicked the wall and cried loudly.

"Logan, hey just breathe. It's okay." Carlos tried to soothe him. "Come on just relax."

He could hear his friend's words but struggle to actually relax.

"I c-can't go back to them." He gasped. "She doesn't w-want me there."

"That's not true. She's just upset. She'll come around." Kendall pressed a cup of water into his hand. "You'll be okay."

James in front of his. "We only have a few songs left. You don't have to go back out."

"Yes he does. It's the first night of tour." Gustavo barked. "I know it sucks but cry later!"

Logan rolled his eyes and downed the water. "Fuck you." He mumbled walking back to the stage.

Logan managed to finish the show and enjoy himself a little more. He was still upset but he didn't want to let the fans down too.

"Thanks Rio!" He called, a fake smile on his face. "It's been great. We'll see you soon!"

Back the SUV, later that night he was going out with his friends to celebrate. He had his phone to his ear. They were all high off of the energy of the show, Logan was quiet from the third row of seats.

"Hi Daddy. Did you do good?"

Logan smiled at the sound of her voice, he didn't feel as sick. "It was okay. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too Daddy. I have to go to bed."

"Alright. Sweet dreams baby girl, I love you so much."

Kennedy made a kissing sound through the phone. "I love you too."

"Tell your mom I miss her and that I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay. Love you Daddy."

"Love you too Kennedy. Bye baby."

Once he hung up James slung an arm over his shoulder. "Come we're getting wasted."

"James." He groaned.

"Nope. You work hard and tonight was the first show of tour. We are celebrating, relax for one night."

"Just one drink." He grumbled. "I just want to be alone."

One drink turned into two and two turned to three. After that he lost count, and that didn't count all the shots he did. The guys were all hyped about the album and tour. Logan was excited too of course but he was mostly drinking to suppress the feelings from earlier. He had never panicked on stage like that. It was embarrassing but the strong alcohol in his veins helped. He danced with a girl to fast song in language he didn't know. She wasn't Avery but the attention helped him a little. He dumped yet another shot down his throat and laughed despite his foul mood.

"You want to slow down?" Kendall yelled over the music, worry in his voice. "You've had a lot."

Logan shook his head and grinded even more against the stranger in front of him. Why should he? He had no family to go back to, Avery wouldn't speak to him. He might as well forget about her for a night.

"No way." He slurred. "Nothing matters anymore."

Carlos looked concerned but didn't say anything as Logan drank even more.

"A-Avery doesn't care about me. Why should I?"

That night everything was a blur. He made out with that girl but his friends drug him out before anything else could happen. His stomach felt sick and he vaguely thought of his dad. But he felt light and free. He stumbled over his own feet as he left the club, clinging to his friends.

"I-I'ma show 'er." He mumbled. "She's gonna be sorry. I don't even m-miss her."

"Whatever you say." Carlos sighed, holding him up.

Logan sniffled loudly and blinked with watery eyes. "Who needs her?"

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AN: So Logan's still pretty damn sad :( He panicked on stage and Gustavo was an ass to him. What did you think of his postcard idea and how he behaved in the club? Please review and let me know what you thought! Please look at and review 11 while you're at it. See you THURSDAY or FRIDAY!


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Hello all! Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I've been traveling and didn't have wifi to post on Friday. This chapter is not my favorite sorry about the quality. There are some important bits but this just feels messy to me. I hope you guys are still entertained by it. The song in this chapter is The Saddest Song by The Ataris but you need to listen to the Davide Mongiusti cover on Youtube. Please review, I see how many new followers I have and I hope you contribute! Please review this and chapter 11 if you have time. I'd really like to hit 30 reviews. Next update will be Monday or Tuesday! Enjoy and review please. :)

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The Don't Stop Tour was in full swing and doing everything but slowing down. Tickets were selling fast, entire arenas were sold out in minutes and the album was still at number one. Big Time Rush all over the world. Brazil, Argentina, Mexico, Chile. They then left South American and had spent the first week and a half of December crisscrossing Asia. From Tokyo and Osaka to Hong Kong to the Philippines, the band was making their mark and was busier than ever. It was now time for another week of jammed packed days in Australia and New Zealand. The band would be there for the week before diving into the bulk of the tour which took place in Europe. So far the shows had gone off without a hitch and the guys were blown away by the fans' reactions and the success. They were happy, on top of the world. Except for Logan.

"Would you kindly pull the stick out of your ass?" Carlos joked as they looked out the hotel window at the skyline. "We've never been to Australia, you should try to enjoy it."

Logan sighed and stared out the window. "I know. I'm trying, I am. Really, tour's been great, I just miss them."

"We get that but it's hard to see you this way." James sounded surprisingly kind.

What other way did his friends expect him to be? He had spoken to Kennedy almost every day but never for long and she cried when they hung up still. And then Avery still hadn't spoken to him, he had left three weeks ago and he hadn't heard her voice since. The only contact he had was when she texted him was a few days after Rio, thanking him for the post card. It was hard on him, it been hard to sleep at night and he had been having more nightmares. Now they included dreams of Kennedy and Avery being happy in their apartment and Logan not being able to get in.

"Sorry." He shrugged, with a half smile and went back to staring out the window.

Behind him, he could hear his friends shuffling. He rolled his eyes, he honestly just wanted to be by himself. When he was onstage he could turn it on and act like nothing was wrong. He even managed to make it through most of Worldwide last night before crying backstage. In interviews he smiled and made jokes. When he met fans he would laugh with them and be happy to sign stuff. That last part was true, he did love meeting fans. He had a soft spot for fans who were mixed and had curly dark hair. But for the rest of his job there was always a fake smile on his face. As soon as the show ended and the cameras stopped rolling and the fans walked away it was back to frowning and trying not to cry. He hated that he was bringing down his friends mood so he'd try to perk up for their sake.

"Logan, man what's wrong?" Kendall across from him. "You have to talk to us."

"I miss Avery and Kennedy and want to be with them." He explained, staring directly at him. "Not much has changed since the last time we did this."

Kendall sighed. "She still won't talk to you?"

"Nope, just Kennedy. And even then I can hear her in the background telling her to hurry up. It's like she doesn't want me to even exist." He laughed dryly. "Not that I can blame her, they're p-probably better off without me."

"Hey, hey don't say that. Kennedy adores you and you know that. Avery is still probably upset but they wouldn't be better off without you." James looked worried. "You're Skyping her today right? Just keep telling her to get Avery."

Logan considered this a moment. "I am in a few minutes. Maybe I'll do it before I get off so Avery won't be too pissed."

"You'll get see her soon. It's going to be okay." Carlos promised. "I'm sure she misses you too."

xxx

"Daddy! Hi!" Kennedy shouted as she leaned into the camera. "I miss you!"

Logan smiled and felt a real surge of genuine happiness for the first time all day. He looked at Kennedy trying to see if she had changed in the past three weeks. Of course, she hadn't but it felt like it had been so long.

"Hi baby girl. It's so good to see you I miss you too!"

"Daddy look. I'm wearing my necklace!"

She held up the chain with her small hands and looked excited. Logan pulled back his sleeve and held his arm up.

"I'm wearing mine too. I'm still thinking about you." He promised, he felt better again, like he wasn't sad all the time. "How has school been?"

Kennedy couldn't hide the disappointment on her face. "Okay but kids brought their daddies with them for breakfast and Mommy had to come."

Logan swallowed and frowned. "I'm sorry Kens, I wish I could have been there."

"Can we get breakfast when you come home?" She sounded so hopeful. "Please?"

He wanted to say yes to her so badly, make it up to her. But he knew he was most likely not going back to her.

"M-Maybe. You should ask Mommy if we can when I get home."

Kennedy turned to look at Avery who was out of the frame. "Mommy? When Daddy gets home can we get breakfast?"

There was sigh. "I don't know. Daddy is away for a long time."

Hearing Avery's voice again Logan perk up. He hadn't heard it in three weeks and he realized just how much he missed her. Unfortunately, she didn't appear on screen she just telling Kennedy that she shouldn't get too excited about seeing Logan anytime soon.

"Did you get the postcards I sent you and Mommy?" He asked, trying to focus on Kennedy and not her mother.

"Uh huh! Mommy reads them to me. Where are you at?"

"We're in a country called Australia this week. And then we're going to Europe for a while."

Kennedy nodded, acting like she understood. "And then you'll be home?"

"Yep. I miss you so much baby girl."

Kennedy grinned. "I miss you too!"

The rest of their conversation stayed relatively cheerful. Logan told her about all the places he had been and she told him what she was learning in school.

"Look! Remember that picture you drew me when I first came over? I brought it with me."

Logan carefully unfolded the drawing and held it up the camera. He had promised he'd keep it with when she gave it to him. Right now they were flying from show to show so he didn't have a bunk to put it in. He kept it in his backpack. Seeing her handwriting made him feel closer to her.

"You kept it!"

"Of course I kept it baby girl. I take it everywhere with me." He smiled, seeing how happy she was. "It's like having you with me."

"I miss you Daddy."

"I miss you more baby girl."

Kennedy looked off screen again and sighed. "Mommy says I have to go. I have to take a nap."

Logan frowned. "Alright. Sleep well baby girl, I'll call you later okay?"

She nodded and sniffled. "Love you."

"I love you too."

Kennedy blew him a kiss and he blew one back. She scurried off screen and suddenly Avery appeared. Logan's face warmed and a surge of loneliness surfaced. He hadn't realized how much he had missed her until he saw her face.

"Avery! Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine." She tone was short. "How are you?"

"Okay, tour is going well. I miss you so much though. God it's great to see you." He breathed out. "I'm still so sorry about everything."

"That's good. You've been busy." She played with her hands. "Traveling everywhere."

"So you've got my postcards?" He gave her a crooked smile.

"Yeah." Her face softened. "I think they're really cool."

He exhaled in relief. "Good. At first I thought it was stupid but I'm so glad you like them."

Avery bit her lip. "Logan we need to talk."

"About?"

"I-I don't think you should bother coming home for Christmas." She said softly.

Anger flooded his body. "What? Why?"

"I know you were excited but she keeps thinking that after Christmas you're home for good and she just started feeling like herself again. I don't want her to be sad again. And I don't think you're a good influence on her right now."

As much as he hated to admit it, he didn't want to upset Kennedy either. Saying goodbye to her the first had been awful and he never wanted to make her feel that way again. But Avery calling him a bad influence just didn't make sense.

"How the hell am I a bad influence?" He demanded. "I'm barely around enough to even influence her."

Avery grimaced and looked guilty. "Well, it's all the drinking. I know you're on tour and stuff but I've seen pictures of you coming out of clubs and looking trashed. I just don't know if I want that around Kennedy."

"Are you kidding me? I've going to clubs because _you_ won't talk to me or let me see my daughter."

She rolled her eyes. "So you think getting drunk and going out is going to make me want to speak to you and let you around Kennedy?"

"Not necessarily but I've been spending the past three weeks under the impression that you never wanted to see me again. Why wouldn't I drink?"

"Are you really that immature and insecure that you can't handle me not talking to you?"

Logan groaned. "It's not that. It's just that, I've been sad the guys want me to cheer up so I go out and have fun. I'm not drunk all day, just at night. I have never once been drunk in front of Kens, don't act like I'm turning into my dad."

"Loge, I'm not saying that. I'm just worried about you."

He barked out a dry laugh. "Sure you are. All you worry about is what you want for Kennedy not what I want or how I feel."

"I am though. I'm still fucking pissed at you but I don't want you being like him one day. I know how much you want to be better than him."

Logan let out a breath. "So I can't come home for Christmas?"

"No, I just don't think that would be good for Kennedy. I'm sorry."

"Yeah whatever." He grumbled. "I'll call Kennedy later."

"Logan wait!"

But he had already closed out of the window before she could continue. He paced around the hotel room trying to control his anger. He had been counting on coming for the holidays and seeing Kennedy before Avery went through with getting his rights taken away. He couldn't even cry he was so angry. He knew she had a point though. He remembered his dad being drunk in front of him and how uncomfortable it made him. So, maybe Avery was right about that. But that didn't mean he still wasn't upset about how things worked out. All he wanted was to be a good dad and Avery wasn't letting him do that. He needed advice from the one person who knew more about this than he did.

"Hey baby, how's tour?"

Logan smiled slightly. "It's fine how are you?"

"Oh you know, just waiting for my son to come home from the other side of the world. Where are you today?"

"Australia." He answered. "Listen, mom I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong?"

Logan rolled his eyes and sighed. "It's about Avery."

"Oh. What's wrong this time?"

Joanna knew about Logan's deceit and how he had lied to Avery. That had disappointed her because she thought that he should have been honest with her from the start. However, she did think it was unfair that she was kicking Logan out of their lives. She did have sympathy for her granddaughter's mother though, she had been through a similar situation.

"She doesn't want me to come h-home for Christmas."

"Why not? I thought you two agreed you'd celebrate and then deal with custody."

He squirmed, worried of how she'd react. "I've been going out a lot, partying, drinking."

"Oh Logan." She sounded let down and worried. "Really?"

He didn't answer right away, thinking of how nights after shows were a blur. He vaguely remembered making out with a girl in Rio, falling in front of the club in Chile and dancing in Japan. He would go into bars and then wake up the next morning with little knowledge of what happened in between.

"Yeah. It's not too bad or anything but Avery says I'm a bad influence."

"Well maybe she's right." Joanna replied quietly. "Logan you know how your dad was. Maybe she just doesn't want you to go down that path. I know I don't want that."

"Neither do I." He defended. "She's such a fucking hypocrite. First she tells me that I'm not allowed to see my daughter and then when I go out to blow off steam she says I'm a bad influence."

"Watch it, she's still Kennedy's mom. I know it seems like she's being difficult on purpose but she's just trying to protect Kennedy. She's upset that you're drinking because it probably seems like you don't care or miss them."

Logan ran hand through his hair. "That doesn't make any sense. Of course I miss them. She won't answer her phone when I call."

"She's still hurt. You lied to her sweetheart, she feels like you betrayed her. And now that you may lose custody you need to be on your best behavior."

"Why? It's not like she'll change her mind."

Joanna sighed. "It will look like you're making an effort to be a responsible dad. And if she does get full custody, she'll think about how you've been acting. If you make an effort she'll probably be more generous with visiting."

"Really?"

"Logan, your dad hardly even tried to fight for you. After we left he called every day for a week before giving up. But then when it came time for me to decide his visitation rights I knew he wouldn't be there for you. He hadn't tried to get you back so why would he put effort into visits?"

Logan was silent. His mom rarely discussed his dad with anyone, but especially not with him. Occasionally, she would refer to something that Logan had done right that his dad had done wrong but they never really mentioned him.

"O-oh. So you're saying I need to act like I'm in their lives so she'll see that I need to be?"

"Exactly." He could hear the smile in her voice. "Logie if your dad had put in one percent of the effort that you are, you probably would have seen him after we moved. But he didn't, you are not him."

"You think so?" He asked quietly. Hearing those words meant everything to him.

"I mean the partying and drinking worries me but you're different from him. You may have let them down but the difference between you and your dad is that you care. You care that Avery and Kennedy are sad, he didn't care."

Logan nodded, smiling now. "Thanks, Mom."

"I remember how scared you were to be a dad. And you've had your ups and downs but you're doing a good job."

"Thank you." His face went red.

"You're welcome. I love you Loge."

"Love you too Mom. I'll call you later."

"Alright, take care of yourself. Bye sweetheart."

After they hung up he sat there for a moment. Maybe she was right, the solution to this was to not stop caring, but to care more than he ever had. Hearing that he wasn't like his dad took a giant weight off of his shoulders. He was still going to go out though, just not as wild. It was still upsetting that he couldn't come home for Christmas but he didn't want to make things worse. A lump formed in his throat when he thought about Kennedy and Avery around the tree without him.

"Logan, come on we have an interview!" Kendall called from the other side of the door.

Logan pushed down his emotions and grabbed his stuff. "I'm coming."

xxx

"So you gotta live it Big Time!"

The audience roared and Logan took in the sound and grinned exhaustedly. They just finished their first show in Australia.

"Thank you Sydney! We love you goodnight!" Logan shouted before running offstage.

Once backstage the guys all cheered and celebrated another show. This show was great, they had never been in Australia before and the fans came out in droves. The arena had been packed full and the energy had been high.

"That was crazy! Have you ever seen anything like that before?" James asked as he wiped down his face with a towel. "There were so many people."

"No that was completely different. That was amazing." Kendall was peeking around the wall to look at the fans as they left. "It's like the arena doubled from soundcheck this morning."

Logan nodded in agreement, still grinning. "Let's go out."

"Are you sure? Didn't you say Avery was annoyed about that?"

Earlier in the day Logan had filled his friends in about his talk with Avery. They had been angry for him and Logan had told them he was going to try to stop going out as much. However, after the round of interviews Avery had sent him a shitty text asking why Kennedy was convinced he was taking her to breakfast.

 **I told her maybe when I get back I would but she should ask you. Can you not jump down my throat every time I talk to my daughter?**

That had been his response and shortly after she had replied.

 **I'm not jumping I just don't want her to get excited. Stop acting like I'm the bad guy, if anything that's you.**

For some reason that got under his skin and he had got really upset. He wanted to show her just how dramatic she was being. That telling Kennedy maybe he would do something was nothing too important to get upset about. So he was going out tonight, just to put things in perspective for her.

He shrugged. "Well she's not here, is she Carlos? I'm an adult and I say let's go celebrate."

That was the only encouragement his friends needed because soon after they left the arena they were at a club a few blocks over from the hotel they were staying in. There wasn't much dancing and it was a weeknight so the club was fairly empty. The guys all crowded around a table in the back and were pretty drunk and for once Logan wasn't going to hard. But he was angry. That was the thing about him and alcohol, it never made him angry. It just exaggerated whatever emotion he was feeling. The night he got Avery pregnant? He had been feeling nervous around her and attracted to her. The alcohol just brought that out which led to flirting. When he was sad and drank? He was even sadder and more upset. But tonight he was kind of angry. Angry with Avery, angry with the fact he was an ocean away from his kid, and angry that all of this could be avoided if he wasn't keeping secrets.

He took another shot and winced at the burn. "You k-know what guys?"

"Hmm?" James, wasn't too drunk he was more entertained by watching his friends.

"I'ma go public 'bout Avery. Who's stopping me?"

"The label, Gustavo, us!" Kendall said quickly. "You can't do that."

Logan pouted. "Why not. It's m-my life, my kid."

"Dude." Carlos hiccupped. "You gotta think of us and her."

"People will still show up." He argued. "And she wants too."

"I doubt she means out of the blue, without you there to help her deal with all these people wanting to know about her." James reasoned. "We know you want to but you're drunk you can't right now."

Logan rolled his eyes and drained his drink. "Whatever, I'm going."

He scooted out of the booth and stormed out of the club, letting night air blow across his warm skin. As he walked the few blocks he willed his anger to dissipate. He knew his friends had a point he was just tired of hiding everything. All he wanted to do from the start was be a good dad and take care of his daughter and her mother.

 _September 2010_

"Baby, I'm back. I got you your coffee ice cream, the chips you wanted and stuff to make dinner." Logan called, balancing the bags in his arms. He kicked the door shut. "Aves?"

"In here!" She called. "You better not let my ice cream melt."

Logan laughed to himself. Avery was about six months pregnant with his daughter and was getting cravings. Recently it had been coffee ice cream, salt and vinegar chips and spicy food. Logan put away the groceries and looked around the apartment. Avery had moved into this place just a week after he left for tour. Part of the deal was that she moved away to distance herself from the band. The apartment was nice, smaller than her old one but there was a room for the baby and a room for them. He walked down the hall and gasped when he saw Avery balanced on a ladder, reaching up to paint the wall.

"Aves, what the hell are you doing?"

Logan rushed in and quickly put a hand on her back and steadied her. She turned around, paintbrush in hand.

"Uh, painting. What's it look like?"

"I told you I'd climb up and finished the higher parts." He took the brush from her, careful not to drip pink paint on the carpet. "Come on, get down."

Avery slowly climbed down and turned around, arms crossed over her swollen belly.

"I'm pregnant not elderly Logan." She rolled her eyes jokingly.

Logan rubbed his hand over her six month pregnant belly. "I know that, but you're like fragile and stuff. You're growing a baby, I don't want you to get hurt."

Avery threw her hands up. "Fine, fine. Treat me like glass, less work for me."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. She kissed him back and let her fingers sink into his hair. When they pulled back and squatted down and kissed her stomach before coming back up.

"Not like glass." He insisted with a smile. "I just have to look out for my girls."

 _December 2014 – Present_

Logan managed to stumble back into his room and change. He wasn't too intoxicated but he was tired and frustrated. He sat on his bed with his guitar, he strummed a few chords and started humming the lyrics to something he had started a few weeks ago. Back when Avery called him a deadbeat and had panicked and got drunk, he had scribbled some words down. Now he was trying to make those words into a song.

"I know what it's like growing up without your father in your life." He was slurring a bit, but still sang. "So I pretend, I'm doing all I can and I hope someday you'll find it in your heart to understand why I'm not around."

That part was new, he had written it a few minutes ago. It was inspired by what his mom said earlier about acting like he was in their lives. He moved on to the part he had written a few weeks ago.

"I remember waiting for you to come. I remember waiting for you call. Remember waiting there to find nothing at all." He strummed and then started singing again. "I remember waiting for you to come. I remember waiting for you to call. Remember waiting there to find nothing at all."

This song was about him and about Kennedy. He remembered that long night in the hospital waiting for his daughter to be born. He remembered how excited he had been to finally meet her and how now he had nothing to wait for, because he wasn't around. He also remembered, even though he didn't want to, waiting on his dad. He had strong memories of waiting by the window back in Texas for him to come home, or to pick him up from practice. And back then too, there had been nothing but disappointment.

He was tired and upset, but just before he put the guitar down a line popped into his head. He had said to Kennedy and Avery and Steven had said to him and his mother.

"I will make it up to you."

The only difference? Steven hadn't meant it, it had been a lie. But Logan? Logan meant it everything he had. He sang it again, his voice stronger, his mind made up.

"I will make it up to you."

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AN: Wow this chapter is a trainwreck. It just kind of got away from me I didn't outline it very well. I hope you liked it though. The upcoming chapter has some drama and is a little sad but there a really sweet moment for Logan. What do you think of Avery's behavior? The song in this chapter is called The Saddest Song by The Ataris but you need to listen to the Davide Mongiusti version. That's how I picture Logan singing it. I hope you enjoyed please review! I only had one last time and would love to hear from more of you! Only 10 chapters left! Please review chapter 11. I will see you Monday or Tuesday.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: I know I said Monday or Tuesday and I uploaded this Thursday but my week was crazy. This is the shortest chapter so far and it's mostly filler but drama is coming up in the next few chapters! Thank you for the reviews. Sorry this is late! Please listen to an acoustic version Secret Valentine by We The Kings when Logan sings it! I will be updating Saturday or Sunday for sure! Please review! Thank you!

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"Fuck it's freezing out there." Carlos cursed, coming through the door. "Next time one of you are getting the coffee."

James took his drink. "It was your turn. Is it still coming down?"

"Yeah. It sucks about the show."

"At least the fans aren't going to be out on the street and stuff while they wait."

Logan was sitting in Kendall's hotel room with his friends, they were in London. There were just a few days of the year left. Christmas had been two days ago and they had time off, but tonight was supposed to be the next show. Supposed to be were the key words, a giant snow storm had shut down most of London. They had canceled their show for tonight because the venue had lost power. Having a 'snow day' on tour was unusual but enjoyable. They guys had camped out in Kendall's hotel room and lazed around all morning and did a live stream earlier this afternoon for fans. It was now early evening. Logan enjoyed his day off but was still disappointed out of all of the shows that were canceled, it couldn't be the one on Kennedy's birthday. He tried not to dwell on this fact too much, he was still hoping he could get home for at least the weekend to see her.

"Hopefully we can reschedule, I'm sure a lot of fans got tickets for Christmas." James offered, a moment later. "It's not like we couldn't add another show."

"Sure 10 weeks away, what's one more day?" Logan laughed bitterly. "Actually, we should I have no one to go home to anyway."

Somewhere between New Zealand two weeks ago and today, two days after Christmas, Logan's crying and weepy demeanor was replaced with sarcasm and overall bitterness. He had to admit it _was_ better than crying all the time. He was still sad though.

"We'll figure out." Kendall reassured the group. "At least we got to spend four days in London."

Logan actually smiled at this. He had always liked the UK, even as a kid so it was nice to be here. Even if he had been away from his family for Christmas, at least it was somewhere interesting. He and his friends would be back again in about a month for the European Music Awards.

"London is pretty great." He agreed, standing up and grabbing his coffee. "I'm going to see if anything cool is open. See you guys later."

Once he was out of Kendall's room and safely in his, he pulled out his phone. He dialed Avery and went to the window. As it rang he chewed on his thumbnail, they hadn't spoken since Christmas Day. She had softly wished him a Merry Christmas from her parents' house, where she had Kennedy had been celebrating.

"Logan, hi."

He smiled. "Hey Avery. How are you?"

"I'm good, you?"

He looked out the window, the snow was falling thickly. "Snowed in."

She let out a short laugh. "I saw Kendall's post and I thought he was joking."

"Nope, the venue doesn't have power so it's a snow day for us."

"I'll be sure not to tell Kennedy that. She complained that Christmas was too hot."

Logan smiled. "Maybe you shouldn't. Did you get the gifts I sent?"

"Yeah, she liked them."

Logan was relieved. He wasn't too sure how the holiday would go, he had bought their gifts when they were in Paris. He had bought Kennedy some cool looking, French toys and art supplies because he knew how much she liked to draw. He wondered if Avery like her gifts, he bought her a book on French screenwriters and a fancy perfume that he couldn't pronounce the name of.

"What about your gifts?"

"They're fine. Thank you." Her voice was flat.

"You sound irritated."

Avery groaned. "My mom insisted on showing me an article of you being out again the other night."

Logan rolled his eyes. "It was Christmas, I was lonely, I went out. Big deal."

"Father of the year." She mumbled.

"What can I do to fix this?" He rubbed at his eyes, he was frustrated.

"Prove you're serious about actually being a dad."

"You can only be so serious when you aren't allowed to be home for the holiday."

Avery sighed. "Well not going out every night is a good start."

"I go out because I'm sad! I don't get to see her or you!"

"Maybe you could see her if you hadn't lied and proved you're serious."

The young father groaned. "You're a bitch sometimes. You know that right? Stop going back and forth can I see her or not? I'm tired of fighting _every_ time we talk to each other. It's getting old and I'm sick of it. I just want to be happy with the two of you, you know that right? That's all I want."

Avery sounded just as fed up. "That's what I want too but it can't happen when you're keeping us a secret."

"What do you want me to do?" He flopped back onto his bed and shut his eyes. "Hmm?"

"Go public, stop hiding us. It makes me feel like what happened was a mistake."

He frowned at this, he felt the same. "Kennedy's not a mistake."

"I know that and so do you. But how long can this really go on? What happens when she's in elementary school? High school? Is she just supposed to pretend her dad doesn't exist? It will make her feel awful."

"I k-know. It won't be forever."

Avery sounded sad. "You said that four years ago."

"I remember, I was there. How can I fix this?"

"Like I said, go public."

Logan sat up and clenched his fist. "I can't do that."

"Well if you want to see her after tour I guess I'll see you in court."

"Avery! Don't do this."

"You aren't serious about us. I have to protect her, I'm sorry."

"Aves, wait-"

There was a dial tone and had no choice but to hang up. He held his head in his hands and felt irritation wash over him. She was right and he knew that. If Kennedy grew up thinking she was a mistake it would ruin her. Avery was just looking out for her like a good mother but it hurt. He wanted to be serious about being a dad. But being far away and in countries where he could drink and not being allowed to see his daughter made going out all too easy. It helped him forget how shitty things were. There was a knock on his door.

"What?" He asked shortly, opening the door.

"You find anything interesting?" James asked, inviting himself in. "We're bored and it's too early to go out."

Logan shook his head and made no attempt to hide his frustration. "No."

"What's your problem?" He asked sitting on the small couch.

He held up his phone. "Just Avery, she's being difficult."

James leaned forward. "What's wrong?"

"We were talking about the holiday and then she got bitchy. She says I'm still going out too much and that Kennedy is going to be messed up if she has to be kept a secret. Which is probably true, but you know I can't tell people about them."

"That sucks man. I mean you'll be able to tell people someday." He gave a small mischievous grin. "I mean no offence but I am waiting to make a solo album you know."

Despite his bad mood Logan laughed dryly. "I know but I promised Avery back when she was pregnant she wouldn't be a secret forever. It's been four years."

"Well, we can stop going out as much. It's not like we can't party on the bus, or plane or in hotel rooms. You don't have to go out in public." James said after a moment of thought. "That way she won't get pissed."

He nodded and thought of his conversation with his mom. "I need to act like I'm going to be there so she'll see that I need to come home. It's just hard when I can't see them, she didn't let me come home for Christmas."

James made a face. "That's shitty. Where are they?"

"Her parents." He rolled his eyes, thinking of Kennedy's grandparents. They weren't his biggest fan. "I'm already missing her birthday and now I missed Christmas. It sucks year round in general but holidays are hard."

 _February 2012_

"Happy Valentine's Day." Logan gave Avery a lopsided grin. "I miss you."

Avery smiled back. "I miss you too. Where are you today anyway?"

"New Jersey. But I'd rather be with you."

Her face turned somewhat red. "Same here."

Even though he and Avery had decided to be just friends a few months ago before his tour started he still had feelings. He hadn't seriously dated since they broke up, he didn't want anyone else. Logan had been with Camille on and off but he thought she could tell he wasn't into it. She didn't know why though.

"I know were not together but can I play you something?" He asked picking up his guitar.

From the other side of the computer screen she smiled and nodded. "Sure, let me get Kens first."

She disappeared for a moment but then remerged on screen holding the one year old. Logan grinned at the sight of his daughter, she had turned one year old last month. Thankfully, he had been able to fly home because there was a day off. But this was his first holiday without them. It had been crazy year full of firsts. It had been rough at first and he hadn't been crazy about being a dad. He had Avery had fought in the beginning, but right now none of that mattered.

"Hey baby girl. Happy Valentine's Day." He said in a baby voice. "I miss you."

Kennedy looked so much like Avery. Her skin was a little lighter than Avery's already tanned skin. She had curly hair and her mom's nose. But she and Logan had the same eyes and smiles. She was dressed in a pink outfit for the holiday. She started bouncing when she saw Logan on screen, recognizing him.

"Look it's Daddy. He's going to sing for us."

He grabbed his pick and started strumming. "I know we're not together. But I still wish I could take you out tonight."

He started the intro and Avery instantly brightened when she realized what it was.

"Soft kiss and wine what a pretty friend of mine. We're finally intertwined, nervous and shy for the moment we will come alive tonight." He sang, thinking about that night they had first had sex. They had just been friends then, they barely knew each other. He had been so nervous at that party.

"Secret valentine. We'll write a song that turns out the lights. When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside. Don't waste your time, speed up your breathing. Just close your eyes, we'll hope it's not for nothing at all."

He strummed a little faster, smiling at the camera to Avery. She was swaying back and forth and looked a little red.

"Lay down be still, don't worry talk they will. I'll be loving you until morning's first light breaks tomorrow. I'll take care of you tonight. Secret valentine." This part always reminded him of how Gustavo and the label constantly reminded him that it would be easier if he didn't try to be around. He had calmed Avery down and always came home at night to them.

Logan repeated chorus and laughed when Kennedy let out a noise of excitement as she watched. Avery bit her lip gave Logan a soft smile. They were a secret, he hated keeping it but he was so glad he had them.

"When guilt fills your head, brush off rise up from the dead. This is the moment that we will come alive." Logan leaned into the camera and stared at her as he sang softly. "Brace yourself for love. Sweet love, secret love."

This was the secret they kept. It didn't matter what anyone thought. Not the label, not his friends, not his bosses. No one. All that mattered was that he had Avery and Kennedy and they had him.

"We'll write a song that turns out the lights, when both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside. Don't waste your time, speed up your breathing. Just close your eyes we'll hope it's not for nothing at all."

When he finished and sat down his guitar he rubbed the back of his neck and gave her a crooked smile.

"Happy Valentine's Day." He said sheepishly. "I know it's not a date or a gift but I miss you."

Avery grinned back. "It's perfect. I miss you too."

"It won't be this way forever. Next year it won't be a secret valentine."

 _December 2014 – Present_

"I bet. They're hard for us but we don't have kids."

Logan paced around, it was a little weird to vent to James of all people about this. Normally, he was distant about the whole secret baby deal.

"I just don't get what she wants me to do. I know she wants me to prove I'm serious but what can I do?" He questioned. "Shout it on stage? Post about it? Tattoo 'I have a daughter' on my face? She knows I can't do any of that stuff."

The taller boy patted his shoulder. "You have rights."

"I know but she doesn't want me involved until I'm 'serious' I don't know what to do."

James shrugged sympathetically. "Maybe she just wants to see you care as much as she does."

"But I do care." He furrowed his eyebrows as an idea formed. "And I think I know how I can start showing her without going public."

xxx

"Logan this is crazy. Are you sure about this? You don't exactly have a high pain tolerance." Kendall was shifting his weight from foot to foot.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine. You guys have done it right?"

"Yeah but we didn't rush into it." James countered nervously.

"You're talking to the guy who rushed into-" He glanced the burly man across the room who didn't seem to be paying attention. "Being a dad. It's kind of my thing. Besides I've had worse during hockey."

Carlos flipped through the book. "True, I guess we'll see."

"You ready for this?" The man returned holding the stencil.

Logan nodded and stretched out on the table. "Let's do it."

"Alright, don't wuss out on me." He said with a thick accent, pulling on his gloves.

Logan took a breath and stared at the ceiling wondering how it had gotten to this point. Being shirtless and getting tattooed by stranger at 11 at night in London. Well, he knew how. He wanted to prove to Avery he was serious. What more serious than getting his daughter's name tattooed on his skin? He was going to get Avery but his friends talked him out of that one.

"What if she thinks it's weird?" Carlos had pointed out.

"What if you don't end up with her? Unless you marry another Avery one day it'll be awkward." James had said on the cab ride over.

He hadn't thought about that bit, but the idea of not ending up with her made him sad. Getting Kennedy's name seemed better.

So here he was biting down on his lip trying not to scream at the feeling on the needle pricking his skin. He was getting her name in small in black ink on his upper rib cage. He hadn't run it by management. In fact, the band's security didn't even know they left the bar they had been at first. But what would they do? Make it him remove it? As long as he kept it covered it wouldn't be an issue. He shut his eyes he breathed against the pain. If Avery could carry and give birth to Kennedy he could do this.

"You're done." The artist's gruff voice came a while later. "You didn't do too bad."

His friends helped him shakily sit up and he winced slightly. He took the mirror from Kendall and looked at it. He grinned to himself. It was tiny, no bigger than an inch or two. Her name was in cursive and black ink. It was red around the edges and his skin stung but it looked perfect.

"Thanks, it's great." Logan said appreciatively.

"Keep it bandaged for a few days, keep it clean, and don't pick at it." He explained as he handed Logan some extra bandages. "It's small it will heal up soon."

Logan had paid in advanced but tipped the artist and had Carlos take a picture of it for him. He let artist bandage it up and then pulled his shirt back on. He took his phone and looked at the picture. His face was in it so hopefully Avery didn't think it was a joke.

He and his friends left the small shop. It was quiet, snow blanketed the streets. It was late and Logan was tired but he kept staring at the picture.

"Thanks for coming with me guys. I know it was kind of reckless but I'm glad I did it."

"We are talking to the guy who didn't use a condom." Kendall joked. "No problem."

"Do you think she'll like it?" He asked nervously as they walked.

Carlos nodded. "Totally, you got your daughter's name on your body. Girls love that stuff."

Logan sent her the picture and hoped she'd check her phone.

 **You wanted me to be serious about being there for you two. Proof enough?**

It was almost four in the afternoon in Los Angeles so her response was quick.

 **Shit, Logan. You didn't have to do that!**

 **I wanted too. I know it's not going public, but I'm serious about being there.**

 **I don't know.** She responded. **I don't want Kennedy to get hurt.. or me.**

Logan sighed and typed his response back.

 **Avery, I'm serious about fixing us. I love you and Kennedy and I want to be there. I know this wasn't what you asked for but I'm trying. Please let me be there.**

 **I'm not trying to be a bitch. I just have to protect her.**

 **I know, you need too. But I want to be a dad and be there. Please?**

His stomach turned and hoped that he hadn't done this for nothing. He climbed into a cab and looked out the window. His ribs still hurt like hell and he felt dizzy, but the response that lit up screen made the pain he felt worth it.

 **It's a start, try not to ruin her birthday and we'll see.**

The chance was small, but there was a chance he could fix this. After this he maybe could go home to his family and that's all that mattered.

* * *

AN: Wow I wrote this in like 4 hours. It's probably crap I needed to update today sorry for the long wait. What did you think of this chapter? It was mostly filler because the dramatic chapters are coming soon! Logan got a tattoo and Avery seemed to warm up to the idea of him coming home to them! What do you think of this? Did you like the flashback? I will be posting Saturday or Sunday I promise! Please review, thanks!


	17. Chapter 17

AN: So this chapter started out with good intentions and was going to be up on Sunday but then I got the new Harry Potter book and read in one sitting. This is short and I'm sorry I was late again, but this chapter is kind of cute. The drama ramps up in the next three chapters so expect long update then. I will be updating at least once but maybe twice this week! I hope you enjoy and please review! The song is I Won't Give Up by Jason Maraz but BTR did a cover of it you should listen to their version. Also every BTR song mentioned in the interview and is actual BTR song, they're pretty good! Please review, see you later! Thank you for the support! **Also when you review, tell me what you think of the character's actions and behaviors, I'm curious what you think about Logan, Avery and the band..**

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"Dogs! Tour is going well so far. We've sold out every date and you haven't been awful on stage." Gustavo began as he paced around the room. "But, Don't Stop is at number two! Number two! We're never going to win a Euro Award like this!"

Logan and his friends shifted uncomfortably. Logan was never too concerned where an album was on the charts. But he recalled reading that the album had slipped down a spot the other day. He had to admit that he was kind of disappointed about this.

"That's why I want you to figure out a bonus track we can put out before the award show. That way we'll get new votes."

"What kind of song?" James questioned.

Gustavo shrugged. "A good one. Figure out the lyrics and I'll handle the rest."

"The fans will like it if they knew that you wrote it." Kelly smiled at them. "It's personal that way."

"When do you want it done?"

Kelly glanced at her planner. "Sooner, rather than later. In a week or so, we still have to record it."

"Alright." James nodded. "You guys want to start later?"

Logan agreed with the group, thinking of the songs he had written recently. They probably weren't suited for Big Time Rush, but he still hoped he could help.

"Great you guys. I'm glad you're excited but remember we have a press conference in just a few minutes." Kelly reminded them gently.

"Do you guys want to work on ideas after the conference and then get together when we're done?" Carlos suggested. "That way there are a lot of ideas?"

"That could work." Logan agreed, he liked writing alone.

The guys all stood up and started to head out to the room in the hotel where the press conference was being held. Logan ran a hand through his hair and straightened his shirt. As they walked down the long hallway his phone buzzed in his back pocket. When he checked it he saw that it was Avery. It was 10 am in Singapore on Monday, which meant it was around 6 pm on Sunday in LA. He rejected the call and made a note to call them after the conference was over.

They took their seats at the table and the flashes and questions overwhelmed Logan. He took a drink of his water and settled in for what would be an hour of basic questions. Sometimes, if the band was pressed for time in a certain country or city they would do a press conference. That way a large amount of news, TV or radio outlets would get information that they would publish. It was quicker than doing a lot of small interviews individually. The questions were fairly routine.

"What's your favorite song to perform live?"

Logan already knew the answers. His was Don't Stop, Kendall liked Windows Down, from the last album, James was partial to It Is What It Is because he wrote most of it, and Carlos' favorite was First Time.

"Favorite part of tour?"

Again, they had answered these questions before and Logan thought the band should just hand out answer sheets to save time. Kendall liked performing live. Carlos liked being a tourist, James' favorite part was meeting fans which was just code for sex. Logan enjoyed performing and seeing new places but his favorite part was getting to go home back to Avery and Kennedy. Well, it used to be, that was different now.

Another member of the press asked if they liked Singapore. The guys all told stories of what they liked so far. But in all reality they had only seen the airport, the streets they took on the way to the hotel and they would see the venue later. It sucked that they never got to see much of each place but that's the way tour worked.

"My question is for Logan." A woman asked, smiling as she stood up. "Hello."

Logan smiled at the interviewer and sat up. "Hey, what's your question?"

"The fans want to know what is that bracelet you wear? Is it a medical bracelet?"

Logan glanced down at wrist, suddenly aware of the weight he felt. He hadn't taken off the bracelet that said Thinking of You since he put it on after buying it. It only left his wrist when he showered.

"No." He chuckled nervously. "It's nothing like that. I just thought it was cool."

Satisfied, the woman sat back down and Logan looked down at the bracelet. He vaguely wondered if Avery was wearing hers. He doubted it, but he could hope, right? As he shifted in his chair his ribs stung slightly. He had gotten Kennedy's name tattooed on his side last week and it still stung a little. Avery had been surprised about it but seemed okay with it. She had even said it was a start to getting back on track to being a family.

"That's all the questions we have time for today." Kelly said walking out. "Thank you! Be sure to buy a copy of Don't Stop."

The band waved and said goodbye. Once they were back in the hallway Logan pulled out his phone and checked his voicemail, telling the guys he would be with them in a second.

"Hi Daddy." Kennedy's voice surprised him. "It's almost bedtime and you didn't answer. Mommy says I have to go to bed."

Kennedy sounded upset and Logan furrowed his eyebrows, this voicemail was from an hour ago. That couldn't be right. He looked at the time and counted in his head. As soon he realized his mistake he hung up and redialed.

"Shit, shit, shit." He muttered pacing back and forth.

"What?"

Avery was pissed it only took one word for him to be able to tell. "I'm sorry. I got the t-time zones wrong. I thought it was _six_ there and not seven. Avery, I'm sorry."

"Well it's now eight here and Kennedy is asleep. She was upset that you didn't say goodnight. I know you're busy but you should have at least tried to answer."

"I was in a press conference. I know I keep screwing up, I'm sorry."

Avery let out a long sigh. "I know Logan. You can't keep upsetting her."

"I didn't try too, I was going to call back. I thought she had called early for some reason, I didn't realize I had messed up the times."

"Maybe you should just get over the idea of coming home after tour."

Logan shook his head. "Avery no."

"I'm not even saying this to be spiteful this time. I just think you need to distance yourself from her."

"It's not like I'm going to give up on trying to convince you that I need to be there. I made a mistake but I'm trying."

"Just save it Logan. I've heard it all before."

He frowned. "I am sorry. Will you let her know that and that I love her?"

"Yeah, I will." She agreed. "Next time can you not call an hour late and disappoint her?"

"I won't swear. I'm sorry."

"Bye Logan."

She hung up and Logan groaned. Things had been going so well, but of course he had to fuck something up once again. He dwelled about this fact as he walked to the elevators and got inside. He really didn't mean to miss her call, he thought he had the times worked out, but he was wrong and now they were both upset. When he got out on his floor he was grateful that he had time to be alone before he had to meet up with his friends.

"I've heard it all before." He mimicked under his breath. "God. It's not like I didn't her name tattooed onto my body or anything."

Logan kicked off his shoes and sat on the bed. How could Avery just want him to give up on being a family? She had been the one who wanted to try to give Kennedy a normal family, that's why she was so upset about the extra weeks of tour. He wasn't an idiot, he knew things had been rough between the two of them the past few years. He had lied to her about the tour being extended, missed almost two years of Kennedy's life and would be missing her birthday. But he didn't think that equaled just giving up. He had given Avery her space to figure things out and he hoped she'd realize that he needed to be involved in Kennedy's life.

"I won't give up on us." He thought to himself. "Never going to happen."

This sparked and idea and he got out of his bed and grabbed the hotel notepad from the desk and his guitar.

"I won't give up on us, no I won't give up." He sang to himself as he experimented with chords. "I've giving you all my love, I'm still looking up."

As Logan played around with the guitar and hummed possible lyrics to himself, he thought about how Avery kept trying to keep him away from Kennedy. He knew she thought that Kennedy was better off this way, protected from disappointment, but he wanted to be in her life. His own mom had thought that too, he was no stranger to being disappointed.

 _April 2000_

"Mommy, you said Dad would be here soon!" Logan groaned as he sat near the front door. "It's going to be bedtime soon!"

Joanna smiled sadly from the doorway. "I know Logie. I don't know where he is."

"It's 7:30." He whined, rubbing his eyes. "We can't go now."

Logan didn't try to hide his disappointment. His dad had promised him that they would go to the park throw a baseball around when he got home. His dad usually got home from work at 5:00 but he was still a no show.

His mom rested a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry baby. Maybe Mommy can take you to the park tomorrow?"

"No, it's not the same. Daddy said he would take me and he lied again."

Joanna sat next to him and wrapped her around him. "I know you're disappointed but it will be okay. I promise."

Logan leaned into his mother's shoulder and sniffled. He shouldn't have been surprised, his dad was always doing this. Sometimes he would promise to take him for ice cream, but be too 'dizzy' to drive, or he would promise that he was taking him and Mommy somewhere fun but not come home in time. This made him sad, his dad was always letting him down.

"Why does he always let us down Mommy?"

She sighed and kissed his head. "He just doesn't make an effort."

Logan wiped his tears with his small hands. "When I get big I won't let anyone down."

 _December 2014 – Present_

Obviously, his six year old self had no knowledge of teenage pregnancy, going on tour and how hard it was to be a dad from the other side of the world because he had done nothing but disappoint them for four years. Logan didn't think about his own dad when things were going well with Avery, but when she was mad at him the parallels were hard to miss. They both upset the mother of their children, both had kids they lost or were going to lose custody of and they drank too much. If he was being honest, he didn't know where his dad was. He used to get a birthday card every year but that had stopped when he turned 13, he was suspicious that his mom was involved with that. He knew he was alive though and according to his he was still as immature as he had been when Logan was young. The thought to contact him never appealed to him, he didn't know the man so what was the point? Logan's fear was that Kennedy would grow up thinking that there was no point to talk to him. Not that he would blame her, she had only be alive for about four years and had missed half of it. But he wouldn't give up he wanted to be there for his child.

The lyrics he had written were coming along well. This was probably one of the quickest songs he had written. His song he sang to Avery before he told her about tour had taken a few weeks and the other song about his dad and his relationship with Kennedy was sitting unfinished. But this song was almost done. He practiced it a few times, not perfectly or anything, jus so he knew it well enough to play it for his friends. It was slow, and soft and even if it didn't become the bonus track he was still proud of it.

"That's good enough for now." He told himself as gathered his things.

The guys had decided to meet in Carlos' room to share song ideas. When Logan walked in he found James and Kendall watching a video and Carlos was playing a game on his phone.

"Hey." Logan greeted, sitting his guitar down.

"Oh hey, what's up?"

"You guys come up with any ideas?" He asked.

Kendall shrugged. "I thought I did but then I realized I was just writing down bits of our other songs."

"Kelly already vetoed mine." James sighed dramatically. "It's too inappropriate and Carlos has nothing. You?"

"Actually yeah. I just worked on it. Avery and I got into it and it just came to me."

Carlos looked up, concerned. "Another fight?"

"I missed Kennedy's bedtime call because I messed up the time zones. Avery was all like, 'just give up' and I told her that wouldn't happen and this came out. It's probably total shit though." He warned.

"I'm sure it's good." Kendall assured him.

"It's not done, I think this is the chorus but here it goes."

Logan began playing the soft tune.

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up."

His voice was kind of shy, he hated playing his songs for the first time.

"Cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth. We've got a lot to learn, god knows we're worth it. No, I won't give up."

He played a rough transition that he would clean up later, when he snuck a glance at his friends they didn't look like they hated it.

"I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make."

That part was about how Avery thought it would be a simple thing to get him to leave her. That wouldn't happen, he would always try to be there for them.

"No, I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up, still looking up."

He sat the guitar down and scratched the back of his neck. "I know it's not great and probably won't be the bonus song but that's what I've g-got so far."

"I really like it." Carlos offered. "You can tell you put a lot into it."

"Totally, and I think Avery would like it." James was excited. "Plus all of the album is pretty fast so this would be new."

Kendall nodded. "We didn't come up with anything, this should be it."

Logan turned red in the face, embarrassed at the praise. "Really?"

"For sure, you should write most of it and we'll help if you need it. You deserve the credit for it."

Logan smiled a little. "Thanks guys, that means a lot."

His friends started talking about how good the song sounded so far and how the fans would like it. And while all of that was exciting he was focused on Avery and Kennedy. Hopefully this would be recorded and they would like it. Maybe Avery would see just how much he cared about them and that he wasn't going to walk out on them. Because he wouldn't give up on making things right with his family. They were worth the fight and he wasn't going to let Avery down anymore. Maybe this song would help get them back on track to being a family. It was worth the risk, after all he had nothing else to lose but everything to gain.

* * *

AN: Wow this is short and kind of crappy. Sorry about that, I was just not feeling this chapter. I hope you review anyways? The song is I Won't Give Up by Jason Maraz but BTR did a cover of it. The next chapter the boys do a live chat and Kennedy is mentioned in a small way! What did you think of the flashback of Logan's dad? I will be updating later this week!


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Hey sorry this is super late! I will probably update a few extra times this week in order to catch up! Logan had some surprises for Aves and Kennedy. There's a bit of heartbreak too! I will edit typos tomorrow. Please review and enjoy! The song is this chapter is I Won't Give Up and BTR did a cover of it! It's on Youtube, PLEASE LISTEN TO IT!

* * *

Norway in early January was just what you would expect. Cold and dark. But the welcome the band received was warm and inviting. They were in Norway for two nights before heading to Sweden. Logan and Kennedy's birthdays were just a week and a half away and there was still no progress being made to go home and see her. New Year's had been uneventful for Logan and his friends, they celebrated on the plane a few nights ago. Logan was painfully aware that it was now 2015. Important things were happening this year, Kennedy was turning four, he was turning 20 and he was going to get his family back. However, that last one was going to be easier said than done. Avery was still mad at him for messing up the time zones the other day. She wouldn't even talk to him or answer his texts. But he and the guys were unveiling I Won't Give Up on a live chat today and he wanted her to know about it. Gustavo thought it would be a good bonus track because it could easily be about a relationship and not about his 'baby mama drama'. That was a direct quote from Gustavo. They had recorded it in a day in a studio in Italy and Gustavo had given him some grief. But either way he was still excited that it would be the bonus song, he was proud of himself.

"Any luck hearing from Avery?" Kendall asked.

Logan shook his head. "Not yet and I had the idea to say hi to Kennedy if they were watching the chat. She sees it's me and won't answer."

"Use my phone." Kendall suggested. "Kennedy should get to watch you."

Logan took the phone. "Good idea, thanks man."

He dialed Avery's number again and waited anxiously for her answer. He breathed a sigh of relief when she picked up.

"Kendall, unless Logan is dead or dying I don't want to hear it."

This hurt his feelings. "Don't hang up."

She scoffed. "You're so desperate. What part of I don't want to talk to you don't you get?"

"There's a live chat today. I have a surprise for Kennedy."

Avery's tone only softened slightly. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, I'm going to say hi to her and there's a song that I wrote for you two that we're singing." Logan felt sad, almost heartbroken. "But if you're going to be a bitch then never mind."

"Well sorry I'm defensive so I don't get hurt again." She spat at him. "It gets exhausting to get your hopes up and then let down again."

Logan paced around the room, grateful he was alone. "And gets exhausting to love someone who hates you and is always mad no matter how hard you try."

"Of course I'm mad at you! Put being kind of a shitty dad aside for a second. You're a shitty well, not boyfriend, but you're not good at relationships. Do you know how many times you made me feel like shit?"

"I made you feel like shit? You've called me a deadbeat, a bad dad, and said I was just like my father. And when you do talk to me you never fail to remind how terrible I am." Logan rattled off, he wasn't shouting he was quiet, sad. "I know I got you pregnant and I know I'm gone a lot and that I lie but all I've wanted was to be with you."

Avery was quiet for a moment and Logan took a deep breath. All this emotion had welled up from somewhere deep inside of him and caught him by surprise. He had never told Avery that he still wanted to be with her, it was just kind of the unwritten rule between them. Don't talk about your feelings for each other, take care of Kennedy, and deal with your feelings later. They had always operated under this code but now things had shifted.

"Be with me? Yeah sure. Logan we have a baby together and I know we dated once but you lie and are never here."

He sighed. "I know that but I still want to be around you. I know we don't talk about it but we're close and I've made some mistakes but that doesn't change how I feel."

"Logan, we c-can't. I'm petitioning for full custody and the two us wouldn't work." She sounded just as devastated. "I feel those things too and I don't want it to be over but I can't get hurt anymore."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Maybe you're right."

He took a breath and thought out his response before he continued.

"I don't want it to be over either but maybe we should stop whatever this is" He gestured to the air in front of him. "Before we get hurt. That's the last thing I want to happen. And as far as Kennedy goes, I'm not letting you take her from m-me. I'm still going to fight to be there for you two."

Avery groaned. "I don't want to talk about this. Us deciding to stay friends or not, you still lied about tour and we're still a secret."

"I know but I'm not giving up. Just watch the live chat okay?"

"Fine, fine." She conceded. "We'll watch it. When is it?"

Logan looked at the clock. "It starts in about 20 minutes. The link is on the band's Scuttlebutter."

"We'll see you then."

He smiled. "I hope you like it."

They said their goodbyes and Logan hung up. The idea of being just friends with Avery wasn't something he was thrilled about. But he didn't want to get hurt either, it was clear he liked her more than she liked him. He still loved her though, but taking a break made sense. Maybe once tour ended and if he ever went public about Avery and their daughter she would want to try. On the bright side he she had agreed to show Kennedy their live chat. This meant Avery would hear I Won't Give Up. He didn't expect that to make her want to try again but hopefully it would show her that he was serious about being a dad. He walked into the hall and gave Kendall his phone back.

"So is she going to watch?"

Logan nodded, giving him a small smile. "Yeah."

Kendall clapped him on the back. "See it's going to be great."

"Sure, great." He agreed, not thinking how they agreed to stay friends. "I'm sure she'll like it."

xxx

"So first you'll answer some questions and say hi to fans. Then you'll play the new song and Don't Stop and then answer more questions. 30 minutes tops." Kelly explained, gesturing for them to sit on the chairs that were lined up. "We'll start in a few minutes, remember be positive."

 **We're starting in a few minutes**

Logan slipped his phone back in his pocket and sat down. He was nervous about the new song, sure he and friends had sang it enough but now the fans and Avery would hear it. Kendall was playing guitar, Logan wasn't confident enough to do it. He played with his snapback and fidgeted under his leather hoodie. He just wanted this to go well. Kelly handed him a tablet so he could look at question and handed James the other one. The live chat hadn't even started but there was already a flood of questions. His plan was perfect, fans asked them to hi to them all the time during these things. So causally, halfway through the chat he was going to say hi to her. The woman behind the camera motioned for them to start.

"Hey guys!" James said excitedly.

"Hello, hello we're going to answer some questions for you and plays some songs." Carlos waved and looked over at the tablet. "Start sending them in!"

The first questions were easy, just fans asking if a certain guy would marry them, if they were enjoying tour so far, and where they were excited to go.

"James, MrsBTR0213 wants to know if you're ever going to find a girlfriend." Kendall joked as he nudged him.

James made a face at Kendall and then looked at the camera. "All in good time ladies."

"Are you guys going to reschedule your London show?" Logan read the question aloud. "Maybe, yeah. We're working with the venue."

The guys told a story about what they did the day the show was canceled. Logan brushed his fingers over where his tattoo was, he smiled faintly but didn't mention it.

"LiveLaughRush, wants to know why the album is called Don't Stop?" Kendall read from the screen. "Well it's the lead single and basically as a band we don't want to stop having a good time and doing what we love."

After answering some more questions Kendall grabbed his guitar from off screen and starting tuning it. Carlos and James were joking around about embarrassing tour moments. Logan looked down at the screen pretended to read a question. He looked up and grinned at the camera.

"Hi Kennedy, hey Aves." He grinned and causally played with his bracelet. "Thanks for watching."

From behind the camera Kelly looked surprised and Gustavo's eyes were narrowed. Logan wasn't too concerned though he was just glad Avery was watching. James gave him a small thumbs up.

"So we're going to play Don't Stop and then a brand new bonus song." Kendall announced as he strummed the guitar.

They sang an acoustic version of Don't Stop which was fun and a nice change of pace. Normally, by the end of this song on stage Logan would be sweating from the dancing and heat of the stage lights. Now he was clammy and nervous about singing his new song knowing Avery was watching.

"This is a new song called I Won't Give Up and we uh wrote it the other day." Logan started nervously.

"Actually Logan wrote it all." Carlos cut in. "It's really good."

Logan felt his face warm as Kendall started playing the opening. It was slow, melodic, kind of like a lullaby that hopefully he would get to sing to Kennedy. Carlos sang the first part and Logan swayed nervously.

"When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night sky, or a beautiful sunrise. There's so much they hold."

Logan came in next, he held on tight to the mic and felt his hands shake.

"And just like them old stars I see that you've come so far, to be right where you how old is your soul?"

That part was about Avery and how far she had come. A few years ago she had been scared to be a mom and didn't know if she could do it. But four years later she was a great mom but she had to grow up to be able to raise Kennedy.

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough," James sang this line and Logan nodded. It was true, he wasn't going to throw in the towel. He was still hoping things would work out. "I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up."

"And when you're needing your space, to do some navigating I'll be here patiently waiting, to see what you find."

Kendall and Logan harmonized together for this part. Logan was doing this right now, he was giving Avery time to figure what she wanted for Kennedy and for herself. He could only hope that she would see that she needed him as much as he needed her.

"'Cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth. We've got a lot to learn. God knows we're worth it, no, I won't give up."

As he continued playing, Kendall sang this line. Logan thought about he and Avery had to learn how to be parents and how they were still learning. Learning how to raise their daughter, how to deal with the secrecy and learn how to deal with their feelings. But despite how Avery felt it was worth the effort.

There was small guitar interlude and Logan swallowed the lump in his throat. So far it was going well, he just hoped that Avery liked it. All four of them sang this next section together, it was probably the most important part.

"I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily. I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make."

When had written the song all Logan could think of was how Avery told him it would be easier if he walked out on them. He didn't want to be that guy who abandoned his family. He was in it for the long haul, he wanted to be there for Kennedy. They all harmonized and Logan had to shut his eyes.

"Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake. And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend for us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn."

Avery and Logan were two different people. She was responsible and mature and he was flaky and headstrong but they had to work together for their daughter. She was more important than both of them combined. Avery may not have been his girlfriend but at least he had her as a friend and he appreciated that. They had tried to make it work but for right now he had to be happy with friendship.

"We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in. I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not and who I am."

Gustavo and Griffin had put so much pressure on Logan to keep everything under wraps. Avery, Kennedy and himself had to learn how to live under this constant pressure and had to figure out how to make it work. Logan knew how lucky he was to have Kennedy and Avery in his life. This drama was Avery had taught him that much. He knew he wasn't going to be that guy who walked away. He knew he wasn't going to be like his dad come hell or high water. He was Kennedy dad, he was the father of Avery's kid and he was going to be there. That's who he was, not a pop star who only cared about award shows and album sales.

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up, still looking up."

James belted this part loudly and Logan sang softly in the background. His stomach was in knots and he was dying to know what Avery thought. He was also nervous as hell, his solo was coming up which ended the song. He sang the main part alone without guitar and the guys were in the background. He leaned forward and gripped his mic tighter.

"I won't give up on us." He sang firmly, directly to Avery.

"No I'm not giving up." His friends sang in the background.

"God knows I'm tough enough."

Logan was determined and stubborn. He _would_ be in his daughter's life, he would help raise her and make sure she had her dad.

"I am tough, I am loved."

"We've got a lot to learn, god knows we're worth it." Logan wasn't perfect, he knew that. He knew it would take time to earn Avery's trust back but it was worth it.

"We're alive, we are loved." This was also his friends' backup part.

"God knows we're worth it." His leg bounced up and down nervously as he swayed.

"And we're worth it."

Logan let out a breath and sang to the camera. Hoping, praying that Avery would see that she couldn't get rid of him that easily and that he was sorry for everything.

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough." Logan sang on his own.

She wanted a custody battle? Fine. She didn't want him involved? Fine. She could try all she wanted but there nothing in this world that could get him to give up. He loved her and their daughter, it would never be enough to make him stop trying.

"I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up."

When he finished he gave the camera small smile and then exhaled a sigh of relief. He was grateful it went well and hoped Avery liked it. He and his friends all looked at each, the excitement and pride was mutual. Logan smiled and looked down at the screen and grinned when he saw all the responses.

 **Logan's literally killing the fandom**

 **I'm not crying, you're crying**

His face warmed at the compliments and he hoped Avery felt the same. The rest of the live stream went well. They answered more questions and reminded all of the fans to vote for the band. It had been fun but he was glad it was over, he was dying to see if Avery liked the song. As the guys were leaving the room Gustavo asked Logan to hang back.

"What the hell was that?"

Logan played clueless. "What was what?"

The producer narrowed his eyes. "Hi Kennedy, hey Aves? How stupid are you? What if someone figured it out? I know you don't get to see them but you can't be so reckless."

"No one is going to figure it out. They're a secret, remember?" His tone was bitter. "And I'm losing custody so interacting with my kid is what I want to do."

"Get out and stop trying to ruin things for the band."

Logan exited the room in a huff and saw Kelly. He grabbed her arm and sighed.

"Hey Kelly."

"What do you need, Gustavo isn't happy with you." She reprimanded.

Logan groaned. "I know. Do you think I can make it home for Kennedy's birthday it's just one show."

Kelly frowned. "We need to get votes. We need you on stage."

"Really? It's her birthday and Avery's pissed at me."

She shrugged. "It's Gustavo's rule not mine. I'm sorry."

"Fine whatever."

He walked off, rolling his eyes and dialed Avery hoping she would answer.

"Daddy! You said hi to me and Mommy."

Even though it was Kennedy who answered Logan was still thrilled to hear that he had made his daughter's day better.

"I sure did. Did you like our new song?"

"Uh huh, it was pretty." Kennedy gushed. "Good job."

Logan cleared his throat. "Did Mommy like it?"

"Uh huh, she cried."

"Can I talk to Mommy?" He asked cautiously.

"Mommy! Daddy wants you!" Kennedy screamed from the other end.

Logan laughed under his breath. "Bye baby girl, I love you."

"Love you too."

There was shuffling in the background but eventually Avery's voice came through sounding wobbly.

"H-Hey."

Logan smiled hopefully. "So what did you think?"

"Um, it was good. You made Kennedy's day by saying hi to her." She sounded happy. "Her face lit up so bright."

Logan's bad mood vanished. He was so glad that Kennedy had been excited.

"I'm glad it did. It means a lot to me that you let her watch. Thank you."

"It's about us isn't it?"

"Y-Yeah it is. I wrote after I messed up the time zones. I know we're just friends and that you don't want me around but I'm never going to stop fighting for you and Kennedy."

Avery sighed weakly. "I'm tired of being lied to and kept in the dark. We deserve better than that."

"I know you do, but my hands are tied. I even asked Kelly if I could come home for her birthday, they won't let me." He defended. "I want to be there for you, always."

"Her birthday is almost a week away."

He bit his lip. "Yeah, I know. I'm trying to get home, I am."

"I know and I can see that. I appreciate I do but-" Her voice trailed off. "She'll be sad you aren't there."

"I'll be sad too I'll keep trying."

There was silence on the other end of the line and Logan briefly wondered if she hung up.

"It's almost your birthday too." Avery's voice lighter but still hushed. "The big 2-0."

"Yeah, it is." Logan had small grin. "Almost as old as you."

Avery snickered. "Whatever. You have any plans for that night?"

"No, not yet. The guys will probably drag me to a bar or we'll be on a plane."

"Logan, about what we talked about earlier, I hope I didn't offend you. I do care about you a lot, but I can't get hurt." Her tone was sad. "I can't handle you being so far away right now and we're not dating. I don't know what I would do if we were. It just feels like were passing time waiting for you to come home, only to have you leave again."

He quickly shook his head. "You didn't offend me. Honestly, I kind of knew that you didn't feel the same. I do l-love you though."

"I love you too. But we can't I have to put Kennedy first."

"I get it, I do." Logan leaned against the wall. "But I'm going to be there for her and for you."

"It's not like I don't want that either but you lied and are probably going to let her down on her birthday."

Unwillingly, Logan agreed to this. She was right about all of it.

"I know that. But I'm not going to stop trying." He told her. "I'm going to make it up to her and to you. No matter what it takes."

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AN: Well this ending is shit. Sorry about that I will probably be updating 3 times this upcoming week in order to catch up just fyi. What did you think of Logan's surprise and the song? How about how Logan still has feelings for Avery? Next chapter features Logan making an important choice. Stay tuned and as always I will edit the typos later. Please review!


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Well here's another chapter, it's sort of a filler. I know it is short but the next chapter is going to be the turning point for the fic, the climax. I'm stoked to write it. Could you guys please review, I see how many of you follow and favorite this story the review box is right above that. Please review it won't kill you lol. I didn't get any reviews last chapter but plenty of faves and follows. Like I said next chapter will be a whirlwind. It should be up Saturday. Please review thanks!

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"Happy birthday dear Logan! Happy birthday to you!"

The audience screamed and Logan blushed and waved at them. It was January 14th, his 20th birthday. The guys surprised him by ending the show with the whole crowd singing Happy Birthday to him.

"Thank you guys." Logan grinned. "I have the best fans in the world." 

The rest of the band thanked the crowd and they ran offstage. Logan quickly changed out of his sweaty stage clothes into a clean shirt and jeans.

"Hey thanks for that you guys." Logan smiled as his friends finished changing. "It means a lot."

Kendall patted him on the back. "No problem. Happy Birthday."

"But we're not done." James pressed his hands over Logan's eyes. "No peeking."

Logan let his friends guide him down a hallway. He heard Carlos laugh under his breath and Kendall shush him.

"Alright. 1, 2, 3."

James' hands were gone and Logan blinked a few times and was face to face with a laptop.

"Happy Birthday Daddy!" Kennedy grinned through the screen.

Logan smiled and his heart warmed. "Hey baby girl. Thank you."

When he looked up to thank his friends he saw that they were leaving the dressing room. Logan held the laptop and sat down on the couch, overwhelmed with happiness.

"Look I made you a card. You can have it when you come home." Kennedy's face was blocked by the card she was holding up. "It's us."

There were three people on the front and the one meant to be Avery was holding a cake with candles. When she opened it the inside said "Happy Birthday Daddy!" in Kennedy's handwriting. Avery had signed it too.

"Thank you baby I love it. I miss you."

Kennedy moved the card. "I miss you too Daddy. Is your birthday good?"

"Yeah it's good." He agreed with a smile. "Now that you're here."

"It's almost my birthday."

His stomach tightened. "Y-Yeah it is baby girl. You're getting so big."

"I'm gonna be four!"

"You sure are. Are you excited?"

Kennedy nodded. "Mommy says I can have a party."

Logan sighed, wishing he could be there. "That will be fun."

"Are you coming Daddy?"

All he wanted was to say yes but he couldn't. He fought a frown. "I'll try really hard."

"Okay. I love you Daddy, Happy Birthday."

"I love you more Kennedy."

Kennedy blew him a kiss and he blew one back. Kennedy ran off screen and Avery sat down in the same spot.

"Happy Birthday Logan." She smiled softly.

"Thank you Avery. Thanks for letting her do that."

She shrugged. "It was the guys' idea but either way I'm glad to see you smile. How are you?"

Logan thought about the past few days. He had been working through his feelings about Avery and he had been working on a few songs. The songs were mostly about the conversation they had the other day about just being friends. The idea of not being with her still hurt but it was getting a little better. Tour was going well and votes were coming in. They just wrapped up in Switzerland.

"I'm doing okay. I miss you guys."

"I miss you too."

There was an awkward silence between the two of them. Logan scratched at the back of his neck and Avery looked down at her lap.

"So." She spoke a moment later. "Any big plans tonight?"

He shrugged. "No I don't think so. I'm sure the guys will drag me somewhere to have fun."

"Well you should, it is your birthday after all."

This came as a surprise. "You won't be upset if I go out?"

She shook her head. "It's your birthday you deserve to have fun. You work hard."

"Thanks. How's Kennedy been?"

"She's pretty much back to normal. She's excited about school, her winter break ended two weeks ago. She misses you but she doesn't seem as sad."

Logan thought about this. He thought he would have been upset that Kennedy didn't seem to miss him that much. But honestly? He was relieved, at least she wasn't hurting anymore.

"Oh. That's good I guess. How have you been?"

"Fine. Busy with class but it's going well."

Logan smiled. "I'm glad. I'm sure you're killing it. Best future screenwriter in town

"You're too kind." She rolled her eyes. "Tour's going well?"

"It's good, just kind of exhausting. But the guys got the crowd to sing to me so that was nice. I'd still rather be home with you guys."

Her expression darkened just slightly. "At least you're getting the votes you need."

This was true. Ever since they released I Won't Give Up, their votes for the EMAs had gone up. Not that any of this mattered to him, but it was still interesting that Avery was keeping tabs.

"I guess." He leaned in closer. "I'm working on getting home. I'm going to keeping asking him, I swear."

She gave a noncommittal shrug. "Her birthday is in a few days, I doubt it but we'll see."

"I'm going to try to get home. I promise Aves, I'm going to do my best to not let her down."

"Okay." She sighed. "I won't keep you, go out, and enjoy your birthday."

The conversation was clearly over. "Thanks, I will. Tell Kennedy I love her, thanks for letting me see her."

"You're welcome." She sounded genuine. "Happy Birthday, Logan."

He thanked her once more and then closed out of the window. He made his way towards the door and refocused on the night ahead. When he walked out of the dressing room he found his friends waiting around in the hallway.

"Hey, thanks for setting that up. It means a lot to me." He grinned. "I appreciate it."

"No problem." Carlos gave him a thumbs up. "We thought you should at least kind of see them on your birthday."

James looked up from his phone. "How are they?"

Logan decided to leave out the fact that Kennedy was thinking he'd be home for her birthday, for now he was choosing to focus on the positive.

"Kennedy's doing better and Avery is actually cool about me going out tonight."

Kendall and James high fived. "Well if she's cool it with it then what are we waiting for?"

Logan shook his head and laughed. "Nothing. Let's do it."

xxx

Logan may have said let's do it last night before going out. But now, lying in his bunk with his head pounding, he may have done it a little too much. Last night was a blur of shots and drinking whatever James and Carlos put in front of him. It had been fun though, partying without a fear of Avery getting pissed at him. It was a great way to celebrate turning 20, his friends had made him loosen up. Maybe a little too loose because when he walked into the venue that morning it felt like his head was going to explode. The air was cool in France this morning, it was just two days to Kennedy's birthday and here he was an ocean away. He was still trying to work out a way to get home.

"Hey Gustavo. Can we talk for a minute?"

Gustavo dismissed one of the roadies. "What do you need?"

His plan was to go in with a request he would say no to so his real request seemed more reasonable.

"I want to go public about Avery and Kennedy." He said simply. "I'm tired of the lies and hurting them."

Gustavo looked surprised before barking out a laugh. "Ha! Nice try Logan, that's not going to happen."

He folded his arms over his chest. "Fine. I want to go home for her birthday."

"That's not happening either. You need to be here to perform and be onstage."

Logan clenched and unclenched his fists. "I need to be there for her. I need to be a dad."

"And you get to do that when you're home but right now you're at work."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

He walked away feeling angry. He thought Gustavo might budge because comparatively speaking going home was much easier than going public. It only two more days until her birthday he had to figure this out. Gustavo's decision, combined with his hangover put him in a bad mood. So he avoided his friends for the time being, he settled on a quiet room where the gear was stored. He sat down and pounded on the wall in frustration. Kennedy didn't deserve to have a shitty birthday just because of a deal he made when he was scared sixteen year old.

As he sat there his mind kept going back to the day she was born, almost four years ago.

 _January 2011_

Kennedy didn't wail or scream as Logan held her, she just stared. She looked up at him with her brown eyes that Avery said were the same as his. He swallowed the lump in his throat and ran his thumb over her small face.

"Hey baby girl. Happy Birthday."

Avery was with a nurse learning how to use a breast pump so he was alone with his daughter. She was just a few hours old and Logan felt numb to the world. She was so small and delicate, he would do anything protect her. As he stared at her, he felt his face grow warm and his eyes get a little wet. He was terrified, honestly terrified. He didn't know how in the hell he would be a father this young. His own birthday was just a few days ago, he was seventeen years old and would be on tour again soon.

"I don't know how your Mom and I are going to raise you but we'll try our hardest. I won't let anything or anyone ever hurt you I promise you."

He kissed her forehead and smiled a little. He was terrified but hoped everything would work out. Everything about Kennedy and Avery was going to be an absolute secret, he hoped it wouldn't be this way forever.

Kennedy squirmed in his arms and he smiled down at her.

"I love you so much." He whispered. "I'll always be there for you."

 _January 2015 – Present_

After thinking about that day, the day that changed everything it finally made sense. He knew how he'd finish the song that he started way back when Avery called him a deadbeat. Logan shut the door behind him and found the dressing room to be blessedly empty. He dug through his backpack and found the notebook he had started it in.

"Only two more days until your birthday." He sort of mumbled and sang under his breath. "Yesterday was mine, you'll be turning four, I know what it's like growing up without your father in your life."

He wrote this down and picked up the guitar and strummed a few chords that went well with the ones he worked out awhile back.

"So I pretend, I'm doing all can. And hope someday you'll find it in your heart to understand why I'm not around, and forgive me for not being in your life."

Logan played the song all the through and when he finished he smiled to himself. It felt good to finally put all his thoughts and feelings into words. He had been harboring all these emotions and feelings inside of him for years. Hearing his thoughts aloud helped lessen the sting he felt in his chest.

 _January 2012_

"Happy Birthday to you!" Avery and Logan finished singing to the smiling baby.

Avery blew out the candle on the small cake in front of Kennedy.

"Go at it Kens." Logan smiled as he filmed on his phone.

The one year old smashed her hands into the cake and brought it to her mouth. Avery laughed and Logan put his arm around her.

"So we've officially made a full year and haven't screwed her up." Avery grinned as she kissed him. "So far so good."

Logan kissed her back and watched Kennedy as she ate her cake. So much had changed in the course of the year. Big Time Rush was working on a second album, Logan had just turned eighteen and Kennedy was one. But for all the good, one thing remained the same. Kennedy and Avery were a still secret. Logan had a year's worth of photos and videos on his phone that he couldn't share.

"So we have." He said softly as he smiled their daughter.

Avery looked up at him. "Next year will be different right?"

He swallowed, not wanting to disappoint her.

"Definitely, this won't be a secret forever."

 _January 2015 – Present_

Logan checked the time to make sure Avery would be awake. It was 1 am in Los Angles and he knew she'd more than likely be sitting in her bedroom. He dialed her number and hoped she'd answer.

"Hey Logan. How was last night?"

He ran his fingers over his temples which stilled throbbed slightly. "I-it was good."

"What's up?"

Logan let out a long, nervous sigh. "I asked Gustavo about going public and being home for her birthday-"

"And?"

"He said it wasn't going to happen." He heard her groan so he hurried his words. "But I'm still going to try. I am really, I swear."

Avery sounded hallow. "Don't bother, I think she knows you won't be here. She stopped asking."

"I want to be there though. She deserve to have me there for her birthday."

"She does? You're never here anyway so what's the difference?"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Hey listen I'm trying. I really am Avery, I swear. Just don't file for custody yet."

"We all make our own choices. But fine, try to be here." Avery said firmly. "But we won't hold our breath."

Logan was met with the dial tone and frowned as he set his phone down. Avery really had no faith in him and it hurt. According to her even Kennedy had given up on the idea of him being home for her birthday. His own daughter didn't even trust him. And it was in that moment that Logan knew what he had to do. He had a choice to make, there people who were counting on him to be where he needed to be. Two different groups of people, two places to be. Only one mattered at the end the day, he just hoped he'd make the right choice.

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AN: Well Logan and Avery are fighting once more and Kennedy's birthday is getting closer! Next chapter features Logan making an important choice. Please review for the love of all that is good. I get alerts every time someone favorites or follows so I know you guys are reading. Please throw me a bone and give me some feedback. There will be drama next chapter I plan to update three times next week so fingers crossed! I hope you enjoyed and please review!


	20. Chapter 20

**Read me!** **AN** : You guys! I'm literally shaking. I'm so excited I've been waiting to write this chapter since I started this story! Thank you so so much for the reviews! Shian that long ass review gave me life omg. ( **Edit:** Shian, you're the real mvp, I just saw that you reviewed my other fics. Thank you.) Thank you to everyone else too! I really think you guys will like this chapter. Logan makes a choice. There are two flashbacks too. I already proofread but will do it again tomorrow. Please review! I will update most likely on Monday!

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"This is bullshit! I work hard every day and I can't have one day off?" Logan shouted as he ran a hand through his hair. "I deserve to go home for her birthday."

"What's bullshit is how you always play the victim dog! You knew what you agreed to when you told us you wanted to be involved." Gustavo argued back. "You're at work now, you have to do what needs done."

Logan clenched his fists. "What I need is to be there for her birthday!"

Gustavo held his hand up and Kelly gave him an apologetic smile. "That's enough. I expect you to be on that stage tonight ready to give a perfect performance. The awards are coming up and we need the votes."

"What difference will one show make?" He questioned defiantly. "I checked this morning, we're ahead by 6%."

Kelly looked at her phone. "Yeah but Colorful Pants and One Direction are both British and have an advantage."

Logan groaned looked up at the ceiling. "Who cares? It's metal and plastic that will collect dust. Meanwhile, Kennedy only turns four once."

Kelly shifted uncomfortably, he wasn't mad at her. He was just in bad mood and everyone and everything was annoying him.

"You knew you had a tour coming up." Gustavo said.

"That wasn't an extra four weeks. You dropped that bomb out of nowhere."

"Life sucks. Be on stage tonight act like you want to actually be there. Once tour ends you can go back to being on Teen Mom."

"Screw you." He spat as he stormed away. "Asshole."

Logan pushed past his friends and headed for the dressing room. He pounded his fist against the wall until his knuckles ached. Logan had put in four years of sweat, tears and sacrifice into this band and Gustavo really couldn't give him one day off? He had even asked nicely earlier in the day when they arrived in Düsseldorf, Germany. They would be in the country for three days, including tomorrow. His daughter's fourth birthday. He had hoped that Gustavo would let him have this one thing. But no, he had to be a dick about it. He sat on the couch and tried to take a few deep breaths and calm himself before he called Avery.

He could feel himself shake with anger as it rang. She was going to be pissed off, not that she had believed him anyway though.

"How'd it go?"

"He said no again." Logan said angrily. "He said I need to stop being the victim and that I'm at fucking work. It's bullshit, I work so hard and I can't even see my kid on her birthday."

Avery was calm. "I'm not surprised. You tried and I appreciate that."

"You're going to take custody from me. It's not okay."

"I was going to fight for full custody anyways you lied to me."

Logan looked up at the celling and felt his eyes grow wet. "N-No, please."

"I was going to consider a stricter agreement and let you see her if you made it home but you aren't."

"I tried okay? I'll keep trying, I promise I'll try to do something special for her."

Avery didn't sound too hopeful. "Well if some miracle happens maybe I'll reconsider."

"Whatever." He said as he hung up.

Avery had said there would have been a chance to stay in Kennedy's life if he had made it home. He was so close to fixing things but he was stuck here. It was his job and everything but one day wouldn't have ruined the band's career. Kennedy was his whole world, Big Time Rush was just a small part of it. And yet this small part dictated his entire life. Logan rubbed his fists into his eyes and groaned.

There was a soft knock at the door and Logan saw his friends at the doorway.

"Can we come in?" Carlos asked gently.

Logan shrugged. "I guess."

"We're sorry about Gustavo being an asshole." Kendall began. "We tried talking to him before you asked him again and just now."

Logan smiled but only slightly. "I appreciate the effort but he won't budge. I get that the awards are important but Kennedy is only going to turn four once."

"I know and that sucks but I know she'll forgive you."

He glared at James. "How do I know this isn't the beginning of being even more absent? What if I have to miss more birthdays or Christmas again? Then what? She'll know me as that guy who is sometimes there not as her dad."

"We won't let that happen. We'll make sure Gustavo doesn't schedule stuff on her birthday anymore." Kendall offered. "Maybe you can renegotiate your contract."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure Gustavo would love that. I just wanted to do this one thing for my daughter on her birthday."

"We're sorry." Carlos was frowning. "Really, we are."

"We understand how much this sucks."

He scoffed, he was grateful for their sympathy and help but they didn't get it. Logan leaned over and into his backpack. He fished out the notebook he had finished his song in the other day. He turned to the right page and flung it towards the guys. He refused to play it now. He wanted Avery to be the first person to hear it. He would only play it in person and not over the fucking computer.

"I've been working on that song since Avery called me a deadbeat. I finally finished it the other day."

His friends crowded around the notebook and read Logan's words. They read about Steven and how Logan waited for him to call when he was a kid. They read about how Logan had waited for Kennedy to be born and how much he hated himself for not being in her life. He bit on his thumbnail and watched as they all frowned.

"You will make it up to her." James spoke first. "One day you will."

"I don't want to make it up to her. I want to do things right the first time."

"It's a really good song man. I'm sure Avery and Kennedy will love it when they hear it."

Logan took the notebook back and ran his thumb over the spiral before putting it in his bag. "If I'm lucky they'll hear it. Avery says she still is going through with the custody hearing."

Carlos looked pissed. "That's not fair, she knows you won't be able to fight back."

"No shit." He grumbled, his mood worsening by the minute. "You guys will never understand."

James sighed. "We do get it though. Keeping your own kid a secret is shitty and must hurt."

Logan's anger boiled over. He stood up and kicked the coffee table in front of him. He was fed up with his friends trying to make things not seem as bad.

"No you don't!" He shouted. "You have no fucking clue how awful this is."

His friends were silent as the young dad continued to rant.

"You have no idea how hard it is! Do you have any idea what it's like to look the girl you got pregnant in the face and tell her you can't talk about her to anyone? The girl who is having your baby isn't allowed to be associated with you. You can't be seen in public with them, she has to move across town because it's too risky to be seen together."

Logan punched the air and ground his teeth together. His friends all looked concerned but didn't say anything so he continued on.

"The day I told her about the deal she agreed to it because I promised her it would only be until the band got popular. But here we are four years later and she's still a secret." He laughed without humor. "Do you know how hard it was to explain to her that she was a secret?"

 _May 2010_

"How are you feeling?" Logan asked he settled onto Avery's bed.

Avery sat down next to him and shrugged. "Sick, I feel weird."

Avery was just a few week along and her morning sickness was rough and lasted all day. Logan gave her a small smile and rubbed her shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"It's normal, I just hope it ends soon." She placed a hand on her stomach. "So your text said you told Gustavo?"

Logan frowned slightly. Earlier today Logan had made a deal with Gustavo and Griffin. He was allowed to stay in Big Time Rush and be involved with Avery and the baby if he kept them a secret. Logan was a little uncomfortable with this but if it was the only way to be around for his kid and it's mom what choice did he have? Besides he probably wouldn't have to keep them a secret for long, just until BTR got big.

"Yeah, I did the other day. He was pissed but we found a way I can stay in the band and be around to help you. It's a little weird though."

He added that last bit as an afterthought so she wouldn't be caught off guard.

"What is it?"

"Well, they said it would be bad for the band if one of us had a kid. It would be bad for our image because we're a boy band. So uh, you'd have to move out of the Palmwoods. The record company would pay for housing and medical bills." He said quickly. "But we couldn't be seen together in public once you start showing and stuff."

Avery looked shocked. "Are you joking?"

He winced. "N-No. And you and the baby would have to be kept a secret. Like I can help and be a dad and stuff. I just can't mention you guys online or in interviews. Which w-would probably be a good thing if we get famous, fans could give you hate and stuff."

She sighed and ran a hand over her stomach. "And t-this is the only way you can be involved?"

"It's that, don't help at all or go back home. I don't want to leave you alone in this." Logan took her hand. "I want to be there for my kid and for you. It wouldn't be this way forever."

"Really?"

Logan nodded confidently. "Totally, if the band gets big and the album does well I'm sure we can go public."

Avery bit her lip and took a deep breath. "I mean if it's the only way I guess it'll have to do."

"It'll be okay and I get to stay out here and help." He smiled and kissed her. "You two are always going to come first and nothing will get in the way of that."

 _January 2015 – Present_

"I guess you're right." James finally conceded, pulling Logan from his thoughts. "We don't know what it's like but we're still sorry."

Logan gave a terse nod. "Thanks, I guess."

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Logan was still in an awful mood just wanted to scream but his friends didn't deserve that. No one said anything but Kelly popped her head into the room.

"Hey you guys have rehearsal. Be out on the stage in a few minutes."

"Great." He muttered. "Time to jump through another hoop."

His friends didn't say anything and they all made their way to the stage. Logan slouched in the back and barely warmed up. Halfway through their 5 song rehearsal to make sure the audio was working Gustavo signaled for them to stop.

"Logan what's your issue?"

All he could do was laugh. "What's my issue?"

"You aren't even trying. You're mumbling and you were a full beat behind during the last dance."

"Well if I'm so shitty maybe you send me home." He gave a smug grin. "Wouldn't want to risk votes."

"You need to drop the attitude. Get over yourself! We all have problems and drama but do you see anyone bitching about it? Grow a pair and do your job." Gustavo shouted at him. "You're personal drama is not my problem."

Logan clenched his fists. "I never said it was."

"Can we just get back to rehearsal?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah, come on he's not worth it." Kendall told him.

He rolled his eyes, feeling annoyed. "Whatever."

The rest of rehearsal dragged on and Logan made no effort to be any good. He had to be on tour and do his job. Nowhere in the contract did it say he had to do his job well. Gustavo was pissed but dismissed them from the stage. Logan shut himself in his dressing room and paced. He didn't want screw things up for his friends but Kennedy was much more important. All he could picture was Kennedy waiting for him to come home and growing sadder by the second. He shut his eyes and swallowed. There was nothing he could do though, he was stuck and had been for a long time.

xxx

The venue they were in had an early curfew. All venues had a time that shows had to end by, that way the next day's event had time to be set up. It was a common thing a popular venue such as this one. It meant that the show had to start earlier. Around six instead of seven. So Logan stood there in his stage at outfit at 5:50, pouting and texting Avery.

 **I'm sorry.**

Of course her response was shitty.

 **She's disappointed but not surprised. She said Daddy always has to work.**

 **Can I call and talk to her? Please?**

There was an eye roll emoji.

 **Make it quick.**

Logan hit speed dial and walked away from his friends. Kennedy's voice soon filled his ears.

"Daddy, Mommy says you can't be here."

She sounded so sad, her voice was wobbling and his chest hurt.

"I have to work. I'm sorry baby girl."

"But it's my birthday tomorrow." She whispered. "I'll be four."

Logan blinked back a few tears. "I k-know and I love you so much. When I get home we'll celebrate I swear."

"But you're never home." She whined.

She was right. "I will be. I swear I'll come home to you and Mommy."

"Mommy says I have to go."

"Kennedy no, tell Mommy to let you stay on the phone." He begged. "Please."

"B-Bye Daddy."

"I l-love you so much baby girl." His voice broke. "I'm sorry."

"Love you too."

There was dial tone and Logan almost threw his phone against the wall but threw his hat instead.

"Damn it!" He shouted.

"What?"

Logan was shaking with anger. "Kennedy is literally crying and it's all my fault."

Kendall gave him a small hug. "It'll be okay."

Logan shoved him off and could only picture Kennedy's face the day he left for tour. He promised he'd never make her look like that again.

"Fuck this." He ripped his jacket from his shoulders, feeling overheated. "Fuck this show, fuck Gustavo, fuck this."

"Hey deep breaths. You'll freak out." James sounded worried.

"Dogs, On stage. Logan make an effort."

Logan turned and saw Gustavo. He narrowed his eyes and took a breath.

"No."

"No? You have a show. On stage, now."

He folded his arms over his chest. "Nope."

"I said now!" Gustavo raised his voice. "We need-"

"Votes! I know but I need to be a dad. I'm not going."

"Dude come on." Carlos tried to reason.

"Listen to your friends. You're late."

Logan tore off his microphone pack. "No fuck this."

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm leaving!" He shouted at the producer. "Fuck you, fuck this show and fuck the votes. I don't care!"

"No you're not!"

Logan wrenched his friends, who were trying hold him back off of him.

"Oh I'm not?" He questioned. "Well watch this!"

Logan stormed away from the stage. Running as fast as his legs could carry him to the dressing rooms. He could hear his friends behind him.

"Logan wait!" James called,

He burst into his dressing room and grabbed his backpack and slipped his laptop, phone and chargers into it. He looked and saw that his wallet and passport were sitting in the bottom of the bag.

"You're leaving?" Carlos asked suddenly.

When he turned he saw that his friends and Gustavo and Kelly were in the doorway. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed the clean clothes he set out for after the concert and a book from the table.

"What's it look like?"

There was shouting and he tuned it out as he put his toothbrush in and zipped the bag. He pulled on his jacket and went to the door.

"Move." He hissed. "Now. I'm going and you can't stop me."

James and Kendall moved and he made a point to elbow Gustavo as he shoved past.

"You better not go public!" He shouted.

Logan shrugged. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't."

And with that he pushed out the back door of the venue and into the cold air. He quickly made his way through the back parking lot, past the buses and the trucks. He stumbled through the snow and onto a main street and flagged down a cab. The driver asked something in German and he assumed he wanted to know where he was going.

"Airport." He answered, hoping he understood.

The driver nodded and pulled onto the street. Logan let out a breath he was jittery and couldn't believe he just did that. But it didn't matter he was going home.

xxx

By some miracle he had managed to get a seat on flight to LA that would leave in an hour. He had forked over the extra money for the last minute ticket and made it through security and onto the plane with only a few minutes to spare. He went to switch off his phone and saw all the text messages from his friends and Gustavo and Kelly. But he ignored them and turned his phone off. Once the plane took off his heartrate went back to normal, they were in the air. He had made it just in time.

 _January 2011_

Logan ran through the hallway as fast as he could, willing himself to go faster. Avery had texted him an hour ago saying her water broke. He had been working late, doing an interview and couldn't leave. It was only when the woman left that he started freaking out. He had rushed over here with his friends as fast as he could. She had included the room number so he sprinted, looking for room 1123. He skidded to a stop when he saw it and burst in. Avery's face was sweaty and she was in tears.

"I'm here." He panted. "I'm so fucking sorry."

Avery managed to smile for a brief moment. "L-Logan thank god."

He went to her bedside, barely acknowledging her mom and the nurse. He kissed her deeply and hugged her as she cried.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair. "I was coming, I swear."

"I thought you would miss it." She cried. "It's almost time."

He shook his head. "Never. I'll always make it. I'm s-sorry."

Avery pulled back and smiled. "We're having a baby."

Logan nodded numbly, that realization hitting him. She was in labor, she was having their baby. Fear washed over him.

"We are."

Watching her give birth was one of the most terrifying things he had ever seen. She clenched his hand so tightly he swore she'd break it. She was crying so hard from the pain and cursing. Guilt tore through him, it was his fault she was in this much pain.

"I hate this." She said through her teeth. "I can't do it."

Logan kissed her forehead, he was crying too. "I'm so sorry. You can do it, I'm sorry."

It took a few more pushes and a lot more screaming but it finally happened at 8:57 PM

Avery's body suddenly went limp and silence hung in the air until there was shrill crying. Avery immediately sobbed and Logan had to sit in the chair next to bed because his knees gave out. He watched as the nurse held out scissor to him. Somehow he made it over and cut the cord just before he went weak again. He realized he was crying as he watched Avery hold her in her arms. She was crying and smiling.

"Logan oh my god." She whispered. "She's beautiful."

He stared at the small pink face and his mouth was agape. He took her in his arms, unsure. He had never held a baby before. He felt a big smile pull at his face as he looked at the baby in his arms. She was pink and wrinkled but obviously had Avery's nose. She was perfect.

"H-Hi Kennedy." He choked out. "I'm your dad."

 _January 2015 – Present_

Logan was emotional from the memory. The day had been terrifying but so amazing all at once. He had been late but it all worked out. He had been scared and seventeen but had promised he'd always make it. He looked out the plane window and clenched his hands to stop them from shaking.

"I'm coming." He thought as he played with his bracelet. "I'll make it."

xxx

Way too many hours later he stumbled out of LAX and into a torrential downpour. It was dark and the airport was mostly empty so finding a cab was easy. He tipped and generously paid the driver ahead of time, begging him to go as fast as he could. It seemed that the universe was in his favor, his flight had only had one transfer which had arrived early in LA. But the universe was apparently out of favors for him because the cab stopped.

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly.

"Look, the road is blocked off. You're only a few blocks away I'll find a detour."

Logan saw a street sign he was only five blocks away from her building. He couldn't wait and open the door.

"I'll walk. Thank you."

The flight had already been way too long and he refused to wait any longer. He hiked his backpack higher on his back and broke into a run, the rain already soaking through his jacket and seeping into his jeans. It pelted and bit into his skin, but he pushed himself through the rain and down the five blocks. When he reached her building he almost cried in relief. He ran the four flights, his wet shoes causing him to slip a few times. He was almost there he was in her hallway, he was home.

"Please be awake." He begged as he knocked. "Please."

His nerves and relief made him hardly noticed that he was entirely soaked, down to his underwear. His hair hung limply and he shivered as he waited for an answer. He went to knock again and he heard the lock turn.

"It's the middle of the night." She spat as she opened the door. "What the hell do-"

Her question was cut off when he saw him. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Logan grinned and pushed his hair out of his eyes. His voice came out in a whisper.

"H-Hey."

* * *

AN: He's home! Logan actually did something good for once! How will Avery react? Do you think he made it in time? What did you think of Kennedy's birth and how he stood up to Gustavo? I really enjoyed this chapter. I proofread it once already but will again tomorrow like always! Please review! I'm so close to 40! I will see you guys more than likely on Monday. Can't wait to hear what you guys thought! Thank you! In other news my other btr fic Forgive and Forget only has one chapter left and I'm 2 reviews away from my goal of 110! Maybe give it a read (especially chapters 30 and 33!)


	21. Chapter 21

**AN** : Thanks for the reviews last time. I had to write this in a rush because my wifi is being strange but I will proofread it later today so please forgive and do not comment on typos. Focus on the plot of the chapter. Avery reacts to Logan being home! Let's see how this goes! Next update should be Wednesday! Please review, I'm aiming for 40! See you soon and please enjoy!

* * *

"What are you doing here?" She blinked several times.

"I-I'm home."

Avery stared at him in disbelief. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her lips twitched like she was searching for words. She didn't say anything but kept staring. Logan took the opportunity to nervously explain himself.

"I know you said you didn't want to see me and that you were done with me. But I just flew god knows how many hours from Germany, a-and it was the evening when I left and now it's the middle of the night here." He wiped the water that dripped from his hair and onto his face. "And then the cab couldn't get here because the road is blocked off so I walked the rest of the way here."

His words were all rushed together and he looked at his phone.

"I think it's still her birthday. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything Avery, I'm so sorry. The messed up time zones and the lying, all of it."

Avery stared at him for another moment before throwing herself at him. Her arms locked around his torso and she buried her face in his shoulder. Logan was stiff as a board for a moment, processing what was going on. His arms then pulled her closer and he hugged her tightly.

"Oh my god." She whispered. "Oh my god. You're here, you're actually here."

Logan nodded and rubbed her back. Avery held him tighter, not caring that he was totally drenched.

"You made it." She told him, smiling. "It's early as hell but it's the 17th."

Logan let out a sigh of relief and nearly wept. He had made it home for her birthday, he was going to be there for Kennedy.

"Oh my god, really?" He asked in shock. "You're sure?"

"Yeah." Her voice shook. "You're here for her birthday."

Logan ran a hand over his face and couldn't contain his smile. It was a mixture of relief and pride. He hadn't let her down, he didn't mess it up this time.

Avery grabbed his wrist. "You're soaked, come inside."

Suddenly he was aware of how his clothes clung to his skin and followed her into the darkened living room and shut the door. Avery flicked on a lamp and the room glowed with soft light. Logan saw a banner that read 'Happy Birthday Kennedy!' hung in the doorway to the kitchen and there were decorations on the wall. His eye caught the clock on the cable box and saw that it was really the middle of the night.

"I'm sorry I woke you." He said sheepishly. "I should've called but I wanted to surprise you and it didn't really cross my mind."

Avery shook her head. "It's okay. I just finished decorating a little while before you got here."

She laughed and shook her head.

"Before you got here." She laughed. "You're actually here."

It made him insanely happy to hear her laugh and know he was the reason for it. It sunk in for him too, he was here. Not in Germany but in Los Angeles for his daughter's birthday.

"I can't believe it either."

Avery hugged him but pulled away quickly. "You're soaked, let's get you of these before you get sick."

The air conditioning was on in the apartment and his skin was cold, he pulled off his backpack and hoodie. He unzipped the bag and was thrilled to find that his things weren't wet. He pulled out a dry shirt he had stuffed in there.

"You're also getting the carpet wet, let me help." Avery peeled the shirt he had been meant to wear onstage over his head. "I'll wash these- oh."

Avery stopped and Logan followed her gaze, her eyes were on his ribs. She was looking at the tattoo he had got almost a month ago. Her fingers reached up and brushed across the skin. Her fingers were warm and felt good against his chilled skin. He felt his face flush and tried to read her expression.

"Yeah." He said quietly, slightly embarrassed. "Is it too much?"

She shook her head. "No, it's kind of great actually."

She ran her fingers back and forth and looked up at him shyly. Logan caught her hand and swallowed as they stared at each other. Avery gave him a weak grin and he shifted on his feet. He wasn't sure who moved first but their lips brushed against each other's. Logan pulled her closer to him and kissed her intensely. Avery wrapped her arms around his neck and titled her head a bit.

"I missed you Aves." He mumbled into her ear once they separated. "So much."

Avery nodded. "I missed you too."

They kissed again and stumbled down the hallway, into her bedroom. Logan was quick to get rid of his wet pants. He went to grab the bottom of the night shirt Avery was wearing and stopped himself.

"Is this okay?" He asked her, not sure where this was going.

She nodded vigorously. "Uh huh."

Avery held her arms up over her head and Logan pulled her shirt off, revealing her bare chest. He couldn't help but take in the sight of her. There was a point in recent history when he thought he would never see her again, so he was grateful for this chance. Avery climbed onto her bed and slipped off her underwear, making a show of dropping them over the side of the bed. Logan rolled his eyes jokingly at her and pushed his own to the floor and stepped out of them. He climbed in after her.

Avery was kissing at his neck and had her hand wrapped around him. Her lips and hand were familiar and warm. His eyes screwed shut and he brought a hand to face and pulled her face back up to his.

"I miss you so much." He admitted to her. "I thought of you every day."

"I missed you too. I was so mad at you b-but I just wanted you to come home." Her voice was shaking again. "I'm sorry for being a bitch."

She was still pumping him and his words were strained. "It's okay, s'okay."

Logan kissed her again, letting one hand hold hers and the other play with one of her breasts. Avery let go of him and stretched her arm over to the bedside table, taking a condom from the drawer. Logan let go of her hand and sat back for a minute, rolling it on and taking a breath.

"You sure?" As great as this was he didn't want her to do something she regretted. "It's not just because I made it home or something?"

"Always the gentleman." She joked. "But no, I want this. I want you."

He nodded and kissed her again. After lining himself up and watching her nod again his hips sunk into hers and she let out a moan.

"Logan." She sighed his shoulder and then said to herself. "You're home."

This made him smile as he kissed at her neck and rocked into her. This was really happening. He was here, at home. He was with Avery and was with her this way. After being apart for so long and dealing with all the drama they came right back together. He groaned and put his hand into her hair.

"I missed you." He choked out. "God, I missed you."

Avery opened her eyes and held her hand to his cheek. She was shuddering and swallowed before she spoke.

"So glad you're home Logan." She whined. "I missed you being here."

The sound of her moaning his name was more than enough for him. He pulled at her hair quickened his pace. Avery kept sighing softly and dug her nails into his shoulders. Logan groaned pressed his lips roughly to hers as he finished. Avery's eyes were shut again and her mouth was pulled into a small satisfied smile. Logan pulled out and scooted to the side of the bed, disposing of the condom in the trash.

That had been quick, he was a little embarrassed normally it didn't happen that quickly. The last time he had sex had been the night he and Avery got drunk, so it had been a while. Avery didn't seem too concerned though. She was laying back on the pillows with a smug look on her face.

"What's that look for?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing." She sighed. "I just didn't realize just how much I missed you and here you are in my bedroom."

Logan leaned over and kissed her. "I missed you too. You have no idea how much I wanted to fly home to you two."

Avery's face turned pink. "Well I'm glad you're here."

Logan took her hand and played with her fingers. They laid there in silence for a while. Logan kissed her fingertips and Avery drew patterns over his chest with her free hand. The sex had been nice but laying here with Avery at his side was better. Being close to her, in the same room as her was more than he could have asked for. But after a few minutes of silence Avery sat up.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, I need a drink." She pecked his cheek. "I'll put your clothes in the wash."

She was always taking care of him. "Thanks, can I shower?"

"Probably for the best, you smell like sex and airports,"

He smirked. "Well I don't want to brag but I am a rock star."

Avery rolled her eyes as she gathered his pants and boxers briefs. "Popstar, actually. If you want to get technical."

Their back and forth was familiar, comforting. This was probably the first time they had actually been playful around each other since he told her about tour. Logan stood up and stretched and watched as Avery stared.

"You still like what you see though." He said as he went to the door. "If you want to get technical."

She pointed to the door. "Shower."

Logan gave her a thumbs up and dashed across the hall into the bathroom. He turned on the warm water and jumped in. The warm water felt good on his skin and he hummed to himself. He was in LA. He couldn't get over the fact that he was home and Avery didn't seem to despise him. He was also here for Kennedy's birthday. He didn't feel a single ounce of regret about leaving. This was his home, not a hotel room, plane or bus. Home was wherever Avery and Kennedy were at.

He wrapped his waist in a towel and walked back into Avery's room. He could hear the washer that was tucked away in one of the hall closet churning.

"I grabbed your bag for you. But you had some stuff here from all the times you've been here." Avery pointed to the dresser. "Bottom drawer."

"Thanks." He dried him and tossed the towel into the hamper. "Am I sleeping here?"

"Sure, I wasn't going to send you home."

Logan found some boxer briefs and sweats in the drawer and pulled them on. He climbed into bed next to Avery and yawned.

"I'm so glad I made it."

"Me too." Avery's face was bright. "She was excited anyways but now that you're home she'll freak out."

"Can I see her?" In his excitement to see Avery he hadn't seen Kennedy yet. "I know it's late but just really quick."

She shook her head. "No, you can't."

"Why not? I flew home to see her." Logan's stomach turned. Maybe Avery wasn't as glad to see him as he thought. "Please."

Avery had a mischievous look on her face. "We should surprise her. Maybe you can be in the kitchen and I'll bring her in for breakfast and you'll just be there."

Logan's fear was replaced with excitement. "That's great."

"Ugh, I'm so happy you'll be here." She groaned. "She'll be so excited to see you."

"So am I. Surprising her is a good idea."

After all of the bad surprises he and Avery had went through he was excited to have pleasant surprise for once. Avery stretched her arms over her head and turned off the lamp. Logan turned onto his side and kissed her.

"Night Aves."

She rested her head against him. "Night Logan."

They settled in and Logan put his arm around her waist. He had spent so many night on his own, unable to sleep because of guilt and stress. But right now with Avery at his side he fell in the most restful sleep he had in months.

xxx

The next morning he and Avery were awake early and despite having flown for hours he felt well rested. It was almost time to get Kennedy up for the day and he was excited. The apartment was decorated with a princess theme for her party and the cake sat in a box from the bakery on the counter. Logan sipped on his coffee while Avery was in the shower. He had turned his phone back on and there were an insane amount of messages.

 **Where the hell are you? Gustavo is pissed.**

 **You actually left tour? There are fans counting on you.**

 **Fine, whatever. Have a safe flight, tell her Happy Birthday.**

Those were from Kelly who despite working for Gustavo was actually nice and felt for him and his situation. The guys had also texted him.

 **G is livid, he pissed at you. Are you really flying home? Be safe.**

 **Oh and tell her favorite uncle says happy birthday. Lmao**

That was from Carlos and made him smile. Kennedy and Carlos had always been close.

 **What the fuck. I get it's her birthday but what about the show?**

 **Are you just not going to respond? And say I only think of myself.**

Logan rolled his eyes. James was his best friend but sometimes he was a dick. Oh well, it didn't matter he was home now.

 **Ignore James, he'll get over it. We're proud of you. Gustavo's pissed but when isn't he?**

 **You're coming back right, like after her birthday?**

He frowned a bit, he didn't want Kendall to worry. He would probably go back on tour if Gustavo didn't fire him. Speaking of which there was one text from his boss.

 **Don't you dare go public.**

And that was it. That was Gustavo's concern, not how he had been forced to ignore his family or the fact that he was overworked. He wasn't going to go public, he knew that would only make the situation worse. When he looked up his own name there were a few articles wondering were Logan had disappeared. It looked like the guys did perform last night but said that Logan had a family emergency. Even when they were marginally upset with him, his friends still covered for him.

Logan finished his coffee and texted his mom.

 **Hey mom, ignore any rumors you hear okay? I left tour last night for Kennedy's birthday, everyone is pissed but I'm okay.**

 **Logan I'm so proud of you. I'm glad you're there for them. Tell her Happy Birthday!**

Logan told her he loved her and turned off his phone. He smiled, feeling good about himself. He wasn't like his father, he had been there when it actually mattered. Steven wouldn't have done this for him.

"Okay cover your eyes." Avery said excitedly from down the hall.

"Do I get a surprise?"

Logan sat up and felt his heart race, he was finally going to see his daughter.

"You sure do."

Avery came into the kitchen carrying Kennedy on her hip. Kennedy had her hands over her eyes and was grinning from ear to ear. He noticed that she had her necklace on.

"Okay, 1, 2, 3."

Kennedy uncovered her eyes and she gasped.

"Daddy! You're home!"

Logan stood up and took her from Avery, hugging her tightly. Kennedy wrapped her small arms around his neck and Logan kissed her hair. He felt his throat get tight.

"I am. I'm home, I missed you so much."

"Daddy I missed you. You're home for my birthday."

Logan smiled at her. "I am. Happy Birthday baby girl."

"You're here for my party. It will fun now."

Logan sat down with Kennedy in his lap. "I love you so much and I'm so glad I'm here."

"I missed you a bunch. Aren't I so much bigger now? I'm four."

He laughed. "You are. But you're still my baby girl."

Kennedy kissed his cheek. "Daddy why are you here? Mommy said you had to work."

"We were surprising you. Are you happy?"

"Uh huh." She nodded eagerly. "Are you happy Daddy?"

He smiled up at Avery and noticed that she was wearing her bracelet too.

"More than I've ever been."

xxx

Kennedy's birthday party had been a success. Logan meet two of her friends from preschool, two blonde twins named Emma and Brooke and their mom. Her mom was older than Avery by a few years and didn't seem to realize who he was. And if she did she didn't say anything. The three girls had fun and played with the massive amount of presents Kennedy has received. Avery had got her a giant mansion for her dolls and few new dolls. Kendall's mom had apparently sent over dress up stuff at some point and his own mom bought Kennedy one of those big heads that you could do hair styles and makeup own. Logan had matched Avery's gift and bought the matching car to go with the dollhouse and sent to the apartment while he was on tour. Her friends had got her a little kid's makeup set. Everything had gone well, including seeing Avery's parents again who got her a lot of books and an art set.

"Hey Mr. and Mrs. Collins." He had said nervously. "Nice to see you again."

Tess, Avery's mom smiled at him. "Hi Logan how are you?"

"Good, I can't believe she's four but I'm good."

"Are you home for long?" Kyle, Avery's dad asked him. "Or are you leaving Avery _again._ "

Logan shifted uncomfortably. Avery's dad wasn't his biggest fan. He had never got over the fact that his daughter and granddaughter were on their own and kept a secret. He was also still bitter about Logan getting his daughter pregnant. Not that he blamed him though. He still remembered the day they told her parents.

 _May 2010_

Logan held onto Avery's hand as her parents stared at them. Avery was telling her parents that she was pregnant and about the deal. Logan had only met them in passing but they seemed nice.

"I guess I'll just be quick about it." She told them as she squeezed Logan's hand. "Please don't hate me."

Tess already looked like she knew but just nodded and chewed on her lip.

"I-I'm pregnant." She said quietly. "Logan's the father."

Kyle shot up off the couch. "You're what?"

Avery sighed and wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry, we made a mistake but w-we're keeping it."

"Yeah and I'm going to be there for them." Logan spoke up. "I'm not walking away."

Tess sighed. "I found the box for the tests in the trash. I thought you were being safe."

"I am but we we're exactly sober." Avery explained, her hand on her stomach. "There's something e-else though. A minor complication."

"What now?" Her dad asking, glaring at Logan.

"Well I'm in a band. We're signed and everything and almost done with the album." Logan was scared but didn't want Avery to do all the talking. He had a part in this too. "My producer and the owner of the company made a deal with me."

"A deal? What kind?" Tess asked.

Logan wrung his hands. "We're a boy band. It would be bad for our image if I had a baby. But I'm going to be there. Avery and I can't be seen together once she starts showing and she'd have to move out of the Palmwoods."

"So you get my daughter pregnant and are telling her she has to move?" Kyle scoffed. "You have some nerve."

"It w-wasn't my idea. The label is going to pay for the new apartment and medical bills. I even get an advance to pay child support and s-stuff. I have to go on tour in the summer though for six weeks."

"And you agreed to this Avery? You're letting this guy knock you up and abandon you?"

Avery sighed. "First of all we did it together. Secondly it's not abandoning. He'll be working to provide for us. It's the only way he can stay in LA and not go home to Minnesota. I'm almost 18 and he'll be back before the baby is born, it's not like he can do anything for those six weeks anyway. I kind of have to grow it."

"But you have to be kept a secret. Like he's ashamed of you."

"I'm not ashamed!" Logan said roughly. "Not at all. I'm doing what I need to so I can be there for my f-family."

It was strange feeling this protective over this girl and a baby that didn't exist.

"I agreed to this. I graduated and there is a screenwriting program at UCLA."

Logan took her hand.

"It won't be like this forever." He told them. "I promise."

 _January 2015 – Present_

"I mean I have a week or so of tour left and then I'll be home."

As Logan said this he wasn't sure if Gustavo would let him rejoin the tour. But Kyle and Tess didn't need to know this. They were warming up to him but hadn't expected to see him today.

"Well I'm sure Kennedy is glad you're here." Tess gave him a warm grin. "I know Avery is."

Logan glanced over Avery who was playing with Kennedy and her friends. She smiled shyly when she saw him,

"I think so too."

xxx

The candles on the cake were light and Logan wrapped his arm around Avery's waist. Just like at Kennedy's first birthday. He watched as Kennedy smiled for the cameras as they sang.

"Happy Birthday dear Kennedy. Happy Birthday to you!"

"Make a wish baby girl."

Kennedy huffed and puffed and blew out the four candles. She swiped her finger through the icing and stuck it in her mouth.

"Can it be my birthday everyday?"

Avery was cutting the cake for everyone and had asked Logan to take her to wash her hands. As Kennedy stood on the step stool Logan brushed back her hair.

"What did you wish for?"

"I can't tell you. Mommy says it won't come true."

"I can keep a secret."

Kennedy looked around and cupped her hands to his ear.

"I wished for you to be home with me and Mommy. And a pony."

Logan swallowed. He hoped he could be home with them too.

"Well I hope your wishes come true."

xxx

A few hours later the party had wound down and her friends had left as well as Avery's parents. Kennedy had come down from a sugar rush and was napping in her room. Logan and Avery were on the couch sharing a slice of cake.

"So I see you didn't get her a gluten free organic birthday cake."

Avery swatted his arm. "Some things you have to indulge in. What kid wants a sad birthday cake?"

"Do you think she had fun?"

"Totally." She said between a mouthful of cake. "She's so spoiled and her friends were here."

"They seemed nice. I talked to your parents."

"They are. Their mom knows that she can't mention you by the way. She didn't even realize who you were." Avery reassured him. "And I saw that. How'd it go?"

He shrugged. "Your mom was nice and your dad demanded to know if I was leaving you again?"

"Are you?"

"I don't know." He said honestly. "I don't even know if I'm allowed back on tour I stormed out and left yesterday."

Avery's eyes bulged. "What? You left! I thought Gustavo let you come home."

"God no." He scoffed. "He's a dick. We got into a fight because I asked him if I could leave. I said fuck this and packed a bag and left."

"Logan you didn't have to do that." She frowned. "You'll get in trouble."

"Yes I did." He said seriously. "None of the other stuff matters. Seeing you guys today made me realize my priorities. It's not some band or an award it's being there for you and Kennedy."

Avery sighed and kissed him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Logan kissed her and ran his thumb under her eyes which were wet. "Besides I have to make Kennedy's wish come true."

"Her wish?" She asked, sounding confused.

Logan nodded. "She told me in the bathroom. She wants me to be home and be with you guys. And a pony but we may have to wait until you don't live in an apartment for that."

Avery shook her head. "She really wants that?"

"Of course and I want that too." He whispered as he looked away from her. "If you want that too."

Avery took his hand. "I want that too. More than anything."

Logan hugged her tightly and kissed her. She wanted to be with him, for real this time.

"So last night?" He asked nervously, thinking of the last time they had sex. "It wasn't a mistake?"

Avery twirled her bracelet around her wrist and looked up at him, grinning.

"No, definitely not a mistake."

* * *

 **AN** : Logan made it home for her party and Avery wants to be with him! Kens wished for her parents to be together how cute is that. Do you think her wish will come true? Do you think Gustavo will let him come back? What did you think of Avery's parents and the flashback, I added that bit last minute. I was rushed to write this my wifi is being weird because of a storm. I will proofread this later don't comment on typos please! Please review! I'm so close having 40! Chapter 22 will be up on Wednesday! Thank you so much, see you guys later!


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: READ ME:** Hey stop what you're doing. Go back and please review chapter 21. That is literally the single most important chapter in this whole fic and I didn't get any reviews on it. Literally that's the ending of a cliffhanger please review the suspense of what you thought is killing me. Please review the previous chapter. Done? Okay good. Welcome to chapter 22. This is mostly fluff but for a good reason. The next update should be on the 19th or 20th. This fic ends next week and I'd really like to hit 40 reviews before it ends. So I hope you enjoy and that you reviewed chapter 21 as well as this one. Really it will probably take you less than a minute to write a review for the few hours that it took me to write this chapter. Help girl out and leave some feedback. Cheers!

* * *

The day after Kennedy's birthday was a lazy Sunday. Kennedy was still sleeping at 7:30 and Logan and Avery were lounging in the living room. Logan was happier than he had been in a long time. Avery had basically told him that she wanted to be with him and that sleeping together wasn't a mistake. In fact, they had slept together last too. As for the band and Gustavo they had performed another show last night, still saying he had a family emergency. He knew he would have to sort that out today or tomorrow at the latest. But right now he was content, he was playing around with his guitar. He had been surprised that Avery hadn't smashed it or something after he left for tour. Actually, she had put all of his belongings in a box in the hall closet.

"I wrote a few songs while I was on tour." He said absentmindedly. "About you and Kennedy."

"Really?" She looked up from her computer where she was working.

Logan nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, the guys read one of them but I wanted you to be the first to hear it."

Avery shut her laptop and put it on the table. "Can I hear it?"

"Totally. I started it after that one fight we had about me being gone so much but I finished it the day after my birthday.

"Well I can't wait to hear it."

Logan scooted forward on the couch to give himself some room. He tuned the guitar and cleared his throat.

"I don't want to wake her so I won't play it too loud or anything."

He started strumming the chords. The last time they sat in this living room and he sang for her was when he told her was leaving for tour. But now a few months later here he was playing for Avery who didn't hate him and actually liked him.

"Only two more days until your birthday, yesterday was mine. You'll be turning four, I know what it's like growing up without your father in your life."

Logan was nervous to sing this for her, it was really personal and he had only sang it to himself. He didn't want Kennedy to suffer the same broken childhood and the disappointment of having a shitty dad.

"So I pretend I'm doing all I can and hope someday you'll find it your heart, to understand why I'm not around. And forgive me for not being in your life."

Kennedy was only four, far too young to understand the bigger more complex reasons that he was gone. If Avery still got full custody he hoped that when she was older that she wouldn't resent him.

"I remember waiting for you to come, I remember waiting for you to call. Waiting there to find nothing at all." Logan glanced up and saw Avery who was looking emotional. "I remember waiting for you to come, I remember waiting for you to call. Waiting there to find nothing at all."

For as long as he lived he would never be able to get the memory of holding Avery's hand while she gave birth and seeing Kennedy for the first time out of his head. He also could remember waiting for Steven to call him once he had moved away with his mom, he had only been let down.

Logan played a brief instrumental part before singing again. He thought of Kennedy how he had missed 22 months of her life.

"Maybe someday you'll really get to know me, not just from letters read to you. I pray I get the chance to make it up to you. We've got a lot of catching up to do."

He thought all the emails and cards he had sent Kennedy when she was younger and now during this tour. They would never be equal to spending time with her father in person. He knew what she liked and what she didn't like and basic stuff about her but he had never been home enough to get as close as he should have been. Hopefully one day they would have a shot at a normal relationship. He also thought of all the postcards he had sent during this tour. Last night he saw that Avery had stashed them in her bedside table. He didn't mention it but it made him happy.

"So I pretend I'm doing all I can and hope someday you'll find it your heart, to understand why I'm not around. And forgive me for not being in your life."

Leaving them had never been fun. He hated leaving Avery alone to raise the daughter they had made together. He hated leaving Kennedy just as she got used to having her dad around. Logan had been bitter about his father, he didn't understand how he could just not care. That resentment was still kind of there but he forgave him.

"I remember waiting for you to come, I remember waiting for you to call. Waiting there to find nothing at all."

Sometimes he wondered if his father knew how much he had hurt him. He remembered being upset when his dad would flake out on a commitment. He never wanted Kennedy to experience the feeling of waiting for him to show up. He lived for the moments that he heard Kennedy's voice over the phone or finally got to hug her after weeks away. He didn't want her to think he didn't care. Logan continued playing, feeling his throat grow tight.

"I remember waiting for you to come, I remember waiting for you to call. Waiting there to find nothing at all."

Logan had left tour so he could be there for her. His dad never would have done something like that for him. His mom had said if Steven had tried maybe he would be in Logan's life still. They hadn't discussed the custody arrangement but hoped that he would be allowed to stay involved. He couldn't just walk away, he loved her too much to just give up.

Logan's hands trembled as he played. He hoped that Avery understood how strongly he felt about his family. He hoped that Kennedy knew how sorry he was for being a bad dad to her. He hoped that one day when all the secrecy was over, that she would see that her dad did what he had to so he could be around for her. He hoped that he would be able to make it up to her.

The last lines came out loudly.

"Forgive me. I'm so sorry. I will make it up to you."

He sat down his guitar and wiped his sweaty palms on the back of his sweats. Avery stared at him before hugging him tightly.

"S-she'll understand one day." She cried, "Of course she will."

Logan hugged her back and kissed her temple. He felt that rush of joy that he always felt when he played a new song for the first time. Then he felt relief that Avery liked it and felt that Kennedy would understand one day.

"You think so?"

Avery pulled back, her eyes were red rimmed. "You're a great dad of course she will. You try so hard and I haven't always given you credit for that but she loves you so much."

"Thanks." He said quietly. "It's nice to hear that you're doing a good job sometimes."

"You're a great dad. I know I give you shit about being gone so much but when you're here she's all you care about. You left your _job_ so you could be home and see her. I'm sorry for all the shit I give you. I just get worried but you're such a good dad and I-I couldn't do it without you."

Hearing these words meant everything to Logan. He knew he had fucked up with the lies and stuff but knowing Avery thought he was doing an okay job made him feel better.

"That means so much coming from you." He told her. "I didn't have my dad or anything so I don't really know what to do but I'm trying. You're a great mom and I'm sorry you've been alone so much."

Avery wiped her eyes. "Thanks. Is it about your dad too?"

The young dad nodded. "Uh huh. I haven't talked to him in years and know what it's like to have a deadbeat dad."

Avery shook her head. "You're not a deadbeat. I'm sorry I ever said that, you're nothing like him I swear."

They hugged once more and Logan kissed her.

"I d-don't know what's going on with tour but I want to be around as much as I can be for both of you. I know there's custody stuff to work out but I want to be there."

"I don't think I'm going through with that. I wish you were around more and taking away your rights would be doing the opposite of what Kennedy needs. I don't want to be lied to anymore but I want to make this work."

Logan grabbed her face and kissed her with excitement. He was going to be involved in Kennedy's life. He actually convinced her to let him try, he wasn't going to take this for granted.

"I won't lie to you I swear. Thank you so much. This means the world to me." He babbled. "I'll be here every second when I'm home."

Avery held his hand. "Do you think you're still in the band?"

"I don't know. He told me not to go public when he texted me so maybe?"

"You still can't go public?"

Logan nodded regretfully. "I mean he warned me not too. But I think I will be able to soon, he knows that I'm getting fed up with all of the rules."

"I hope so. I know you'd still be gone for shows but going public would make things easier. We could come to shows that were nearby, you'd be able to fly home on days off to see us if you were close enough."

He kissed her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. "I'd be able to be seen with you guys and we could do more than sit in your apartment all day."

"Yeah." She smiled a bit. "I hope that one day it happens."

"It will." He said firmly. "I'll negotiate my contract once tour ends."

Avery nodded, taking all this in. For once Logan felt like he was actually accomplishing something and not just saying he would. He waited a beat before speaking.

"What about us?"

"Us?"

Logan blushed slightly. "I mean you said the other night wasn't a mistake and that you wanted me around. What are we doing?"

"I want to be with you Logan, I really do. If we do get back together I want it to be slow, I can't get hurt again. We'd have to play it cool around Kennedy until we knew if it would work. I won't confuse her like that." She sighed and touched his face. "But I think we should give a chance."

He felt himself give a lopsided grin. "We can go as slow as you want. I won't hurt you again like I did with the lying. I'll do whatever it takes we can even start off as close friends. I just want to be with you."

Avery smiled at him. "I'm glad. Can we start off a little closer than friends though?"

"Sure, why?"

"So I can do this."

Avery leaned in and brushed her lips against his and Logan pulled her in close to him. He kissed her back softly. He couldn't believe how well the past few days had gone. He had made it home for Kennedy's birthday, was allowed to be involved in her life and he was slowly but surely dating Avery again.

"I think we can start there." He joked when he pulled back. "Seems like just the right place."

After a few more kisses and embarrassed smiles, Avery decided she needed to shower before she got Kennedy up. Logan looked at his phone saw that his friends had texted a few times wondering how things were going at home. Still no word from Gustavo, Griffin or Kelly. Logan groaned, he did have to see if he had a job to go back to. The dial tone was loud in his ear as he nervously chewed on his thumbnail.

"Well look who finally called." Gustavo said with no greeting. "I wondered when this would happen."

Gustavo's tone irritated Logan but he figured he should try to be polite.

"Gustavo I'm sorry I left. I just needed to be home for her birthday. I am sorry about how-"

He was cut off. "I don't want to hear how sorry you are. Just get back on tour."

This caught him by surprise. "Really? You want me to come back?"

That had been the last thing he had expected. Honestly was expecting to be fired because of the way he had acted.

"We have an award show in a few days and there are still performances in Brussels, The Netherlands and Denmark."

Logan didn't want to go but he knew he had too. It was going to be easier because he had his family to come home to.

"I'll grab a flight soon. You really want me back?"

"The other dogs pointed out that Big Time Rush is a four person band. I'm still upset with you."

Kelly cleared her throat in the background and Gustavo grumbled.

"However, the dogs did make me realize that making you miss her birthday was a mistake. You must hate keeping them a secret."

"I do. It does suck and I don't want to miss stuff like that." He said firmly. "I know the band is important but they matter too.

"So do album sales and ticket sales. But I see your point."

Kelly cleared her throat again and Gustavo whined about being interrupted but continued.

"Alright, alright. That's why Griffin and I decided that you can tell the truth if you want."

"What?"

Surely this was a joke. There was no way Gustavo was actually going to let him come clean about Kennedy.

"You can tell the truth if it stops your ridiculous soap opera."

"G-Go public? Like tell the truth about Kennedy and Avery?"

"Yeah."

Logan ran a hand over his face choked out a laugh.

"Really?"

"Yes. The guys convinced Gustavo that you've been hiding them long enough." Kelly cut in, she sounded happier than Gustavo. "So you can tell the truth but _after_ EMAs."

Logan excitement didn't lessen.

"This isn't a joke?" He asked, still in disbelief.

"No, not a joke. Watching you leave the other night made us realize how much you hate keeping it a secret. Plus the label would rather have the news be released on their terms and not out of nowhere. So after the awards you can go public." Kelly explained. "You have to finish up the tour though."

"I will, I will. Oh my god thank you, you have no idea what this means to me. Or what it will mean to them."

"I'm glad you got to see them. We're in Germany tonight and then we'll be in Brussels. You'll meet us in the Netherlands the day after tomorrow?"

Logan nodded. "Yeah of course. Thank you Kelly."

"I'll send you flight details."

Logan sat his phone down and buried his head in his hands and couldn't help himself from crying. He let out a few shaky sobs and wanted to scream from the rooftops. He was actually allowed to tell the truth. Avery and Kennedy wouldn't have to be a secret anymore.

"Logan? What's wrong?"

Avery was standing at the end of the hall, her hair was wet and she was dressed in actual clothes. She was frowning and Kennedy was behind her rubbing at her eyes. She went over to her toys too tired to really acknowledge him.

"I talked to Gustavo." His voice trembled. "You should sit down

Avery's face paled. "Oh god. What is it?"

"It's about tour."

"Is it longer?" She swallowed and clenched and unclenched her fists.

Logan took her hands and held them tightly. "I have to go back the day after tomorrow."

"Oh." Her voice was quiet. "So you're off again?"

"Yeah just until the award show." He bit his lip, trying to hide his excitement. "After that I can tell everyone."

Avery made a face. "About?"

"You and Kennedy. I can go public." His face broke into a grin. "I can tell the truth about you guys."

"What?" She whispered. "You mean the truth? Like that you're a dad?"

Logan held her face and kept smiling. "Y-Yeah. After the show I can tell people about you guys."

Avery started crying and covered her hand with her mouth. "Really?"

"Yeah, if you want too."

She hugged him tightly and kept crying. "Yes. Oh my god we're not going to be a secret anymore."

Logan nodded and kissed her face. "I told you it would work out. I'm sorry it took so long."

"It's okay, it's okay. You told me that it wouldn't be forever." Avery let out a breath. "T-Thank you."

Logan kissed her. "I can't wait to let everyone know how much I love you. There's going to be no more lies or secrets."

They hugged each other tightly and Logan could feel the past four years' worth of stress and guilt fade. He was finally going to be able to share his family with the world. They'd be able to go out in public. He would be able to pick her up from school and they could go to the park and visit his mom. They'd be a real family after being hidden for so long.

"Why is Mommy crying?"

They turned and Kennedy was watching them, she looked nervous.

"It's just because I'm so happy."

"Why?"

Logan picked her up and hugged her tightly.

"We're going to be a normal family."

"Normal?" She asked.

Logan got excited all over again. "We can go to the park and get ice cream and I could pick you up from school."

Kennedy seemed to understand what normal meant because she got a look of complete joy and childlike excitement on her face.

"Really Daddy? You promise?"

He laughed and kissed her face. "I promise. I can take you to your other grandma's and show you the snow and do everything we couldn't do before."

Kennedy clapped her hands. "I like being normal."

Avery had stopped crying long enough so she could laugh. "Me too."

Logan pulled them both in for a hug and smiled to himself. Everything had worked out. There would be no more secrets or disappointments in their lives. He could finally be the dad he wanted to be.

"We'll be a real family from now on." He told them. "I promise."

* * *

AN: Yay Logan is allowed to go public. His outburst gave Gustavo and Griffin a change of heart! Next chapter Logan comes clean about his family in a very public way! I hope you tune in. Please review both this chapter and the previous one. Seriously it would mean the world. I hate having to be bitchy about it but how will I know what people thought? See you in a few days!


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Thank you for 40 reviews omg! I was so stoked to see that, thank you SprinklzAndPixie for be 40! Thank you too everyone else who review, I had some new reviewer last time and that made me happy! I can get reviews from people who are not logged in. So if you aren't logged please feel free to review! Once again I'm asking for reviews on 21! This chapter comes to you a day later than I intended but I will still be able to stay on track! THERE ARE TWO CHAPTERS LEFT! This is not the last chapter. As usual I will proofread in the morning with fresh eyes! 24 should be up Sunday night or during the day on Monday and the finally chapter will be up on the 25th if all goes as planned. This chapter Logan finally gets to do what he's been waiting for! I hope you enjoy and please review this chapter and chapter 21! Thanks guys, love ya!

* * *

Leaving Avery and Kennedy had always been something Logan hated. From the first tour he ever did he had trouble leaving because Avery was three months pregnant. The tour he had after Kennedy was born was hard because it pained him to be away from his month old baby girl. And of course leaving them for the most recent tour had been the hardest day of Logan's life. He would never forget the look on Kennedy's face as she cried or the sound of her voice begging him not to go. He could never forget holding onto Avery the hallway telling her he was sorry and would be back. When he left it meant that he wouldn't be able to see his family for a long time.

But not this time.

By some miracle he had been able to convince Gustavo to let Avery and Kennedy come to London for the European Music Awards. And by some bigger miracle they actually both had passports from a vacation they went on with Avery's parents last year. Logan did have to leave them for the last week of tour. He had been to the Netherlands and Denmark, the tour finished up in Poland just last night. But today was the day that he and his friends had been working towards. The European Music Award were they had been nominated for Best Group Pop Album. That was exciting but knowing that Avery and Kennedy would be watching was even better. Plus tonight would be the night that he would tell the truth about his family. If they won the award he would thank them and then post his first picture of them. If not, he would just post a picture and he couldn't be more excited.

Kennedy had been thrilled to go to work with her dad and Avery jumped at the chance to go to London. Their flight had landed a while ago and a car was bringing them to the venue. They were all going to go sightseeing tomorrow as a family, in _public_. But for now Logan was sitting backstage with his friends. It had been good to be reunited with them.

"How'd you even convince him to let me tell the truth?" He questioned. "I thought he was joking."

There days had been jammed packed with last minute events to get more votes and shows. They hadn't much time to sleep, let alone discuss that past few days in much detail.

Kendall shook his head. "I think when you left we all kind of just knew you weren't going to put up with it for much longer."

"Yeah so after the show we basically told Gustavo to give it up." Carlos said. "We told him that you weren't going to do anymore tours if you couldn't tell the truth and be home more."

"Kelly was actually all about it. She said it wasn't fair and really stupid to keep it hidden now that we've put out four albums. Plus she pointed out that one of the guys from One Direction has a kid. And their still popular as fuck." James explained and then shrugged. "Besides we've never seen you so angry or upset. We didn't want you to have to deal with that anymore."

Logan was dumbfounded. "And he just agreed?"

"I mean it was a lot of shouting but eventually we just told him we didn't know if you'd stay in the band if you couldn't see them. At first he just agreed to let you go home for birthdays and holidays. But we knew that wouldn't be enough." Carlos looked upset still, even though everything worked out. "We were worried about you, you've panicking a lot and really sad."

Logan stared at his friends, he couldn't believe they did that for him.

"And the part about letting you tell after the awards was the only way he'd agreed." James looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry I've been such an asshole about it. You're right there are more important things than dumb awards."

"So you don't care if we win?" He asked dubiously.

James laughed. "Well let's not go that far. But I'm glad you and Avery worked things out."

"Thanks, so am I." Logan rubbed the back of his neck. "I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate you guys being there for me. Not just now, but when I told you I wanted to be involved and stuff. It means a lot to me. Thanks for dealing with me being an asshole."

Carlos slapped him on the back. "Don't mention it, you're our best friend. Are you excited to tell the truth?"

"Yeah, I'm really excited, so is Avery. We can finally go out in public and be a real family." He smiled to himself. "But I'm nervous about the fans' reactions and the press."

"I'm sure they'll be happy for you. The press will probably just be surprised." James didn't seem too worried. "Just do an interview or something and let that be it."

He nodded, doing one interview where he explained himself was probably a good way to go about all of this.

"How was going home, I know you said she was surprised but what was it like?" Kendall questioned.

Logan grinned instantly. "It was the middle of the night and I had to walk like five blocks in the rain to get there. The road was closed off, but I knocked and she was tired and irritated. But then she saw it was me and just kept staring at me, then we hugged and we went inside. She saw my tattoo and really liked it."

"You're always so dramatic, storming off to the airport, it was pouring down rain while you walked. What happened next, did you fuck?" James asked jokingly as he rolled his eyes.

His face warmed a bit, "Actually, yeah we did."

His friends 'oohed' at this and Logan's face went slightly red and he shook his head.

"Shut up, it was just an in the moment thing." He shook his head. "We hadn't seen each other in months."

"Are you guys back together?"

"Yeah, I think so. We're going slow though, me making it home showed her I was serious. But now that we can go public things are a little different. She said she wants to be with me though."

"Hey Logan, Kennedy and Avery are here. There a room down the hall." Kelly said poking her head into the room. "Gustavo still wants you to be careful."

Logan stood up and nodded. "I know, I know there's still a few hours left to vote."

"I'll see you guys in a few."

As he walked down the hall he tried to not look too excited. There were lots of bands and artists here who were all nominated for an award of some sort. He was pretty sure none of these people even knew who Big Time Rush was, let alone care if he had a daughter. Either way he kept a calm look on his face. It had only been about a week since he last saw them, but he was still excited. Gustavo was still cranky about going public but had seemed to except it. He had made sure Kennedy and Avery had a room to watch the show in.

"Knock, knock." Logan called as he entered.

"Hi Daddy." Kennedy was hugging his legs in less than a second.

Logan hugged her and scooped her up. "Hey baby girl. I missed you."

Avery gave him a wave and quickly kissed him. "It's good to see you."

Logan put his free arm around her waist. "How was your flight."

"It was good, Kennedy was awake most of the time, she liked it. I'm glad we're here."

"Daddy I get to see you at work." Kennedy was waving her hands as she spoke. "I never see you work."

He smiled, soon she could come to shows and not have to be snuck in,

"I know! I think you'll like it. Your uncles are here."

"Really? Where?"

"Just down the hallway."

As Logan said that Kennedy let out a large yawn and rubbed at her eyes. He smiled and her on the couch.

"Maybe you should take a nap first? We can see them when you wake up."

Kennedy nodded and pressed her face against the couch. Avery sighed and combed her daughter's hair from her face.

"I knew that was going to happen." She sounded amused. "She wouldn't sleep on the plane because she didn't want to miss looking out the window."

"Hey that's the best part." He defended in a mock serious tone. "How are you?"

Avery wrapped her arms around his waist. "Never better. Well a little tired but happy to be here in you and in London."

Logan put his arms around her too. "We'll go sightseeing first thing tomorrow, I promise. Are you ready to finally not be a secret?"

She bit her lip and made an unsure face. "You have no idea. I'm nervous though, what if your fans gets angry?"

"Some of them will. But you and Kennedy are my favorite girls, some random people online won't change that."

"Really? I mean what if they think I ruined the band or are dividing you. I won't be a Yoko Ono Logan. I have strong feelings about what she did to the Beatles, you know they're my favorite."

Even though she was worried, he couldn't help but find her anxious ramblings funny. She had been the same way when they first brought Kennedy home from the hospital. He kissed her forehead.

"You won't be a Yoko I promise."

"Really?"

He stroked his thumb over her cheek. "They'll love you. And even if they don't I love you and that's what matters."

They sat for a while, quietly chatting about the flight and what they wanted to see tomorrow. It was surreal, making plans to go in public with his family. But he was more than happy that he could. Kennedy napped on the couch, still worn out from travelling. Avery sat on the floor near her, rubbing her back.

"She's excited. She doesn't really understand what's going on, but she gets that we can do stuff now. On the flight she was like, 'we can go _outside_ with Daddy?'. She wants to bring you to school so you can meet her teacher, and she wants to go to your mom's, I swear she made me type a list in my phone."

Logan scooted himself on the floor next to Avery. It was cute that she made Avery take notes on what she wanted to do. She was organized, just like the both of them.

"We can do all of that." He said eagerly. "Anything she wants, school, my mom's, Disney. It doesn't matter we can do it. I want to make up for lost time."

She took his hand, winding her tan fingers through his paler ones. "What about me, can we do what I want?"

"And what's that?"

She pretended to be deep in thought, puckering her lips. Logan leaned in and kissed her.

"Aves, we can do anything now. Go anyways, what's first?"

"I want to go on a date, a real date." She said quickly. "I don't care where but I want to go."

This warmed his heart. The last date they had been on was before Kennedy was born, before her stomach started showing.

"We can do that. I want that too." He kissed her again. "I'm sure the guys would babysit, we could even go somewhere while we're here."

"I like your style Logan Mitchell, our first date in London." She leaned her head against him. "I'm this will be over soon."

Logan put his arm around her. "So am I Aves, you have no idea."

xxx

Kennedy slept for another hour or so before waking up and wanting food. Logan and the guys had a few interviews about the awards and were having a quick live chat to garner more votes. So Avery had taken Kennedy to go get food and had come back just in time to watch the sound check. Big Time Rush was performing Don't Stop in the middle of the show, before they found out if they won or not. The sound check was quick because it was just that song and there wasn't as much pyro techniques as there had been on tour.

"Don't stop keep it moving. Get it up, get it going, get your hands in the air until the sun comes up. We keep it up in the party, getting down, getting naughty. Get your hands in the air until the sun comes up."

Logan sang as he danced with his friends. When he sang the words 'getting naughty' he winked at Avery who was standing at the side of the stage with Kennedy. Her cheeks turned pink and she shook her head. They finished rehearsal and Gustavo told them how to improve and they were quickly dismissed so another act could practice.

"Daddy you did good." Kennedy said as Logan walked off stage. "That's your job?"

He took a drink of water. "Thank you Kens, and yep that's my job."

"How about us, how did we do?" Kendall picked up Kennedy and ruffled her hair. "Hmm, what about your favorite uncles?"

Kennedy giggled and messed his hair up too. "You did goo too."

"It's weird to see you guys perform again. It's been so long." Avery said she handed Logan a towel. "You guys are great."

"We try." Carlos shrugged. "Thanks."

"Are you nervous about tonight?" She asked.

Kendall stopped making faces with Kennedy and shook his head. "Not really, it'd be cool to win but I'm not too concerned about it."

Logan checked to make sure no one was watching and put his arm around Avery's waist.

"It would be a good way to end tour. But even if we don't win I still do."

xxx

Logan may not have been concerned about winning but he was definitely fidgeting in his seat. They had performed 'Don't Stop' about 20 minutes ago and had changed out of their stage clothes and were sitting in the audience again. They were announcing the award next and he was shaking. Mostly because he knew what this moment would signify, in a few minutes it would all be over. He would be able to finally relieve himself from the stress and anxiety he had felt every day for four years. Kennedy and Avery were watching from Big Time Rush's dressing room. The woman who won Best Pop Album in the induvial category left the stage and the presenter for their award started speaking.

"This past year has been full of amazing bands, with amazing albums but there can only be one winner. The nominees for Best Group Pop Album are; Colorful Pants, One Direction, Little Mix, and Big Time Rush."

After the presenter said each band a short clip of each bands' lead single played on the large screens. Logan watched himself singing 'Don't Stop' from the video they filmed on tour. The presenter paused for suspense and his stomach was in knots.

"And the EMA for Best Group Pop Album goes to Big Time Rush!"

Logan didn't really know what was happening. All his friends and Gustavo and Kelly were cheering and hugging each other. Logan smiled weakly and got into a group hug with his friends. Then he was walking onto the stage and he realized he was smiling, it was about to happen.

"Wow! Thank you this is amazing. Thank you to everyone who voted or bought the album." Kendall leaned into the mic and held the shiny glass award in his hand.

"Yeah, thank you to the label and our producer the great Gustavo Rocque we couldn't have done it without their support!" Carlos spoke next.

James stood to the microphone next. "It's honor to have one, this album was a lot of fun to make and so was tour. I'm you guys liked it."

His friends moved so Logan was now in front. He cleared his throat and tried to stop his hands from shaking.

"Thank you too all the fans for voting for us. I know I speak for all of us when we say you're the best fans in the world and we love you." Logan gestured to his friends and they nodded in agreement. "I also liked to thank Kennedy and Avery and everyone who came out to see us on tour. Thank you guys."

They all walked backstage cheering and joking with each other. Someone had popped open a champagne bottle and Logan was covered in the sticky spray. A stage hand gave each of the guys and Gustavo their own award and Logan held it carefully.

"Dude you thanked them on stage!" Carlos shouted excitedly holding his award. "You're free man."

Logan nodded and spotted Avery and Kennedy in the throng of people. He made his way through and kissed her in front of everyone.

"Congratulations!" Avery said when they pulled back. "I'm so proud of you and you thanked us."

"Of course I did, you two have put up with so much but it's over now."

Kennedy kissed Logan's cheek. "Good job Daddy."

"Thanks baby girl." He turned to Avery. "Are you ready?"

She smiled, "You have no idea."

"Guys!" He called. "Come here!"

"What's up?" Kendall asked, he had his award in one hand and champagne in the other.

He handed James, who had a free hand his phone. "Take a picture, it's tell to go public."

His friends, who were already slightly buzzed, cheered again.

"Alright, alright. Get together."

Logan took Avery into one arm and put the other around Avery's waist.

"Wait, hold his your dad's award." Carlos said, handing Kennedy the trophy. "There, that's better."

"Don't forget to smile." Kendall made a face at Kennedy so she'd laugh.

"1, 2, 3." James snapped the picture and handed Logan his phone back.

Avery took Kennedy so he could type. He opened the picture up on Instagram and put a filter on it. He also had it set up to share to his ScuttleButter. He smiled at his family who about to stop being a secret.

"So happy to have won an EMA." He started. "But even happier that my daughter Kennedy and her mom Avery could be here with me!"

He added the heart emoji and showed it to Avery who smiled widely.

"You ready, guys?"

"Just do it."

Kennedy insisted even though she had no idea what was going on. Which made everyone laugh.

"I've waited long enough." Avery teased. "It'll be okay."

Logan took a deep breath and hit post. There it was, on his timeline. Him, Avery and Kennedy, online and public for everyone to see. Avery pulled him into a hug and Logan kissed the top of her head.

"It finally happened." He whispered into her ear. "We're not a secret anymore."

The lies were over and Logan had never been happier. Even as the notifications and comments started to roll in already. He had his family and could finally unbury them. The secret was out and nothing else mattered.

* * *

AN: AH! You guys the truth is out! How do you think the fans will react? The next chapter will feature the reactions of the press and media and a song! Just to warm you ahead of time I think the next chapter will be short but the epilogue (chapter 25) will probably be on the longer side. I hope you tune in next time! Again I will proofread in the morning, review the plot and content not the typos! Please review, this chapter and 21! I would appreciate it! See you guys tomorrow night or Monday! Thank you!


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: READ ME!** Well this chapter turned out shitty. I guess that's what happens when you put of writing it until the last minute and keep getting distraction. Well, this chapter features the song Intermission by Big Time Rush. Logan sings most of it! It fits this fic so well! Please listen to it. There is a guest in this fic and people react to the news. This chapter is mostly the ideas I wanted to use before the fic was over. **THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER, 25 (THE EPILOGUE)** will be posted on the 24th or 25th! I know there are typos but I will edit them in the morning please don't comment on them. I know they are there. I will also proofread the other chapters from last week. Please, please, please review! Sorry this turned out kind of bad (read: completely and utterly awful). I am stressed this week and moving across the country. My apartment is literally in boxes. Please review! See you in a few days for the final chapter! PLEASE LEAVE ME A LONG ASS REVIEW LMAO. Thank you!

* * *

 **LiveLaughBTR: Sooo Logan has a kid now? Where did that come from?**

 **BigTimeCrushonBTR: Oh so that's the Kennedy and Avery he said hi to during the live chat. That's cute.**

 **Kamesislife: So do this mean we can't call Logan Daddy anymore?**

These were just some of the comments that were left on the picture he had posted about a week ago. Surprisingly, most of the comments had been supportive. A lot of people thought Kennedy was cute and kept saying that she looked like him. The fans had been surprised to say the least, at first they thought it was a hoax. Of course there were a few fans who thought it was a publicity stunt and then those who were putting the pieces together.

 **DontStopbtr: Guys it's probably not even true, management just wants you to think it is.**

 **BigTimeBabe: That's probably what his family emergency was when we missed shows. #duh**

The media had been caught off guard too. Logan and Avery hadn't watched the news together but Logan had caught glimpses. Some of the reports were just stating the facts.

"It turns out that Big Time Rush's Logan Mitchell has a daughter. The singer revealed this news after his EMA win with his bandmates. He posted the following picture that refers to the child as Kennedy and her mother as Avery."

Some were surprised and raising questions.

"Logan Mitchell shocked fans with his big time baby news!" The gossip show host announced. "After winning his EMA award he posted a picture of his daughter and her mom."

"That's right Madison." The cohost shook her head. "The fandom was sent into panic mode as they realized that the BTR singer was keeping secrets. Many are wondering why he kept them hidden this long."

Madison, the host pulled up the picture. "You and me both Kate. She looks at least 3 or 4 and totally adorable by the way. But that means he had to be 16 or 17 when she was born. Yikes. I wonder if he just found out about them."

"Rushers, what do you think of all of this? Why did Logan just now come out with the news? Do you think that's why he missed the last part of the tour? Let us know by sending us a message."

"Loge, come turn it off." Avery reached for the remote. "The secret's out, watching the news won't change that."

Logan turned off the TV. "I know but I'm worried about what they're saying."

"They think Kennedy's adorable and the fans are pretty happy." She grabbed his hand. "More importantly, the truth is out there."

He smiled at this. It was true they were no longer in hiding. The day after he posted the picture Logan and Avery went sightseeing with Kennedy. Avery had always wanted to go to England and they took advantage of their new freedom. They went all the touristy places first and then to the zoo which Kennedy had enjoyed. Later that night, while the guys babysat Kennedy, he and Avery went on their first date in years.

They had walked along the Thames for a while, before going to few museums that Avery had wanted to visit. Logan had even pointed out the tattoo shop where he got Kennedy's name done. The day had ended with a romantic dinner before they headed to their hotel room.

"You're right." He said. "I'm done with what they have to say. Why should I care?"

Avery grinned and kissed him. "Exactly, now come on we need to go."

Logan stood from the couch and followed Avery out the door and into the hall. Logan looped his fingers through hers.

"Sure is nice to not have to hide myself." He joked as they walked. "No more hats or sunglasses."

"You're right." Avery stepped into the elevator. "You don't have to take the stairs anymore, it's so different."

Logan knew that telling the truth would change things for him. But there were little things that he hadn't thought about. For instance, he no longer had to sneak in and out the apartment, or hide himself when he walked down the hall. There were no more back staircases to take so he could avoid the busy elevator or parking a block away.

"Thanks for coming with me." Avery's voice was light, happier than it had been in years. "You didn't have to."

Logan held the lobby door open for her. "Are you kidding me? I'm making up for lost time, I want to pick her up."

"Well I know she'll be excited."

In London, the press hadn't been so bad, they weren't recognized. But ever since they got back a few days ago the paparazzi had been somewhat ruthless. They all wanted to get that first shot of the family out and about. Logan had followed Kelly's advice and kept out of the public eye for a few days, just until they calmed down. He assumed that it had been enough time but that assumption was ruined the moment they got to the school. There were several guys with cameras camped out on the sidewalk.

"Shit." Avery groaned. "Again?"

Logan instantly bristled. "Again?"

Her shoulder slumped dramatically. "There was only one guy here yesterday. Her friends' mom brought her to the car for me yesterday. I didn't want to tell you. I knew you would panic."

"Aves they can be really rude. I don't want anything to happen to you guys." Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. "God, I'm sorry."

Avery rubbed his shoulder. "It's not your fault. I'll get her."

"No, no. I don't want you two by yourself. I'll go with you."

She shook her head. "Look at you being all protective."

Logan was already halfway out of the car. When Avery walked around the front end he pulled her close to his side. It didn't take long for the mumbling to start and a bright flash went off in his face.

"What's it like finally telling the truth?" One man shouted.

"Why did you hide it for so long?"

Avery held on tighter, shielding her eyes. "And now I understand why you always wear sunglasses."

He cracked half a smile at her comment but moved quickly thtough the people. He scanned the crowd of kids, confused parents and teachers.

"There she is."

Logan looked to where Avery was pointing and saw Kennedy with her teacher. When they got closer Kennedy was smiling widely.

"Hi Daddy."

He picked her up, kissing her face. "Hey baby girl."

"Daddy this is my teacher."

Logan smiled and shook the kind woman's hand. "Hey nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. Kennedy's talked about you nonstop." She smiled. "I can start keeping her inside until one of you get here if you'd like."

Avery nodded quickly. "That'd be great, thank you."

"Bye Ms. Karen." Kennedy waved and then pointed to the press. "Daddy why are they here?"

"They want a picture of us." He held her tighter with one arm and held Avery close with the other. "Hold on tight and cover your face okay?"

Kennedy slapped her hands over her face like she was waiting for a surprise. It was game to her but Logan was worried about them scaring her. They back through the people and the cameras' flashes increased now that Kennedy was with them.

"Logan, why'd you hide her, is she really yours?"

He ignored them and kept walking, they were almost to the car and thankfully Kennedy didn't seem too upset.

"Are you two dating?"

Logan opened the back door and Kennedy buckled herself into her seat. He went back around and got in. He exhaled, feeling a little bit better now that they were all in the car.

"You guys okay?" He asked, frowning. "I'm sorry about that."

"I'm okay." Avery reassured him. "It wasn't bad, just annoying."

He turned around to look at Kennedy. "You okay baby girl?"

"Yeah, but why did they yell and take pictures? Mommy takes pictures all the time."

"They, uh, they're strangers." He explained carefully. "They want to take pictures of us for their jobs and it's rude. Don't be scared though, I won't let anything happen to you or Mommy."

Kennedy nodded, she was smiling at him. "Okay, Daddy."

xxx

Logan knew that going public would present a new set of challenges. He had never would have guessed that the press would still be a problem. It had been two weeks since he finally told the truth. The Hollywood news shows had moved onto the latest scandal but the magazines and paparazzi were still trying to learn more about Kennedy and Avery. His fans were too, but in a much gentler, innocent fashion. They wanted to know when her birthday was, how he liked being a dad and what his friends thought of her. He appreciated them, most of them were sweet about it. Luckily, Mason Prep, Kennedy's school, had banned the camera men from entering the school grounds. To Kennedy's credit though she still kept her face covered. She made a game of it, teasing the photographers they did run into.

"You can't see me." She laugh as she covered her face.

People thought this was cute but Logan was still nervous that Kennedy or Avery would get hurt. But it was all worth it if it meant that he could take Kennedy to the park or get ice cream. He was still irritated though, he just wanted it to stop. That's why he was sitting at Backstage Access' studio waiting to do an interview. He had decided to take the guys' advice and sit down an answer some basic questions. Hopefully people would stop hounding them now that they had answers. Avery didn't want to be interviewed and he understood that so it was just him

"We can stop anytime you want and if any questions are too personal you don't have to answer."

The interview was Madison Michele who had interviewed the band years ago, he was comfortable around her.

"Thanks, ask me anything thing."

The camera started rolling and Madison put on her TV persona.

"I'm Madison Michele from Backstage Access and I'm here with Logan Mitchell. Most of you know him from pop band Big Time Rush but today we're sitting down to talk his shocking news."

"Hey, thanks for having me."

She looked at her cue cards. "So Logan, it was just a few weeks ago that you shocked us all. After the EMAs you posted of a picture of your daughter and her mom. What's that all about?"

He took a breath, ready to come clean. "I was tired of keeping them a secret. It's been so long and I was ready to share the people I love the most with the fans."

"Your daughter Kennedy looks older, how long have you known about her?"

That was one the rumors going around, that Logan had just found out that he was a dad.

"Since the very beginning when her mom, Avery, told me she was pregnant. It's not like I just found out or anything."

Madison nodded. "Oh, okay. How did you and Avery meet?"

He smiled a little at this. "When the guys and I first moved to LA we went to the Palmwoods. That's where we met, almost five years ago."

"If you met five years ago that means your daughter is at least three or four."

Logan pulled out his phone and showed Madison the picture he and Avery agreed to share. It was of the three of them when Logan had come over to make breakfast one morning.

"Yeah, this is Kennedy. She just turned four back on the 17th, her birthday is a few days after mine."

She smiled at the picture. "She's precious. You just turned 20, meaning she was born when you were 17. What was that like, being a dad so young?"

He wrung his hands. "Uh, it was pretty scary, I was 16 when I found out I was going to be a dad. It was really stressful at first because you have this tiny person that you made with someone else. You just want to protect and make sure they're happy and safe. Babies don't come with directions so you just have to try and figure it out."

"Is it still stressful now?"

"Not as much." He answered, shaking his head. "In the beginning my mom and her mom helped us out. Now that she's older it's getting easier."

Madison flipped to a new card. "And have you and Avery been together since you found out you'd be a teen dad?"

Her tone was dramatic, like she wanted there to be chaos. Logan kept his expression polite though, literally the past four years had been nothing but drama.

"No, uh, we dated when we first found out. We thought it was the right thing to do. But I was away on tour while Avery was pregnant and it was hard. We were just friends for a few years, but we're back together now."

Madison turned to the camera. "You heard it here first Rusher's Logan is off the market."

"Yeah." He laughed a little. "It's nice though, I'm glad we're a couple again. So is Kens."

"We're going to take a quick break but when we come back, Logan answers the burning question. What was it like to hide his family from the world and why did he do it in the first place?"

Logan was dreading these questions. He wished there was a commercial break, but this interview was pre-filmed and Madison had to that part in because the show would go to commercial when it aired. After a brief pause, she acted like the show had come back from commercial.

"You know him from Big Time Rush. I'm here with Logan Mitchell, who just dropped a baby bombshell. Logan is dad to a four year old little girl. Logan let us in on this news after keeping the baby and her mother and the pregnancy a secret for almost _five_ years. I'm going to find out why."

Inwardly, Logan cringed at this. He had known how shitty it was to keep it a secret, obviously he did. But hearing it out loud made his guilt resurface even though Kennedy and Avery weren't hidden anymore. He wondered how long it would take for him to get over his guilt.

"So Logan, give me and the people at home an idea of what it was like to keep your daughter and her mom a complete secret? Who knew about what was going on?"

"Honestly?" He shrugged his shoulders and scoffed, deciding not to sugar coat. "It sucked. I had to sneak in and out of the apartment we lived in. I couldn't take her to do normal father-daughter stuff. It really hard to not be around. And as far as who knew what, the guys knew, the studio knew and our parents but that's it. We kept it a secret."

Madison smiled sympathetically. "Why did you keep it a secret? Wouldn't it have been easier for you and Avery?"

"I was only in LA because Big Time Rush was recording demos. I had to stay in the band so I could be around to help. The studio thought it would be bad for our image, we were younger then, if I was a dad. So we kept it a secret so we'd have fans and so I'd be able to be here for Avery."

Logan had begrudgingly agreed to not mention how he had rules to follow and a contract. Gustavo was still his boss and smearing him wouldn't look good.

"Also because I was scared that if the band got big Avery would get hate. I didn't want her or our kid to have to go through that, I wanted her to have a normal childhood. Even if I wasn't around as much."

"Is that why you left tour and said you had a family emergency?"

"I was going to miss her birthday and I wasn't going to let that happen." He was still stressed just thinking about the night he left. "There was some disagreement but I ended up just leaving and getting a plane home."

"That must have meant a lot to her, to have her dad home."

Logan smiled, thinking of how Kennedy and Avery reacted. "Yeah, I surprised her, it was great."

"Just one last question." Madison promised. "It sounds likes you had difficulties being a dad so young and keeping it a secret. Was it worth it?"

Logan answered immediately.

"Of course it was. It may have been hard at first and the past few years haven't been easy. But I love my daughter and her mom more than anything. I kept them out of the public eye to protect them, it may not have seemed that way, but I did. It was hard to be on tour and gone all the time and I'll never feel better about how much I missed." Logan shook his head and laughed in disbelief. "It's amazing, the secrets we'll bury so we can succeed. But now the secret's out and I have my family. It was definitely worth it."

xxx

"How'd it go?"

Logan put his keys on the table and shut the door. "Okay, I told the truth."

Avery smiled and hugged him. "I'm proud you."

"Thanks, it airs tonight so hopefully the press will leave us alone now." He kissed her. "How was it today? There are only two guys outside."

The interview was early in the day so there would be time to edit it. Avery had taken Kennedy to school on her own, shortly after he left.

"I saw them. They didn't really bother us, they took a few pictures, but no big deal."

"I'm sorry, I still feel bad."

"Don't, I rather have people take pictures because they know than not be allowed to be in pictures with you."

Logan kissed her and draped his arm over her. "So, I've been meaning to show you something. I worked on it after we decided to just be friends and I promised myself I wouldn't show you until we got back together."

Avery looked curious. "What's up?"

"I wrote you another so. It's mostly done but I wanted you to hear it."

Logan took a few minutes to tune his guitar and look over the lyrics.

"It might be a little cheesy but I was upset when I wrote it."

Avery waved her hand dismissively. "I'm sure I'll love it."

"Curtains open up the scene, spotlights shine on you and me, tonight. Pretending for the crowd below, we put on a real good show, but it's a lie. We can't help but cause a fight, it's the same old drama every night. I want to walk offstage cause this whole play is more than I can take."

Pretending was one of Logan's greatest talents. He and Avery were experts at hiding. She hid her anger with him for years and he pretended she didn't exist. Towards the end of the secret keeping it seemed like they got into a fight every day and he had been sick of it. That's when he knew this couldn't go on for much longer.

"Oh, I don't want it to be over, but we need a break before you break my heart. We can't live this scene forever, right now you and me are better off apart. But I'll still love you when the lights come up for our intermission."

Logan played the guitar, thinking about how they had decided to not even try to be with each other. That had hurt a little more than when she called him a deadbeat, but he hadn't wanted to get his heart broken. Luckily, the lights had come sooner than he had expected. He looked at Avery who was smiling as he sang the next two verses.

"I was one foot out the door, I couldn't play that part no more. The chemistry just wasn't there, I couldn't act like I didn't care, when I do, I do." That line was about tour, even before Kennedy's birthday he had dreams of leaving tour. He had been tired of pretending to be single and that he wasn't a dad. "We can't help but cause a fight, it's the same old drama every night. I walk offstage cause this whole play is more than I can take."

He added the lines about walking offstage on the flight home. Missing Kennedy's birthday was his last straw. That and hiding his family was the final straw for him.

"We're like actors in a play, living out our love on stage. You're just saying the same old lines to me. Somewhere we fell off track, but I know love will lead us back."

The first few lines were true for both of them, they always repeated the same things to each other. Logan would promise that he would make it up to them. Or that he was sorry or it wouldn't be like it was forever. Avery would say she couldn't be hurt anymore or that Kennedy didn't need this disappointment in her life. But somehow they had worked things out and were finally done with the lying.

Logan repeated the chorus one last time about not wanting things to be over. He smiled at Avery as he sang the last few lines.

"But I'm still gonna love you when the lights come up. Baby, I'm gonna love you when the lights come up. For our intermission."

When he finished he put down the guitar and waited for her to say something.

"I'm glad you walked offstage." She looked at him shyly. "I'm glad we aren't apart."

"So am I." He held her hand. "Did you like it?"

Avery nodded and let out a breath. "Of course, I'm just glad I didn't cry this time."

"I told you it wouldn't be forever." He said quietly. "I'm just happy you decided to take me back."

"I always hoped I'd have the chance."

He kissed her gently and held her face in his hand.

"I love you."

She rested her hand on top of his. "I love you too. Always."

xxx

The rest of the day had been low profile. Logan had picked up Kennedy from school and they had stayed in all night. Avery wanted to stay inside until the interview aired later that night. That had been yesterday. The interview had aired last night, Avery had watched it on her own. They didn't discuss it, they didn't need to. The interview was for everyone else not for them. She had simply walked up to him this morning and told him thank you.

Avery was at class and Kennedy was at school. Logan was currently at his apartment, grabbing some more clothes. As he packed he thought about how he and Avery were discussing moving into together. That would be a big step but it felt right. He zipped his bag shut and his phone buzzed. It was a number he didn't know right away, but the area code was familiar.

"Hello?" He asked cautiously.

"Uh, Logan. Hi."

It was male voice, it was deep, gruff and a little nervous. Logan tried to place it but nothing came to him.

"How'd you get this number?"

There was an awkward laugh. "It's Steven, I got the number from your mom."

Suddenly, it felt like he was a kid again. He could almost picture the kitchen of his old house in Minnesota. He could almost imagine himself pulling at the cord of the landline, talking to his dad in Texas.

"Dad." He said simply. "Hi."

"I'm sorry I called you. Are you busy?"

Logan sat on his bed, he felt a little dizzy. "No, not really."

"I just wanted to say that I saw that interview you did."

Logan was silent. The last time he talked to his dad was when he was 14, after that his mom didn't make him call his dad anymore. He never told his dad about Kennedy, he vaguely wondered if his dad saw that post.

"So, I have a granddaughter?" He asked after Logan didn't respond. "How about that."

"Yeah you do."

 _You also had a son that you ignored._ Logan thought this bitterly but didn't say anything.

"She's cute, looks like you." Steven seemed uncomfortable. "You're a dad."

Logan nodded. "Thanks and yeah I am. Since I was 17."

"I had no idea. Your mom didn't tell me and I saw that picture you posted I was surprised."

"You saw it?" Logan had no idea his dad had any social media.

"Er, yeah." He sounded embarrassed. "I follow you."

Logan had so many followers that he hadn't even noticed.

"Thanks I guess."

Steven sighed. "It must have been hard. Being a dad that young. Your mom said you were responsible, that you met at party?"

Logan rolled his eyes, who was he to lecture him about being responsible?

"No, we met at the Palmwoods. And yes, it wasn't easy, especially since I didn't have a dad of my own." He said roughly, and then he added an afterthought. "Oh and I was drunk when it happened, alcohol and I have a complex relationship."

He could hear that Steven's feelings were hurt. "Loge, I'm sorry. I really am. I mean I know I'm not around or have seen you but I'm sure you're a great dad."

"I try. Why did you call?"

"I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. About everything, your band, that award and being a better dad than I was." He cleared his throat. "And to tell you I'm sorry, for not being around for you or your mom. I still think about you all the time."

Logan's anger softened for a minute. His dad had followed his career? His mom hadn't mentioned that to him. In fact, they never talked about him.

"Thanks D-Dad. How have you been?"

"Better, lots better. I've been sober a few years and getting back on track."

Logan smiled. "That's good. I'm happy for you."

"It was a bitch but I finally did it." He laughed and it sounded like Logan's childhood. "Well I won't keep you. I just wanted to tell you I'm proud of you and that I love you. I'm sorry for everything."

"Well thanks." He said, a little surprised. "Love you too."

"Maybe you could come to Texas sometime or I could get a hotel room?"

Logan wasn't too ready to make plans with a man he hadn't seen in years. "Maybe, yeah."

"Bye Logan."

"Bye Dad."

Logan hung up and sat there, staring at the phone. That had been unexpected, he had no idea his dad even kept up with his life. He had been paying attention this whole time? It was strange but in an entirely bad way. It had been nice to talk to him after all this time. He was also glad he dad sobered up. He looked down at the number and saved it to his contacts.

Dad

Nope. That wouldn't work.

Steven

He wasn't ready to have his dad's number in his phone. It was too personal, but Steven was just detached enough. Logan had managed to fix his relationship with Kennedy. Perhaps one day he and Steven could fix theirs too.

xxx

"So he's been following your career and everything?" Avery asked later that night in bed.

Logan didn't tell her right away. He had been trying to understand what had happened earlier. They had been in bed for a while just talking when he finally told her. She was confused as he was but was curious.

"Apparently." He shrugged. "He wanted to tell me he was proud of me and that he's been sober. I was kind of shitty but I figure he deserved at least a little bit of a hard time."

"Totally. But he should be proud of you." She grinned warmly at him. "You did turn out to be pretty great."

Logan could feel the smile on her face as they kissed.

"He asked about you and Kennedy. Well, how I got you pregnant and stuff."

Avery looped her fingers through his. "You remember how we met?"

"Of course I do. One of the best days of my life."

 _January 2010_

Logan looked around the hotel lobby that would be his home for a few months. Somehow Kendall had convinced Gustavo, this terrifying producer to make them band. Logan could barely even sing and somehow he was in a band? It was going to be nice to basically be on vacation for a few months, but he didn't think anything amazing would happen here. They had been here for about a week. Honestly, he was just enjoying his time here, it would be something cool he could tell his kids about someday. That time he was almost in a band and lived in California for a while. He was going to be a doctor, this band idea probably wouldn't work out.

"Guys how great is this? Back home it's freezing!" Carlos exclaimed as he walked in from the pool. "It's like summer in January."

Logan shook his head. "It is nice to not be shoveling snow. I'll miss it."

"Miss it? The studio will have to pick up our demos and I'm going to be famous." James said seriously. "We aren't going anywhere."

If anyone would be famous out of all of them it would be James. He had the talent and the determination.

"And even if we do go home we need to make it worthwhile." Kendall pointed out. "The weather is amazing. The beach is amazing and the girl are obviously amazing."

"Say amazing one more time." Logan joked.

"Amazing. But seriously, you need to just have fun. It's not like anything serious will happen. Get a tan, meet girl. Do something."

Logan nodded. "Maybe you're right. I should have some fun while we're here. I'm sixteen and somehow in California this could be great."

The guys decided to go back out to the pool and Logan told them he'd met them there. He made his way to the elevators and pressed the call button. When the doors opened he walked into, colliding with someone who was coming out. She lost her footing and Logan pulled her up right.

"Shit. Sorry about that, are you okay?"

"Yeah, no broken bones. I think I'll live." She joked, giving him a smile. "You?"

Logan just stared for a moment at her. She was pretty and he may as well be back in seventh grade when he couldn't talk to girls. She had a great smile and her eyes were brown, but lighter and nicer than his own. Her hair was curly and dark and she had a somewhat darker skin tone. And unlike most of the girls here she was stick thin and taller than him. She was a bit shorter and a little on the curvy side. He just blinked for a moment, before making his mouth work.

"Fine, sorry about that."

"Are you new here? I haven't seen you."

Logan nodded. "Yeah, I'm in band with my friends."

"Well, welcome to the Palmwoods. Don't worry, we don't all run into each other coming out of elevators." She smirked. "I've been here for ages, if you need anything let me know."

He laughed. "Good to know and thanks."

"Hi, I'm Avery."

Logan took the hand she held out and shook it. Avery. The name fit her. He could tell she was funny and that she wasn't being nice to gain something like some other people here. Avery seemed nice, sure of herself, and like she could be fun. Who knew? Maybe one day he would tell his kids about this girl he met when he was younger. He would tell them about this girl named Avery and the messes they got into.

"Hey Avery." He grinned. "I'm Logan."

She smiled back at him and he could see himself being friends with her. Maybe even more. But who knew what the future held?

* * *

AN: Runs away and hide in shame. God that was awful wasn't it? Totally all the over the place. Sorry about that. I'm stressed and have a lot going on. I will edit for typos in the morning. What did you think of Logan's dad calling and his interview? You guys finally saw how they met! WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART? The next chapter is the **FINAL** chapter. I'm excited! I'm also sad for this fic to end! I hope you guys enjoyed, sorry for the shit show. Please review though! The last chapter will be up the 24th or 25th. PLEASE REVIEW AND YES I KNOW THERE ARE TONS OF TYPOS I WILL GET TO THEM IN THE MORNING AS WELL AS THE TYPOS IN OTHER CHAPTERS!


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Guys this is final chapter. I can't believe it! I had fun writing it. I'm glad you gave my fic a chance. I'll miss this universe and your reviews. Please review chapters 11 and 21 they had no review! This is the epilogue and follows Logan, Avery and Kennedy through the years. It a little happy but they deserve it! This is kind of rush because I'm moving 4 states away tomorrow. That being I will proofread this. Sorry for the mess of typos. Thanks again, I'll miss you guys! Be sure to check out my other BTR fics! Please review!

* * *

Logan bounced his foot up and down nervously, causing the glasses of water to shake on the table. His stomach was in his throat and his hands trembled. He sat alone at a table in a fancy restaurant waiting for Avery to get back from the bathroom. It was still strange to be out on a date with her. They had been publicly dating for about five months now. It was the middle of the summer and he and the guys had just wrapped up a shorter North American tour. Avery and Kennedy had traveled with him. Thankfully, the press had gotten over the fact that he had a kid after the interview came out. But after years of sneaking around he was still a little uneasy. The knot in his stomach loosened a bit when she sat back down.

"Sorry about that. The line was super long." She smiled at him. "This is nice, I'm we went out."

"Me too." He agreed, wetting his lips. "It's nice that just the two of us went out for once."

Avery took a drink of her water and Logan took the chance to summon his courage. He was going to do this or one or another.

"So, can we talk?" He asked slowly.

"Sure, what's up?"

"I don't know about you, but the past few months have been some of the greatest. I'm so happy that we can finally be together. I'm sorry it took me so long."

Avery smiled warmly. "They've been more than great. Don't apologize anymore, we're together now."

"Exactly. I waited nearly five years to tell the world how much I love you and being apart from you and I can't wait anymore."

He kneeled down in front of her, his knees were shaking. Her eyes wide and a grin spread across her face as Logan pulled out the small, velvet box.

"Oh my god."

Logan opened it, revealing the delicate diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes, god of course I will."

He sighed in relief and slipped the ring onto her finger. He stood back up and kissed her. They were getting married, he was actually going to be able to spend the rest of his life with her. And he couldn't wait.

xxx

Logan held Avery's hands as they stood in front of their friends and family. He couldn't keep the smile off of his face. She was so beautiful, seeing her walk down the aisle nearly brought him to tears. He shot Kennedy, who was sitting his mom a quick smile. She had been the flower girl, the guys were groomsmen and Avery's friends were the bridesmaid. But his eyes went back to Avery's when it was time to repeat after the officiant.

"I, Logan Phillip Mitchell, promise to love you, comfort you, honor and keep you for better or worse. In sickness and in health and for richer or poorer. Until death do us part."

Their vows were a little untraditional. Logan wanted promise everything aloud to her, while Avery had wanted to say I do. So they decided to do things differently. But that wasn't, they could have said anything to each other, as long as they got married.

Avery swallowed and squeezed Logan's hands, she was crying.

"I, Avery Danielle Collins, promise to love you, comfort you, honor and keep you for better or worse. In sickness and in health and for richer or poorer. Until death do us part."

Logan rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand and mouthed, "I love you."

"Do you, Logan Phillip Mitchell take Avery Danielle Collins as your lawfully wedded wife?"

He nodded and grinned at her. "I do."

"And do you, Avery Danielle Collins take Logan Phillip Mitchell as your lawfully wedded husband?"

Her voice was full of emotion and her eyes were teary. "I do."

"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Logan Mitchell."

Logan wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in close. Avery had her arms around his neck and they kissed. They both laughed slightly when they pulled back.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Mitchell." Avery joked as their friends applauded.

"Even better to meet you Mrs. Mitchell."

xxx

"You think Kennedy is okay?" Avery asked nervously.

Logan groaned sarcastically. "Babe, she's fine. I'm promise, we just talked to her."

Avery shook her head. "I know, I know but I've never been gone this long."

"It gets easier. My mom said she's having a great time. I mean she wishes there was snow but she sounded happy."

"You're right. I'm just being overdramatic. You did this for years and I can't do it for two weeks."

Logan put his arm around her and kissed her cheek. "You're having fun though, right?"

"You have no idea, I'm finally in Europe but more importantly I'm here with you."

Logan and Avery's honeymoon was lengthy. The two of them were spending a week in the UK, they had already been to Scotland and Ireland. They were exploring London more in depth. Next week they would head to France and Italy for a week, before flying home to be with Kennedy again. The separation was hard for Avery, she had been there every day of her life. She was having a good time though. Avery had thought the honeymoon was a little too extreme at first. But Logan wanted to take her to places she hadn't, she had always wanted to travel.

He smirked a little. "Well, I am a perk. I'm glad we're here though, you finally get to travel. Next vacation we can all go to South America or Japan. Wherever you want."

Avery gave him a warm look and the corners of her mouth rose. "It doesn't matter where we go. As long as I'm with you."

xxx

"So this is really it?" Carlos asked, frowning slightly.

"Yeah, I guess so." Kendall laughed sadly.

James sighed and blinked a few times, he didn't say anything.

"It's been fun guys. It's been crazy." Logan's voice was shaking.

After becoming a band in 2010, Big Time Rush was over. It had been 6 years and one of the most incredible things they had ever done, they decided to end it. It was a mutual decision, it felt natural to them to end it. The guys were all in their 20s and going in different directions. Carlos getting more interested in directing and filmmaking. Kendall's first love had always been hockey and he had been playing more and more. James' dream of being a Cuda model had finally happened and he was investing more time in that. And Logan of course was married and a dad, but he had been working on music for a long time. While they were all sad, they were also excited for the future.

And the future had been kind to them, it wasn't more than six months after the band split and Logan had put out an EP. He called it Four Song For Four Years. They were all songs about his time being a dad and keeping the secret. . It had The Secret's in the Telling, which was the song he sang to Avery when he told her about tour. I Won't Give Up, the song he sang in the livechat. Saddest Song, the one about him making it up to Kennedy and about his dad. Lastly, there was Intermission, the song he wrote for Avery when they decided to just be friends. He recorded it on his own, only consulting his friends on it. They were the ones throwing him a party, they had rented a space. It was nice to have everyone together in one spot. It felt like old times but beter because his family was with him.

The guys, Kelly, Avery's parents and his mom had come to LA to celebrate.

"Daddy. I'm proud of you." Kennedy told him as she carried around a copy of the EP. "Good job."

Logan smiled and picked her up. "Thanks baby girl. You know all the songs are about you and Mommy?"

"Really?" She seemed surprised.

"Of course, you two are my favorites." He hugged her. "I love you and Mommy."

Kennedy grinned at him. "You're my favorite too."

Avery walked up to them and put her hand on Logan's shoulder. "Hey there's someone here who wants to see you."

"Really?" Everyone was here. "Where?"

"Outside, I'll take Kennedy." Avery kissed him quickly. "How about we go talk to Grandma Jo?"

Kennedy nodded. "See you later Daddy."

Logan waved slight before walking out of the room and outside to where Avery had pointed. When he stepped out the door, his eyes widened. Standing there, in the flesh was Steven.

"Dad?"

Steven looked embarrassed. "Logan, hey."

"What are you doing here?" He was in shock and kept blinking.

He held up a piece of paper that Logan recognized as one of the invitations. He had invited his dad but had expected to see him. He hadn't seen him since he was a kid.

"I got the invitation from your friends. I wanted to come support you, I can go though."

Logan shook his head. "No, no. I'm just surprised to see you, it's been a while."

"Yeah. Last time I saw you, you were about a foot shorter and didn't know where babies came from." Steven laughed a little. "And now you a grown man."

He knew he shouldn't say what he was thinking aloud. The last time he saw his dad he had been hungover, had bloodshot eyes and hadn't been to work in days. But now he was slimmer, he didn't look at sallow and ill.

"You're right." He cleared his throat. "Thanks for coming."

Steven sighed. "I also came because I wanted to say that I'm sorry. For everything. The way I treated you and your mom, how I didn't try to get you guys back. I let you down and I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me but I just wanted you to know that I miss you."

Something stirred inside of him. It was happiness, almost closure. His dad apologized to him for the years of bullshit.

"Thanks. That means a lot." He said sincerely. "I miss you too."

Neither of them were particularly affectionate but they shared a quick hug.

"I'm proud of you." Steven told him. "Always have been."

The younger Mitchell felt his face warm. "Thank you."

"Well I have a room that I should get back to."

"Please stay, mom's in there. So is Avery and Kennedy." He kind of wanted Kennedy to meet her other grandfather. "It's been so long."

Steven made a face like he was unsure. "Well if you're sure?"

"Definitely, come on."

Once they were back inside Logan took his dad over to Avery and Kennedy. Avery looked happy for him when she saw him. She had been pushing Logan to contact his dad.

"Uh, Avery this my d-dad. Dad this my wife Avery and Kennedy."

Steven shook Avery's hand and smiled warmly. "Hi Avery, nice to meet you. I'm Steven, I guess I'm your father in law?"

"So I guess that makes me your daughter in law." She joked shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you."

Avery had always been good at breaking the ice and Steven laughed. He looked at Kennedy and his face softened even more.

"Hey Kennedy. It's nice to meet you." He said shyly as she eyed him curiously. "How are you?"

Just like her mom, shy was not a word in Kennedy's vocabulary.

"Hi, who are you?"

"I'm your dad's dad."

Logan took Kennedy from Avery. "Baby girl, this is your other grandpa."

Kennedy seemed to get this. "Your Daddy's daddy?"

"Sure am. I'm glad I finally get to meet you and your mom." Steven was smiling softly at her.

Kennedy looked at Logan and then at Steven. "You look like old Daddy."

Steven broke into a laugh and Logan couldn't help but smile. "I guess I do."

It didn't take long for Kennedy to start chatting her new grandparent's ear off. She talked about how Logan took her to the park and what her school was like. She asked him questions too, like did he live where it was cold too. She hadn't liked the answer that Texas was hot.

"Maybe you can go somewhere cold." She offered as seriously as a kid could. "Then I could play at your house."

"You might be onto something." He told her.

It was clear that they had taken a liking to each other. Logan hadn't expected that in a million years, his dad and his daughter would be getting along. Avery watched as they talked and took Logan's hand.

"You okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it's just surreal. He's actually good with kids."

"Where do you think you got it from? You both had your issues but you tried."

"Thanks." He whispered before kissing her. "That means a lot to me."

Later that night after the party died down and Logan thanked his friends. He told his mom, who knew that Steven might becoming, goodbye. He found out that his parents were going to hang out while they were both in town and try to be friends. The two Mitchells walked slowly behind Avery and Kennedy on their way to their cars.

"She's a great kid Logan and Avery seems nice. I'm happy for you."

"They are, I don't know what I'd do without them. Thanks for coming."

His dad shrugged. "I'm glad I did. It was good to see you again and meet them. You've grown up to be a good guy and I'm proud of you."

"I try, I really do."

Steven looked serious now. "I wish I could have been half the dad you are. Kennedy is crazy about you, she kept talking about what an amazing dad you are."

Logan's face was red and warm, he never would have thought his dad would tell him something like that.

"Dad, stop it. You were good too."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. I thought I was but I always let you down. But you won't let her down."

"I won't." He thought of their past. "Never again."

"I know you won't." Steven put a hand on Logan's shoulder. "You're a better man than me. A better dad than me. I'm proud of you and I always will be. I wasn't there for you then but I want to be there now. If you want me to be."

Logan gave him a smile. "I'd like that."

xxx

And over the years Steven was there. In fact, Kennedy had put up with the heat to visit him later that same year. Things were still weird sometimes but it felt like they were getting better. Logan and his dad talked at least twice a week. His parents had become friends to, they'd never get back together but it was nice to have his family reunited a bit.

Somehow the years had gone by and his family had grown up. He had turned 23, Avery was 24 and Kennedy was 7. He still had trouble getting over the fact that she was getting older. Life was going well for them. They had moved into a house. Logan was actually working on a second album and Avery was slowly building her career as screenwriter. His friend were doing well too. James had surprised them all when he got married to a dancer last year. No one had expected him to settle down. Kendall was playing hockey and casually dating, while Carlos was working on movies and enjoying the single life. Life was good, near perfect even. That's why he had been so concerned when he found Avery sitting in their room looking pale one night.

"You're still up?" He yawned.

She shrugged. "I can't exactly sleep."

He sat on the bed next to her. "What's wrong?"

"Promise you won't get mad?"

Logan frowned. "No, Aves what is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

Avery sighed. "I took a test last week and went to the doctor while you were at the studio. I'm definitely pregnant."

He blinked a few times before grinning. "Really?"

"You're not mad?" She was surprised.

"Oh my god, of course not." He hugged her. "We're having a baby."

Avery was smiling too now. Her eyes were damp. "Yep."

He kissed her excitedly. "This time is going to be different I swear. I'll be here for appointments and I won't keep you a secret. It's going to be so, so different Aves. I promise you. God, I love you so much."

"I love you too. Both of you."

When they told Kennedy the news about being a big sister she was wary at first. Logan had been expecting this and was kind of nervous. He didn't want to hurt her feelings or anything.

"But I'm the baby." She insisted. "What about me?"

Logan smiled. "You'll always be my baby girl Kens. I promise, that nothing with change that. Mommy and I love you so much."

"Who knows, maybe you'll like being a big sister." Avery tried to reason. "It'll be okay baby, I promise. I love you and I always will."

After thinking about this she nodded. "Well babies are cute. But it's not sleeping in my room."

Avery smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Deal."

As Logan had promised this time had been different. He was there for every appointment and helping Avery get things ready. He didn't know that having a baby could be this exciting. Last time he had been terrified and not allowed to be publicly happy. He had missed so much. But this time he was there to feel the first kick and watch Avery get bigger. It made him happy to come how to his family every night and end the day feeling their baby kick. This was a thousand time better than a late night phone call from across the country.

"I love you." Logan said as he had his hands on her stomach. "But maybe you stop moving in there so mom can get some sleep?"

Avery gave him a tired a smile. "I wish, it's nonstop in there. But having you here makes it a little more bearable."

"I told you this time would be different." He kissed her and then her belly. "I'm always going to be there."

Luckily for Kennedy she wouldn't have any competition in being Logan's baby girl. Cameron Oliver Mitchell was born in early summer with Logan at Avery's side.

"Oh my god. He's perfect." Avery cried as she held him.

Logan looked at the small baby the nurse had given Avery. He was wrinkled and crying but he was theirs. Logan had a son, a little boy.

"Yeah." He whispered as he wiped his eyes. "He is."

Kennedy had fallen in love with him as soon as she saw him.

"Good job Mommy. He's cute." Kennedy said as Logan helped her hold him. "You and Daddy picked a cute one."

"We tried." Logan laughed.

Later that night, when everyone was asleep and Logan had a chance to hold Cameron on his own, he just stared. He looked more like him than Avery. He skin would probably be lighter and his face looked like Logan's. He had Avery's mouth though. This time felt different than when Kennedy was born. Was he scared still? Of course he was, but he knew that he and Avery could do it. This time would be easier.

"Hey buddy." He said softly. "I'm your dad and you have no idea how lucky you are. Your sister had it rough, I was allowed to talk about her or Mommy. I couldn't see them that much either. But I'm going to be there every day for you. I love you, and Kennedy and Mommy more than anything."

Logan stared at his son and smiled. He thought of all the hardships he had put his family through in past. He was going to make sure Cameron wasn't disappointed or hidden away. He was going to be there for him. There would be no more secrets or lies. He wouldn't bury his son like he was a secret. This was his family and there was nothing to hide.

"This time will be different. I promise."

* * *

AN: Ah! It's over, the ending is kind of sappy but I guess I'm okay with it. What do you think of their ending and Logan's family? Please ignore typos I'll edit soon! Thank you for the support! Please leave me a long ass review, one last time. Check out my other stories! Bye guys!


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